Just in time for Halloween - Top 50 tips for Avoiding Death in a Horror Movie

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So, what would YOU do/not do if YOU were in a horror/slasher flick?

50. When being pursued by a relentless psychopath who has found his way onto the roof of the car/truck you are driving away from him, and you are moving at a high rate of speed, do not swerve or speed up...slam on brakes immediately.

― B.L.A.M. (Big Loud Mountain Ape), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 20:24 (nineteen years ago)

49. Don't have premarital sex.

― B.L.A.M. (Big Loud Mountain Ape), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 20:24 (nineteen years ago)

48. Listen to the dude in Scream that tells you all this stuff.

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 20:29 (nineteen years ago)

hahaha

― polar bear flashback episode (nickalicious), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 20:30 (nineteen years ago)

47. When a psycho killer is coming through the front door, jump out of the opposite window instead of running upstairs.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 20:56 (nineteen years ago)

46. Don't go swimming. Or to the woods. Or any open space where there's no one around. But don't stay inside your flat either, or any closed space. Your best chance is go to the mall and just hang there. If you got to urinate, don't go to the toilet. Pee in the water fountain.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 21:00 (nineteen years ago)

Consume only hot dogs you buy from vendors. Let random dogs taste them before you start eating. When the mall closes, refuse to leave. Wait for the cops to pick you up and take you into jail overnight. Don't choose an empty cell or a cell with just one cellmate, rather than one filled with hobos. When they throw you in the morning, return to the mall. Repeat from the start.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 21:09 (nineteen years ago)

Then again, this way the surprise ending is that you'll become the psycho killer.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 21:11 (nineteen years ago)

45. Don't do your own stunts in that John Landis movie.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 21:12 (nineteen years ago)

Hahaha.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 21:13 (nineteen years ago)

44. Sign your contract for the sequel(s) before you start.

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 21:16 (nineteen years ago)

43. Don't make friends with the pleasant, wholesome young man who is really nice but seems a little too close to his mother (who is mysteriously absent most of the time).

― Nathan P1p (hoyanathan), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 21:19 (nineteen years ago)

42. The only thing screaming accomplishes is it lets the slasher know exactly where in the house you are, you loud idiot.

― polar bear flashback episode (nickalicious), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 21:19 (nineteen years ago)

41. Relieved to realise it was only a cat that startled you? Tough luck, you'll be dead inside a minute.

― You've Had Your Chances (noodle vague), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 21:24 (nineteen years ago)

40. Don't do laundry in a dark house by yourself while babysitting. In fact, unless you have followed each and every rule thus far mentioned, don't babysit.

― B.L.A.M. (Big Loud Mountain Ape), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 21:26 (nineteen years ago)

39. Do not be black

38. Do not be blonde

― Dr. Alicia D. Titsovich (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 21:45 (nineteen years ago)

37. Don't go and look for Johnny. His severed head will be the last thing you ever see.

― You've Had Your Chances (noodle vague), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 21:47 (nineteen years ago)

36. Don't be the comic relief.

(Event Horizon is the exception to all this, as the black comic relief and the blonde chick wind up surviving)

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Tuesday, 31 October 2006 22:24 (nineteen years ago)

35. Failing to find friends where you left them, make NO statements such as "Real funny, guys" or "Joke's over, meatheads" etc ...

― literalisp (literalisp), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 04:04 (nineteen years ago)

34. Stay AWAY from the hot tub, especially if you are in a curiously depopulated hospital ...

― literalisp (literalisp), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 04:05 (nineteen years ago)

33. Whatever and wherever, DON'T fuck with the oddball locals. In any way whatsoever. In fact, just to be safe, go home now.

― literalisp (literalisp), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 04:07 (nineteen years ago)

32. Don't let your car break down. However:

31. Don't stop at any gas stations, ever. Especially if your car is breaking down.

― literalisp (literalisp), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 04:10 (nineteen years ago)

30. Avoid "the middle of nowhere."

― literalisp (literalisp), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 04:11 (nineteen years ago)

29. Do not proffer sympathy to zombies. Especially if you knew them before.

― literalisp (literalisp), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 04:12 (nineteen years ago)

Universal Classics Edition:

28. Just play with the daisies, little girl--don't don't don't throw them in the water!

― literalisp (literalisp), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 04:14 (nineteen years ago)

27. DON'T enter the house, yelling for the resident, if he's currently in the middle of an axe-rampage.

26. DON'T attempt an axe-rampage in sub-zero conditions when you've just received a bang on the head as YOU MAY FREEZE TO DEATH.

Ten guesses as to which film I've just seen for the first time... ;-)

― You've Got Scourage On Your Breath (Haberdager), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 04:28 (nineteen years ago)

25. Don't be a social worker in Japan.

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 05:46 (nineteen years ago)

24. "Phew, just the cat" means the monster/kller is JUST AROUND THE CORNER

― latebloomer: none of th movies make scence but they r good. (latebloomer), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 06:04 (nineteen years ago)

23. If you + the killer are stuck in a room with a glass door/glass windows, try to break either/both of them instead of turning the locked knob over and over and over. and over. and over.

― less-than three's Christiane F. (drowned in milk), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 07:05 (nineteen years ago)

22. Whenever possible, try to be the first person on-screen immediately after the opening murder sceen has faded to black.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 09:58 (nineteen years ago)

scene

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 09:58 (nineteen years ago)

21. Don't wear high heels.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 22:13 (nineteen years ago)

20. If you must wear high heels, TAKE THEM OFF BEFORE YOU START TO RUN, YOU DUMB BITCH.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 22:13 (nineteen years ago)

19. If you've ignored both of the above rules, and you do wear high heels and do attempt to run in them and subsequently fall over, rip those bitches off and get up AND START RUNNING instead of laying back and screaming. Otherwise, you know, you kinda deserve it.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 22:15 (nineteen years ago)

If you've ignored both of the above rules, and you do wear high heels and do attempt to run in them and subsequently fall over, rip those bitches off and get up AND START RUNNING instead of laying back and screaming. Otherwise, you know, you kinda deserve it.

This reads more like some kind of crusty old southern Congressperson's advice regarding sexual assault. :(

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 22:37 (nineteen years ago)

That's me. Tammy Earle Ryecooter.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 22:39 (nineteen years ago)

And if you're a guy who's with someone who's ignored both of the above rules, and she does wear high heels and does attempt to run in them and subsequently falls over, DON"T STOP TO HELP HER!

― nickn (nickn), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 23:38 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 23:43 (nineteen years ago)

18. When being chased through woods, no matter how much the jerking first-person steadycam shot disorients you ... just don't trip, OK?

― literalisp (literalisp), Wednesday, 1 November 2006 23:48 (nineteen years ago)

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