paul lynde

http://www.geocities.com/screenjockey/lyndesquares.html

Peter Marshall: According to PhotoPlay magazine, in their courting days before Frank Sinatra was successful, Nancy used to send him a glove with something in each finger. What?

Paul Lynde: Soup.

And Paul Reubens, but what the hell is happening with him? God bless Pee Wee, I hope things turn out OK for him.

1976 Halloween special now on DVD!

You haven't lived until you've seen sequin-tuxedoed Lynde, witch-garbed Margaret Hamilton and (Kiss) actually occupying the same TV frame...

http://www.kentucky.com/493/story/211266.html

Brilliant!

Q: You're the world's most popular fruit. What are you?
Lynde: Humble.
Q: What is said to be wasted on the young?
Lynde: A whipping.
Q: What is the most abused and neglected part of the body?
Lynde: Well, mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q: What is a "dual purpose cow?"
Lynde: It gives milk and cookies. But I wouldn't recommend the cookies.
Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Lynde: Tape measures.
Q: Why do the Hells Angels wear leather?
Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles so easily.
Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Lynde: Make him bark.
Q: In Alice in Wonderland, who kept crying, "I'm late, I'm late"?
Lynde: Alice. And her mother is sick about it.
Q: Which is better looking, a pixie or a fairy?
Lynde: I'll go for the fairy.
Q: In The Wizard of Oz, the Lion wanted courage and the Tin Man wanted a heart. What did the Scarecrow want??
Lynde: He wanted the Tin Man to notice him.
Q: Who are more likely to be romantically responsive. Women under thirty or women over thirty?
Lynde: I don't have a third choice?
Q: Paul, how many men on a hockey team?
Lynde: Oh, about half.
Q: What would the Lone Ranger always leave behind with the damsel in distress he'd saved?
Lynde: A masked baby!
Q: Why was Nathan Hale hung?
Lynde: Heredity.
Q: Is it normal for Norwegians to talk to trees?
Lynde: As long as that's as far as it goes.
Q: Why do sheep sleep huddled up?
Lynde: Because Little Boy Blue is a weirdo!
Q: Paul, what profession is the most common for prostitutes after they retire?
Lynde: Smuggling.
Q: Does Mark Spitz believe swimming in the nude helps you go faster?
Lynde: Well, it's easier to steer.
Q: Paul, why are forest rangers in remote locations ordering goats as standard equipment?
Lynde: Because the sheep are wising up.
Q: True or false: in the recent world kissing contest in England, two contestants were disqualified when they got too passionate.
Lynde: Yes, but they went on to win in three other categories.
Q: True or false: Paul Revere had sixteen children.
Lynde: From one midnight ride?
Q: You’re equipped with a pick, a sieve, and a shallow pan. What are you about to do?
Lynde: Joan Crawford's eyebrows.
Q: Prehistoric man had two uses for sheep. One was for food. What was the other?
Lynde: Conversation.
Q: What two things should you never do in bed?
Lynde: Point and laugh.

you're an animalllll

my fave Lynde story is that some brat was yelling and running down the aisle of a plane he was on, nonstop. Paul gets in the mom's face and sez: "If you don't shut that kid up -- I'm going to fuck her!"

former Daily Show token homo Frank DeCaro on the DVD:

Mr. Center Square and His ’70s Party
By FRANK DeCARO

THE cast — I kid you not — included the four original members of Kiss, a future Golden Girl, Fonzie’s main squeeze from “Happy Days,” a Mormon singing duo and two of the most beloved witches in all of baby-boom-era pop culture. But the truly jaw-dropping thing about “The Paul Lynde Halloween Special” is that this notorious hourlong variety extravaganza, largely unseen since its 1976 ABC broadcast, is actually out on DVD. As Mr. Lynde himself might say, “Hoo-ra-a-ay!”

Halloween, known to some as the gay Christmas, was a great match for Mr. Lynde’s flamboyant brand of comedy. A wisecracking star of “Hollywood Squares,” he inhabited the so-called glass closet decades before that term was invented, and as a TV actor he had plenty of experience with the supernatural. In the ’60s Mr. Lynde played both Uncle Arthur, the prankish warlock on “Bewitched,” and Dr. Dudley, the jittery family physician on “The Munsters.”

In the special he sings and zings while M.C.ing the comings and goings of his eclectic guest list, including Tim Conway; Roz (Pinky Tuscadero) Kelly, as she is billed here; and, most notably, Margaret Hamilton, the hatchet-faced actress best known as the Wicked Witch of the West from “The Wizard of Oz.” By 1976 Ms. Hamilton had morphed into the Maxwell House pitchwoman Cora, but in the special she is back in the green paint that has frightened every generation of children since 1939. She is joined in a running sketch by the hilarious musical-comedy actress Billie Hayes as Witchiepoo, the wand-toting villainess from the 1969 children’s TV series “H. R. Pufnstuf.”

The two witches bookend Mr. Lynde as they cackle their way through the hardcover editions of “Rosemary’s Baby” and “The Exorcist,” call “The Sound of Music” a real horror movie and play Witches’ Monopoly, a board game in which contestants can either buy a property or blow it up. The special, written in part by Bruce Vilanch (who would go on to fill Mr. Lynde’s role in a later incarnation of “Hollywood Squares”), is chock full of similar candy corn.

“I was fa-a-a-aaaaat,” Mr. Lynde says in his opening monologue, dragging out the self-deprecation into four syllables. The Halloween he dressed as the Hindenburg, of course, was “a dis-as-ter.”

The obligatory musical interludes include an updated version of “Kids,” Mr. Lynde’s big number from the Broadway musical “Bye Bye Birdie.”

“There’s too much Alice Cooper, not enough Alice Faye,” he sings, but it’s not Mr. Cooper that Mr. Lynde has to contend with here, but Kiss. Always ready for Halloween, the band performs “Detroit Rock City,” “King of the Nighttime World” and “Beth” with all the pyrotechnics for which they are known.

Betty White and Donny and Marie Osmond make only cameo appearances in the special, but the always game Florence Henderson of “The Brady Bunch” is along for the whole shebang. When not singing a disco version of “That Old Black Magic,” she shares a major lip lock with Mr. Lynde, who’s dressed as “very chic sheik” Florence of Arabia.

Were there any gay actors that Ms. Henderson didn’t kiss back then?

Previously circulated on low-quality bootleg VHS tapes among a small but devoted legion of Lynde lovers, this Halloween celebration again looks the way it did on a 19-inch Zenith 31 years ago, courtesy of a rediscovered tape, a tiny distribution outfit called S’more Entertainment Inc. and its kitsch-loving president, Arny Schorr. (The DVD even provides extras like a “Name that Quip” quiz, a photo scrapbook and a candid interview with the “master of the ‘Hollywood Squares,’” Peter Marshall.) Bravo to Mr. Schorr. The thought that this tricky treat could have never seen the light of an October moon is just plain sca-a-a-ary.

FRANK DeCARO

Copyright 2007 The New York Times Company

i ALMOST bought this at the virgin megastore on saturday. decided to save money and get it from netflix instead. :-(

Q: Paul, how many men on a hockey team?
Lynde: Oh, about half.

HERO

It is on usenet now :)

complete view:

http://classicshowbiz.blogspot.com/2009/10/paul-lynde-halloween-special-with.html

One thing I've never understood is how "Detroit Rock City" has relegated "King of the Night Time World" to obscurity; one segues into the other on Destroyer, but radio settled on "Detroit Rock City" years ago, and they never stick around for "King of the Night Time World." I much prefer the latter, so seeing Kiss play it on this train-wreck of a TV extravaganza is sublime. They seem to be Milli-Vanilli-ing their way through, and I'm not sure I'd want it any other way.

Kiss still annoys me. And Paul Lynde clearly died as a direct result of how bad that ABC special is.

i have the halloween special on dvd. yes, it's bad; yes, i'm glad i own it.

:) Fair 'nuff.

Listening to Gilbert Gottfried's podcast with Weird Al guesting, and Gilbert tells a little aside about Lynde.

Lynde was booked to do a show at some tiny and run-down dinner theater. He walks in pre-show and says (and read this in Lynde's voice in your head)...

"This place smells like cunt...

...I think."

his breakthrough on Broadway

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3PvcpWbUIg

Someone in West Hollywood just mistook my Paul Lynde shirt for George W. Bush so it's definitely time to teach homosexuality in schools. pic.twitter.com/nT7nsSpveZ

— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) June 6, 2017

http://68.media.tumblr.com/1a834587cae5718de51cd2fe7dc176a5/tumblr_onu6ta80ad1qdjw07o1_500.jpg

Peter Marshall: True or false...there are more psychiatrists in Beverly Hills than plumbers.
Paul Lynde: When my toilet's backed up, I don't care who fixes it.

Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher recently stated, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for them both.” Who or what was he referring to?
Paul Lynde: His fans.

Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

Peter Marshall: If the right part comes along, will George C. Scott do a nude scene?
Paul Lynde: You mean he doesn't have the right part?

Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, "Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been..." What?
Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.

Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?
Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.

Peter Marshall: What do you call a man who gives you diamonds and pearls?
Paul Lynde: I'd call him "darling"!

Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!

Peter Marshall: Fred Astaire says, his mother has been trying to get him to do this since he was 35. But he hasn't done it and says he won't do it until he's ready. Do what?
Paul Lynde: Move out of the house!

Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body—what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!

Peter Marshall: Elizabeth Taylor calls it 'the Big One.' What is it?
Paul Lynde: They both look the same to me!

Peter Marshall: Lana Turner recently said, "I won't do it because I haven't stopped living my life by a long shot." What won't she do?
Paul Lynde: The Merv Griffin Show.

Peter Marshall: Paul. a recent navy picture had Admiral Zumwalt kissing Admiral Duirk. Why?
Paul Lynde: Too long at sea!

Peter Marshall: When Henry Kissinger recently visited Japan, he went to a Geisha House, now how did he spent his time in the Geisha House?
Paul Lynde: Negotiating for peace.

Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul...during the time of the hula hoop, the yo-yo, and Davy Crockett hats, who was in the White House?
Paul Lynde: I'll say the yo-yo.

Peter Marshall: Glen Campbell recently stated, “Love to me is something you ..." Something you what?
Paul Lynde: Purchase.

Peter Marshall: Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
Paul Lynde: Loneliness.

Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Peter Marshall: Who are more likely to be romantically responsive. Women under thirty or women over thirty?
Paul Lynde: I don’t have a third choice…?

Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Peter Marshall: Oh, Paul, what would we ever do without you?
Paul Lynde: Replace me with Charles Nelson Reilly.

I freely confess that I resent the Maureen Stapleton verses on 'Kids'; it should be all Lynde.

— BANDZ STACKHAGE (@NickPinkerton) August 27, 2017

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hygzqj2QreM

FYI, the Halloween special has just been reissued after the previous edition fell out of print and became prohibitively expensive.

I went on a 'Lynde on Hollywood Squares' YouTube spree the other day and laughed my fool head off while acknowledging that he definitely deserved a classier venue.

I'm not sure an actor could pull it off, but I think some kind of bio film about him might actually be compelling, centering on his status as the inhabitant of the biggest "glass closet" in showbiz for about 15-20 years. It'd likely take a high-profile auteur to make it, given the period subject/details -- a la Soderbergh with Liberace.

I was thinking the same! Watching him, there's a palpable tension in his willingness to push right up to the edge of how acceptably out he could publicly be at that time. And I'm sure he was frustratingly aware of how limited his career was ever likely to be even despite his obvious talent.

It'd be a sad film, though. He was a mean drunk, it's widely been said.

Peter Marshall: Burt Reynolds is quoted as saying, "Dinah (Shore)'s in top form. I've never known anyone to be so completely able to throw herself into a..." A what?

Paul Lynde: A headboard.

*bump* for Halloween

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaqAc0Cghgc