Quote of the Day: Quote of the day: Least persuasive division (A new Pirates of the Caribbean movie thread)

i can only hope each pirate lord will have a full hour devoted to him/her

I see Orlando Bloom as sort of taking the Ernest Borgnine role, which makes Keira Knightley more or less like Warren Oates.

I am really excited for Pirate Lord Chow Yun Fat.

It is pretty cool he is finally getting action-y roles in Western movies (you know, like what he is basically known for in HK) instead of "stoic Chinese guy."

yep, he is pretty much the only thing that interests me about this.

to be fair Bulletproof Monk and the Replacement Killers were horrible.

I was gonna say, "Finally?????" but SMC already called out my counterexamples.

http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/walt_disney/pirates_of_the_caribbean__at_world_s_end/chow_yun_fat/pirates.jpg

vs

http://www.bcvc.net/graphics/mapache.jpg

I am pretty excited Cthulhu Bill Nighy is going to be in it again too.

http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Film/Pix/gallery/2006/06/20/davyjones3.jpg

vs

http://www.gonemovies.com/WWW/WanadooFilms/Western/wild_bunch8.jpg

It looks like many critics don't realize what shit these empty megasynergistic "franchise" trilogies are until the 3rd vehicle comes along.

William Holden is extremely dead, but the Wild Bunch lives on in our hearts

That's funny. After I saw the new Pirates I was complaining to my wife about the Wild Bunch-y end-of-an-era thing they tried to pull off. I still want to see more wild pirate hijinx not pseudo-heavy last-days-of-the-pirates bullshit.

Depp did a great Father Dougal McGuire impression throughout though.

i wish i wasn't going to see this. unforunately, my need for closure outweighs my desire to not spend 3 more hours with this tripe.

I have yet to actually see the 2nd one.

rent it for the special effects, if you care. Otherwise, don't worry yrself.

The effects are pretty damn fine, tho.

shit is bananas

Local alt-weekly rag descibed CYF's screentime as "a glorified cameo," which concerns me.

are you kidding, I barely made it through the first one.

I just got back, and although it was a little 'eh' in parts, I loved it anyway.

Local alt-weekly rag descibed CYF's screentime as "a glorified cameo," which concerns me. Kinda, I suppose. More screen time than Keith Richards, though, if that helps.

this movie is ridiculous.

i mean, you can't even dismiss it as brainless hollywood bullshit or whatever because it is so fucking PREPOSTEROUSLY complex and LONG and the whole movie is about people making deals with each other. how did this become the most popular of popular entertainments? i blame george lucas

there are points where it's so incomprehensible it's almost... avant-garde

To be fair, I think that's the general idea. Which is why the Wild Bunch quote is such a nonsequitur.

maybe i also blame the wachowski brothers? they also did the fun first movie and then two completely unintelligible sequels thing

ditto speilberg with that han solo anthropologist guy

possibly you should blame people, for loving ott nonsense more than anything else

i blame wikipedia for making these things explainable

worst of the three. nowhere near as great as the second one for me but still had it's moments i guess.

I liked the shot of Jones catching the tear with a beard tentacle and his sorrow turning to furious rage. it was well captured.

Jones and his crew seemed to lose a lot of their fear and mystique after being forced to work with the Navy, but it was a neat contrast perhaps.

the surreal sequence with Jack and the crabs had v cool music.

biggest wtf LOL was that guy saying 'tomorrow we go to war' in the high voice. a lot of the comedy stuff seemed more forced than in the previous two and didn't work so well. i smirked at Jack's 'bigger telescope' and then felt a slight sense of shame ha.

didn't actually expect Turner to end up as FD captain. didn't understand why him killing Jones and becoming captain made the FD crew human again.

keith richards much better than i expected him to be.

awful film.

<i>didn't understand why him killing Jones and becoming captain made the FD crew human again.</i>

When Calypso jilted Davy Jones on their one day some time ago, he got pissed off and had her bound to human form. She had given him the job of escorting souls to the afterlife, but he ignored if when he felt betrayed and thus cursed himself and his crew to the sea creature form. When Turner took over, it is assumed he planned on taking up the original mandate of the FD and thus giving it and the crew purpose again, making them human as long as they escorted souls again.

whoops html

it is assumed he planned on taking up the original mandate of the FD and thus giving it and the crew purpose again, making them human as long as they escorted souls again.

i figured sumpin' like this. so they don't get to go underwater anymore then?

i'm fuzzy on that. turner is immortal now, but i don't know what that means for the crew. i don't know how or why they would get into debt to turner now, so i can't imagine there would be any enforced servitude. they might be invincible as long as they still have a debt to pay. oh, how i wish for some sort of pirate wiki.

My one complaint about this film is that it was only three hours long.

I can understand why people don't like these movies, especially Morbius. That is because they hate fun.

re: transmogrification of davy jones crew

New captain, new covenant. Based on what turner said to pops, the crew are either released from their obligation or they are so only at the discretion of their new captain. Of course they can go underwater. They're immortal.

I don't know, they all gasped for air when they reverted back to human form - implying that being underwater would be a struggle for them now.

xpost

i think it is unfair to compare POTC3 Haters to Morbius, or simply explain away the dislike as not being into fun. it is a very poorly made film, it was very poorly written, the stranger sequences fell flat, the once upon a time in the west homage was clunky and out of place, the humour wasn't there (save the pirates aren't very clever at naming things bit), and a lot of it didn't make sense.

They've returned to their human form, and they may or may not have been released from their obligation, but those who sailed with turner are immortal. I suppose it's possible that they could experience extreme discomfort without dying, or maybe it would be like Conner's experience in Highlander, who, if I remember correctly, spent a lot of time breathing.

Oh please. It made perfect sense.

once upon a time in the west homage

What was that then - I am never going to see this film so spoil away.

before the 'big battle' (what a let down, i really wanted to see loads of ship battle carnage, spanish armada style), the heads of the goodies and the baddies met on a small sandbar. the build up was full of the leone close-ups, and the soundtrack was picking themes from the morricone track "as a judgement". the close-up of the eyes had me groaning. it just came out of nowhere and was pointless.

they should've had the storm pick up ships and smash them into other ships yes

let's not drag "fun" into this. certainly the filmmakers didn't.

zing.

yawns sarcastically

nice zing

I've never wanted to see a film less.

Ridiculous, therefore glorious.

Best part of Keith Richards cameo = close-up on the skull ring. Gratuitous playing of guitar, close second.

gore verbinski is a worthless cocksucker who mutilates mice & feeds them to his vicious starving snakes in his kitchen for entertainment while eating carryout. i know this for a fact as i have it secondhand from the cousin of my drycleaner, who lives in los angeles & can assumed to be a very reliable witness because he is asian.

i would like him to die.

damn him and his non-vegan snakes

Is there a correct way to mutilate a mouse?

modestly

This makes me wish you were dead, which is a sad state of affairs.

no, there is not. he apparently would break 2 of their legs or feet or whatever, snap them off or whatever the fuck you do to mice legs, & had them crawl helplessly around his tile floors while watching the snakes devour them. he is a sick fucker & im not paying a cent for his fucking movie. fuck him.

Back up to your reliable witness claim, please.

maybe i also blame the wachowski brothers? they also did the fun first movie and then two completely unintelligible sequels thing

-- s1ocki, Monday, May 28, 2007 4:43 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Link

ditto speilberg with that han solo anthropologist guy

-- TOMBOT, Monday, May 28, 2007 4:49 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark Link

yeah but the indy sequels were a lot more fun than the matrix flicks. (not so sure about the upcoming indy).

but yeah, hollywood needs to stop making sequels.

or movies.

we need a return to greek style theatre with masks and choruses and shit

or shadow puppets. still better looking than 75% of CGI

(though i gotta admit Pirates' FX are great)

btw HIS FITST NAME IS GORE WHAT DO YOU EXPECT

UH...I SHOULD GO TO BED NOW

"Fitst" sounds like one of them black metal guys

hhahah yeah i wish i was one of them

this movie was totally f'in amazing

I assume anybody who hated it also hates Kelley's Heroes in which case eh fuckoff

I saw this last night... I thought it was great! i could see why some might not like it but some people here seem really angry about it, wtf?

bcz the director is a vivisectionist and maybe some folks were hoping for something a little less OTT ridiculous after the Spiderman 3 debacle

personally I can't wait for Ocean's 13 so I can start my poll thread of which tripartite franchise sucked the least when all is said and done

hmm...Terminator 3!

Also, did anyone stay to watch the bit after the end credits? I won't spoil it, but it's pretty meh anyway... ties up to the beginning bit with the singing and hanging. Besides, I'm sure it's prob on youtube somewhere now.

god dammit I knew there must have been a reason we were like some of the only people walking out when the credits started running

Yeah, I figured there was a last bit as well but missed it -- so what is it?

i figured there'd be a bit right at the end but couldn't be bothered to sit thru 20 minute credits or whatever it was. (xp)

yeah it's kind of shit. Basically, right at the end it's 10 years later, so Will's back for his little booty call. and it turns out that the kid who gets hanged at the start is his kid. So it's likely that the kid didn't die, or rather right at his death, he sang the song and summoned his dear old dad, lord pirate of the afterlife..

you didn't really think they'd kill a kid would you? It's fucking Disney.

X-POST

*SPOILER(?)* keira knightley is at that island where ornaldo bloomps left her and it's "10 years later" and she has a kid, and the kid is singing the pirate song and a green light shines on the horizon and ornaldo bloomps appears on the flying dutchman, presumably to visit for a day or something*END SPOLIER*

i didn't realize it was the same kid

this movie is so fucking confusing

it's not the same kid

they definitely hang a kid at the beginning of the movie

Are you sure? Sure looks like the same kid.

much like gov. swann getting killed it's modus operandi so just in case you didn't totally hate Lord Cutler Beckett you do now

i'm still surprised and impressed they didn't let Swann and Turner get away with 100% happy ever after. low expectations works for me again.

Meh, I liked my theory better. And it would at least not be half as lame as staying after credits just to watch bloomps return, like we knew he would anyway! xpost

You realize they're going to make the Lost cast fall back in time onto Keira's island so they can create a crossover movie or something.

The "cabin boy" in scene 1 is played by some kid who is a totally different kid than the one playing Ornaldo Bloomps 3D

One scene cut explained that if Calypso had greeted Davy Jones after his ten years of ferrying dead souls, then he would have been freed of his duty: in turn, Will is freed of his captaincy as Elizabeth remains faithful to him ten years later.

cut for reasons of seriously that's enough

Ah dammit. bloody pirates!

e.g. much like several trilogy-enders before it, this movie had to tie together two batches of mostly discrete nonsense and wind it up somehow yet not be ENTIRELY composed of expository dialogue between heretofore minor characters

Will is freed of his captaincy as Elizabeth remains faithful to him ten years later.

"Honey, I'm going to leave you on this deserted island so you won't be tempted. See you in ten years."

xxxx-post

ohhh, ok. that would've made the purpose of the after-credits bit more clear.

i thought it was him coming back every ten years for a little sumfin sumfin to satiate his ghostly blue balls

and pay pirate child support

Anyway, annoying kid at start still dead = perfect movie.

it should've been a pirate RAP

i guess Return Of The King is the best recent trilogy ender.

except for the bit where there was like 20 different endings.

SAVE IT

I think I mentioned this on another thread but if you took a swig of beer every time someone yells "FIRE!" in this movie you will get pretty darn hammered.