Did your parents stay together?

They have been together 25 years, hating each other slightly less than they hate the entire rest of the world.

mine split when i was three months old :/

Mine didn't and neither did my children's.

My parents are embarrassing: 35 years and their affection and predilection for PDA's show no signs of abating. They are autonomous, blissfully self-sufficient; they see no need for friends. They'd rather hang out with each other than anybody else.

You can't be one of the cool kids if your parents are not divorced.

divorced circa when i was 5

Why else would you start acting out and exhibiting extreme attention-seeking behavior?

I want to be embarrassing old couple like Lord S.'s parents.

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/c/ce/200px-Milhouse_Divided.jpg

57 years - until death parted them.

Kenan OTM

My parents are together.

still goin' strong. if anything separates 'em, it'll be death.

and my folks aren't Ron and Nancy Reagan our-kids-bore-us parents either! They're a living refutation of the belief that couples grow less in love with age.

40 years together this year.

I'm usually pretty surprised when I meet someone whose parents are still together.

60 years next year.

They stayed together for 25 years or something until finally splitting up* just was entering my first serious relationship. Is it better to stay together "for the kids"? Fuck no, what you learn is a pattern of people who hate each other and grow further more distant from one another and grow steadily more bitter about it.

*they've still never formally divorced, even though my dad has been living with his ... mistress? partner? ... for nearly 15 years now.

The parents have been together for almost 37 years. When my dad had his last bout with cancer, my mom said on the phone to me, "I can't lose him! He's my best friend!"

Me and my 10 or so friends in high school realized only one of our sets of parents were divorced. We felt really unsettled for a while because how the hell was that POSSIBLE?

Molly that is SO SWEET.

when i was in middle school, i was the only kid of my circle of friends whose parents were still together. i then went to catholic high school, and swiftly i was the only kid in my new circle of friends whose parents were divorced.

Nope. Stuck together through good and bad times.

Sooooo divorced.

Somehow, they are. I think it's going to be 38 years soon, not exactly sure. I'm in the minority among my friends, I think.

All of my high school friends' parents were divorced, and a surprisingly high percentage hooked up with same-sex partners afterwards.

Molly that is SO SWEET.

Yeah, that's pretty cool. :-)

Together (approaching 39 years) and for the last 18 have run a business together. Pretty solid, I think.

Divorced in 2005 after being married for 34 years.

Sort of a shock at the time because I never saw them fight or anything, but their relationship was more "comfortable" than "affectionate," and I think my mom was just ready to move on.

My parents will have been together for 37 years this October and were business partners so spent nearly every single day together for 35 of those years! The argue constantly and drive each other up the wall but there is still love there and I honestly don't think they could do without one another at this point.

Together since 1971 and they also argue constantly (they're so used to it they don't even realise they do it). My maternal grandparents have been married since 1939 and are *still* going strong!

Is it better to stay together "for the kids"? Fuck no, what you learn is a pattern of people who hate each other and grow further more distant from one another and grow steadily more bitter about it.

I dunno. I would never have understood or admitted it at the time, but my parent's divorce was the defining even in my young life, not just because of the usual abandonment issues (though there's always that) but because I was left alone with an angry, bitter, and increasingly alcoholic mother who never forgave me for reminder her of my father. If he was around, at least there would have been someone else for her to abuse.

My parents have been married for 30 years. Year 21 and 22 were a little tenuous. Separation, therapy, reunion. Greatest thing to ever have happen really (though I didn't think so at the time.) Now they are fucking ridiculous, they say the same thing at the same time, then they laugh really hard and knock solids with one another.

Divorced in 2003 after 27 years of marriage. Mom just remarried last month.

Having parents who argue constantly is an alien experience to me. My folks are both strong-willed but they tend to impassioned discussion on important issues (religion, politics, etc. plus personal matters) as the moments arise instead of complete and constant kvetching, say.

Divorced when I was about 3. My dad stopped visiting altogether when I was about 9.

There is no way it's better to stay together for the kids.

Divorced when I was still a year old.

I wish mine had never married.

Having parents who argue constantly is an alien experience to me.

holy shit dude, i can't imagine my mother not purple-faced, screaming, and throwing things at my father.

ok maybe it's better they split up. except that then she took to throwing things at me.

my mother is a crazy fucking bitch, ok?

Together for somewhere around 45 years, which is pretty good considering it was the 2nd marriage for both of them. There have been plenty of reasons for them to split up -- in retrospect I'm a little surprised they didn't.

Having parents who argue constantly is an alien experience to me

Same here. I remember the usual arguments as a child about money, my dad's awful work hours; there may even have been an infidelity on his part about which my parents have said precious little (for obvious reasons; it's their business). But more than the rather constricting roles of husband and wife, they value companionship. They love going out to dinner, choosing the wine, and gossip and giggle nastily about the people at the next table, etc.

Divorced in 2003 after 27 years of marriage. Mom just remarried last month.

How did that go? Both of my parents are dating now, although it took a while before my mom admitted it (I had already guessed by the way she would become suddenly vague in the middle of a conversation).

Alfred, that sounds almost exactly like my folks' situation.

(xpost to Jaymc)
It actually went really well. I still feel a little weird about this new guy being my "dad", especially since I haven't been living at home in over a decade and I haven't really spent that much time with him. But he is wonderful to my mom and treats her so, so much better than my dad ever did. I'm glad she's found happiness. I was worried about it for the longest time, but when I saw how happy she was I realized that I didn't need to worry any more.

Over 40 years together.

40 yrs + though god knows how they put up with each other.

Almost 30 years now, I think. Unconvinced that they like each other, really, but as a family we don't talk about feelings much. Like, ever.

Stood in line at the deli on Sunday behind a two adults and two kids. Teenage girl kid starts yelling at Mother for only giving her $20 this week, Mother yells back "I pay HIM child support, he pays for your FUCKING gas." Teenage girl starts whining that her uncle has had to step in and give her money of his very own, Mother cuts her off with "shut the FUCK up" and turns away.

Step-dad and brother/step-brother look highly amused.

started dating age 16, still together age 65.

Still together after almost 36 years. My mom's passivity works well with my dad's hypercritical style, meaning that I came out with no shortage of issues.

They got married in 1969, so I guess they're coming up on 38 years this summer. They did talk about separating once when I was in grade school, but nothing ever came of that. Dad was accused of sexually harassing an employee in the early 1990s (and he definitely DID make advances toward her; he totally admitted that)... but it didn't seem to affect things much.

I don't really understand what keeps them together; if I were completely cynical I'd say Mom stays with him for the money. I guess it kind of works since she's pretty passive and he can be a bully (although he can be really fun, too).

We did this thread way back when and were 'amazed' that the divorced kidz and the apple-pie kidz wound up in almost mutually exclusive friendship groups.

I was just going to post that. I can still remember whose parents were divorced. It was just such an alien concept.

my parents stayed together till death did them part. 1955-92.

my dad really carried a torch after my mom died, he had a girlfriend who eerily resembled her physically tho balked at remarriage. they're together now in heaven, anyway that's what they he believed.

my brother and sister both got divorced after my (very catholic) dad died and that was no coincidence.

neat poll idea

mine split when i was 5 but i saw my Dad pretty much every week until i went to college.

My parents have been married for 30 years, and both sets of grandparents and all of my aunts and uncles stayed together until death - my grandmother and one of my aunts have both been widowed twice. Another of my aunts stayed with her husband until his death (from premature senility, in his 50s), even though he had been having a long-running affair which she had known about for 20-odd years - their eldest daughter came home unexpectedly one day and caught him in bed with his mistress.

The only marriage break-up I know about in my family was my great grandparents - my great grandfather left his wife to live with my great grandmother. They had no chance of getting a divorce, so my great grandparents lived together without marrying - my great grandmother changed her name, but that was all. This must have been in the early 1910s, because my grandmother was born in 1915.

together since 1965,and ain't nothing gonna stop them now - i suspect they're more in love than ever.

living refutation of the belief that couples grow less in love with age

yes! but somehow not in an icky way at all. bless 'em.

My parents have been married since '68 and I think they'll stay that way.

Mine too. But I wonder how many sets of Irish parents just never bother thinking about how much better their lives could be if they were divorced, because it was not an option for their generation?

Not that I think my parents should get divorced, but you know how sometimes you look at them and think of at least one partner that they could have done better than this?

Sorry, Onimo, I know your parents aren't in Ireland, I didn't mean to imply that. Just that mine have been together the same length of time as yours have.

Not that I think my parents should get divorced, but you know how sometimes you look at them and think of at least one partner that they could have done better than this?

this is surely true of all couples.

I know, but for some reason you feel disloyal if you think it about your parents.

Depends on how crap the other treats the other? I don't think it's disloyalty, just wanting the best for your parent(s).

Split when I was nine in 1988, divorced properly in 1990. It wasn't especially bitter. As an adult, seeing how utterly different they are, the mystery to me is why they ever got married in the first place. Of my mother's three siblings, one is also divorced. On my Dad's side, his three brothers are also all divorced. It's given me a somewhat ambivalent attitude to marriage.

Who here has a partner who's parent's situation is opposite their own and does it affect your relationship?

My boyfriend's parents have been married for around 35 years, no previous marraiges, no seperations, nothing. His family is the exact opposite of my own dysfunctional mess. When he and I have disagreements I often realize that the expectations set by the relationships of our parents is at fault. I'm happy he has a good example informing him but it's a task to try to unlearn what I know.

Sorry, Onimo, I know your parents aren't in Ireland, I didn't mean to imply that. Just that mine have been together the same length of time as yours have.

-- accentmonkey, Wednesday, May 23, 2007 11:29 AM (Wednesday, May 23, 2007 11:29 AM) Bookmark Link

There's Irish in 'em.

hur hur hur sorry sorry

Who here has a partner who's parent's situation is opposite their own and does it affect your relationship?

My parents never argued, my wifes always 'banter' as they call it in the NE.

As I say, mine split after 30 yrs. My wifes are together and always will be for sure.

Does it affect our relationship? How could I know?

My last partner and I were both children of divorce but no two divorces are ever quite alike, as with any two lasting marriages!

Anna, I know what you mean - my mom won't even acknowledge once *loving* my dad, although I know she did stand up in front of a load of people to say so. This is revisionism gone mental on her part, of course, and has been emotionally taxing recently.

Does it affect our relationship? How could I know?

I think the trepidation with which I approach intimacy (emotional) and family situations in general is problematic for us. He has a confidence in commitment that is natural to him and I attribute this to his impression of what relationships are. For me, I'm paranoid and full of doubt. One fight or off day and I'm all "He hates me. We're breaking up." For him, you get in this, you're in it. No fight or flight reaction from him.

My folks have been together for 44 years.

My parents are still together, and are the "spend-every-waking-moment" together kind. I think they love each other more now than when I was a kid. It seemed like back then having little kids running around put a lot of strain on the relationship, but now that they're empty-nesters they can actually have fun together.

Similar here.

Before I was born my parents split up for two years. They got back together when my dad became a born-again Christian.

Never seemed to get on when I was growing up. During one particularly horrid two-year period when I was about 10 they must have argued every day. Mum contemplated leaving (she told me) but then was fuming when a friend advised her to do exactly that.

Since I left home - near-blissful marriage. Did a renewal of vows type thing.

kids be fucking up marriages.

They're Catholic.

30 years so far.

My parents never married (one another at least) and split up when I was about 6 months old. There was some very nasty stuff afterwards, apparently, with his family attempting to have me removed from my mum's care.

I didn't see my biological father (Again, I guess. I certainly didn't have any memories of him) until I was 19 - after my mum decided it was probably a good idea if I at least met the guy. It turned out he was a bit of a dick. I had nothing to say to him then and haven't seen or spoken to him for the last 18 years.

My whole raft of abandonment issues (more of a supertanker, really) almost certainly have nothing to do with that, because I know exactly where they come from. Which is another story entirely.

Of all my friends from 6th Form College, only one of us had parents who remained together - and have done so for the 20 odd years since; blissfully happy through thick and thin, by all accounts. Ironically enough, he is the one of us who has the dimmest view of the institution of marriage.

they're siamese

I would never have understood or admitted it at the time, but my parent's divorce was the defining even in my young life, not just because of the usual abandonment issues (though there's always that) but because I was left alone with an angry, bitter, and increasingly alcoholic mother who never forgave me for reminder her of my father. If he was around, at least there would have been someone else for her to abuse.

frankly this sounds like my situation as a teenager, except swap the alcoholism to the other parent. what can you do? I feel sad for both my parents. I also don't have contact with extended family and would like to, but don't know how to handle whatever questions arise about how my parents are doing, given that I'm sick of making stuff up to cover for them. and I don't look forward to my parents getting pissed off should I choose to ignore whatever grudges they bear toward relatives.

Ken!

You doin that track or wot?

split when i was 13. my sister was all upset and crying. i was like 'two houses, sweet!'

oh you still want it????!?! i thought i wasn't allowed!

in that case - wait for me! I'll have it done over the bank holiday weekend!

Please please please make it 2 mins 30 or shorter!

It's as jammed full as a very full thing! Or it will be.

i can make it 2:30 no problem!!!

Lovely.

Can you give me a title? Brief description without pigeonholing yourself into a musical genre? (Failing that, who does it sound like?)

what's your email mark?? i'll send you details!

One set of grandparents got a divorce after decades and decades of marriage, just a few years before my grandfather died.

Click the Mark G, it'll get here!

i've sent you mark!

That's irresponsible parenting right there...

haha my grandmother divorced her second husband three months before he died. granted, he was a dick, but did it really take seven years to discover it?

particularly nice since she had offered no support whatsoever (apart from saying "you are a fool") to my mom when she filed for divorce some years earlier.

kids be fucking up marriages.

so true. ironically many have kids to save a relationship. *shakes head*

Every time my parents fight, my youngest brother gets all excited and asks, " Are you guys going to get a divorce?? :D :D :D" Whereas my recourse was to pray really loudly near wherever they were, "Dear god, PLEEEAASE bless that mom and dad won't get a divorce, etc." His is funnier.

prayed for years that my parents would break up, they just never got around to it in the short time my dad spent at home. probably why it happened on christmas day, eliciting precisely no response from any of us other than "ok can i go back to premier manager now?"

Mine have been married since 1969 and aren't going anywhere without each other any time soon. I don't think it's been plain sailing, but they're pretty solid. I think they're a good example to me and the way my marriage works and I hope we're still doing as well 30+ years down the line.

My folks divorced when I was 8, but my mom and stepfather have been married for 31 years now! My dad went through three more wives but now seems to be in a stable marriage with a very cool woman.

At the time, my parents did joint legal custody which was unusual in the 70's. My sister and I spent equal amounts of time at each house until I was 19.

I think it does alter your perspective about relationships, but fortunately I have experienced numerous different models.

wow, surprising results!

My father divorced a woman before my mom, then my mom, and then my stepmom.

My mom divorced him, then my stepdad.

If you add my eldest sister into it, there have been 8 divorces in my immediate family.

My aunt's on her 4th husband and it doesn't look like it will last. My mom's on her third and my grandmother had three.

By being 34 with no children and only one divorce I wonder if my family didn't pick me up from the side of the road.

surprised there's so many yes's

xpost Woha! That's a lot of divorced. Both Luna and Sam.

I am very *scared* of divorce, it would feel like a failure. I think this is mainly because there's been only one divorce in my (granted, small) family. My aunt was *dumped* by her husband after, I think, about 30 years! It was a big shock, noone, NOONE expected that as they had such a big family (five kids and one adopted child and also taking care of two/three children).