The Best of WALTER SCOTT's PERSONALITY PARADE from the pages of PARADE MAGAZINE!!

chaki OTM.

Walter Scott is really Edward Klein.

You can totally tell he writes the questions too.

And still not as annoying as Howard Huge.

For some reason I can't make it through an issue of Parade without getting apoplectic with rage, yet it's one of those things I force myself to do anyhow, I suppose out of some weird masochistic impulse. Marilyn vos Savant, the Brady guy who does the celebrity profiles on the last page, Howard goddamn Huge-- oh man I hate Parade fucking Magazine.

And yeah, I saw this past wknd's and was wondering who the fuck would write into a celebrity gossip column asking about Osama bin Laden...

for a second i thought it was about scott walker

The list of contributing editors to Parade includes Dr. Joyce Brothers, Ben Fong-Torres, Norman Mailer, Bill O'Reilly...

How would people get commemorative porcelain plates, bells and music boxes, Oreck vacuums or Bose radios if not for Parade Magazine?

Yeah, sometimes it seems like the magazine exists solely as a vehicle for purveyors of "collector's edition" plates and dolls.

or "limited edition" or whatever phrase it is they use. In this week's there is an ad for a "Dear Daughter Letter of Love Locket".

It's sad how creepy that locket seems to me. It's like how today I was watching an episode of Columbo (yes I watch the Hallmark channel, which makes me a 34 yr. old who is prematurely seeping into the Reader's Digest/Parade Magazine demographic) and at one point the murderer, who was played by Patrick McGoohan, is talking to some young girl at a carnival before giving her a huge stuffed panda bear...and at a later point, Columbo is talking to these girls while he's munching on a hot dog and telling them how pretty they are. If you did either of those things today, you'd instantly be suspected of being a pedophile trolling for victims.

I mean, I guess that a mom could be giving her daughter the "Letter of Love" locket and not necessarily a molesto-dad, but I've read/viewed seemingly a boatload of disturbing newspaper accounts and cable news network accounts of molestation over the past week, so everything now is looking as if viewed through some lens of creepiness.

Fuck, I ramble on even when sober. Good grief.

Q. Who’s your pick as the new face most likely to become a hot star this fall TV season?
—Vilee Butler, Milledgeville, Ga.

A. We’d choose Evan Ellingson, 19, a surfer and skate-boarder who played Kiefer Sutherland’s nephew on 24. “Now I’m playing David Caruso’s son on CSI: Miami,” he tells us. “David is about the coolest guy I ever met.”

Q. Is it true Mariska Hargitay used her clout to get husband Peter Hermann a part as an attorney on Law & Order : SVU?
—Barbara Wine, Evanston, Ill.

A. False. They met in 2001, when he was cast as Trevor Langan. Mariska, 43, and Peter, 40, married in 2004 and have a son, August, 1.

Hah, yeah, I was reading it today, and through the above-mentioned lens of creepiness could only imagine Walter Scott as being some sort of chicken hawk getting all worked-up over the photo of the Evan Ellingson kid (which looks like a page out of Tiger Beat).

The second one there, with the "False..." answer, reads like it was written by a fascist computer programmed to keep up with entertainment industry gossip.

Where is "Rolling non-creepy Parade Magazine thread"?

that Osama question isn't real, is it?

yes

it is real

It's beautiful how he's soliciting readers' opinions on both "What would it take to capture Osama bin Laden?" as well as "Who's the new face likely to become a hot star on this fall's new tv season?".

Though, I suppose that both the readers as well as Walter Scott himself are probably better authorities on both matters than GWB is.

OH SNAP