I'm alone in the house and I'm spooked, who should I call?

Now 'n' Laters, especially grape

punch yourself in the face until you pass out. by the time you wake up it'll be light out and the fear will have passed. or maybe the killer will take that chance to easily murder you. one or the other.

drink, obvs.

though tbh i don't imagine you'll survive the night

I suggest calling the police, that's what they're there for.

Hairspray & a cigarette lighter, go room to room like a one-man SWAT squad and yell ALL CLEAR to yourself when you get done.

hi zora. this happens to me too, sometimes, in my big creaky house.

bed seems the safest place to be: no one can get at my back, i've got the view of the whole room.

i recommend you read something sweet, think about something fun (like when you were here!), pretend to be asleep, and maybe soon you will be. yeah?

I SAID it was irrational, omar. Jeez. There are armed guards on the gate and an 8ft wall topped with razor wire, ok? Very unlikely anyone / thing is in the house.

(Hey, I think annoying me might actually have worked! thanks, unkind stranger.)

xposts

Thx lxy. Being there was good times for sure. I will go to bed and think of chocolate brownies (when I'm done with the homemade flamethrower).

There are armed guards on the gate and an 8ft wall topped with razor wire, ok?

Mickey?

What I do is turn all the lights on in the house, and wedge a chair against the cellar door. Then I wind cotton across the doorways.

irrational times call for irrational measures

Mickey?

Eh?

This is why America needs a fully-automatic assault rifle in every home. Or at least a stash of grenades.

There are armed guards on the gate and an 8ft wall topped with razor wire, ok?

sheesh!

I'm not in America. But I think being in a small fortress is part of what got me jittery in the first place.

the fuck? Are you in the Green Zone or something?

benezir bhutto over here.

Haha, my middle school in a completely podunk population 400 town had chainlink fences and razor wire around the back of it! And there was a guillotine in the front that the tech class had made one year (I doubt it worked, but still).

Put on some clothes you think are really comfy/cozy - a sweater, pajama pants, your favorite slackks, nostalgic t-shirt, whatevs. Make yourself something warm to drink and snuggle up on a blanket. That's what I do. (I usually play video games or read old Archie comics, but do something stationery and gentle that makes you feel calm and possibly cheerful.)

i'm guessing my 'put on some high heels then go down into the basement' advice isn't going to cut it.

OK OK, I'd better explain. I'm in the British Ambassador's residence in Ivory Coast. We don't have an Ambassador in Ivory Coast since civil war broke out in 2005. The place was shut up for a year and then re-opened with a skeleton staff of one, which for the past 3 months has been my mate X. I've been here a few weeks, hiding from my divorce etc etc. X has gone to Burkina Faso for a bit. So I'm alone.

There's no longer a war on (well, more or less), but Ambassador's residences tend to be fortified and this is Africa. It's a bit rough. You do get bandits invading people's houses and frankly looking at the shanties and looking at this place I wouldn't blame them. So there are guards and razor wire and a bank of radios and a hidey-hole in the cellar.

That doesn't make it less spooky.

wow

damn!

...and I probably shouldn't have said where I am. Bugger. How do I get thread de-indexed?

i bet ambassadors make serious bank. if you could put in a good word, i could start like *tomorrow*.

How do I get thread de-indexed?

Moderator Request Forum

i think i would be anxious too, i have a horrifying imagination and where you are sounds like a movie set. but you will be fine. how many hours till it's light again?

Thanks

I've realised what's making the freaky noises, it's the damn radios.

It'll be light about 6. so 5.5 hours. I think I'm ok now I know what's rustling and whispering!

how bad a divorce is it that you're hiding from it in a country overrun by civil war?

i'm sure it will be ok. watch funny cats on youtube maybe.

Eh, the divorce isn't that bad. But - this will sound melodramatic - I didn't have anywhere else to go. I don't have a job at the moment, I do have a novel to finish, and a few weeks in a cosy compound sounded like a good idea. It really has worked out pretty well till tonight. And I'm OK now.

http://wackyneighbor.com/images/gbhq/logo-ghostbusters.gif

Argh, there's a HUGE rattling and a buzzing going on, I think there's a giant cockroach or something trapped in the atrium omg PANIC. LOL. I don't think this country has Pest Control.

(I was waiting for someone to do that, remy. Nicely done.)

I'm going to bed now. Wish me luck.

Goodness, but that sounds like an adventure!

All this thread needed was a trucker hat, a couch, and a few invading militia...

Heh I'd wondered if Zora was in a dip compound before I read that far down :) I have friends in similar circumstances.

CAN WE HAVE ADVENTURE NOW?

Neither pleased nor disappointed that nobody has yet said 'Ghostbusters!!!!' with inordinate gusto.

i think you missed remy's post

The only genuine disadvantage of having images turned off.

I suck at life.

Having images turned off on ILX is like going thru life with an eyepatch and a hankerin' for asian head.

call one of the armed guards in

Report:

I went to bed and realised after half an hour or so that I'd not locked the front door. I spent a good while trying to decide whether I was enough afraid of the guards to get up and lock them out. I chose trust. I slept badly. But nothing raped / murdered / plundered / ate me (though mosquitos continue to nibble around the edges), and this morning all is well.

There hasn't been a lot of adventure. Someone threw a grenade into the UN compound the first week I was here (or it might have been the Italian compound I'm not sure). One of X's friends recently had a mosquito bite turn out to have been carrying a stowaway egg - a maggot 'hatched' from her belly a week later, during a dinner party. To be honest I think these are the kind of adventures I can skip without too much sorrow.

Ewwwwww argh.

what. the. fuck.

good grief. at least tonight will be better, since you have identified the source of the noises, and since you will for sure remember to lock the door.

please purchase some mosquite repellant immediately.

mosquito hatching is the scariest thing on the thread, actually reminds me of a childhood horror story that gave me the bedtime creeps....

glad all went well, i hope tomorrow is better.

a maggot 'hatched' from her belly a week later, during a dinner party.

Showbiz maggot knows when to hatch.