MOST INEXPLICABLE CASTING CHOICE FOR THE LIVE-ACTION G.I. JOE MOVIE

Joseph Gordon-Levitt ... Cobra Commander

UH

one step closer to my Dogme '95 My Little Pony film becoming a reality!

ALWAYS VOTE WAYANS RULE INVOKED

is cobra commander going to wear that mask or the helmet?

The ALWAYS VOTE WAYANS rule is facing some really stiff competition from Cobra Commander.

Also it's not like it's Shawn Wayans!

Christopher Eccleston ... Destro
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje ... Heavy Duty

I think these 2 are great!

http://home-1.worldonline.nl/~hcdeboer/images/shay&joe.jpg
COBRALALALALALALALALALA

Jonathan Pryce ... U.S. President

Last time I checked, Pryce was a Brit, so it's not like he's the most obvious choice.

This movie is an ORIGIN STORY.

Which characters are we most disappointed are left out? GUNG HO and SERPENTOR for me.

What was the Indian's name that came with the EAGLE?

the joseph gordon-leavitt choice is at least somewhat explicable in that he's not a terrible actor, something that one would hopefully consider when casting any movie. thus i went WAYANS

lol ilxors forgive a lot when titties are invovled (HI DERE SIENNA MILLER)

not sure this thread merited an all-caps thread title, btw

???

If this thread doesn't merit all-caps, no thread does!

http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/061102/061102_eko_new_vertical.widec.jpg
WHO WANTS A BODY MASSAGE?

i hope they include sgt. slaughter somehow

apparently, this chick will be Scarlett:

http://img444.imageshack.us/img444/8212/scarlettvu0.jpg

cobra commander had a ponytail in the comic book iirc which is wtf enough without contemplating that they cast someone cause his hair is long enough for a ponytail.

nickalicious FTW, i need to back and re-watch all those PSAs

I don't really know any of these actors besides Marlon Wayans and Christopher Eccleston... Are the really all that bad?

cobra commander had a ponytail in the comic book iirc

Wasn't that his son? They never even showed CC's face for the time I read the comic.

Holy shit, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun? I always though Cobra Commander was supposed to be like in his 40s. He had an adult son in the comic.

I mean, maybe this guy is a good actor, but he'd be much better choice for the role of CC's son... If I remember correctly, he was this sort rockist rebel type of dude, he even rebelled against his dad and COBRA, and joined the good guys.

Eccleston!! <3

It's Wayans vs Sienna Miller.

no way the movie can live up to these though

http://youtube.com/watch?v=GJ-ckU_D1fg
http://youtube.com/watch?v=cO8lHGXWMzo

cobra commander had a ponytail in the comic book iirc which is wtf enough without contemplating that they cast someone cause his hair is long enough for a ponytail.

uhhh...

http://weblogs.variety.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/03/21/joseph_2.jpg

g.i. joe babies!

i hope it still has supergay showtunes theme song opener

The only criteria for playing Cobra Commander is coming up with a sufficiently cool vocie.

I'm hoping for Emile Hirsch as Sgt. Slaughter

YO JOE! OMG I forgot that.

http://www.accesshollywood.com/article/8868/g-i-joe-live-action-movie-details-revealed/

By Jesse Spero

LOS ANGELES, Calif. --

Hot on the heels of the success of "Transformers," Paramount is bringing yet another 1980's toy to the big screen, but instead of otherworldly shape-shifting robots, get ready for a real American hero!

"G.I Joe" is currently in production and set for a summer 2009 release, but fans are already getting a sneak peak at some of the action.

Paramount has released two photos of the fan-favorite character Snake Eyes, played by Ray Park, of Darth Maul "Star Wars" fame. Snake Eyes holds an impressive title according to "G.I. Joe" director Stephen Sommers.

"He's the world's greatest ninja, but he's also next-generation. He's not afraid to use a sword one second, and a split-second later he's pulling out his Glock," Sommers told USA Today. "His chief nemesis is arguably the world's other great ninja, Storm Shadow. The two grew up together, were blood brothers and now are mortal enemies."

Access Hollywood caught up with Channing Tatum while promoting the Iraq war drama "Stop-Loss." Channing, who plays G.I. Joe's leader, Duke, admitted he was apprehensive about stepping into another war film, but says "G.I. Joe" is not your typical combat filled movie.

"'G.I. Joe' is now a war film," Channing told Access. "I was afraid it was going to be a real war film, and actually it's nothing like that-- it's 'X-Men' with 'Mission Impossible.'"

As for "G.I. Joe" sticking with its comic book and cartoon roots, Channing couldn't agree more, saying, it’s a comic book "to the tenth degree."

(CLICK HERE to see the cast of 'G.I Joe')

Channing's co-stars, Dennis Quaid and Sienna Miller, are also pumped to dive into this summer blockbuster.

"'G.I. Joe" goes back to when I was a kid, and I thought it would be a lot of fun to be a part of this," Dennis Quaid, who will play Commander Hawk, told Access. "It's a huge popcorn action movie, and a little bit of a cartoon in a sense. The way it's going to be done… it's going to be really exciting."

Access wasn't only talking to the good guys. Sienna Miller, who will portray the diabolical lady of Cobra, The Baroness, revealed the lengths she's going to in order to nail her iconic character.

"[The film] requires a lot of physical training," Sienna told Access. "I have a black wig, guns, and leather… it's all very fantastic!"

Sienna admitted to Access that getting the part of the Baroness down took hard work, even a little homework.

"I've got a rubber gun at home that looks so real. I'm learning how to spin it. I've had it in my car while driving, and I'm terrified I might be pulled over because it looks like a proper gun," Sienna added.

(CLICK HERE to see Dennis Quaid & Sienna Miller talk "G.I. Joe.")

Rounding out the all-American heroes cast is Rachel Nichols from "Alias," playing Scarlett (cross-bow included), Marlon Wayans as paratrooper Ripcord, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje from "Lost," as Heavy Duty, and Said Taghmaoui of "Vantage Point" fame as Breaker.

On the Cobra side of the fight, Byung-Hun Lee will play Storm Shadow, Snake Eyes ninja nemesis, Arnold Vosloo from "The Mummy" will play the chameleon-like Zartan, Christopher Eccleston will play the evil chromed-domed Destro, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt from "Stop-Loss" has been cast as the leader of the evil Corba army, Cobra Commander.

The film is reportedly an origins story. It could explain why Destro has a chromed head and why Snake Eyes doesn't speak, among other outlandish details of "G.I. Joe" that the cartoon never explained.

"For people who know nothing about it, it'll make sense," Sommers told USA Today. "And to people who love this stuff, it'll show where they all came from."

As for the famous "G.I. Joe" catch phrase --"Now I know, and knowing is half the battle" — which was used in the PSA's that followed the 1980's cartoons, popping up in the 2009 film, a rep from Paramount told Access, "You’ll have to wait and see!"

ha those old PSA's are actually funnier on their own than the re-edited versions

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KXCD5BQiM4";>DON'T HIDE IN A FRIDGE</A>

DON'T HIDE IN A FRIDGE

DON'T TALK TO STRANGE DOGS

and of course it just isn't the 80's without

DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS

okay, why with the 'don't hide in the fridge?' ? There was a Punky Brewster about that, too ... was this, like, an endemic cause of kiddy-death in the mid '80s? Kids getting stuck in kitchen appliances? I do not understand.

lol @ runaway kid's cap

DON'T RUN AWAY FROM HOME

ok this is weird

i dunno, marlon wayans was the best part of norbit

lol roz keeping apprised of jgl's hair situation

tuomas i only read gi joe in the late 80's cc's son was a young teen at the time. they showed cc with a ponytail when he went on the lam with destro but it could have been part of his disguise. they had an origin story where he basically created a multilevel marketing co. that became cobra and i think he had a ponytail at some point in the retelling but i'm fuzzy on that

in the animated movie didn't they reveal him as a member of Cobra-La or whatever the ancient society of snake people was called

Wasn't Cobra based on Amway essentially?

akinnuoye-agbaje is a legend. adebisi is one of the greatest tv characters of all time.

COBRALALALALALALALALALA

You misremember your GI Joe, nickalicious! Cobra Commander never ululated, that was all that creepy genetic amalgamation Serpentor.

Goddddd, those GI Joe PSA re-edits bring back such great memories of fucking around at work in the '04. It's all about the one with the dog and the guy going "Help computer," and all that.

okay, why with the 'don't hide in the fridge?' ? There was a Punky Brewster about that, too ... was this, like, an endemic cause of kiddy-death in the mid '80s? Kids getting stuck in kitchen appliances? I do not understand.

Jonathan Pryce ... U.S. President

for so many reasons

was rachel nichols the babysitter in the amityville remake?

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Dan that one was the MOST explicable to me -- dude totally looks like Duke!

But he's like six years old and has the gravitas of a tarsir. I don't know, maybe I am remembering Duke with way more authority/experience than he actually had...

Looking forward to congressional oversight committee mayhem! Senator Slaughter, you have the floor!

This currently has a 91% FRESH rating on rottentomatoes!(albeit with only 12 non-"Top" reviews...)

"gravitas of a tarpir"??
http://my.execpc.com/~ehannan/tarpir.gif

"but is supplemented by representatives from other branches of the United States Armed Forces"

where is the US Ninja Squad?

yeah I think of basically all the core GI Joe dudes as being way more adult and authoritative than they were possibly going to turn out in this movie -- but I guess if it's a young-Joe origin-story kind of thing, Tatum works okay

btw I am totally in love with Siena Miller in these promos

my primary fear is that this poll will repeat in two years and be won by Vern Troyer as Orco

hahahahaha

lol

Isn't Vern going to be Snarf?

thoughts:

i never watched g.i. joe because im not old and i had parents who loved me ~ dont care about the cartoon or other ppl's yearning for time unfettered by economic malaise and global uncertainty ~ 1985.

pretty sure based upon commercials i have seen that some chick and a gay dude knock over the eiffel tower (sp?) w/ a laser and channing tatum is shirtless itm while dennis quaid or maybe a sobered up randy quaid i cant really tell gives the stuffy brass what for ~~~~ also pretty sure at least sixteen things blow up thats a near perfect explosion to time a chick is in the previews with a shirt on ratio

fuck you, as always, if u disagree

time unfettered by economic malaise and global uncertainty ~ 1985.

megalolz

whoever backed this movie missed out on $$$ of cross-merchandising

http://www.toplessrobot.com/deadbumble.jpg

megalolz

― girlish in the worst sense of that term (Shakey Mo Collier)

for serious. there were never times unfettered by economic malaise and global uncertainty, just times when you were unaware of such things. which is probably what lamp meant in the first place.

I think it's time to start reposting the Fensler PSAs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTehdxIj0ZQ

stop all the downloadin'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42-1Mjj3pcg&feature=related

I still own those G.I. Joe-Transformers comix.

(xxxpost)

This is one of my favorites. The part with the girl is awesome!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIICLDgZFNU&feature=related

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSMdGCWRLhQ&feature=related

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4OPr_QxoFg&feature=related

~~~ best one ~~~~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNwxv6TgsuU&feature=PlayList&p=9271A5DF041C6A97&index=25

tbh hi dere i think we need to poll these

down to 36% ROTTEN now...

This was a ridiculous pile of shit, but I gotta say that JGL brought his A-game anyway - he seems to be the only person onscreen having any fun.

Great lol value too - lots of SPLIT-SECOND FLASHBACKS, from Sienna Miller and Channing Tatum rolling about in a sun-dappled paradise to adorable tykes wailing on each other w/ swords.

Dumb and fun. Set your expectations low and smoke out hard. Four of us found it stupid and highly entertaining.

Lots of explosions and battles, lots to laugh at. The worst parts were the Marlon Wayans jokes and the attempt at romantic subplots.

Otherwise, good vs evil superhero army destructo mayhem ridiculous giant city under the polar ice cap lasers bombs nanotechnology destroy eiffel tower and super super super hot Scarlet.

I loved this but I must admit to having been quite purposefully drunk.

Armond weighs in

oh i just know there's gonna be gold in there....

This Eiffel Tower image also recalls the postmodern epigraph that closes Godard’s In Praise of Love : “I will go to my grave with more visions than man has previously ever known.” The trashy secret of G.I. Joe is its ironic capitalizing on the fact that awesome, dread-filled visions don’t necessarily destroy childhood innocence.

ARMOND U NEVER LET ME DOWN

As for acting, operatives Tatum and Wayans look great in their special Accelerator suits

I think this pretty much says it all.

complete list of other films armond cites in this review:

iron man
star trek
harry potter 6 ("and the half-blooded chintz"--good one dude!)
the mummy
transformers 2
wanted
3:10 to yuma
drag me to hell
transporter 3
torque (those last two are "superior pop art")
the laura (sic) croft films
thunderbirds
the hurt locker ("now overrated")
united 93
cloverfield
mars attacks
in praise of love

this was quite entertaining (albeit retarded) until the end

latebloomer OTM, although I'm curious as to what his breaking point was and if it was the same as mine

I really enjoyed this!

It was definitely better than "Transformers 2" and "Terminator Salvation", not that that is particularly difficult to achieve.

Channing Tatum is really not an actor, though.

1. There are three important things to the Baroness: i. catsuit, ii. glasses, iii. accent. The accent, believe it or not, is the most important one.

2. Karolina Kurkova as Cover Girl? META!

3. Rachel Nichols is more stacked than I remembered.

4. Why the eff did they use that stupid baritone voice for Cobra Commander? Even after he put on that stupid mask? No ski mask? No hood?

5. Duke was always the most boring Joe.

6. Too much Stormshadow and Snake Eyes. These guys are supposed to be stealth mofos, but when you have them carrying out tasks better suited for grunts, they lose their cachet.

latebloomer OTM, although I'm curious as to what his breaking point was and if it was the same as mine

*SPOILER*when they made Baroness a mind control victim instead of an unrepentant baddie*SPOILER*

hahaha

I was relatively okay with that, considering the stage they set, but when they had the faceoff with Cobra Commander and CC said "you're taking me in with what army?" and Duke said "THIS ONE" and all the other Joes magically appeared from NOWHERE I was like "okay movie, I have this left testicle I'd like for you to slobber on right... now"

All you can do is laugh. If they made Baroness as hot as Scarlet and cut Marlon Wayans entirely, this would actually be a pretty good film.

er Baroness was about a bazillion times hotter than Scarlet, who I think may have had a goat or a pony somewhere in her ancestry

this turned out to be pretty gay

I'm with Nate, though I didn't find Marlon Wayans to be as horrible as he'd been made out to be.

It's not that Marlon failed to do his job as an actor. It's that he was given such an obvious and obnoxious role.

And I grew up on a goat farm so maybe that's why I found Scarlet so hot?

Marlon often does a good job in movies that don't involve his brother Shawn and he was fine here, but Channing Tatum was so ridiculously awful that he made Marlon come across like Master Thespian.

The third G.I. Joe movie is a prequel and it's called Snake Eyes. Wouldn't Snake Eyes imply it was the second movie?

Snake Eyes is a GI Joe character

Snake Eyes vs Storm Shadow fite!