Severe Anxiety

lexapro works for me, but it's not for everyone. i only notice side effects when i up the dosage or when i go without it for more than a day.

it's also not available as a generic yet, and can be expensive if your insurance won't cover all of the expense.

Effexor has worked wonders for my anxiety and I have very little side effects. It has a bed reputation because the withdrawal effects if you stop cold turkey are pretty bad but if you come off it gradually it's fine. Effexor is available as a generic but not in the extended release version.

I too suffered for many years with anxiety and panic. Pills never worked for me, just made me feel unreal (although I can't comment about the medication you mention). Medication works for many, I know, but the long term solution came to me in the form of a change to my diet with supplements, specifically multi vits and fish oil.

A nutritionist/friend prescribed the following:

Excercise daily combined with
Less fatty foods (like Pizza)
BioCare's Adult MultiVitamins
BioCare's Mega EPA 1000
Cut out coffee

I had suffered from around the age of 14, and soon after starting the daily supps at the age of 33, my anxiety levels dropped for the first time, and I am much calmer these days. Excercise helps enormously, as does meditation, but diet is so fundamnetal... Getting older brings a certain calmness too..

This is all notwithstanding psychological factors, which would need confronting in their own right.

As bad as it seems right now, it will get better.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there's some evidence to suggest that booze helps to aggravate panic attacks. I was suffering really badly last year, and the only thing that's regulated it is getting enough regular sleep and easing off on the drinking. Also breathing exercises and shit.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO START TAKING MEDICATION:
Keep in mind that you're going to become addicted to it and it's going to be very, very difficult to stop if and when you want to. I've been on either Lexapro or Celexa since high school and deeply, deeply regret ever starting this shit.

Exercise, healthy diet, and regular sleep are all much better ideas than medication IMO.

benzodiazepines are really bad news if you are at all disposed toward abusing the fuck out of them and getting crazy addicted and ruining your life. though they do make the panic go away.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there's some evidence to suggest that booze helps to aggravate panic attacks. I was suffering really badly last year, and the only thing that's regulated it is getting enough regular sleep and easing off on the drinking. Also breathing exercises and shit.

I've heard this too, but it's mostly an after-effect, right? Not while actually drinking? I smoked marijuana heavily for five years during my teenage years and that's what actually triggered my first-ever panic attack - one random time smoking marijuana after literally smoking it thousands of times in my life. I continue to have them whenever I smoke marijuana (as soon as I take a couple hits) and as a result I've sworn off that for life - never experienced one from drinking (as far as I know), but I have had a couple not being under the influence of anything.

You said you were a college student; do you want to elaborate on that? i know for periods when i was in college i was having pretty serious bad times, incl panic attacks. a lot of the time they were triggered directly by school related shit, but sometimes not. not saying it's nothing to worry about, cuz it sucks, but that there can be a lot of factors involved. And please, think long and hard before committing to a daily medication, please.

It's really interesting to hear people's different experiences with meds. I have been on Effexor (as mentioned above) since 2001. However, I went off of it for two years between now and then without incident. For me, it really has been a lifesaver when needed and I honestly believe that for some people (obv not as many as are currently prescribed) daily medication is appropriate and extremely helpful. I'm not saying that I don't think exercise, diet, meditation etc. are beneficial because I'm sure that they are. I just to point out that not everyone has such a negative experience with medication.

erm - "I just WANT to point out . . ." oops.

It's not just college - I have anxiety about everything. I worry about going insane or schizophrenic, I worry that when I cross intersections (I live in a busy city) the cars are going to lunge forward and hit me, I worry that my heart is beating too fast or too slow or irregular, etc. etc. etc. (the list goes on and on). I know most of it is absolutely silly - I can tell myself in my mind that none of it is true, and I actually KNOW that none of it is true, but I still get that anxious, tingly, worried physical feeling whenever my mind stops on any of those thoughts - hopefully some of you guys who have anxiety problems know what I'm talking about.

And as far as "natural" medications go - I suppose I could exercise a bit more, but I'm a vegan so I don't think my eating habits are too bad, and I don't drink coffee and limit my caffeinated drinks to a couple a week.

oh man living in the city sucks for anxiety. my commute this morning has me seriously considering moving to a farm and raising goats.

and my advice is...talk to a doctor. lots of different things work for different people. you'll probably have to try a couple different things before finding something that helps.

Keep in mind that you're going to become addicted to it and it's going to be very, very difficult to stop if and when you want to

I've been on all of the meds you mentioned above RU and wasn't addicted to any of them. Your mileage, etc.

Each of them had their merits but the downsides nixed them for me. Klonipin is great short-term but is not a long term solution. Benzos definitely can be addictive so should be used with caution.

Currently I take a couple of psychological medications but none for anxiety. I work on this with cognitive behavioral therapy and basic confidence building and stress relief skills.

Oooh, I forgot to mention cognitive behavioral therapy. I know that it works really well for some people with anxiety. RU, if you haven't tried that you may want to look into it.

Also, I've yet to ever buy it but have had the following book recommended to me several times and it might be worth looking into as it's supposedly very good:

http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-Edmund-Bourne/dp/157224223X

By the way, I did not mean for my post to sound condescending or dismissive. I have no qualms with medication but think, especially if they're not currently working for you, that you might need to consider a different long-term solution.

If it is very bad at the moment I would recommend investigating benzos for short-term, as needed, help.

I've heard it said that panic disorder is largely about the fear of the panic attacks themselves, paradoxically, and that if one can overcome that fear one can mitigate the attacks. Does this seem true? And does it also go for anxiety attacks?

ask your dr. about welbutrin and seroquel as well

Any shitty job I take gets me all stressed out and depressed and makes me want to kill myself. Today I was so anxiety-ridden and mentally paralyzed that I drove a forklift into a dock door.

I believe I was born the way I was for a reason and a Special Purpose, but sometimes I wish I was one of the other half who wouldn't let a shitty job stress him/her out. I can't help it.

i understand

sometimes, i feel like i'm going to burn up, from the inside out. and just disappear. isn't that poetic?

I have been feeling really anxious this past week. Thoughts racing, trying to process shit going on in my life, always sort of hit a wall and get frustrated with myself. How do I not worry about other people, or say, control the amount of jealous anxiety I am having? I am upping my dosage of citalopram most likely, and I'll know for sure after I see the doctor next Friday. But for now, I'm having trouble falling asleep, and if I'm left alone and undistracted my thoughts race and I start feeling nauseous and overwhelmed.

different stuff works for different folks but when I have anxiety related sleep problems I watch my favorite movies to keep my mind occupied.

I know that's sort of bullshitty advice but what else can you do. I feel for u tho dogg--u gotta be the river not the rock--easier said than done.

yeah advice for this is hard to give because everyone's got their own deal. my method is just disengaging, mentally and emotionally, from things i cant control in a positive manner. believe it or not, i really believe this is a skill you can learn with practice and persistence.

yeah i wish i had something to say that would help because i used to feel like that a lot when i was 19-20 and i remember it being a really bad time. debilitating. somehow i got it to go away without any drugs or anything, now i go crazy only very rarely. i did learn to disengage from things, stay busy, be realistic, keep a regular sleep schedule. or if i feel like i am being dragged along by life i take day off to get stuff done, even if the stuff is just washing piled-up dishes and cooking and catching up on sleep. i just concentrate on being in control of things and not letting external stuff (like jealous anxiety and missing people, worrying about people thinking i'm weird or hating me, guilt over stuff that happened a long time ago, etc.) tear me apart. recognizing what you can't control and working on what you can.

sounds stupid and self-helpy i guess, probably nothing you don't already know either :(
now i feel bad because i hate it when people act like it's so easy to fix when it's not. but anyway. helpig u.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there's some evidence to suggest that booze helps to aggravate panic attacks.

I've heard this too, but it's mostly an after-effect, right? Not while actually drinking?

At the very least, some people react badly/anxiously to the physiological effects of alcohol (increased heart rate, vertigo, etc.). And of course it can definitely lead to a rebound afterward.

I suspect a lot of panic attacks are mainly due to physiological issues, not psychological ones; I know that I sometimes get major anxiety symptoms from clearly physical causes -- for example, if I'm coming down with a cold, or if I eat something really heavy and sugary in the morning. In particular, I think undiagnosed hypoglycemia and untreated low-level infections are behind a lot of this stuff.

(So get your teeth taken care of, and eat a grapefruit, or some bacon, when you wake up.)

THE FUTURE IS LOOMING AND THERE ARE NO JOBS AND YOU ARENT AS TALENTED AS YOUR MOM TOLD YOU YOU WERE AND YOU WILL NEVER BE AS SUCCESSFUL AS YOUR PARENTS AND PROBABLY NOT MAKE ANY FRIENDS AFTER COLLEGE SO I HOPE YOU REALLY ENJOYED BEING 18 BECAUSE ITS BASICALLY ALL DOWNHILL FROM THERE

relax, dude, you could always become a video-store clerk

I don't mean to belittle your anxiety, Max, but all the life evidence suggests that the voices in your head are lying to you. Big time.

i'm pretty sure video stores aren't a thing anymore

i'm pretty sure video stores aren't a thing anymore

― meat of beef (Jordan), Thursday, March 26, 2009 5:24 PM (0 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

oh great another thing to be anxious about

sorry uh CD/DVD store

find buddies at the netflix factory

/BluRay (wth)

i don't think there are any more of those either, sorry

xp

max it'll be okay, you are forgetting that being 18 was terrible

find buddies at the netflix factory internet

lorazepam?

"voices in your head"? i feel like this is exactly what i'm hearing on all sides! you know, our generation is spoiled and entitled and doomed to failure and starvation.

at least we have the internet, though. you're right.

how many eyes are in this picture

i don't think there are any more of those either, sorry

xp

― meat of beef (Jordan), Thursday, 26 March 2009 21:27 (1 minute ago) Bookmark

oh shit then what am i working at :-/

i'm living a lie

i am graduating and i don't have a job but i don't feel anxious really and i'm worrying about how maybe i should, and it's making me anxious!

if you can manage to not feel anxious about it, that's GREAT! as long as you are putting out applications and don't need anxiety's kick in the ass to do it, it wouldn't do you any good anyway.

i would start updating that resume, louis. maybe you can get a job at the internet factory.

no i have not done many applications but i haven't moved or taken the bar yet so i have time

the internet factory probably requires experience in factories :(

max no lie one of my friends is becoming a small-time publisher and if u want we will publish u in your hour of need, ink onto paper, that one can feel with the hand, it is there

also his (our) press is gonna be called ⓒ_ⓒ Press (at my instigation, mostly)

L0uis jagg3r's cooking with camembert

*normally

cbd pills are moderately helpful for me. would recommend at least trying them. one note of caution: some pills are better than others. you generally want the more expensive liquid extract pills rather than the solid hemp(?)-based cheaper ones

jim, how much are the liquid extract pills?

i can't remember because last time i got them it was a in a bottle and the quantity/price escapes me, but they're not partic cheap. thinking maybe $3 or $4 per pill.

have to find out which ones i'm taking, because they're 5 a pill, so not sure if i'm getting taken for a ride here...

but probably better to buy the bottle ya

oh yeah it might even have been $5 per tbh.

the amount of competition seems to keep dispensaries fairly honest here

^ yeah, glad about that mate

I have tried cbd in a tincture/eyedropper format and it had a slight calming effect but my main priority wrt this is my crohn's disease and it didn't really affect that after a month of daily. I think for crohn's I need a mostly-CBD-modicum-of-THC type thing. Have appointment with a GI who is also a w33d doctor this coming week.

Happening every day at the moment, from the minute I wake up until about 5pm when it starts to lessen.

I ordered some of these CBD things, cant wait for them to come!

how to fix anxiety? does therapy help? what if i have (what i believe to be) psychosomatic symptoms?

therapy helps but you really have to find the right therapist (sometimes trial and error). psychosomatic symptoms are common. I had twitching, feelings of blood whooshing through my legs, elevated heartrate. even spasms in my hand making it unable to grip things.

meds can help too. sometimes just knowing it's anxiety helps reduce the psychosomatic symptoms (often the fear perpetuates it).

meanwhile, I'm equal parts improving at managing mine and simultaneously ready to clock a motherfucker depending on what hour of the day it is.

I'm close friends with someone who has Asperger's that has boundary issues and has basically shared convos where she's been unduly harsh on other people. today she did it to me and I found myself telling her this directly and feeling paradoxically guilty about it as if nothing matters but ensuring everybody but me is happy because I deep down have always felt my own happiness doesn't matter.

This is why some days I want to walk in front of a moving truck, and others I have such a good vibe I can just relax in the place I'm in for hours. when work calms down and my stress isn't so high I feel like I'll be better able to set boundaries with people. when I get weak due to emotional and physical fatigue....I don't respect myself.

Therapy helps a lot. One of the worst things about anxiety is the feeling of helplessness, so just knowing that you're doing something about it can give you back some sense of control. Also just having a therapist, somebody who's job is looking out for you and your health and happiness, is a very comforting thing.

I went from having horrific, barely tolerable, nearly constant anxiety to having just occasional inconvenient flashes of it. I don't know if I can ever completely erase it, but just having it under control feels like a major victory that I'm thankful for every day.

I love when you have a really shitty day, the third in a row in a really shitty week, and you're practically shaky cos you're so mad, and then your friend gets fired from her job and immediately wants to hang out for comfort on a day where you really just want to sit at home.

I like this friend (although she's really high maintenance) so it's not out of obligation, but I either get to eat the "I say no and now I get to deal with your fireworks, which stress me out even more", or the "I say yes, and now I get to hear all about your terrible day where we pretend I also didn't have a really fucked day". in an easier week I'd have the energy to be a dick, my nerves are so fried I just am trying to prevent all additional friction at this point. I had to tell her yesterday that she was being rude and she apologized, today I don't even have the energy to do anything but nod and sigh.

*shaking

hope your night goes better, Neanderthal. Know the feeling of not having the capacity to be there for someone who needs it too much and you give in anyway. hopefully you'll find some time just to veg soon

thanks. usually reading is my vice when this happens so hopefully I'll get to leaf through pages.

it was weird, last night when this same friend was rude to me at the beginning of the conversation, I calmly called out that it was uncalled for and drew an apology, but felt paradoxically disappointed when I got the apology as a part of me wanted her to escalate further so I'd have the opportunity to yell at *somebody*. not a fan of that reaction, but not in my right mind atm.

when I'm stressed I buy star wars memorabilia, so my collection got huge this week.

I had to have an abcessed wisdom tooth removed on Saturday and have been varying degrees of a hypochondriac wreck since then. I haven't had symptoms that point toward a serious complication but every little weird/off/bad feeling has me freaking out. On Monday it was so bad that I went to the ER. My heart was racing and nothing I could do would make it stop. It was just a panic attack (one of the worst I've had) and I've been a bit better the past few days but still basically consumed by dread. I keep telling myself that I'm okay and that I'm going to be okay and it feels true some of the time, but Jesus this is rough.

my friend who has Asperger's has often tied the line of saying unacceptable things. I've been patient understanding her circumstances and let some things slide, and even when giving feedback, have been calm and quiet about it.

today, on the other hand, I told her my friend might join us at Metal Night tonight at a local club and she asked to see a pic (note she's bringing a friend too), and I showed her, and she said "omg he looks like a cancer". I gave benefit ofthe doubt and thought she meant Zodiac sign, and she didn't. Thought she was making a bad 'he's got cancer cuz he has no hair", nope. she clarifies that he looks like a "cancer of a person" and that she was sorry but he looked like he'd bug her.

so I tell her that's a messed up thing to say about a friend of mine and she just starts railing on me asking "are you really going to be mad at mea bout this", and I didn't back down and said well, you said something fucked up about a friend.

then she says I'm overreacting and acting like a "chick" about this and says I"m being over-sensitive about a comment she made while she was "high". I said I was less mad about that comment and more the offensive things she said to me afterwards.

so now I'm having a bad bout of anxiety because even though I know I wasn't wrong I always feel like I am and despite me feeling good that I stood up for myself, I feel bad for 'upsetting her' even though what she said to me was far worse and I was merely stating factually what bothered me.

so yay, I'm crying and stressed out now when I was having a good day. I hate having such a low opinion of myself that even this level of defending myself is so taxing.

She sounds terrible tbh. You are fine.

thanks - sometimes I feel like I'm overreacting to stuff so that makes me feel better.

one friend asked why I hang out with her. it's actually because on normal occasions, like this past Tuesday, she's been a lot of fun to hang around, and we make each other laugh and have helped each other through some tough times. most of her transgressions prior to now had been minor and when I had called her out a few weeks ago for something she said to me, she apologized immediately and said she handled it wrong. so to suddenly say I'm acting "like a chick" (which is p weird for someone who claims to be a feminist to toss around as a pejorative), I was kind of shocked.

io super otm
i'd recommend cutting that person loose
friends aren't supposed to make you cry

even if they are nice to you sometimes, this person's behavior sounds manipulative and wrong

the only thing "wrong" with you is that it sounds like you have seriously dysfunctional friends ... not to be a dick, because I've definitely had my share of those, and it can be challenging to change the way you make friends, or to change social circles or whatever. It's like dating, except having no friends is bad in a way that not dating/being in a relationship isn't.

none taken! it's true. for years I was weak and let myself get manipulated easily and had bad people in my life, and therapy has kind of 'woke' me out of that, so I have been pruning the people I associate with over the last few years. the unfortunate drawback is I've kind of forgotten how to handle these tough situations since my current batch of friends don't generally cause me grief.

i'm better now. thanks all!

good job!

im back home in nz for a week and my anxiety has been so horrific that I completely broke down this morning and called my mum to come over to my sisters place and hold me while I bawled my eyes out. I’m 38 and this is the first time I’ve ever asked her to do such a thing. We don’t have that kind of relationship but she really came through for me. She surprised me even further when, as she was leaving, I said thanks so much for coming and she replied “I’m happy you felt like you could ask me”.

i was doing something hard at work today that was stressing me out and suddenly my limbs got heavy and i felt sick. then i was afraid because i have a history of fainting and i was probably about one minute away from that. i talked myself out of it by just breathing and stuff because there were no other options. i was so afraid of saying anything or putting my head down because of the people around and because i knew the one person i would tell would probably do too much and make it a big deal. i want to not be anxious anymore. some stuff i've learned to just self-talk myself out of but not everything :(

It's hard because anxiety feeds on itself so once it gets a head of steam, coping techniques are difficult due to not being able to focus long enough to use them.

Much <3

Harbl you are a fucking badass and I wish I had half the guts/nerve you have.

I was in that "I'm about five seconds from death" spiral a few weeks ago. Was convinced heart attack or stroke. Stood up, was about to yell "I'm having a heart attack" in an office full of people. Convinced myself to pace around and try to drink water.

I think I'm experiencing hypoglycemia due to the alcohol I consume to deal with anxiety, but unfortunately hypoglycemia seems to cause really bad anxiety, worse than alcohol resolves.I still have no idea what a pancreas or gallbladder is. My liver seems intact, but I'm extremely concerned about pancreases, bladders, kidneys, that sort of thing. What is diabetes? Do I have it?

Vertigo had been increasing steadily which is an issue as I work in a skyscraper. However, felt good today and even sat with my knees against the glass window looking out over the city below.

Lung health and related oxygen-related hypochondrias have been upgraded to "stable" following a marked reduction in bouts of lung-related hypochondria or anxiety since quitting smoking. Recommend quitting smoking for anyone who has the anx.

It's such a cliched, corny thing, but I honestly feel like, for immediate, temporary respite: controlled slow breathing really does work. You have to be very mindful and methodic. Gently in through the nose and just as gently out through the mouth. For a moment, anyway, it at least takes my mind away from how crazy my mind is getting (if that makes sense?). Makes coming back to the chaos a little easier to assess.

That "grounding" thing doesn't work for me at all. I know everybody's different, but I find that pacing or increased movement exacerbates things.

I'm sorry to say, but vertigo can be a sign of something more serious. Have you seen a physician about your symptoms?

Hope you get some reprieve soon.

https://i.imgur.com/DqK7H0S.gif

I swear by this octagonal onion of breath.

Gently in through the nose and just as gently out through the mouth.

Or inhaling, then closing the mouth for a bit and then exhaling tends to work quite well too.

Re: general anxiety (obviously not if you're having some kind of legitimate emergency issue) I've taken to making a mantra of 'I am an organism whose immediate needs are being met'. Basically just a reminder in any given moment that I am clothed, fed, sheltered, and generally safe from harm, and that any panic I'm feeling is a response to something outside of that and most likely among the small stuff that I should try not to sweat. It's proving to be fairly effective for me, but I'm sure YMMV.

wondering if anyone has a line on this one

i work in a media job where i am very involved in profiling artists

and almost every time i have a piece published i suffer absolutely unbearable anxiety about how the subject will feel, terrified that i will have fucked up their story or misrepresented them in some way

at the height of this i can barely function and truly crave oblivion so i can escape the worry - i just totally lack the ability to say “i did my best and my intentions were good” - in my mind the consequences of my work will always be catastrophic and i am a fool and an asshole for presuming to do this job

i guess i am asking - do other people have familiarity with this sort of media-related anxiety? any tips for coping/avoiding (including medication)?

or am i just in the wrong profession? i have just sort of ended up in this gig, and with my rational head on i can see that it could be fun and a privilege. but every week this feeling is waiting and it is really horrible when it hits.

i sometimes feel manageable anxiety in other parts of my life, but it is the idea of my work being widely distributed that really turbo-charges this feeling i think. although maybe i would find a way to hate myself in other arenas, i dunno.

Since this sounds almost phobic, imo therapy + meds might be the answer. If you experience anxiety in other areas of your life then def talk to a dr about meds.

it is the idea of my work being widely distributed that really turbo-charges this feeling i think. although maybe i would find a way to hate myself in other arenas, i dunno.

yeah, I can relate to this. I don't want to assume that my feelings are your feelings, but the fears of fucking up in a public way and "betraying someone's trust" or letting them down are definitely major anxiety producing things! I have had a variety of different jobs with different responsibilities, and I do kinda compare the different degrees of anxiety (or lack thereof) that each provoke. There are plenty of people that don't do the type of work you do or that I do (and have done) because it is so anxiety producing! So, you should feel at least somewhat strong that you have stepped up and done it and are currently still at it.

i just totally lack the ability to say “i did my best and my intentions were good”

one way to cope is to try to get to the point where you can do this?

just1n3 is also otm ... meds would probably be useful. there are some fairly mild ones that help with anxiety (or at least are mild in smaller doses). I know that I definitely need them.

Other coping mechanisms (for me) -- definitely helped by being on anti-anxiety meds -- is to do something else when you are anxious about a piece coming out. like, I notice you are on the semantle thread! even if it's something like that ... a way to compartmentalize and be able to exist outside of the source of the anxiety?

^^^^ yeah, the meds aren’t going to cure that phobia-like reaction but they’ll help with being more present to learn behaviors that WILL curb the panic feelings.

You could also try things like filling both hands with ice and holding for a minute when you feel that severe anxiety coming on, or eating an intensely sour candy - it interrupts that spiral, something to do with the vagus nerve.

thanks so much guys - i think i probably have to have a crack at meds - i have done a bit of counselling/therapy addressing these areas and that has been helpful, especially when it was ongoing - but in the heat of heavy deadline pressure and complex approval workflows, the stress reaction knocks out any broader/wiser perspective and the old fears come flooding in

when i wrote it down here i could see that it is deeply tied up with hopelessly low levels of self-regard/fear of judgement etc - but i also think it is definitely exacerbated by the nature of the work, and particularly by changing discussions around representation - who am i as a middle-aged white male to presume to tell the story of someone with a different life experience? at some point you become very conscious that you don’t know what you don’t know

anyway, super grateful to be able to share the thoughts and receive advice, thanks again

My wife has similar responsibilities, where she is making time-sensitive statements about public issues, and something that she finds a relief is to have someone who double-checks her work. She needs this external point-of-view so she can stop questioning herself.
Hopefully you can find someone whose opinion you can trust, and who can speak with some authority about the issues and people you're writing about.

thanks htbfy - I definitely value a robust consultative/editorial process and seek that whenever I can (it is not always available to me unfortunately) - i do think that partially reduces my anxiety simply by giving me an "out" - ie "I do not have sole responsibility for these decisions" - which might be a bit of a weaselly response? have found anxiety is very good at perpetuating itself in sneaky ways. ideally I would like to feel like a grown-up who can stand behind their decisions, or feel comfortable with the possibility of criticism.

but yeah I think my most recent meltdown was definitely caused by lack of opportunity to consult with colleagues, so that's a really good reminder of how important that is, thanks

i also think it is definitely exacerbated by the nature of the work, and particularly by changing discussions around representation

i feel that a lot recently. also coming to terms with being middle-aged! yesterday I was in a meeting for a project where my work is mostly volunteer, and most of the others involved were younger (mostly people in their late 20s) and non-white, and I was providing my expertise on a topic and saying what I thought priorities should be, and what would/wouldn't work ... and today, after talking to a colleague who was at that meeting, I decided, I am going to step back and let the younger POC lead and manage the process ... even if things don't work out. Maybe they spend way too long (in my mind) discussing visioning and "how we work together" and getting on the same page about how a wheel functions and the best way to design the wheel ... and maybe they make some bad judgment calls that I wouldn't have made, but ... I still can remember being in my late 20s in meetings with ... people who were probably the same age I am now ... about similar things, and I knew more than the middle-aged people gave me credit for/assumed I did, and I felt like the purpose was for me (and my peers) to lead the work and if we made mistakes or didn't do things "the best way" ... then that's just the way it goes. This was the arts/community-building and not life or death type stuff.

yeah have definitely found it’s a good strategy to get outta the way of younger people generally - either by inviting them to take the lead, or building mutually beneficial relationships - but there are increasingly frequent moments when i feel like surrendering to irrelevancy and going off to grow potatoes!

but there are increasingly frequent moments when i feel like surrendering to irrelevancy and going off to grow potatoes!

don't you mean "write a book" ? ... i still feel like there are worthwhile things that white middle-aged people with our professional backgrounds can do that aren't growing potatoes or the cringeworthy efforts of various boomers

* worthwhile things within our areas of experience or related to them?

also - i think just1n3 gave really good ideas re the in-the-moment anxiety stuff!

thanks for being so generous with your thoughts and time SH - yeah definitely gonna try those tips - sour candy probably more practical than ice in an office environment! also i guess trying to do some more work with my breathing. interrupting the spiral feels pretty crucial, cos once the mind is flooded with those thoughts/chemicals it feels almost impossible to de-escalate, especially if there are stress factors flying around everywhere.

it feels almost impossible to de-escalate, especially if there are stress factors flying around everywhere.

that's a really good articulation of the feeling!

I got these Toxic Waste Hazardously Sour candies for my husband and they def work… but they might fuck up your mouth for a day or two