This is the inevitable thread for ILxors in their forties

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Yes, I know, creeping balkanisation etc. but why should we be left out?

But please leave cheeky Ovaltines at the door.

Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 13:35 (ten years ago) Permalink

What do we do?

Dr.C, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:03 (ten years ago) Permalink

You tell us, you're the role models for those of us in our thirties, y'see.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:04 (ten years ago) Permalink

My vision has gone 'bifocalish', ie I gotta take the glasses off to read.

Dr Morbius, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:05 (ten years ago) Permalink

left out we certainly be should not.

t**t, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:10 (ten years ago) Permalink

Ah, the Iain Sinclair "serendipitous random art collage" problem (xp).

Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:11 (ten years ago) Permalink

I wish I could afford a midlife crisis -- I'd sure have one.

Rock Hardy, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:17 (ten years ago) Permalink

Wait, what were we talking about again? I must have dozed off.

Michael White, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:18 (ten years ago) Permalink

Btw, Rock, that just means you'll have to live longer.

Michael White, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:20 (ten years ago) Permalink

The nights are fair drawing in.

Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:20 (ten years ago) Permalink

My toes hurt -- do yours? I think it must be this weather.

Brad C., Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:21 (ten years ago) Permalink

Shit, Michael, with my genes I'm doomed to 95 years at least.

Rock Hardy, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:22 (ten years ago) Permalink

I blame it on so-called asylum seeking feral politically correct Broken Britain.

Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:22 (ten years ago) Permalink

(the weather, that is)

Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:23 (ten years ago) Permalink

That monologue with Rhys Ifans last night.

What was all that about?

Eh?

Eh?

Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:23 (ten years ago) Permalink

I can't stop feeling all \o_O/ seeing twentysomething girls wearing essentially the same fashions that girls wore when I was twenty.

Michael White, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:28 (ten years ago) Permalink

Actually more like when I was fifteen.

Michael White, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:29 (ten years ago) Permalink

Haven't exactly been bombarded by deelyboppers and pop socks around these parts.

Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:30 (ten years ago) Permalink

Shoreham - liminal, but copper messy.

Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:34 (ten years ago) Permalink

One upside: being a dirty old man sort of suits me.

Rock Hardy, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:35 (ten years ago) Permalink

I had my midlife crisis from the ages of approx 15-42 so I reckon I'm due uncomplicated happiness now.

Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:36 (ten years ago) Permalink

This thread is so much like me at an FAP that it's spooking me out.

Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:37 (ten years ago) Permalink

Yeah, I'm drinking here at work, too.

Michael White, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:38 (ten years ago) Permalink

One upside: being a dirty old man sort of suits me. -- Rock Hardy

As per suits, I don't think I've got any I fit into anymore.
On the, er, thinner side: I amn't that dirty really.

t**t, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:40 (ten years ago) Permalink

Just don't recognise anything in this thread. Including the posts I posted so that suggests it was probably a crap idea. Oh well, it was worth a momentary try.

Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:41 (ten years ago) Permalink

Please to God never let me actually become a "fortysomething."

Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:42 (ten years ago) Permalink

One upside: being a dirty old man sort of suits me.

Michael White, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:48 (ten years ago) Permalink

What are the characteristics of a fortysomething? (I bet I have most of them).

Dr.C, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 15:52 (ten years ago) Permalink

I can legally have an affair with someone half my age!

so, is anyone on for it?

The Real Dirty Vicar, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 16:02 (ten years ago) Permalink

thread is otm, though now I can also see how it mightn't be otm, and would not be surprised to find myself arguing either side of the question for fifteen minutes or so before getting completely distracted by some other stray thought

J0hn D., Wednesday, 27 August 2008 16:35 (ten years ago) Permalink

They say memory is the second thing to go. I can't remember the first one.

Michael White, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 16:36 (ten years ago) Permalink

My drug of choice these days is Back and Body aspirin, for that extra frisson of caffeine.

Jaq, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 16:39 (ten years ago) Permalink

Memory is going, true, but at least I remember the 70s

Brad C., Wednesday, 27 August 2008 16:47 (ten years ago) Permalink

Memory is going, true, but at least I have begun forgetting the 70's.

Michael White, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 16:54 (ten years ago) Permalink

hi.

um, I'm OK.

Mark G, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 20:43 (ten years ago) Permalink

What are the characteristics of a fortysomething?

Being aged between 40 and 49. Anyway I though we were all 'middle youths' nowadays.

Billy Dods, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 20:46 (ten years ago) Permalink

sorry to have woken you oldtimers up . but. I misread Marcello's OP as

Yes, I know, creeping balkanisation etc. but why should we be left out?

But please leave cheeky Ovaries at the door.

-- Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, August 27, 2008 2:35 PM (7 hours ago)

Thomas, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 20:47 (ten years ago) Permalink

I'll have you know my ovaries are extremely well-behaved; veritable paragons of polite ovarian society.

Michael White, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 20:49 (ten years ago) Permalink

The ovaries are fine, but I'm prone to brain farts now.

Rock Hardy, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 20:52 (ten years ago) Permalink

The world's worst song.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 20:54 (ten years ago) Permalink

Comparing your ovary to a Bronte C/D?

Michael White, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 21:09 (ten years ago) Permalink

Wuthering Ovaries

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 21:10 (ten years ago) Permalink

Thrustcrotch Minge

Michael White, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 21:14 (ten years ago) Permalink

Carry On Bronteing

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 21:21 (ten years ago) Permalink

One upside: being a dirty old man sort of suits me.

-- Rock Hardy

^^^

moley, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 21:31 (ten years ago) Permalink

haven't you all heard - us 40+'rs are saving the music industry.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/stevelamacq/2008/08/to_bb_or_not_to_bb.html

mark e, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 21:39 (ten years ago) Permalink

Come on - you're not too old to have forgotten this thread already...
I am too old for this...the 40 plus thread.

Ned Trifle II, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 21:44 (ten years ago) Permalink

Don't even remember that thread but this one could do with a few more ovaries...

Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 28 August 2008 08:53 (ten years ago) Permalink

two years pass...

my right knee

already president FYI (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 22 June 2011 19:33 (seven years ago) Permalink

wait, is your right knee also my right knee. Because - my right knee.

The New Dirty Vicar, Wednesday, 22 June 2011 19:51 (seven years ago) Permalink

Christ I am 48 now. Does not compute.

an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Sunday, 1 July 2018 01:14 (two months ago) Permalink

just u wait!

the ignatius rock of ignorance (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 1 July 2018 01:23 (two months ago) Permalink

Yeah was gonna say, just wait until you pass through Area 51.

Uncle Redd in the Zingtime (James Redd and the Blecchs), Sunday, 1 July 2018 02:22 (two months ago) Permalink

Gonna be 47 in December. Celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary this minth.

grawlix (unperson), Sunday, 1 July 2018 02:30 (two months ago) Permalink

Lol morbs quoting Hamilton

President Keyes, Sunday, 1 July 2018 03:01 (two months ago) Permalink

Murray Hamilton?

the ignatius rock of ignorance (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 1 July 2018 03:06 (two months ago) Permalink

Know yourself at any age. Lots of us love y’all

Garden variety uncouth (Ross), Sunday, 1 July 2018 08:53 (two months ago) Permalink

Gonna be 47 in December. Celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary this minth.

sort of got skipped over but this is utterly brilliant

karl wallogina (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 1 July 2018 10:46 (two months ago) Permalink

In my 50s here, and in my experience it's a lot harder than your 40s.

The main reason is that if you're not happy with your life, or you feel you took a major wrong turn 30 years ago, it feel too late to do something about it. And its all too easy to be lost in obsessive thoughts about it. For the first time in my life I'm seeking counselling.

Would be good to hear more from morbs.

Luna Schlosser, Sunday, 1 July 2018 10:53 (two months ago) Permalink

Well, having separated from my wife of 20 years and fallen in love with someone who actually makes me feel loved, I can attest that 48 has been a watershed for me. And counselling has helped me to realise how I constructed the trap in which I found myself.
In a weird way I am delighted, I had felt very hollow after apparently solving all the problems most people deal with in affluent Western societies and gaining no satisfaction from that.

an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Sunday, 1 July 2018 12:11 (two months ago) Permalink

Good to hear. And good to be reminded that if you can overcome your problems, there's a positive side when you come through.

Luna Schlosser, Sunday, 1 July 2018 12:21 (two months ago) Permalink

48 later this month. Regrets become a extremely potent brew by this point, but I’m still trying to build a way out of this economic leg hold trap I’m in.

cheese is the teacher, ham is the preacher (Jon not Jon), Sunday, 1 July 2018 12:32 (two months ago) Permalink

Not sure i have "come through", I think I'm about 50% of the way "through" and with plenty of my old problems stuck to me. What is great is the realisation that growth and change is possible at any stage of life.

an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Sunday, 1 July 2018 12:38 (two months ago) Permalink

The hardest ages for me to come to terms with were 25 and 50. My forties were a golden age, I loved them. I'd spent my thirties hell-bent on pleasure, to compensate for a lack of fulfillment. In my forties, pleasure settled into a better place in my priorities, as fulfillment rapidly increased.

Turning 50 made me feel old, in a way that turning 40 hadn't, and I found it harder to envisage a path forwards. I'm 56 now, and that's all resolved. I've gracefully shed some aspects of my younger life, but by no means all. My aging system can't take quite so much pleasure, but it can take enough.

In my twenties and thirties, I socialised almost exclusively within a narrow age range. That started changing in my forties, and to my surprise, it's expanded even more in my fifties. I have friends who I see regularly in every half-decade age group from 19 to 80, and I value that enormously. I've also become a great deal more accepting of my weaknesses and flaws. That took long enough.

mike t-diva, Sunday, 1 July 2018 13:22 (two months ago) Permalink

beautiful words Mike

an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Sunday, 1 July 2018 13:27 (two months ago) Permalink

The main reason is that if you're not happy with your life, or you feel you took a major wrong turn 30 years ago, it feel too late to do something about it.

otm, i really feel like my life is over

karl wallogina (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 1 July 2018 13:45 (two months ago) Permalink

In an odd way I feel fortunate that I screwed up almost continually between 18 and 27. I spent my entire 30s feeling terrible, but now it feels like I got all of that out of the way early.

Visibly Over 25 (snoball), Sunday, 1 July 2018 14:01 (two months ago) Permalink

The main reason is that if you're not happy with your life, or you feel you took a major wrong turn 30 years ago, it feel too late to do something about it.

otm, i really feel like my life is over

― karl wallogina (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, July 1, 2018 8:45 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

too real

The Harsh Tutelage of Michael McDonald (Raymond Cummings), Sunday, 1 July 2018 15:36 (two months ago) Permalink

Reality used to be a friend of mine.

Uncle Redd in the Zingtime (James Redd and the Blecchs), Sunday, 1 July 2018 15:42 (two months ago) Permalink

Snoball I think you might be completely otm but I’m getting into a groove lately and don’t wanna count my chickens just yet

El Tomboto, Sunday, 1 July 2018 18:00 (two months ago) Permalink

34 here but my life was way better 5 years ago. It’s been downhill since then. Despite having great friends and a music “career” nothing has really worked out. So I basically don’t care anymore. I’m healthier and looking better than ever. But meh. So where do you go from here?
H

Garden variety uncouth (Ross), Sunday, 1 July 2018 18:09 (two months ago) Permalink

So where do you go from here?

around the next curve. most lives have plenty of them.

A is for (Aimless), Sunday, 1 July 2018 18:11 (two months ago) Permalink

Yeah

Garden variety uncouth (Ross), Sunday, 1 July 2018 18:13 (two months ago) Permalink

my forties were fucking heavy.
the biggest rollercoaster of my life.
already my 50s have proved to be interesting.
a few days before I turned 50 I was made redundant for the first time in my life.
and 6 months on, I have no desire to ever return to the full time/corp crap.
its been a lovely experience just being a stay at home dad, and stuff.
once the dad thing is over though I suspect things will be very different.
so, already my 50s is very very different to what my expectations were.

mark e, Sunday, 1 July 2018 19:11 (two months ago) Permalink

Maybe we're going to need a new thread for ILX'ers in their 50s.... Great to hear bits of everyone's stories. I'm 53. Between work and having twins at age 40, my 40s went by in a blur. Time has slowed down now that the kids are older and I feel like I've kinda figured out what I like and what I don't. Just more comfortable doing me. And there's still plenty left to accomplish. I'm lucky to be in a line of work that values experience & perspective so getting older actually opens up some opportunities.

that's not my post, Monday, 2 July 2018 05:23 (two months ago) Permalink

we're going to need a new thread for ILX'ers in their 50s

Predictably, every ilx thread with a title containing the words "fifties" or "sixties" refer to either the 1950s or 1960s.

A is for (Aimless), Monday, 2 July 2018 05:27 (two months ago) Permalink

In my early 50s and I agree with everyone upthread that your 50s is qualitatively quite different from your 40s. In my 40s I felt in the midst of my life, I could still take major life-changing decisions in my stride like moving continents. Now, I'm more like, this is what I made of my life, I chose this pathway for good or ill, I'm stuck with it.

And then there's health. Ten years ago I felt in perfect health - now I sleep with a CPAP machine, I've got a dodgy knee that I'll probably have to live with for the rest of my life, I'm on a daily statin for my high cholesterol ... To get down to brutal brass tacks, I guess the fact that I'll eventually die felt more abstract in my 40s, and more real now.

Zelda Zonk, Monday, 2 July 2018 05:54 (two months ago) Permalink

Not long till I'm eligible for this thread and everyone's bailing on it? Story of my life.

Neuer write off the germans (Bananaman Begins), Monday, 2 July 2018 08:54 (two months ago) Permalink

My old life came to an end in my fifties. I was made redundant at 51, thus bringing a 28-year career to a close, as my senior technical IT skillset is no longer marketable. That was fine; I rarely enjoyed the work very much, and having just paid off the mortgage, my living costs were reduced. I look back on those 28 years as a means to an end - something I had to do, and that I'm glad to be done with. I make a far more modest living these days, but my job satisfaction and work ethic are massively higher.

Then, at 52, we left the city I had lived in for 34 years, and moved to a small town in a different part of the country, where we knew no-one. So I've basically had to re-invent myself. The first year was lonely and tough, but I forced myself to adapt, integrate and contribute, and I now love my new life.

mike t-diva, Monday, 2 July 2018 11:52 (two months ago) Permalink

and I now love my new life

this is heartening to hear, both as a positive example and also i'm glad you're doing well mike

I'd Rather Kecak (NickB), Monday, 2 July 2018 12:08 (two months ago) Permalink

15 months I was at the best point in my adult life. I was doing what I loved, and generating a good income from it. I had no debt! Then I decided to try to make a good situation even better by adding drugs. That worked for about three months until the drugs took over. I had severe addiction issues in the past; I just thought I'd be able to manage it this time.

I went broke (and unemployed) last September. My life the last 9 months has been heavy, heavy going. But just last month I met a guy in AA, an extraordinarily kind, wise, thoughtful dude, and he's been coaching me into, hopefully, a better way to live. He's got me running around like a headless chicken, but it's working, I feel real hope, real joy. My whole fucking life has been bullshit basically, but maybe that can change. I'll do whatever. I'm 43 -- sorry for the lifestory I maybe needed to express this somewhere.

glengarry glen lurkmore (rip van wanko), Monday, 2 July 2018 14:55 (two months ago) Permalink

Thanks for that. I'm in a similar situation myself, been thinking about AA.

albvivertine, Monday, 2 July 2018 15:14 (two months ago) Permalink

xp No, that's fair enough, 40s have a way of producing self-reflection.

I started mine at the start of 2015, in a protracted breakup with my ex-fiancée, and at the weekend I got affianced again. This seems ridiculously lucky - I was expecting a quiet life going to the pub and occasional movies, with some ILX elder statesmen (S's Mark & Martin) as role models.

Now I have to actually go out and get that blood test (for high blood pressure) that I was hoping to ignore for another few months.

Andrew Farrell, Monday, 2 July 2018 15:22 (two months ago) Permalink

fiancées will do that alright (grats)

the last famous poster you were surprised to discover was actually (darraghmac), Monday, 2 July 2018 15:25 (two months ago) Permalink

Congrats YMOF.

Tim, Monday, 2 July 2018 15:25 (two months ago) Permalink

ty ty.

Andrew Farrell, Monday, 2 July 2018 15:33 (two months ago) Permalink

Indeed, adding to that.

50 still a ways off but I'll hit three-quarters through my forties in two more months; as 50 is theoretically the earliest I could retire (not that I plan on it) I do see it as something I want to get through, if only because it opens up a few more general possibilities. But I'll enjoy the time I have now, of course.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 2 July 2018 16:27 (two months ago) Permalink

retire?!

j., Monday, 2 July 2018 17:02 (two months ago) Permalink

i'm 48 and i honestly can't see me being able to give up work for at least another 20 years ;_;

I'd Rather Kecak (NickB), Monday, 2 July 2018 17:16 (two months ago) Permalink

public servant fistbump

course the actuarial cut is swingeing

the last famous poster you were surprised to discover was actually (darraghmac), Monday, 2 July 2018 17:17 (two months ago) Permalink

Just don’t retire from ilx, Ned

calstars, Monday, 2 July 2018 17:20 (two months ago) Permalink

I was here the first day, think I'll be here when they finally turn out the lights.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 2 July 2018 17:26 (two months ago) Permalink

;)

glengarry glen lurkmore (rip van wanko), Monday, 2 July 2018 17:33 (two months ago) Permalink

I don't know, man. I hoping ilxor can keep up and running until the inevitable message board revival of 2029. We'll all be like gods.

President Keyes, Monday, 9 July 2018 14:00 (two months ago) Permalink

ilx will run longer than snl or the simpsons and will promote just as many arguments about when it turned to shite.

A is for (Aimless), Monday, 9 July 2018 16:25 (two months ago) Permalink

That's the site description right there!

Mark G, Monday, 9 July 2018 23:13 (two months ago) Permalink

“public servant fistbump” is a good username

El Tomboto, Monday, 9 July 2018 23:25 (two months ago) Permalink

Rather.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 9 July 2018 23:30 (two months ago) Permalink

It's surreal to realize that I met some of you when I was in my late teens (in college) on the Fake Matador Bulletin Board, and I've been on here since...what, my early 20s? I'll probably die in the middle of an ILX post, and that thought doesn't really sadden me.

Groove(box) Denied (Raymond Cummings), Tuesday, 10 July 2018 00:18 (two months ago) Permalink


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