This is the inevitable thread for ILxors in their forties

I was at a bat mitzvah party at the w/e and I couldn't: a) dance, bcs the music was aimed at 13 y/o girls and I didnt know any of the tunes, or b) talk to people, bcs I can't hear what they're saying in that atmosphere. So I end up sitting alone with a drink, which is fine by me, but looks rather rude. Or as if I'm having a terrible time.

so i might have nerve damage to my left foot which is fun

aside from my body falling apart my '40s are fucking fantastic, best time of my life

It's been a year for me for sure. More annoying random pains, then there was the bilateral hernia surgery, some physical therapy starting next week, a sleep study in a month's time...none of it really surprising but truly, I'm not young anymore. 18 months to 50!

"Ric Ocasek was 75? Damn! That must mean, what, he was 50 when Heartbeat City came out? That can't be right?"

"1984 was 35 years ago."

...

"Damn!"

;_;

"1984 was 35 years ago."

yup. got my 35th wedding anniversary coming up in a few weeks. it tallies.

well i say fuck it, let's put this plane in reverse

(places seat back in fully upright position, fastens belt, grits teeth)

which means next year we will be as far in the future of 1984, as 1984 was to 1948.

We can talk about "the Twenties" next year too, ugh.

40 next year. I know.

I felt like I was dying yesterday after a bad combination of foods/ales/wine/brandy/prescription drugs. I was a sweaty mess and passing blood and having ocular migraines. When people say hangovers become much deathly feeling in your 40's they aren't kidding. The worst thing is I didn't even get massively pissed, just slightly overdid it. Feel so much better today and not taking my good health for granted - have already walked 3.5 miles and am pledging to stay within my tried + tested lol safe limits on boozing in future.

starting to think this fabled “crazy old man strength” isn’t a thing

Maybe it kicks in once you hit your 70s. Gotta keep the dream alive.

i turned 40 this year
the crazy thing to me is that since i started dating my wife in college, we've now been together more than half of my life. i've been with her longer than i've not been with her. that's nuts

My neck has gotten crunchy.

My spouse and I also talk about how we've now been together more than half of my life.

i have various middle-aged physical ailments but what gets to me more is feeling my attitudes changing as i get older. feeling more hopeless/pessimistic, more "things used to be better" thoughts, etc. but at the same time things are really shitty right now in a lot of ways so maybe that's not so much aging as it is modern existence.

my back's been in a bad way for most of 2019, I hurt it in November last year somehow and it would get better after a few weeks then I'd hurt it again randomly and so on and so on. I think a combination of: being an ILXor in his forties, being tall, working from home for the last 3 years so much more sedentary, learning to drive (all that leaning to see round corners did not help)

I started going swimming at the end of July and it has done wonders for it. I thought I'd fucked it again on Monday but it was just that day then it was better again. since I started swimming most of the muscles in my body have been complaining one after the other, last week it was my calf, but I think it's good muscle pain (at least I hope so) from actually using muscles for the first time in ages

the rest of my life is relentless misery as documented in detail elsewhere

Lol I'm 44 but accidentally told my daughter I was 45. When I corrected myself she told me she thought I was 43.

I have a small memory of briefly meeting NA and his wife with my spouse (calculating) 16 years ago. xpost

was that at the hungry brain

it was at some bar in nyc where I feel like we were all seated in a self help group circle for some reason.

oh i see. that trip is kind of a blur

41 here. My neck has been crunchy as long as I can remember!

I've had numerous consultations about hip arthroscopy for a torn labrum, debating whether to go through with it or just continue dealing with the same mild to moderate pain. Reading this thread (and hearing surgeons say I wouldn't fully recover for 5-6 months) is helping me lean toward not doing it. I feel fairly stupid because I've vacillated on it so much — the surgery was first recommended to me more than two years ago. It's supposed to be better to do it earlier because you'll recover faster, and I'm paying for health insurance that will cover it. But the thought of doing it when I don't have employment lined up, and when I have to move within a few months, scares me. Meanwhile I'm just hoping the issue doesn't get worse — conditions on the ground in winter tend to increase discomfort, but overall it's been more or less the same for about three years. Except that the other hip has started having its own, undiagnosed issues....

I should probably try swimming..... I never mastered the breathing thing with swimming, so I would probably benefit from a lesson or two. Used to run a lot but have not-quite given up; happily, cycling still is more or less fine.

i'm in week two of recovery for that torn labrum surgery and not near better but will post here with some updates. First two weeks of post surgery recovery have been a real bear but the doc said afterward that it was real good i did it because the labrum was worse than the MRI showed, they needed to rotator cuff fixes, some of the capsules in the arm were burst, bone deterioration, additional adjacent tears, arthritis, the whole magilla.

post surgery (of course) now i'm seeing 8 zillion stories when googling about how this is an often overprescribed surgery but we'll see. as of today, i'm continuing to improve daily with range of motion and control. Slept without a sling last night for the first time and only woke up twice, which is about on par with my pre-surgery pain. hoping to see improvement soon and possibly start jogging again in early october.

I would DEFINITELY wait till you're covered by insurance though in any case; I think this ran about 50k and that's before rehab.

it was at some bar in nyc where I feel like we were all seated in a self help group circle for some reason.

― Yerac, Wednesday, September 18, 2019 8:54 AM (twenty-two minutes ago)

oh i see. that trip is kind of a blur

― na (NA), Wednesday, September 18, 2019 8:55 AM (twenty-two minutes ago)

FAPs of old. (It was the 2003 July 4th weekend get-together IIRC.)

41 and no real aches or pains to speak of yet, but I do find myself getting winded a lot more easily these days.

I am relatively healthy at 46 but I REALLY need to start exercising before everything falls apart

41 too. I loathe "exercising" but I hike or hoop nearly every day. Since I started doing that, back pains went away, ankles have gotten stronger & pain-free, long-term mood has improved, Crohn's signs and symptoms have disappeared (thank u solar vitamin D), stamina has soared (I never had ANY...now I outlast the 20 somethings at open gym full court bball runs), I can leap higher than I could when I was 20.
I think it's a mistake to view yourself as "old" and accept new aches and pains as the new normal. Sorry if that's condescending, but I see ppl I know and love fall into that trap.

i must say the encroaching fall terrifies me a bit more each year with its lack of sunlight/oncoming cold/end of life

I loathe "exercising" but I hike or hoop nearly every day.

People who have figured out how to live.

ulysses, would you/could you ever move somewhere warmer & sunnier? did wonders for me

A few years ago I stopped dancing semi-professionally and having regular grueling practices, and my hold-over fitness lasted for a while. But I've now reached an age where if I don't do regular stretching/strength training, all my muscles contract from stress and under-use and I curl into a stiff ball that can barely walk-slash-walks with that old person hobble. It's shameful.

I might be driven to actual *gasp* yoga. Which I don't even like.

Drinking has no outsized effect--I'm a little bleary in the AM but I also never get enough sleep so it's a tossup as to the root cause.

GD: I sometimes think i made a bad tactical error in setting up grown-up shop on the east coast; I can't really relocate without starting a new career but ***NEW YORK WINTERS SUCK*** and tend to go on forever.
I have a lot of tactics to cope with this and they shift with the extremes of the weather and my well being. my hope is that my rehab this year should hopefully lead back to the jogging/yoga one-two punch that has worked in the past to keep me from falling on my sword.

Are there any winter outdoor activities you can do? The last winter I lived in IL, I bought cross country skis. Had only tried that once, as a kid. Yeah, my one ankle could not provide enough support to balance me on the skinny ski, so there went my shot at a winter outdoor activity.

Skating is always a good one, but wear thick socks and have skates with strong ankle support. One good winter sport I spent lots of time doing as a kid/teen, because we had outdoor rinks in the winter and a staffed warming house.

I've have bad osteoarthritis in my knees since I was in my early 20s so I always try to make sure to do some sort of daily exercise. Even stuff like plyo doesn't bother them if I'm the right shape. The last couple of years I've been rowing every single day. I love it.

ice skating is not a bad idea though yeah, I gotta watch the ankles. I'm near a big public park/ice skating rink so my fallback is generally jogging but there are certainly times when that's not the wisest move. i was into climbing for a hot minute but that's how i fucked up my shoulder to the point of surgery! apparently what i thought was a stinger was subluxation, ie i dislocated it and then it popped back in and tore stuff going both ways.

I'm 45, wife is 43, we started dating when we were 20/18 so we past the half our lives marker a while ago. But this summer we realized my wife is older now than her mother was when we started dating and that sort of weirded everyone out. She seemed so old and mom-like to me back then.

Oh ugh yep all the "wait I'm now older than parents were/famous ppl were" is one of the few times I actually feel old.

But I do think prior generations DID look and behave "older" than our gen does

yeah my dad and mom were already acting like their life was over when they were my age. I aim to never be like that.

At 44, I'm desperately clinging to my perceived youthfulness despite being a physical wreck.

I'm 46 next month and considering I have 3 year old and 3 month old daughters I don't feel too bad. The agony of getting up after crouching or kneeling on the floor is probably the worst. It doesn't help that last year I went from a 20 minutes each way bike commute to working from home - I don't miss the office or the time lost but I do miss the exercise. Have bought a turbo trainer in a hopefully not vain attempt to make up for it.

Not seen this thread before and just had a merry time reading it all.

44, bald, 2 kids (11 & 13. Affectionately known as the idiot squad, but not *that* affectionately). I used to have long hair but got lupus in my mid-20s and it started falling out in patches. Hid it for a while and eventually hacked it off and haven't really given it a second thought. Back is pretty fucked, but I swim and walk a lot; have recently started planking which is definitely making a difference. Had a midlife crisis about 5 years and started teaching: English, 11-16 yr olds. It's fucking mental and they're merciless with the baldness but that's OK*. Today: 'Sir, when you wash your face how do you know when to stop?'. Cheeky bugger.
(*at least I think it is. Do I legitimise other forms of teasing by being so easy with it?)

"have recently started planking which is definitely making a difference"

fnarr! apologies for being the insolent snickering little 45 yr old shit at the back of the class!

Hehehe. See me at the end, baldy!

But I do think prior generations DID look and behave "older" than our gen does

Mm. Definitely partially a change in societal expectation but also the fact that drinking/smoking/etc went down a lot in terms of literal physical appearance being affected, I'd argue. My parents (neither smokers, only mild drinkers at most) long since reached 'old' status as they're now in their mid-late seventies, but honestly they only started seeming that way to me...maybe ten years ago?

Also...the accuracy

https://twitter.com/kris10felicetti/status/1174395124270411776