HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

no caliphate, no credibility

cannot decide between

Abortion clinics now available in every

and

High School in United States.

Prime Minister Jagger stable after corn dog bio-cod cheek pizza-topping-induced mutation

where is "Grand Moff Chelsea takes office"?

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

would kick it in a jamaica-ruled france, btw

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

this one is sort of incongruous old-fashioned misogyny among all the standard persecution-complex conservative bullshit

its like henny youngman showed up at a right-wing radio conference

Wanted to do a Private Eye 'Scenes You Seldom See' poll but they don't seem to be on the internet in any number, for some reason

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

^^^this ones a creeper

High School in United States.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

wat

The one I saw had...

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon).

...which didn't fit at all.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

wait is this cos of a three mile island thing or because we nuked them or waaaaht

no consistency

i guess we probably nuked them and while we were distracted mexico took over california

It was because you were all so fat you couldn't defend yourselves, and of course you had all your guns taken off.

...taken off YOU.

Or something.

Man I am glad the people of Floruba will finally get to vote, even if they're all "ME A STATUE. HOW DO I RODE VOTING!?"

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

;_; Floruba ;_;