How bafflingly hilarious is this article?

Probably needs a quote poll, too.

"I can't say if I will ever fight an army of giant robots or a criminal mastermind, I just don't know."

Love it! The guy is obviously a genuine bona fide hero. I read all his quotes in the voice of The Sphinx from Mystery Men.

^^cosign^^

and for the record I voted "4. What the heck?"

"Outside the front door, a mountainous pile of crushed cans suggests that Busch is the Justice Force brand of choice."

http://worldsuperheroregistry.com/world_superhero_registry_gallery.htm

Woah boy.

Many times better than another article on emo!

http://worldsuperheroregistry.com/toth2.jpg

Category: Crime Fighter / Defender of Freedom

Activity Level: Confirmed Active (Various Media)

Identity: Unknown

Notoriety: Medium / High

Arch Enemy: Omar Al-Bashir, Osama Bin Laden

Region: New York NY

Organizations: Heroes Network

Tothian patrols dangerous areas of New Jersey & New York City, on the lookout for danger, seeking to ensure the safety & protection of others. Sometimes patrols with his sidekick "Galvis".

"I am saving up money to go to foreign lands where innocent people are being killed, such as Darfur, Iraq, Afganistan."

"I was born to save the world from Terrorism & Injustice, and will also passionately defend Freedom to my last dying breath. I will also always help & save those in need, to the best of my ability."

i like the fact that there's a smokey the bear ad on the webpage.

Ragensi patrols the streets Huntington Beach.

"I study paranormal phenomena, mostly the similarities of beings that people perceive to be angels , demons , aliens , tax collectors , etc. Always studying something , always wanting something , always interested in more knowledge , more power , more spirit."*

It took me three tries to realize that's supposed to be a mashup of "Rage" and "Agency"

"Black Arrow" is kinda cute:

http://worldsuperheroregistry.com/blackarrow3.jpg

"I'd like to show her my" oh wait actually no thanks

bafflingly cute

Oilyrags OTM, I read that entire article in a state of continuing bafflement.

Also massive lolz at the registry; why did I not run to that the instant I finished the article?

OMG yes, I am losing my shit over the register. Behold: CITIZEN PRIME

http://worldsuperheroregistry.com/Prime.jpg

Angle Grinder Man
http://worldsuperheroregistry.com/angle%20(2).jpg
I'm sure that he had criminals helpless... with laughter.
He's listed as retired, although it doesn't say whether that's retired for superheroing or angle grinding. Remember, if you need some angles grinder, er, call Angle Grinder Man

Guys, THIS is the Master Legend in the article. I think we all know this is Ned.

http://worldsuperheroregistry.com/ml.jpg

Him (Angle Grinder Man)I've seen before, actually. He cuts the boots off cars that he believes have been wrongly booted. So, at least he's not pretending that he's 'waging a one-man war on crime' or whatever.

I am dying at "Whitley's Batman & Robin"

He cuts the boots off cars that he believes have been wrongly booted.

dude would be a folk hero in my neighborhood then.

Are you dying because you're wondering what someone's life must be like that they wind up being ROBIN in that arrangement?

And here is Mr. Silent, he of the "don't know if I'll ever fight an army of huge robots" quote from the article...
http://myspace-895.vo.llnwd.net/00394/59/81/394381895_m.jpg
I don't know about an army of robots, looks like all it would take would be a stiff breeze to blow him over. But he does have an excellent disguise - if anyone every asks him if he's Mr. Silent, he can say "no, citizen, I am Street Entertainer Dude" or something. At least he can busk for change with his mime act/robot dancing while he's not fighting crime and offset the expenses of his superhero lifestyle.

Pity that mask draws attention to his ears though.

Are you dying because you're wondering what someone's life must be like that they wind up being ROBIN in that arrangement?

That, and "well, there's the ORIGINAL Batman & Robin, and then there's "WHITLEY'S Batman & Robin".

http://myspace-895.vo.llnwd.net/00394/59/81/394381895_m.jpg

someone should have let this dude loose on the set of eyes wide shut.

Polar Man shovels elders' steps and walkways, entertains children and prowls the streets some nights keeping an eye out for vandals

He models himself after a figure in an Inuit legend, an unknown white man, who provided food and clothing to people in need

I think it's the juxtaposition of "oh, that's awesome, good job" with "WTF INSANE PERSON" that makes this so fascinating; why, precisely, do you need a spandexish costume to shovel driveways????

and the derby hat doubles as an Oddjob-stylee weapon.

an Inuit legend, an unknown white man

lol by that standard i am a superhero too!

also, out-of-work hair metal dudes can work as Polar Men too -- with all of that spandex and shit.

I have to admit, there is at least one guy on there where it seems like there's some chance the superhero part is just kind of a fun act, a bit like dressing up as McGruff the Crime Dog and visiting local schools.

Also there is Black Arrow, who is so way clearly better than all the others, just by virtue of whatever superpower allows you to get together a decent studio photo for the web.

on that thought, nabisco:

http://images.southparkstudios.com/media/images/306/306_panda_dance.gif

you get to be a superhero, a furry, AND have yer own theme song!!

"Also there is Black Arrow, who is so way clearly better than all the others, just by virtue of whatever superpower allows you to get together a decent studio photo for the web."

She's currently off duty though.

Not sure you want to let the criminals know that in advance.

also worth noting - whatever law enforcement good Master Legend is responsible for is basically the result of his actions as a confidential informant.

STOP SNITCHIN'!

Maybe she's doing something like when Superman gave up his powers to be with Lois Lane

Maybe she's visiting family for the holidays.

black arrow vs red arrow

http://worldsuperheroregistry.com/redarrow2.jpg

AHAHAHAHAHA

Not sure what is funnier: the belt or the stuff in his pockets.

Red Arrow made me click off the registry due to audible stifled laughter in a cubicle.

red arrow = Schlong-Man?!?

odds are the answer to that is "no"

I think his costume is made out of felt.

Not sure what is funnier: the belt or the stuff in his pockets.

It's the little expanse of blue between the droopy khakis and the belt.

I think his costume is made out of felt.

well, i've wondered what Lawrence Hayward's been doing with himself since the last Go Kart Mozart album ...

I want to nominate gr8080 to become one of these dudes
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c90/gradygillan/rock.jpg

This is all reminding me of this guy in my neighborhood when I was a kid who would walk around with a huge orange tool belt on. (Any conversation you had with him would involve him saying "my tools, my tools" a whole lot.) But then he spent most days drinking coffee at the Holiday Inn and going through big packets of member material from MENSA.

― nabisco, Monday, January 5, 2009 7:34 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Him (Angle Grinder Man)I've seen before, actually. He cuts the boots off cars that he believes have been wrongly booted. So, at least he's not pretending that he's 'waging a one-man war on crime' or whatever.

― The Way of the Diamond Spirit (Oilyrags), Monday, January 5, 2009 7:35 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark

wtf where is this guy at

and when am i buying you a beer for that mag cover

The point of that story was that we called him Tool Belt Man

A lot of these remind me of Wang from The Goonies.

foxfire, whose special power is "to shift the dominant paradigm" ...

http://www.worldsuperheroregistry.com/Foxfire.jpg

... thereby giving stiffies to comp. lit. professors around the world.

her myspace page:

http://www.myspace.com/foxfire1111

http://myspace-188.vo.llnwd.net/01082/88/19/1082339188_l.jpg

Is her arch-nemesis Ras Safari or Internet Exploder?

http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l232/Darko4272/Pie%20Man/957323545_l.jpg

The Nefarious Doctor Googlechrome xp

(Hoos - AGM is in London, iirc, probably an ilxor irl. As for the other, who can say? I still haven't been able to find a copy on newstands, although another contributor I know has received his comp copy in the mail already.)

http://worldsuperheroregistry.com/hare.jpg

It was the best of times and the worst of times. I've stopped many evil doers...such as drug dealers, muggers, rapists, and crazy hobos with pipes. I started out patrolling in just a small village, to the big city of Cincinnati, then as soon as you knew it I even went all the way out to California to do this. I've fed the homeless, and helped many others who were in need.

WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THIS

It's always Ned.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

foxfire, whose special power is "to shift the dominant paradigm" ...

... thereby giving stiffies to comp. lit. professors around the world.

― Mad Vigorish (Eisbaer), Monday, January 5, 2009 8:08 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

dunno to me these days listing "shifting the dominant paradigm" as a hobby is code for "i am a self-important geek will drop challops on u on the reg"

comp. lit. professors are kinda the very definition of self-important challops dropping geeks, though.

fair enough

"..Attempting to unite all the superheroes under one banner are groups like the World Heroes Organization and Heroes Network, which hosts an online forum where more than 200 crime fighters trade tactics (should I wear a mask?), patrolling tips (how do I identify a street gang?) and advice/feedback (can you get bulletproof vests on eBay?).

hmm.. Is that destiny's call I hear?

"Superheroes were alarmed by the sad case of Captain Jackson, a "police-sanctioned" hero in Jackson, Michigan — until his DUI arrest and the resulting Jackson Citizen Patriot headline: "Crime Fighter Busted for Drunken Driving." The article went on to unmask Jackson and his sidekicks, the Queen of Hearts and CrimeFighter Girl." - I was all lol ironic distance with that last post, but Jackson is my hometown (!!)

I would just like to say that I don't find this article bafflingly hilarious at all. It's completely obvious to me why it is hilarious. It is also baffling.

(sorry.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superbarrio

^ the orig "real life" superhero, with politics

"The JUSTICE SOCIETY OF JUSTICE ™...offering twice the JUSTICE as the leading competitors!"

There needs to be a rival organisation of super criminals, "the sinister forces of CHALLOPS", or something...

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

this thread ... oh gee

Woah how did I miss this one last go round?