The Uwe Boll Poll

I haven't seen any of the "good" Uwe movies (i.e. the ones that aren't pure German tax haven cash grabs). But of the bad ones, Bloodrayne is by far the most fun. Billy Zane, Meat Loaf, Ben Kingsley, a gratuitous sex scene, an insanely gory director's cut on DVD... it just has it all.

seed has to be one of the most disgusting movies that i have ever seen -- b/w the opening shots of actual animals being tortured, skinned, and killed (made available to Boll by PETA); and a 5-minute long scene (though w/ some obvious fake CGs) where the eponymous character hacks away at the head of one of his victims are some of the most revolting things i have ever seen in a movie. and BOTH scenes were extraneous to the film's plot (such as it was), just being pointless gross-out exercises.

I should really get around to seeing one of these at some point, just to see if it lives up to the hype, though I guess watching random clips on youtube is probably good enough

In the Name of the King is a hoot.

seen Alone in the Dark, House of Dead, and Seed.

All stunk.

postal has some dumb lols plus dave foley penis (still not sure whether that's a + or a -)

wow there's actually a sequel to BloodRayne. I guess that's my vote.

wow there's actually a sequel to BloodRayne. I guess that's my vote.

it's kind of like sergio leone's once upon a time in the west, only w/ vampires (and a pseudo-ennio morricone soundtrack). and w/t the over-the-top gorefest in the first bloodrayne ;_;

When Wired published a negative review of Postal, Boll responded with an e-mail claiming that the critic "(didn't) understand anything about movies and that you are a untalented wanna bee filmmaker with no balls and no understanding what POSTAL is. you dont see courage because you are nothing. and no go to your mum and hurt her ...because she cooks for you now since 30 years ..so she deserves it".

compelling argument.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjOKyoCubO0

When Wired published a negative review of Postal, Boll responded with an e-mail claiming that the critic "(didn't) understand anything about movies and that you are a untalented wanna bee filmmaker with no balls and no understanding what POSTAL is. you dont see courage because you are nothing. and no go to your mum and hurt her ...because she cooks for you now since 30 years ..so she deserves it".

lol i was unaware that toilet humor, a bunch of "Germans are all Nazis and I Uwe Boll am German so I am a Nazi and I can make holocaust jokes" punchlines, and a tediously unfunny 9/11 joke opening the film qualify as "courage." although MiniMe getting ass-raped by 1,000 horny apes was kind of amusing.

how is this thread not called "Uwe Poll"

i wondered

too obvious

i just saw 1968 tunnel rats (it's available as a Netflix Instant Play film) and it was actually OK. it's a war film, and it isn't apocalypse now or any of the other classics of that genre, but it did what it had to do reasonably well (i.e., show the story of a battalion of american soldiers fighting the VC in a series of tunnels). for once in a Boll film, the gore didn't seem gratuitous (being a war film probably helped in that regard).

tunnel rats is "serious" Uwe.

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

I still can't believe I sat through this movie.

oh it's bad? only thing on the list i thought looked appealing ;_;

Given its pedigree, it should have been a lot more than a pedestrian fantasy quest movie.

my theory is that in the name of the king was as much boll's answer to revolver as it was his answer to the lord of the rings films in that: (a) both films had jason statham and ray liotta; and (b) you got liotta's awful performance from revolver as opposed to his goodfellas performance (though you DID get some of liotta's wardrobe from goodfellas). you didn't get revolver's mystical Kabbalah horseshit, Big Pussy, or guy ritchie's hyperactive camera wank (i'll leave that to others to decide if that makes in the name of the king a better bad film, though).

also, leelee sobieski and matthew lillard were both truly wretched. though given that their previous career highlights were getting kicked in the face by nicolas cage (sobieski) and being shaggy in scooby doo (lillard), uwe boll was probably a step up for the both of them.

I think "Scream" was a bigger highlight for Lillard than "Scooby-Doo"; I mean, it's likely he wouldn't have even gotten "Scooby-Doo" had "Scream" not existed (tho he does pretty much look like a real-life Shaggy).

Bloodrayne is fantastically silly. Ben Kingsley gives the most bored performance I can recall on film. Also features a gore recap before the credits roll.

dungeon seige is pretty rad and what i voted for but its not even close to as good as revolver

bloodrayne got my vote -- it's shit, but it's kind of entertaining shit.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

postalllllll

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sq0G9DPatWw

i mean srsly

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycMH7LKHP-0

lars von trier WISHES he'd made this

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

holy shit @ postal clips, kitschy violence has reached andromeda