Quieting the Imps in Your Brainz

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/07/health/07mind.html

The visions seem to swirl up from the brain’s sewage system at the worst possible times — during a job interview, a meeting with the boss, an apprehensive first date, an important dinner party. What if I started a food fight with these hors d’oeuvres? Mocked the host’s stammer? Cut loose with a racial slur?

Pretty interesting. I get this . . . often. For instance, I sometimes wonder what would happen if I jumped in front of the subway car even though I have no desire to do actually do so. When I was younger and forced to go to church, I used to think about what might happen if I just took off all my clothes and started running around or yelling obscenities. Once, when I was on a crowded train and my mouth was about 1/2 an inch from someone's hand, I wondered what the person would do if I just licked them.

Obviously I would never do any of these things but these thoughts happen. Tell me about your experiences with "The Imp of the Perverse".

If there is a minutes silence I find it hard not to burst out laughing, even if I feel respect for whoever is being commemorated. At school we had one after September 11th and I had tears rolling out my eyes and my face was all red from the effort of stifling laughter.

I am very scared of heights but whenever I'm near a large drop I feel like jumping off it. i.e. watching the sunset near a cliff and I almost want to leap off, despite my very real aversion to dying on impact on some craggy rocks.

Yep. I've had both the laughing at innappropriate times thing (often) and the jumping urge too.

I am very scared of heights but whenever I'm near a large drop I feel like jumping off it. i.e. watching the sunset near a cliff and I almost want to leap off, despite my very real aversion to dying on impact on some craggy rocks.

This is me, minus the fear of heights. I would love to fly, even just for a few seconds. But the landing would suck.

Erica: you of all ppl must have experience with this
me: yeah?
Erica: Quieting the Imps in Your Brainz
me: HAHAHAHAHAHA

it is a ceaseless torrent of persuasion

driving on the highway next to a concrete median

this is like.... my whole life

what if...

But see there is a difference between wondering what if and experiencing completely absurd impulses. For me the later isn't so much tiring as it is amusing and sort of entertaining.

Oh man.

I don't know where to start. I shouldn't start.

x-post I guess that does depend on the impulse though. I mean, what would happen if I jumped in front of that train? = scary. What would that random person do if I licked their hand right now? HIGHLY ENTERTAINING.

lol yes

I've had the imps in my head since childhood (isn't that article saying more or less everybody does?) but my refinement is to imagine a number of alternate scenarios in response to obeying the inner voice. Like if you decide to start behaving in a thoroughly bizarre fashion maybe it would be some kind of trigger that made everybody in the world start doing the same thing.

isn't that article saying more or less everybody does?

Yeah, to some degree, which is why we're talking about it. You think I'd be admitting this stuff otherwise?!

outside of telling my boss to stfu or occasionally wanting to punch someone i don't experience this phenomenon.

i remember a conversation in uni where one of my friends said that she often founded herself wondering what it would feel like to smash someone's head in with a baseball bat - wondering in detail about what the different sensations would be. i was about to call the police when a couple of other people piped up and said they had the same thoughts, so maybe it's a thing.

IMO this phenomenon was most eloquently expressed by 'Peter Baynham's Mad Thoughts' on Fist Of Fun circa 1995

My deepest brain imps are too bizarre to admit I thing. Just that whim to do thoroughly inappropriate and inexplicable things in public spaces.

Btw Louis I feel like you could probably make some exceptionally valuable contributions to this thread. Don't hold back.

xxpost OTM

I'm running out the front door now but I'll try and scan the "Mad Thoughts" page from the FoF book later.

* Wanting to jump up and start shouting obscenities in church: check
* Wanting to jump from high places: check
* Driving across bridges and thinking about jerking the wheel and going over: check
* Resolving, as a child, to swerve my bike in front of the next car that passed me and see what happened: check, although fortunately I got home before there was any traffic.
* Mental voice saying blasphemous things that I believed God could hear and would use to condemn me unless I somehow prayed over top of it until I fell asleep: check, altho hasn't happened since I was a teenager or so.

every time i hold a knife, i worry i'm going to do something bad with it. i know, it's terrible. my boyfriend won't get near me in the kitchen.

OK yes. Now that's what I'm talking about.

Don't think I've ever had the knife thing though.

Taking my mug of coffee and HURLING it across the room

lots of kicking people in the face, I've never (ever) been in a fight so I guess I'm doing a pretty good job of this repression thing.

That and diving through closed windows. Especially if they're second floor or higher, and especially especially if the frame gives me a small target to aim for.

When I get these, it's not of the cute/amusing variety, and is kind of a good indicator that I need to eat more/sleep better/reduce stress/get things sorted out, etc. So ultimately it's kind of useful.

^^^ I used to get this, and it was a pretty good indicator that stress was getting to me. My "trick" (if it can be called a trick) for dealing with this is to remind my self that "just because I think something, it doesn't mean that I have to do it". I started doing that maybe five years ago, now I'm at the point where these "mad thoughts" (lol Banyham) have stopped.

why would you want to quiet these? This is your brain making a free movie for you. If you find them disturbing, just mentally replace yourself with Jackie Chan to get proper movie-going detachment. Also imagine the flubbed outtakes at the end.

in places with stadium seating i imagine diving from the upper rows and body splashing into people down below.

I've always been described as an exceptionally divergent thinker. Any given situation has suggested a multitude more, each more absurd than the last. Therefore, this topic fits snugly within my realm of experience.

Basically at an early age I would always imagine my female teachers on the toilet, and quickly scrunch up this thought because it was so illicit...but it kept on coming back. This was probably a scatological rendition of a basic and incomprehensible sexual drive.

Later in life I could never pass a fruit-bearing plant without wishing to sample its delights. I knew well there was a fair chance I'd be poisoned. I only sampled if I was sure of safety but by god was I tempted (see also: mushrooms).

Throughout, I have always wanted to say things that might be construed as inappropriate. Often I have said them. You all know this.

Erm...ok. Let's ratchet things up a bit.

The imps tell me to punch *through* peoples' faces.
The imps tell me to dignify any moment of solemnity with some sort of subversion. Despite being the one i'd actually obey most, this is an increasingly resistable impulse in my maturity.
The imps tell me to kick small animals, just to see how far they can fly.
The imps tell me to dive in front of trains and then try and lie beneath them.
The imps tell me to initiate sex on public transport with strangers.
They tell me to climb in the cabin of a metro and drive away (this happened last week).
They tell me to walk insane distances between two vaguely-known locations.
They tell me to insert things where they shouldn't be inserted (interpret this how you will).
They tell me to experiment with everything, and say no to nothing.
They tell me to put objects on train-lines and thus cause the most beautiful crashes I can.
To talk animatedly about air disasters to strangers when flying.
To look at mens' cocks in sports changing rooms.
To cut off my own cock.
To put my friend's cat in the guinea-pig cage where the latter would undoubtedly be killed.
To go to a poetry reading and recite the most horrendous necrophiliac verse.
To throw (or skim) stones at the heads of maritime swimmers.
To run across motorways.
To trash my bass.
To apply for Big Brother, and once there, to gleefully do the weirdest shit I could think of.
To drop objects such as coins or chairs out of high windows.
To sleep with my friends. Of both sexes.
To smash glass.
To shave my head.
To go about in drag.
Also yeah, to do what Kerm just said. Or better still, to push someone in front of me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGPcSd7DDLk

There is such inscrutable darkness within the human consciousness and it is there to be confronted, interpreted, or even engaged with.

LJ do you have a guinea pig?!?!?!?!

My friend's guinea-pig. Princess Mumu.

To cut off my own cock.

Probably for the best, considering...
The imps tell me to initiate sex on public transport with strangers.
To sleep with my friends. Of both sexes.
They tell me to insert things where they shouldn't be inserted (interpret this how you will).

if you are having the impulse to rape on public transport maybe u should be lobotomized.

LJ I hope the darker impulse you act on is to post pictures of Princess Mumu.

look at cocks, it's good for you

two things:

initiate sex != rape, it requires someone of similar mind to agree that this is in fact a good idea
and more importantly, these are devilish whispers of the Perverse Imp, like throwing yourself off cliffs or whatever have you...you're NOT GONNA DO THEM jesus dude

i mean c'mon this is a thread for every single dark notion you've ever countenanced cut a guy a break here

guineapigphotos

you been cut soooo many breaks it's not even funny. i mean, no one's even posted lj_in_a_dress.jpg yet!

Awwww now I feel bad for encouraging Louis to post but he makes a good point:

and more importantly, these are devilish whispers of the Perverse Imp, like throwing yourself off cliffs or whatever have you...you're NOT GONNA DO THEM jesus dude

That's the whole point!

Now I have to go and read the whole list . . .

To talk animatedly about air disasters to strangers when flying.

If you are ever sat next to me on a plane and do this Louis I swear to god my imp will tell me to punch you in the face and I can't promise that I'll be able to keep it quiet.

I can't find any, Abbott :(

lol Erica do you feel bad because I'm copping flak? Or because I've gone monster?

Also I don't ACTUALLY do any of these, tempting as they all are

in places with stadium seating i imagine diving from the upper rows and body splashing into people down below.

― Kerm, Tuesday, July 7, 2009 1:19 PM (24 minutes ago) Bookmark

This is actually a big one for me. I was at a baseball game recently and kept imagining what would happen if I did this.

You should be lobotomised.

Louis I feel bad because ppl are giving you a hard time. I would venture to guess that your imps are no stranger than a lot of those other posters would never actually admit to having.

c'mon now louis, regardless of the total lack of respect i have for you, i don't seriously think you should be lobotomised. uh, my "imp" told me to say that.

They tell me to walk insane distances between two vaguely-known locations.

I don't know ENBB, this is kind of unforgivable.

Naughty imp! You should have quieted him though :( xp

also lol Dan

There are many people that mistakenly think New Mexico is a country, Abbott.

Isn't that why the license plates say "New Mexica, USA"?

Mexic"O"

Oh god ENBB I never even noticed that, that's depressing as hell.

http://www.15q.net/us4/nm98a.jpg

See?? I think it's the only state license place that actually says "USA" on it.

LoUiSiAna

w/r/t putting body limbs (and your head) in front of the train -- a fantasy I've definitely had while waiting on the platform -- have you ever thought about what would happen if you touched a train with your hand while it was flying by? It looks like with the velocity/etc it could just rip your fingers right off if you touched it...

(xp just so it doesn't seem like I'm being pedantic, God forbid...)

http://www.licenseplateinfo.com/grading/exc-La92.jpg

I occasionally get the urge to go the wrong way on the freeway, or stop in the middle of it.

PP Hmmmm. That looks like gov officials just being cute cause it's already in the name. I think the NM one is because a lot of ppl don't know it'a part of the US! I had a friend who lived there for a while and repeatedly got asked what I was like living in Mexico even after he explained that he lived in NEW Mexico and not Mexico Mexico.

On especially frustrating days at work I have impy visions of picking up my keyboard and smashing my target (boss, coworker, customer, etc) across the face with it. This vision is usually a lot like that fantasy scene in High Fidelity where they hit Tim Robbins in the face with a phone and his teeth come flying out of his mouth like candy corn.

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, July 7, 2009 5:59 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark

this just happened btw

the vision, not the smashing

wfs

(fatally)

had the urge to edit program bios such that the lists of names, awards, and such were replaced by "blah blah blah"

working retail is like an aphrodisiac for imps

^^ shit yeah. Followed closely by jobs involving customer service.

^^ wait that was fairly redundant.

"that fantasy scene in High Fidelity where they hit Tim Robbins in the face with a phone and his teeth come flying out of his mouth like candy corn"

I don't remember this movie being that cool!
For what it's worth that's a better fantasy than say opening your own record store with Jack Black.

what if you opened a record store with Jack Black and then threw records at him ninja-style?

and he caught every single one in his mouth and ate it

and then his stomach exploded and record shards intermixed with internal organs and whatever he had to eat for the last two days splashed against the storefront window?

and then he [img]http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/2/hititjackblackanim4os.gif[img]

dammit why no fucking bbcode warning

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/2/hititjackblackanim4os.gif

all 'high fidelity' related fantasies end in violence...

All Jack Black-related fantasies end in the violent death of Jack Black. For good reason.

Isn't there scene in Wanted where the guy smacks his boss across the chops with a keyboard and the keys spell out "fuck you"?

I sometimes amuse myself by considering how painful it would be to put one's head in front of the train and cop a glancing blow.

Whenever I'm at the platform waiting for a tube I always wonder if I can successfully evaluate the point at which it's slowed down enough to not, y'know, kill me, but is still moving fast enough for a good firm wtf wakeup smack. I doubt that I could tbh.

For probably the same reason I would like to try being waterboarded.

that gif makes it look like his stomach is about to explode.

just stand close to the end of the platform imho.

or do like a run up the wall backflip as it goes by

get nutted by a door indent as the thing's pulling to a halt

sometimes i think about how easy it would be in almost any situation to suddenly do or say something -- not necessarily something violent or actually physically harmful, just very inappropriate -- that could have huge consequences. just how thin the line is. like, one moment i'm joe respectable citizen, just here looking over the display cases at a jewelry store, and the next i could just pick up a chair and throw it through the window and suddenly my life would be different.

(this has been reinforced for me by interviewing people in prison. they were just going along, living their life, until one day they decided to do maybe just one thing, and suddenly that thing -- which maybe only took a few minutes, or an hour -- defines their entire life.)

OK I'm sorry but I have to and HH I hope that you won't be mad I'm posting this because while maybe not an IMP, this is still pretty great:

[18:37] Heave Ho: i get persistent visions of people fouling their clothes
[18:38] Heave Ho: though that is prolly not what you're talking about
[18:39] Me: how do you mean?
[18:39] Heave Ho: when i'm talking to them
[18:39] Heave Ho: i imagine that they are incontinent
[18:39] ME: hahahaha ok
[18:39] ME: that's funny
[18:40] Heave Ho: mostly when i've not had a good nights sleep
[18:40] Heave Ho: gtg bye

^^^yeah you're always only one action from irreversible change, this feeling becomes especially acute when fatally fast and massive things like cars or trains are whizzing by

why, i have some scissors on my desk right now

xp

Khariq, if yr reading this, <3

btw - That exchange was completely out of the blue. Imps discussion bringing ppl out of the woodwork!

I don't reall know if that qualifies as an imp thing but I have a very common thing where I think about falling down and smashing my jaw : like walking down the street I see myself falling on the pavement, or in the bathroom I imagine slipping and my jaw smashing against the sink or whatever.
There is one urge I've had and actually indulged in : closing my eyes while driving on the highway for a few seconds at a time.

(07-07) 15:28 PDT Rising Sun, Md. (AP) --

A Delaware man faces drunken driving charges after he was pulled over for speeding in northeastern Maryland and a sheriff's deputy noticed he wasn't wearing any pants. A spokesman for the Cecil County Sheriff's Office says 41-year-old Jonathan Schultz "was driving commando."

The spokesman, Lt. Bernard Chiminto, said Schultz was stopped Saturday near Rising Sun for going 69 mph in a 50-mph zone.

The deputy smelled alcohol and noticed that Schultz was partially covered by a towel from the waist down. The Newark, Del., resident told the deputy he'd lost his pants, but the deputy didn't find any pants in the car.

I thought that "commando" referred to wearing no underwear, not wearing no pants.

There is one urge I've had and actually indulged in : closing my eyes while driving on the highway for a few seconds at a time.

I've done this while cycling. It may or may not be indirectly the cause of me very almost dying that one time and winding up with a whole bunch o' bitchin scars. LOLOLOL Ignore ur imps!

It's tough to ignore those bastards, they're loud! But yeah I usually don't do what they tell me to, except for the three or four times I did actually close my eyes. I'm pretty sure I don't really wanna die on a highway with my eyes closed.

Also, it's not really what's being talked about in this thread, but I keep having flashes of the same things. Like smashing my jaw like I said upthread. Or, when I step into a room, I often spend like a second or two thinking about a ball bouncing against all the corners of the room, checking to see if it's possible for the ball to do so.

Plz tell the imps in my brain it's too early to open the tequila.

forever quelling the urge to hit the wee x when downloads are at 99%

working retail is like an aphrodisiac for imps

― a sad little creature (latebloomer), Tuesday, July 7, 2009 6:02 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

This isn't really about stopping myself from doing stuff that my mind tells me to do, but rather about this constant, involuntary chattering noise that used to be inside my head. I worked at a video store for a while and whenever I was shelving videos, my fucking brain would choose one of the vowels from the title and howl it out as an "o" like the dog from the cookie crisp commercial:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipzgLVydkMs&feature=related

So like I'd be walking around this long wall, day after day, with hundreds of movies and they'd be resounding in my head like:

Bruce AlmOOOOOOOOOOty!!!
DrOOOOOOmcatcher!!!
Lord of the ROOOOOOngs!!!
My Big Fat Greek WOOOOOOOdding!!!
SOOOOOOOOcretary!!!

Fuck! Agggggh. Jesus. I've never told anybody that.

LJ - I miss you.

Woah, I didn't even realize little guy was gone.

My mind has taken to replacing the word "crazy" with the rapper name "C-Rayz Walz". And considering that I use the word "crazy" like a 1920s jazz man... God, will ECT help with this?

i have a theory that it's impossible to have imps/earworms/any number of mental maladies while doing hard math in your head, and another theory that mathematicians are too good at math, and need successively harder problems not to go mad, and that's why they go mad so often.
maybe cure is worse than disease though?

wow kkvgz that's really c-rayz walz

c-rayz walz was no pumpkinhead

A few years back I remember it seemed like there was a mild ilx obsession with the british ASBO, or Anti Social Behavior Order, which is part of their legal system. I don't think people even talk about it much these days. But the idea of it worked it's way into my brain and began to take over, such that it sometimes creeps into my brain in the form of "ASBOlutely!" or even "Anti Social Behavior Order - lutely!"

missed your true calling as a writer of tabloid newspaper headlines imo

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/70964/TV-show-is-font-colorredAsbofontlutely-fabulous.html