"It's a touchy subject on campus: 'sexiled' students"

Joy.

Surely the answer to this is group sex?

surely the answer to this is passive aggressive notes

The article suggests a passive aggresive student manual.

Tom Wolfe called this one back in '04.

Maybe instead of just using the student manual as emergency toilet paper, it could also double as some kind of signalling system?

haha in what way was it not a rule before that you could go into your room if you really wanted to? whether you and/or your roommate are being lame or dickish about the situation remains, as ever, interpersonal, but it's not as if there's previously been confusion as to your official room-access rights on this front

college students today are totally being denied a proper college experience

(if anything, having a fussy official "rule" about it just makes it slightly lamer-looking and harder for the roommate to assert rights)

they really want to keep kids from becoming adults for as long as possible

we called this "being held hump hostage".

Based on a dozen complaints?! Sheesh,

well I can actually understand the impulse to just go ahead and specify something that was already a rule anyway, so I don't know that it's really infantilizing or anything, but it's a bit pointless

i eagerly await the k-lo link to this story

Their website says they have over 8,500 students.

Assuming that each complaint involved separate dorms/students, that would be an incidence of 0.14% that impelled them to do this.

i think it is treating students more like kids and less like adults, because it connotes "mommy said," as opposed to implying that they are mature enough to deal like adults

i figure if either roomate is "GO AWAY I'M FUCKING IN HERE CONSTANTLY" or "I DONT CARE WHAT YOURE DOING I WANT TO BE IN ROOM ASSHOLE" they're probably just dicks and one of the mshoulf be kicked out of school imo

I really didn't know a lot of people who had to worry about this.

if only i had known you could be expelled for being a dick when i was in school

lol glad i got waitlisted at tufts

I figure in any pair of people that can't work this out, one of them is a complete worthless asshole

where i lived in college, we had an elaborate system of sexile-avoiding room switching, there was basically a morning commute

xp you're totally right--i mean presumably everybody is sympathetic to wanting to get laid but also sympathetic to ppl needing to get in their own rooms.

i figure if either roomate is "GO AWAY I'M FUCKING IN HERE CONSTANTLY" or "I DONT CARE WHAT YOURE DOING I WANT TO BE IN ROOM ASSHOLE" they're probably just dicks and one of the mshoulf be kicked out of school imo

my sophomore roommate would routinely fuck his girlfriend while I was in the room - didn't care if I was sleeping (or trying to sleep) or was getting back from class or what. Dude was the definition of shameless, possibly the biggest asshole I have ever personally known. Stole my shit, broke stuff, gave my things away to friends, never apologized for anything, loud, obnoxious, self-righteous, completely convinced of his own sensitivity and genius. Fourth quarter he decided he was going to stop attending classes altogether and just "hung out". He was dead within a year. Went diving in some river, smacked his head on a rock and drowned.

Play on, playa.

i have some stories about this from my college years. my roommate and i agreed that if anything was going on, we'd leave a little blue sticker on the door, or something like that. which was fine, except said roommate abused his privileges by routinely leaving the sticker on in the middle of the day, on a weekday, for hours at a time -- precisely when i need to go into my room to get books, lunch, etc. also he'd forget to take off the sticker after he had, uh, finished and so i'd just presume i'd been sexiled even when he was just hanging out in the room doing homework.

oh and he would also engage in heavy petting with his girlfriend while i was trying to sleep. emphasis on trying. and once when a friend from out of town visited and was sleeping in a sleeping bag on our dorm room floor, he STILL had at it with his girlfriend. eventually this culminated in a short fistfight, and the R.A. allowing me to move to my own room the next semester.

honestly, Tufts could probably improve its desirability and eliminate the problem by turning its doubles into single rooms. The whole sharing a room with some random person thing just seems like an anachronism.

yeah esp at colleges that are spending millions of dollars year after year for new buildings (all of them...)

You have to share rooms in U.S. universities?

that's the case for most US universities for freshman year - it's billed as part of the "college experience."

we did at UC Santa Cruz. nobody had a single. if you lived in a dorm (which was the usually the case for the first year and maybe your second) you had a roommate.

it depends on the university and the situation and all, but generally people end up sharing a room during their first year in an american university. I dunno, it's not always a bad situation, a lot of people make bessfriends out of it.

xp

Brown makes you live on campus through your 3rd year, unless you're married or meet some other exception.

xxp - UCSC had some dorms that were more like suites/apartments where each roommate had their own rooms that could be co-ed

That sounds like hell. (shared rooms, that is)

"we did at UC Santa Cruz. nobody had a single. if you lived in a dorm (which was the usually the case for the first year and maybe your second) you had a roommate."

I had a single in an apartment. Go Kresge!

my first freshman roommate was having an emotional breakdown at the same time as i was, so i moved. the second one was so self-absorbed and annoying (she'd already driven away one roommate), i ended up getting a single room after suffering as her roommate for a few months.

yeah freshman year at berkeley I lived in a suite-like place where we had a private kitchen and bathroom (still shared a room tho.)

my two suitemates were my college bestfriends and still are. the enforced closeness can be good. (and can be really, really bad.) when we moved to our own apartment soph year, I ended up again sharing a room w/ the same guy, voluntarily.

xp - even her snobby preppy friends apologized to me for having to live with her

I had a single in an apartment. Go Kresge!

yeah but Kresge was the exception right...? And you had to live in that zoo layout, with all the sliding/doors windows facing each other

Yeah unless you were lucky enough to be in Kresge East (which most freshman were not).

my bf from highschool had a roommate freshman year at Porter, then lived in some co-ed suite thing in College 8? sophomore year with another friend from hs who was a junior and another friend of hers

Yeah all the other colleges had a very small % of singles. And College 8 had a pretty wide variety of housing. Some apartments, some singles, some suites.

Brown campus housing was almost entirely horrible. It was like it was adhering to some anachronistic ideal of higher education = monastic deprivation

I liked living on campus, but my job was on campus, the gym was on campus, the library was on campus, etc, so I was mostly just being lazy. Plus I hadn't yet discovered how much I loved biking so I was not into being at the whim of Santa Cruz buses.

yeah, but the UCSC campus was geographically set apart from Santa Cruz; Brown had plenty of apartment buildings around it, that we were forbidden to live in until Senior year.

yeah campus living was pretty great except for my asshole roommate

When did Daniel Wang move back from Berlin?

Sexiled textile major in sexting scandal

Why would anyone have sex in their dorm rooms?!? That's what parks nearby the campus are for those silly nitwits!

My freshman dorm-mate had found his leather jacket in a dumpster, slept on the dorm mattress with no sheets, and washed his one towel and clothing over Christmas break.

I got a number of handjobs while he was in the room, but we tried to be discreet about it. We had to keep our heads under the covers anyway because he smelled so awful.

At least he turned me on to Danzig.

sounds like you went to a pretty punk rock college

When Leslie Lobel was a student at Tufts University in the late 1970s, her dormitory roommates learned a simple code when they wanted to be left alone for a sexual romp:

"There was a dry-erase board, and you would write, 'Come back in 20 minutes.'

Pssst...this is not a code.

"There was a dry-erase board, and you would write, 'Coming in 20 minutes.'"

"We had a code we'd use. One person would say to the other, 'I expect to be having sex in our room until three-ish, can I have the room to myself til then?' We got this code from the Navajo."

lol at all of this

You have to share rooms in U.S. universities?

Yeah, I was amazed when I went to study in the UK and everyone had single rooms.

I work at a UK university which has 12 double rooms, all in great demand from international postgrads with spouses.

There were a number of double rooms at Sussex but they generally ended up with a single occupant. Whoever could stick it out the longest wound up with a fat double to themselves, without having to pay any extra.

Kingston had halls of residence with single rooms for first year students, but after that you were on your own, unless you wanted to become a house rep.

It saves soooo much trouble if you just fuck your roommate.

In my first year at uni I was in a shared room, there used to be lots of them.

My college was shared doubles (or triples, but those were in huge rooms in the upper floors of converted mansions) for first-years and then suites with large rooms for each student on each side of a Jack and Jill bathroom. Most had wood floors, old-style radiators and sash windows.

freshman dorms: shared doubles, central heat, cinderblock walls, and particleboard furniture :/

I don't think college freshman need anything better than that tbh

I mean, palatial dorms/cafeterias/etc. are one of the reasons they need to / can justify raising tuition again and again

er, they need to raise / can justify raising

xxp - but considering how much tuition and fees are, it's kinda awful if you think about it. I think it really hails back to some monastic tradition where serious study requires lack of material comforts

Sarah Lawrence had the New Dorms, allegedly designed by the architect for Lincoln Center - at the opening ceremony the guy apparently wept with despair. These were for first years and maybe 45 sophomores and had the whole showers and stalls thing going on. Somebody painted a bulseye at the bottom of a four-floor staircase to notionally encourage better aim in suicide attempts.

one of my english teachers in HS said I should go to Sarah Lawrence.

did you ask if they'd foot the bill?

it was a moot point, because my parents felt that NYC was too dangerous.

I think it really hails back to some monastic tradition where serious study requires lack of material comforts

Possibly that, and maybe also hails back to the days when women didn't go to college. When it's just a bunch of dudes, who cares what cramped corner they sleep in.

well, the freshman dorms at what was once the women's college associated with the previously all-male university I went to were just as bad. They were pretty much the same.

I had this plan to scare my roomie away the first week. I decorated my side of the room with all these satanic images and HR Giger posters, then left for the weekend--hoping he's see this stuff and request a move so I could keep the double room to myself.

When I came back, he had moved in, and absolutely plastered his side of the room with this incredible collection of Heather Thomas posters. Heather in scuba gear, Heather in the bubble bath.

I was crushed.

HR Giger? Weak. Take hundreds of Polariods of his family and put them all over your wall.

Haha. Well this was 18 years ago, so it's a bit late.

He was a good guy. Just smelly beyond belief.

lived in a dorm for one year.
4 guys, 2 bedrooms, private bathroom & small kitchen.

definitely fell asleep at least once to the sounds of my roommate getting a blowjob from his girlfriend.

one time one of the dudes who lived in the other bedroom ran into the kitchen naked with a hard on yelling something but i don't remember what tbh. (he had a girl in his room.)

my horrible preppy roommate definitely got it on a few times while i was in the room. it was much quieter than her blowdryer which she'd use in the room at 8am while i was asleep because i didn't take any classes before 11am.

same roommate was a jazz composition major who played lap steel. he was actually a pretty cool dude. but one time he gave me shit for typing a paper at 2am while he was trying to sleep (????) and i was like "DUDE U PLAY CHARLIE PARKER SOLOS ON YER STEEL AT 8AM."

from then on i think we had an understanding.

also he would not let me smoke reefer in the room!

and he was a jazz composition major?

YES!!!!!!

i mean... wtf

he was canadian and pronounced "pasta" funny.

all the jazz dudes at my college were potheads, i'm pretty sure

mebbe his jazz teachers convinced him that pot was lame and it was heroin or gtfo

haw. he was older. like 24 iirc? or 26? and he just did not smoke pot or drink much or do any drugs.

props to him for being the first person to ever play me "jesus blood" by gavin bryars tho.

i would not want to be 24 years old living in a dorm.

he was a weird guy i tell ya

i don't doubt it, was he the smelly guy, or was that someone else's weird roommate?

nah his hygiene was better than mine tbh

oh the smelly guy was Nate's roommate ... never mind.

So glad my bad joke upthread didn't kill it.

I only had roommates freshman year. It was unpleasant, mostly because the best friend of my two roommates was rabidly anti-semitic but too dense to figure out I was Jewish. In addition they were all Asian and made a big deal of their minority status. Somehow its the contradiction of someone being fervently multiculturalist yet still anti-semitic that bugged me more than the anti-semitism itself.

haha favoring your own culture doesn't nec scream 'multiculturalist' to me. why didn't you come out of the jew closet and fuck w/ that dude?

i dont remember.

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2010/01/06/no-longer-sexiled-universities-grapple-sex-dorms

that url does not deliver on its promise

I was hoping the introduction of grapple sex dorms would solve this sexiling issue once and for all

"I will never forget the look on my roommate's face the next morning," Daley said. "I could see that he felt his privacy had been violated ... He transferred schools after our freshmen year and has spent the rest of his life living in Asia. I am not saying this experience is what caused him to do this. Just saying.

not asia!