"Best" email diss

Back story: me and a quasi-friend has a falling out a few months ago, after I called his boyfriend "a complete cunt". Anyway, he went into my e-mail account, so I, in response, hacked every account he had and changed the passwords to them all. Over-reacting? Moi? Anyway, one of his friends, whom I've never met, decided she needed to do me dirty over e-mail. Ladies and gentlemen, e-mail flaming 101: From: [email protected]

To : [email protected]

Subject : so your the arse.........

Date : Mon, 10 Jun 2002 08:34:46 EDT

that hacked into steves email account. i also believe that your on the placebo forum, or were at least at some point. personally, i think you should find something better to do with your time than piss people around like this. it aint big, it aint funny, it aint clever. as re:your email address, your a twat.

From : [email protected]

To : [email protected]

Subject : Re: so your the arse.........

Date : Mon, 10 Jun 2002 12:22:35 EDT

oh i am? have you looked in the mirror recently? if anyone is fat and repulsive, its you. i doubt you will ever find anyone vaugly attracted to you, as you have no personality, you look like you could do with a good wash, you treat your FRIENDS like this? you are a completely up yourself twat. do you even KNOW who i am?

From : [email protected]

To : [email protected]

Subject : hmmm,

Date : Mon, 10 Jun 2002 17:08:22 EDT

just one more point i have to get in. i can also get a boyfriend without having to resort to the internet. i also have sane boyfriends. i believe you have found neither of these in girls. and you think im the repulsive one?

huh.

From : [email protected]

To : [email protected]

Subject : t w a t spells......... Domonic

Date : Tue, 11 Jun 2002 11:35:28 EDT

oh Derry me. i can see what is happening here. your obviously taking out your inadequacies out on someone you think will let you get away with it. sorry, but no chance!

firstly, lets look at this 'your so repulsive' thing. if you *think* about it, all evidence points to you being not only physically repulsive, but mentally unstable when it somes to the oppsoite sex too. Look at your obsession with that girl. if she thought you were attractive, dontcha think she would have been inclined to go out with you maybe? but, alas, your not in the least bit attractive to anyone. and, on the mentally unstable side of things, writing about about your sexual fantasies involving her is just, well, bordering on insane. oh, but im forgetting the other girlfriend. the one you met on the net. the one who also had mental problems. do i need to go on?

then we come to me. obviously im repulsive, and people just feel sorry for me. which is why i have never been single for longer that a month for the last 4 years. why i have never asked anyone out and been turned down.which is why ive been in a stable relationship for 16 months, and my boyfriend insists on leaving the light ON during nakedness. but obviously, im replusive.

and as for ME being boring. huh! this comes from a man whos only asset is his watch. and thats only because its so tacky its laughable!

plus, on top of this, your friend thinks your a twat. yes, he does. so im thinking 'get over yourself'.

i rest my case.

From : [email protected]

To : [email protected]

Subject : Re: t w a t spells......... Domonic

Date : Tue, 11 Jun 2002 11:53:04 EDT

so your studying are you? English exams are over, so its just, what? Philosopy, Creative writing and journalism left? ah bless. nearly every

other teenager in the country is studying. get over it!

and since WHEN did emails have to be gramatically correct? im sorry, next time ill make sure i have full stops. cApital LeTTers in the right Place, and i spell things write. also, i will make sure that wot i is righting makes goos sense.

ok?

and the reason your an arse is baceause steve was making an attempt to get rid of you, get you out of his life. he didnt want to say, 'look, your a twat, fuck off!', he didnt want to upset you! so he found sure fire way to get rid of you! and it worked.your just doing it to get revenge.

First one to make a "It's just like ILM" post wins a kick in the knackers.

comments = Your page is scary. It disturbs (SOME BOZO) very deeply that you have made such a page. Are you cute? Would you like to go out sometime? Your page makes (SOME BOZO) think you are crazy. Crazy girls are good in bed. I hope you are not a lesbian. (SOME BOZO) likes lesbians, but they do not want to have sex with (SOME BOZO). Maybe you will be the first lesbian to have sex with (SOME BOZO)? (SOME BOZO) would like that!

I'll look around and see if I can find some of the hate mail I got when I was somethingawful.com's Awful Site Of The Day.

Emma, tis the way they show you love---at least, that's the excuse mine try to use;>

Hmm, I rarely get disses on email, usually the mass-mail sex show ("See teens get hot and bothered...") type of thing. Rather insulted by the lack of originality, actually. At least, personalise it!

So who from TV have I insulted? It must be that really polite Johnny Vau*han post I made. The one where I hinted that I didn't like him.

In Ireland on any of the many many withered whinging phone ins if anyone criticises anything they get accused of being "an Irish begrudger". It's one of those generalisations we've made acceptable for our own use, like our legendary generosity.

I agree, what did people say before "you're just jealous". I suppose it's just rabid frothing fans looking for any other reason than the actual fact that you don't like the person for whatever they do.

then it became the "politics of envy"

All it said was "ys"

Erm. OK. "yes"? "You Suck"? Righto then.

-- Dom Passantino (killallgoth...), June 21st, 2002 11:00 AM.

This one's *from* ILM...:

you are retarded
to me
More options Feb 20
OMFG!!! WRONG!!! THOM'S VOICE IS ONE OF THE BEST IN THE WORLD!!

Im guessing your American, which automatically makes you a retarded spaz head...

spackerr!! mMMmmmmmmmmmMMM **Dribbles** MMmmMMmmmmmmmmm

==
This email was sent by you are retarded ([email protected]), a user of ilXor.com.
http://ilx.wh3rd.net/index.php

I'M SOMEBODY!

----- David Fischer ------- dave@[domain] ------- http://www.cca.org ------
-- Being poked in the eye with a pointy stick makes The Baby Jesus cry. --

This is cracking me the fuck up. :D