Inappropriate behaviour and how to deal with it?

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I’m not fully sure of why I’m posting this, but I guess it’s kinda like thinking out loud and trying to get a handle on my feelings/emotions following the incident.

I was at the library a couple of days ago, sitting in a quiet area, reading a book and minding my own business. A guy came over and sat opposite me and I momentarily glanced up and then went back to my book. After a few minutes, I was aware that he was looking at me but I just continued reading and paid no heed. A few minutes more passed and the librarian came over and asked him a question. He didn’t respond, so she asked again. At this point I looked up as I thought it strange he hadn’t answered. He was still staring at me but eventually answered the question and I ignored him once again. I then became aware that his hand was moving and he began waggling his little finger to get my attention. When I looked, he had his penis out of his trousers, a full-on erection and he was wanking furiously grinning at me like an idiot. I was stunned by my own reaction. I was furious but the only thing that came out of my mouth was ‘do you fucking mind?’ He quickly zipped himself up and legged it pronto. I am in no way a prude and I think each to their own in privacy, but a public place like a library? It’s funny, but I was flashed a few years ago when out with a few mates and we found it hilarious and got great mileage out of it but I think it’s since I’ve had a child, incidents like this take on a whole new meaning. And that’s why I was so angry at the library, we were sitting about 40 feet away from the children’s section and any one of them could have strayed over and witnessed this.

I’m a little pissed off that I didn’t react more vociferously but I was stunned initially. How would you have reacted, seriously? Is there anything else I could/should have done?

Rhiannon, Saturday, 22 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

in the library? holy crap. you shou;dve just drawn a bunch of other ppl's attn to it probably.

, Saturday, 22 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

doorag- but there were children near by.

I would have been too stunned to react as well.

Julio Desouza, Saturday, 22 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sounds you handled it as best you could in that situation, given the sheer surprise of it all (though my own library work has confirmed that there will always be a lurking perv somewhere in the stacks, unfortunately -- we've had complaints about people ranging from Bible freaks to folks who just stare at patrons). Think of it this way -- you got him to leave quickly (and in a suitably embarrassed fashion) without actually getting any of those kids interested or involved in what happened. Did you report/describe the guy to the library staff? Since the one librarian was talking to him earlier, that would help identifying him as well.

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 22 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

yes I did report it to the library staff and yes, the librarian in question DID remember him and said that he was almost certainly not a regular patron as she'd never seen him before. On a kinda funny aside, there was a young guy working there, about 17 or so I'd say and he was the first person I told. He politely enquired 'eh, did he finish off, like is there a mess? !!!'

The reason I'm asking how other's might have reacted is that I just feel so angry now. I didn't invite it and now, with the benefit of hindsight, I really would have liked to have kicked him in the nuts or something. I'm astonished by how affected I am by it, and it makes me shudder to think how awful it must be for women/men who are more aggressively sexually attacked.

Rhiannon, Saturday, 22 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't blame you for that. Who wouldn't feel that way, or want to wreak some bodily harm as a result?

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 22 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I’m a little pissed off that I didn’t react more vociferously but I was stunned initially. How would you have reacted, seriously? Is there anything else I could/should have done?

Responding to this moron would have gotten him the attention he was craving. You did the right thing, I think. Though it probably would have been deliciously satisfying, his howls would have made the situation worse.

Think of it this way: if he is so desperate that he's exposing himself in a library, he did not deserve any notice from you. The only reason he though it safe to expose himself was because he knew security was floating around. Though I'm sure it's difficult to do now, just try to let it pass.

Nichole Graham, Saturday, 22 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You're anger Rhiannon is perfectly justified. I think your situation is very similar to assault and freak's like that guy enjoy the sense of victimizing people, even if it's in a relatively non-harmful way. I think I would have been quite shaken up by this and would've wished that I had kicked him in the nuts.

Ms. S., Saturday, 22 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

that is just fucking creepy.

queenoftheharpies, Sunday, 23 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)


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