they just fucked with the wrong mexican! who's anticipating MACHETE in 2010??

a real thing, apparently

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machete_(film)

Cast

Danny Trejo as Machete, a renegade and dangerous former Mexican federale and labor worker who gets hired for a job to assassinate a corrupt senator but is later betrayed and goes out for revenge against his former boss[2]

Michelle Rodriguez as Luz, a saucy taco slinger

Lindsay Lohan as April, a socialite with a penchant for guns[1]

Cheech Marin as Padre Benecio del Toro, his "holy" brother that helps him[2]

Jessica Alba as Sartana, an immigration customs enforcement agent who is tracking him down

Jordan Kanesha Palmer as Jamiesha, a hip hop dancer that teaches everyone hip hop.

Robert De Niro as Senator McLaughlin, the corrupt Senator [1]

Steven Seagal as Torrez, a drug lord [3]

Jeff Fahey as Michael Benz, Machete's boss who hires him for the assassination[2]

Don Johnson as Lt. Stillman

Rose McGowan as Cherry Darling, Will appear in the fake trailer at the beginning of the movie[4]

Elise and Electra Avellan as The Sexy Nurses[5]

Cheryl Chin as Torrez Henchwoman, a cold blooded killer and Torrez's right hand woman[6]

Tom Savini[7]

Daryl Sabara as Julio

Carlos Gallardo

Tito Larriva can be seen in the trailer.

Alicia Rachel Marek as June, socialite wife of Benz and April's mother[6]

Actor Chris Cooper reportedly turned down a role in the movie saying "it's the most absurd thing I've ever read" after getting the script

His loss!

I would like to remind everyone that chris cooper accepted a role in the major motion picture adaptation

Actor Robert De Niro reportedly accepted a role in the movie saying "it's the most absurd thing I've ever read" after getting the script

they had me at "saucy taco slinger", I didn't even have a chance to get to "a hip hop dancer that teaches everyone hip hop"

Okay, yeah. I really want this to be as good entertainingly stupid as it sounds. And I really want it to be paired with another entertainingly stupid movie as Grindhouse 2. ;_;

^^^ This.

a hip hop dancer that teaches everyone hip hop.

There is something so pure about this description.

And I really want it to be paired with another entertainingly stupid movie as Grindhouse 2. ;_;

they should just run a machete/embodiment of evil double bill and be done with it

I'm still trying to figure out the equation that justifies rodriguez dropping $20 mil to expand on a $50 mil bomb

but if you wanna burn money to satisfy my base desires for absurdist trash, by all means sirs

There is something so pure about this description.

But with twice the necessary ingredients.

This film will be Steven Seagal's first theatrical release since Half Past Dead in 2002

so, so 100% down w/this

Padre Benecio del Toro

Perhaps that means one day we will get to see Thanksgiving.

We can but hope. Supposedly Rob Zombie's Werewolf Women of the SS is a full 25-minute film that was edited down for its trailer -- I want to see that just for Udo Kier and Nicolas Cage.

http://www.firstshowing.net/img/machete-poster-big.jpg

Also, in re: Nicole's comment just above, a comment over at Finke's site indicates:

Thanksgiving is getting made as part of a two-feature package with Endangered Species, though Roth hasn’t announced who this deal is with yet.

well this looks very awesome

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKhChMHhBN8&feature=player_embedded

omg!!!! literally breathless and woozy in anticipation!

o_0 at michelle rodriguez!

and wow, deniro and don johnson? this is going to be amazing.

lolled at "introducing don johnson"

YAY Lapidus from Lost (Jeff Fahey)!!

o_0 at michelle rodriguez!

. . .

― Daniel, Esq., Wednesday, May 5, 2010 5:35 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark

She is a fine, fine looking woman.

WOW at this whole thing

i love that low-budget, half-assed, bad-ass vibe from robert rodriguez movies (well, at least from this one and the first two desperado films)

awesome

I almost feel like AZ passed that law in order to hype this movie.

Haven't given Planet Terror a moment's thought since Grindhouse, but I'll be all over this.

This will suck, but, given the perfect timing, this will also be awesome.

Idk, I kind of preferred the low budget cheap exploitation vibe from the original trailer. Seeing high profile stars in here is kinda ruining it all for me. Same goes for the apparent immigration issues subplot.

fr. cheech: you want me to help you kill a bunch of guys?
machete: yes, father.
fr. cheech: i'll see what i can do.
*shotgun*
*chk-chk*

omg

can't wait for jeff fahey. is he the new michael ironside?

friday

http://www.movieline.com/2010/08/so-tell-me-about-machete-a-movieline-faq.php?page=all

machete don't text

3 hours 15 mins and I shall be seeing this

this was a lot of fun. admittedly the later portions of the movie didn't live up to the first 2/3rds, and the climax was a bit underwhelming, but it was a fun blend of humor, retro-winking, and graphic violence. It wasn't as over the top in its 'hay look w33r pretending to be a 70s grindhouse movie' moments as was "Planet Terror". Don't go in expecting an intellectual tour de force cuz this ain't it - it's nice that a movie that looked to start as racist exploitation targeted the "anti-immigrant" class as the object of their ridicule at the hands of the people they were oppressing.

that said my next film needs to have more substance -- had my fill of 'dumb fun' this year.

Had some fun, but not much to talk about afterward, huh?

Other than how obvious it was that LL was using a body double for the topless scenes.

yea, tho that's weird cuz she's shown her bags in magazines before.

I mean, if that was a grindhouse filmmaking in-joke about starlets getting cold feet at the last sec, it was def too subtle for me.

Anyway, I guess I liked this about as much as I could've, given it was by a pretty long distance my least favorite of the four Grindhouse trailers.

Alex Jones says it's a conspiracy:

This movie is sickening. Myself and six members of the Infowars team all left the theater feeling physically ill. The film opens with Texans butchering pregnant illegal aliens and the propaganda only gets more virulent, including references to serial killer Charles Manson’s Helter Skelter vision of race war, sterotyping the Minutemen as murderers of illegal aliens, when in reality they have never harmed anyone, showing Texans butchering a priest, and talk of “resettling America” in the context of the extremist reconquista racial movement.

This movie is not a joke. It is race war propaganda hastily disguised behind a stylized, bloodthirsty black comedy.

ask jfaejif js,kidofc.;,/;zcxvpow4erfl9

fucking seething with rage at this motherfucking guy i share a city with, him and his fucking ilk and his fucking bumperstickers and his fucking radio show and his fucking documentary screenings lk;sdj fik,jfikj,.

xxpost No shit. Its deliberate political irresponsibility is what most successfully aligns it with its (non-)cinematic antecedents.

that's ridiculous horseshit. the movie doesn't open with "Texans" butchering pregnant illegal aliens, it opens with THREE texans doing it, three fringe Texans who are all portrayed in a negative light, and as hypocritical (being funded by mexican drug money). Is Alex suggesting that nobody can portray a Texan doing something barbaric without indicting the state as a whole and its people?

The movie wasn't intelligent enough to have politics. Basically it created both sides in one dimension each -- the "Texans" were no more than a small fringe homicidal hate group who were portrayed as hypocrites, and most of whom got their comeuppance in the end. the illegal Mexican immigrants were mostly portrayed as noble hard-working people trying to escape terrible living situations and defending themselves.

Neither stereotype lives in reality bUT THE MOVIE IS A FUCKING GRINDHOUSE-INSPIRED GOREFEST, not an attempt to advance race warfare.

alex jones does not live in reality

fuck him with a diseased dick

The movie wasn't intelligent enough to have politics.

I disagree with this. It had politics; just ludicrously idiotic ones.

Pretty sure Alex Jones has incited more race hate incidents than this movie ever will.

I don't think the movie had an agenda, I think the movie used a very relevant topic as a convenient backdrop for the movie. cuz, if you remember the 'fake' trailer from like 4 years ago, it didn't 'look' quite the same in terms of tone or even the base plot (outside of 'gov't set me up and killed my family', and reusing the 'dude turning gun on Machete while attempting assassination').

Alex Jones should get machete'd

the Infowars team

lol

THEY'RE READY FOR INFO-BATTLE, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.

You might think your little quip won that info battle, Daniel, but believe me you can't win an INFOWAR with these guys. They are in for the long haul.

i harbor no illusions. i can't even get a quote into the "favorite ilx posts of yore" thread. i have no chance against alex jones and the infowars team.

"Infowars" sounds like a really boring door game on a BBS circa 1993

Six minutes in and I have to bail out to get a six-pack. This movie DEMANDS beer and weed.

Haha. I just loaded up on pints before going into the theater last night.

THIS FILM WAS AWESOME.

Also got a kick out of how many latino working-class cultural touchstones and gigs were shown, even down to the awesome visual joke during the invasion sequence.

kingfish OTM.

If I ever host an ILX beer & BBQ party, I'm going to project both Machete and They Live up against my garage wall.

THIS FILM WAS AWESOME

Was also really happy to notice the Wilhelm Scream in the final battle.

THIS FILM WAS AWESOME

whoever was in charge of the blood-on-wall splatter fr this deserves some kinda design award. also, this film was awesome

Saw this.

It was medium to very awesome. Wd've appreciated more blood splatter.

I liked it, but thought maybe I could have liked it more.

My favourite bit was either the machete-fest at the beginning or the "I didn't frisk him - did you frisk him?" bit.

THIS FILM WAS AWESOME
― ^^^that's lightweight jammin (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, September 24, 2010 11:02 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark
― having taken an actual journalism class (contenderizer), Tuesday, October 5, 2010 6:53 PM (2 months ago) Bookmark

Texas' denial of incentives to Machete likened to censorship

AUSTIN – A decision by the Texas Film Commission to deny tax incentives to “Machete,” a controversial film shot in Austin, could signal the state is closed for business to movie-makers. An official from New Mexico’s film incentive office even likens the Texas program, which requires films to project a positive image of the state, to censorship.

Austin filmmaker Robert Rodriguez had been in talks with the Texas Film Commission for months, hoping the state would give him certain tax breaks as part of the state's film incentive program.

"We actually qualified when they read the script, they have to see the finished product to make sure we didn't shoot something else completely from what we wrote,” Rodriguez said at the film’s premier in September.

Once they had that final look, the film commission sent a letter to Rodriguez' production house, saying his movie did not qualify, because it portrays Texas negatively.

Oh my god this movie was boring and terrible. But at least it was terrible on its own terms, unlike the Rodriguez-approved "Predators" disaster. Man, Rodriguez ... this dude's movies all have their moments, but like Kevin Smith's they're all ultimately undone by his own innate mediocrity (if semi-compensated for by his ingenuity). It's like he keeps making his "first" movie again and again (in many cases literally) but shows no sign of ever improving.

are you kidding spy kids is way better than el mariachi

I like Spy Kids (actually, the second one) and Sin City. But everything else seems like it was made over a weekend or two.

the harryhausen homages in spy kids 2 are rad

when i first saw it i thought it was kinda fun, but the more i think about it the more i think it's mostly a piece of shit with a fun danny trejo performance.

I would have liked it more if there had been a catfight between Michelle Rodriguez and Jessica Alba.

http://www.avclub.com/articles/sofia-vergara-becomes-part-of-the-neverending-wish,73566/

not watching anything with Mel Gibson

definitely watching it now that my mans Melly G is involved

lol

they just fucked with the wrong message board regular

Lady Gaga now added to the cast

half-surprised to discover there's a sequel coming, but then I guess Richard Rodriguez really likes making sequels. Found the first one a little disappointing - felt leaden compared to Planet Terror and the highlights were all from the Grindhouse trailer. Hope this one is a little more gonzo but we'll see.

and Charlie Sheen taking on the role of President of the United States.

Okay, now I really want to see this.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machete_Kills

31 July 2013

Hope it's better than the first one

http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/1923851/81416686.jpg

Saw it at a near-midnight show at the drive-in on Friday night!

Obviously not as good as the first, but I like how it's essentially an Austin Powers movie done right. More old-school spoof than anticipated full-out gonzo. Rodriguez's movies always feel like a rush of vaguely organized b-movie clips coming at you, but was never bored and the "we're having so much fun filming this!" feeling was always inclusive and never grating. Creepy Mel is extremely creepy.

Hilarious "Machete will return. in... Machete Kills Again... IN SPACE!" scenes at the end. I hope it gets made.

saw Machete Kills thanks to my brother last night and....god that was painful. the first one was fun but this one was leaden as fuck.

yeah, sadly

Hobo with a Shotgun beats both anyway

robert rodriguez is not so secretly a terrible filmmaker is the thing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnXyhep80oA

this is pretty wonderful. this is a comedy podcast where these guys usually rip on bad movies but for this episode it is basically story time with Danny Trejo and it is glorious. he talks about his career and his life and how he ended up doing movies. it is a crazy story. he is a youth drug counselor, he gets a call to be on set to help someone overcome cocaine addiction, ends up being spotted and invited to be an extra. he had already done time in San Quentin and saw a prison set with a bunch of fake prisoners and thought it was hilarious so he walked on over, and it started his film career! Trejo has an amazing life.