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Have you ever gone out with someone older than you? Younger than you? Lied about your age/been lied to?

Do you think age is important? Where does gender come into all this, do women feel more like they should be with someone older as tradition kind of would have it?

Well?

― Ronan, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

New answers

― Ronan, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Women tend to go for older men because they're more likely to get a match maturity wise.

The only time I 'went' with anyone younger was a one night stand, and the next morning I felt like a babysnatcher. I've never gone out with anyone very much younger or older than me, perhaps because most of my social cirle are all around my age.

I don't think age has anything to do with it, it's whether you both match maturity-wise, which is not the same thing at all! A pefect example is a couple I know. There's 13 years between them, with him being older, but he is very young for his age (though not immature) and she is 20 going on 60, so it balances out.

― Vicky, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

my girlfriends 9 months older - i like her sense of maturity and worldliness

my mum married a man 11 years her junior

― born clippy, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think age has to be considered when one of the parties is quite young, (i.e. a very young girl & an old man) but generally there shouldnt be a problem. Having said that, I've been out with guys that are younger than me and the issue was always in my head that they were younger & therefore immature. My b/f is a whole 9 months younger than me, so technically the same age (sorry baby it's the truth!) which i feel much happier with.

― Pinkpanther, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ha ha, hm guess who's b/f & g/f then!!!!!

― Pinkpanther, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ahem - im 9 whole months younger - which constitutes a schol year - therefore i am viewed in high regard by my peers as im with a girl from the year above - you are viewed with mistrust (do i have to sleep outside now??)

― born clippy, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yep!! ;-)

― Pinkpanther, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I have gone out with older and younger men.

Despite what people say, the younger men were actually a lot more mature and grounded in a lot of ways than the older men I have been out with.

― Nicole, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Younger men are more pliable & more willing to please!!!!! :-D

― Pinkpanther, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

crude - crude but fair

― born clippy, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Uh huh!

― Pinkpanther, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My girlfriend is 3 years younger than me. This seemed like a big deal when we started going out (i.e. she was at school and I wasnt), but it doesn't at all now.

― Tom, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Apparently young men like to shag bags of soil. That's what Tom told me when I started speculating about the benefits of young men with all that energy just waiting to be used & abused by an older woman...

― Emma, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh def!! Use & abuse, nothing else for it!!

― Pinkpanther, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

and liver - i heard they like to use liver - heathens

― nuns rock out a-cross the globe, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I did not originate the bag of soil 'fact' Emma! You need to look closer to home. "fuck mud" were I believe his exact words.

― Tom, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ages is the 2345986th most important thing on my list of attributes I look for in a man.

― nathalie, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

whats the 2345985th - isnt that abit pickey

― mr x, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't remember anyone saying 'fuck mud'! My delicate ears must have filtered out this particular crudity. Anyway younger men are grebt although you do have to endure aeons of abuse from your mates re 'callow youths' for months afterwards.

― Emma, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

a (32-year-old) friend of mine swapped a 23 year old for a 39 year old v recently. it seemed the youn 'un was unable to *ahem* , you know, as he was intimidated by the older experienced woman thing. (well that's what we inferred). she is much happier with older blerk now.

I've had a pretty even split of older/younger girlfriends, but I must admit that the range is un-even, from 1 year older down to 5 years younger. (and it's worse if you count the casual stuff)

― Alan T, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I certainly don't.

― Graham, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The mud thing is a Burchillism.

― Tim, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My girlfriend is 3 and a half years older than me. She shouts at me for being stupid, then mothers me. It seems to work out pretty well.

― Ally C, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I once dated someone a month younger than me, it lasted two weeks! Hooray! The majority of you know that the optimum age for a sarahmang is 27, but I am willing to go for someone a year or so younger providing they are cute and good with the snuggles. The worry is that dating a rather older bloke when you are but a young formative teenager (ahem, those were t'days) can leave you a neurotic mentalist. HIYA!

― Sarah, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

my boyfriend is about 3 years older than me. i shout at him for being stupid and then mother him. this seems unfair.

― katie, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

buggerit Starry my post was supposeed to come after ally c's for maxmum "comic" effect!! (it's still TROO tho) :)

― katie, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I only ever went out with older girls , but now I'm going out with someone almost two years younger then me and I'm actually a lot happier with her then anyone else.

― Elisabeth, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd like to meet a girl who was the exact same age as me. I'm not saying we'd go out, but it'd be nice to meet them.

― jel --, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Thinking about it in the long term, it makes more sense for women to shack up with blokes who are a lot younger e.g. 10 years as women outlive men and I don't want to be sat in my rocking chair & not have anyone to grumble at.

Ha ha lock up your 17 year old sons. Eek. A friend of mine went out with a 17 year old girl for a while when he was 27 or 28 and got teased mercilessly, the worst thing seemed to be that she couldn't even (legally) buy him a drink.

― Emma, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Biggest age gap was 12 years (me 19, him 31) and he was still fairly immature. Currently 2 years (me 24, him 26) and perfect. Actually looking back on everyone, personality disorders rather than age difference defined their unsuitability.

― Archel, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

A mixture, although generally they tend to be older than me by about 3-6 years. I had a flingette with a friend's younger brother, though I felt a bit weird about that, mainly due to hearing my friend Dan saying things like "Euuww, Anna's snogging my baby brother" from the other side of the room. It did kill the moment somewhat.

― Anna, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Often with a question about relationships like this I'd say "oh if I like them it doesn't matter" and think that that was true of most people but with this it's different I think.

― Ronan, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

with age comes presumptions of attitude and expectation and i have noticed maturity issuse - screw all that alliyah was right age aint nothing but a number - a six year old on the streets of brazil is different from a six year old in cambridge (i know this is obvious) age is more linked to socialisation, conditioning and education not about your actual birthdate - young, old, fat, thin, funny, shit, smelly, clean - if you like someone you like em - god a man once fucked a dolphin no accounting for taste

― born clippy, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i don't know many girls who have gone out with younger guys. but then, i don't know many girls right?

― V, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Is there still a perception that a girl (or guy whatever) going out with someone a few years younger than them is insecure or something? I'm not saying this is right but isn't it a sort of preconception that goes around?

― Ronan, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd say lucky not insecure. I mean when Mick Jagger is off cavorting around town with some twentysomething girl I'm sure most blokes his age are thinking 'you jammy sod' not 'ah yes poor Mick has insecurity issues'.

― Emma, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ronan - providing that the person you are with is contributing to ones life in a way that enriches it the ages or age-gap are irrelevant. issues regarding insecurity are banded about if you are in a relationship, not in a relationship - you cant win - just kick back and be happy

― born clippy, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hmmm yes but Mick is not the sort of case I was talking about.

Thank you mr clippy, but of course we're not talking about me! Ahem.

― Ronan, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah but I think from men not his age there's an insecurity perception. I mean I've known plenty of people at places where I work suddenly start chasing teenage skirt when they hit their mid-40s and you just think "God that's tragic, I hope I'm not like that". I don't see why it should be different for rock stars.

― Tom, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm talking about sort of 25/19 type thing, where people might accuse the guy or girl of using his/her status as cooler older guy/girl which to the 18 or 19 year old might be quite real.

― Ronan, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Tom, I've heard younger men say things like 'blimey I hope I'm still pulling young girls when I'm his age'. Why is it tragic? It is a bit tragic for the girls having to have his wrinkly old body all over them but I'm sure it has its recompenses.

― Emma, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ah, but if you do pull significantly older men (which I have only really done once, 16 years apart) they're just so damn grateful and you feel like an arch-temptress minx type.

― A hem, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

are you 25 ronan

― born clippy, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think it's the chasing that's tragic not the pulling - I've rarely seen it actually work. Would it become less tragic if successful? Don't know really.

― Tom, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think it wouldn't be tragic if they'd ALWAYS been womanisers, actually. I'm talking about people who give off this big impression of being very settled and self-satisfied and suddenly ditch the wife and go tearing round leching at their au pairs. It implies...I'm not sure what actually, lack of self-knowledge perhaps?

― Tom, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm 19.

I agree with Tom, I remember seeing some programme about it where one of the guys best mates was saying he thought this happened because the person never had a wild youth of womanising or even a regular sort of teenage thing and then as he put it "he had to go back and do it anyway". Whatever about that theory, there are preconceptions there about it, I've no doubt.

― Ronan, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i believe that people are ruled by a "grass is always greener mentality" - if you are settled in a relationship it is easy to forget the real good points because they become a daily part, people go a wondering thinking it will be better - they wander and realise how good it was but can you return to that ionce you've cocked it all up

― born clippy, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I haven't gone out w/someone younger than me since high school - dunno why. At first I think it was maybe "look how smart and bright I am mummy". Like I was so together already. Perhaps now it's cause I want someone to shout at me. First I want approval and now I want discipline. So sad.

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ha ha Ronan and Tom, just wait until you're having your mid life crises and become overwhelmed with the urge to buy a motorbike, wear trendy kids' clothes and chase after gorgeous young girls.

― Emma, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Obviously the feelings come from fear of the inevitable Emma not superiority - otherwise it would be comic not tragic!

― Tom, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sounds like fun.

― Ronan, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't want to seem hopelessly optimistic, but isn't it all academic after the age of, um, about twenty three or four or so? Since that being that age I've dated women aged between three years younger than me and five years older, and our respective age wasn't a factor in any of the break ups. I mean, it's a bit off if some old git with a couple of marriages under his belt and a few teenage kids dates a sweet young nineteen year old, but for me one of the best things about growing up and getting older was that your peer group wasn't restricted to a bandwidth of a few years.

― misterjones, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Of course it sounds like fun NOW Ronan, it's supposed to, you're 19. When you are 50 fun should be doing the gardening or something.

― Emma, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

amen to that

― born clippy, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

damn it emma my response now looks like i love gardening

― born clippy, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

isn't it all academic after the age of 23 or so

After who reaches the age of 23 or so? haha.

Gardening will never be fun, I see myself as more of a golf 50 year old.

― Ronan, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ronan I've just had a moment of synchronicity with your post. Mary the Placement officer came in and we started slagging our Head of Department, saying he was less of a golfing old gipper and more of a gardener. Then she left and I clicked on to ILE again. Spooky Woo. I am suitably charmed.

― misterjones, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I've liked, crushed, wanted to ask out, asked out etc. older and younger. Generally speaking I've found age irrelevant -- what matters is the quality of the person. :-) I think...I hope!...I'm more grounded in things these days, and that anyone who might take a notice would like that, regardless of her age. :-)

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Golfers and gardeners are natural enemies as the gardeners want to plant flowers & put decking all over the golf courses and the golfers want to dig little holes and sandpits all over gardens.

― Emma, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

When you are 50 fun should be doing the gardening or something.

*sigh* I was hoping by the time I was 50 I'd have perfected this seemed stockings- pencil skirt-high maintenance thing and could slink about being like Mrs Robinson without the drink problem or the loneliness.

― Anna, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Golfers versus gardeners, now there's a battle which would be exhilarating. They could MC against each other.

― Ronan, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't imagine dating anyone older than me. In the last year, all the guys I've been on dates with were at least 10 years younger than me. I'm not trying to make this happen per se, but most guys my age just don't turn me on. I'm definately willing to make exceptions; I could use someone with a little stability.

― Sean, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My b/f is 8 years older than me. As I was 18 when we started going out, this was a huge deal, and was the cause of most of our difficulties to begin with. What's more clear to me 2 years in is that it's shared experiences rather than specific ages that are important. We're both at uni studying law, we both still live with our parents (though he's moved around the country a lot prior), we both want to travel etc. Of course there are still some significant differences - Matt's eager to finish his degree, start his career, think about working towards getting a house etc. whereas I am happy to stay at uni for quite a while and spend all my money on music - but on the whole our lives are fairly similar. If he was already a successful lawyer I think the relationship would be radically different, and probably not successful.

― Tim, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

:-) I am very happy to hear this, Tim, it sounds very cool, and I hope everything continues to go well. Will I be lucky enough to meet yer man when I visit? Did you meet in class?

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Bah, suddenly I'm TOO OLD for Emma (though we will be the same age next week).

I of course have no answer to this question.

― Graham, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"Will I be lucky enough to meet yer man when I visit? Did you meet in class?"

1) Yes, most likely. 2) Yeah, we got into an argument in a history tutorial - medieval europe. it was about burghers or something.

― Tim, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sometimes argument is the spark. Hmm...gives me a thread idea, though likely one that's been done!

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I have had partners between three years older than me and 19 years younger. The last one that actually lasted a few months was with a woman 8 years younger (and the previous brief but intense relationship, a woman 9 years younger, had an article in the Guardian today! (G2p5)).

As I've mentioned, I'm making use of web dating sites, and I do tend to look for women in their 30s or 40s, to improve the odds of their being interesting and willing to consider a 43 year old man. I've never lied about my age, but a fair proportion of women I've got to know through these sites do: this doesn't trouble me in the slightest.

― Martin Skidmore, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

When I met my wife, I was 26 and she was 32. We are still together, 22 years later. The age difference was more or less irrelevant to us both then and now. What matters most is a good fit.

― Little Nipper, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Blimey.

― Ally C, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"You not my father!" Heh.

― Dan Perry, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i have to say, there's nothing more annoying for a young man to hear than the "young women are by nature more mature than young men" myth being tossed around upthread. where do people come up with this idea, anyways?

― Dave M., Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

from it seeming more true than not true?

― RJG, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think it's because girls grow breasts before boys grow beards.

― Dan Perry, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's a stereotype, but so many young men appear to embrace the stereotype.

In my case, I've gone out with a guy who was 7 years older than me (I was a senior in college; he was in the last year of law school but in certain ways lived like an undergraduate); and in recent years have gone out with several guys who were 2-3 years younger than me (all of them were sufficiently past adolescence and school that age was the least of our differences). I agree with those who have said that it's the person's qualities, as opposed to his or her age, that's important.

This Washington Post columnist seems to be very eager on the concept of "tadpoles"--younger men involved with older women.

― j.lu, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's a stereotype, but so many young men appear to embrace the stereotype. I disagree. When teenage girls date guys who are waaay older than them, the stock line is that their innocence is being preyed on and/or that there are no dateable guys their age. There's some truth to that, surely. But another explanation is that they find themselves unable to relate to people their age on any real level, so they trade on the one factor that is not prized by their peers - their youth. Yes, there are plenty of doofus guys in high school, but I think their numbers are at least matched by the number of shallow girls who can't see the intelligent and/or mature guys in front of their faces.
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here (c Dennis Miller), but most of the women I knew in high school who dated older men weren't exactly sitting around discussing philosophy and going to see art films, they met their respective men-friends by getting tarted up and hanging out in bars until they met a guy who had his own car, his own place, and the income to take them out to nice restaurants. On the other hand, a lot of my single male friends in high school had a hell of a time meeting anybody, and it's only now in college that they're finding any success. I've never heard a convincing argument about why women are more mature, and frankly I'd like to.

(btw i have no experience with women vs men in their 20s and up, so i'm restricting my observations to high school only).

― Dave M., Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I never dated anyone period. I don't want or need anyone else.

― Marc, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

a guy who had his own car, his own place, and the income to take them out to nice restaurants

Doubtless you mean it's annoying that they didn't have MORE to offer than that, I take it. ;-) I hear you on the car thing, though, as I don't have one and never have, though my worries on that being a problem have subsided. :-)

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

most of the women I knew in high school who dated older men weren't exactly sitting around discussing philosophy and going to see art films, they met their respective men-friends by getting tarted up and hanging out in bars until they met a guy who had his own car, his own place, and the income to take them out to nice restaurants.

when i was 19 i veryvery briefly saw a man who was 42, but it certainly didn't go anything like that! i met him through my mother! he made me buy my own drinks! the places we went weren't 'nice'! he refused to take me to the movies! i went out with him because he was good looking and funny and a bit bad and i had a big crush on him. but the age difference was just too much... i was a very young 19. it probably wasn't so much the age that was the problem as his comparative 'worldliness' vs. my naivete. (but of course age --> worldliness, sort of.)

― minna, Saturday, 20 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

**I was hoping by the time I was 50 I'd have perfected this seemed stockings- pencil skirt-high maintenance thing**

My goodness! Yes, oh Yes! What are you doing in about 25 yrs Anna? Actually what are you doing next week!

(Hastily composes himself)

Sorry, something happened there. I'd better go!

― Dr. C, Sunday, 21 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

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