Chat-up technique

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Is it a good thing when you're talking to an attactive girl and she spits her beer out over the bar laughing at something you said? I am unsure, I think it depends on what I said, but unf. I cannot remember this due to drunkenness...

So... tell me about some of your failed attempts to impress the opposite sex. Or even sucesses if you want to show off.

― STeve.n., Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I *think* it was something I said... I hope I didn't fall over or fart really loudly or something.

― STeve.n., Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Once, when I was about 12, I tried to impress a girl by putting my foot behind my head. I was almost there when I farted loudly virtually into my own face. I then ran away and hid behind a convenient piano.

I have never told anyone that story before.

― Sam, Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh my God!!!

My sister told me that story about that happening to her!

― Nathan Barley, Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That's not true. I don't have a sister. Great story though.

― Nathan Barley, Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ten months pass...

Oh dear God, please all download this and listen to it. If you don't crack up between 4:08 and 4:37 then there is no hope for you. But listen to the whole thing.

From 365 Days

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 19 June 2003 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I just tried this technique today at the Evisu sample sale! I can't figure out exactly where it went wrong.

― Paul Eater (eater), Thursday, 19 June 2003 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

You made sure to pick out a see-thru blouse, yes?

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 19 June 2003 17:28 (twenty-two years ago)

n you played with your testicles the whole time too, right¿

― dyson (dyson), Thursday, 19 June 2003 17:33 (twenty-two years ago)

See-thru pants actually.

And I kept saying, "Gee, you've got a terrific figure!"

― Paul Eater (eater), Thursday, 19 June 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Dyson - when I was trying out the technique, you mean? Yes - and it still worked great. I can't figure out how Paul managed to fuck it up.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 19 June 2003 17:36 (twenty-two years ago)

unbelievably painful. I'm wincing.

I feel for the voiceover people.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 19 June 2003 17:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I will go back in a few hours and try again. I need to practice my incompetent-princely leer in the mirror.

― Paul Eater (eater), Thursday, 19 June 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Apparently Rod Stewart's chat up line is 'what's in the basket, love?'. If I'm ever single again I intend to use it at every opportunity, since it's done so well for him.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Thursday, 19 June 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Where does Rod direct his gaze while delivering that line? I think that's a crucial element.

― Paul Eater (eater), Thursday, 19 June 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Here is another truly foolproof technique:

"Get two Teddy bears, two different types, sizes or colours. Take them into a bar and set them on the table. You don’t have to scope out the babes in the place at all, just look back and forth at the bears and wait.

Before long a woman will come over and ask you what's going on. Trust me, it will happen. They just can't resist this amount of intrigue.

Explain that you are going to give one of the bears to a niece / nephew / cousin or whatever, but you just cannot decide between the two. Before long she will be seated with you, examining the two bears and asking what the child is like. You have your introduction and you're off to the races.

Just be sure that you really do have a child that you're going to give one of the bears to. If there aren't any kids in your life that you would pass one bear along to, tell her that you want to give one to a local charity. Remember what was said about honesty being at the very top of the things a woman is looking for.

When she asks what you will do with the other, tell her that you want to give to a special someone.

The other advantage to this trick is that later on you can tell her that the special someone you're going to give the other bear to is her. Then all the sensuality that goes along with the gift of a Teddy bear will kick in.

This trick can be used with any female oriented stuffed toy - it won't work with a toy army tank - but a Teddy bear works best, a stuffed horse or unicorn coming in a close second."

― Paul Eater (eater), Thursday, 19 June 2003 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Then all the sensuality that goes along with the gift of a Teddy bear will kick in

Ewww

― RickyT (RickyT), Thursday, 19 June 2003 20:55 (twenty-two years ago)

You mean to say that you don't enjoy watching a woman employ Teddy bears as a tool toward self-gratification, RickyT?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Friday, 20 June 2003 00:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Hang on, is it the woman or the imagined Ricky T who is gratifying themselves?

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 20 June 2003 10:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Has anyone heard a sixties self-help record called 'How to pick up chicks'? "An art gallery is a great place to pick up chicks. Chicks love art - it appeals to their fantasies".

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Friday, 20 June 2003 10:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Please tell me you haven't actually done this Paul?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 20 June 2003 10:17 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.norfolkwindmills.com/images/nelson.jpg

http://www.norfolkwindmills.com/images/heinrich.jpg

― gareth (gareth), Friday, 20 June 2003 10:20 (twenty-two years ago)

my chat up technique is pretty good. it's the looking good thing I have trouble with.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 20 June 2003 10:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I really wish my post at the beginning of this thread could be deleted. Why the hell did I tell anyone that story?

― Sam (chirombo), Friday, 20 June 2003 10:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Sam - i think it's great! Nowt to be ashamed of, most people have embarassing stories to hide from, embrace it i say!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 20 June 2003 10:33 (twenty-two years ago)

My only doubt was the 'about 12' thing.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 20 June 2003 12:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I need to practice my incompetent-princely leer in the mirror.

haha I read this as 'incompetent-patriarchy leer'

and maaaan that teddy bear trick is lame.

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 20 June 2003 13:27 (twenty-two years ago)

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=555NHZVXQ6&isbn=0595176712

I forgot about this guy. He has a website too:
http://tuckermax.com/

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 20 June 2003 13:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Paul, how was the Ben Sherman?

― Mary (Mary), Friday, 20 June 2003 20:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I like that teddy bear idea but I couldn't bear to part with any of my teddies, especially my Winter Survival Teddy! He so cute & cuddly! The cutest teddy in the world! I wub him!

― N. Ron, Friday, 20 June 2003 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

use the new Daniles Corporation death bear it explodes or something there was a joke in therea minute ago, maybe two, I don't know.....if you have a bear which has a manky arm it may get the sympathy vote or maybe you can get the bear to start a non-profit organisation which promotes how great women are under the slogan "Love, Compassion and let's face it, yer hole too" and she'll go woo you! You showed up to this bar with a pro-active bear! MARRY ME OR FACE THE FUCKING CONSEQUENCES or something.

― Matt (Matt), Saturday, 21 June 2003 00:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I had a guy come up to me in a bar and ask "Spit or Swallow?"

To which I suavely replied "Gag, and then puke."

I am not certain exactly what he expected in a reply. But I am guessing that he needs to develop some new "chatting-up" techniques.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Saturday, 21 June 2003 01:58 (twenty-two years ago)

now that I am in another city I must practice all these methods as it is certain to gain me all the luf in the woild

― M Matos (M Matos), Saturday, 21 June 2003 02:02 (twenty-two years ago)

You wanted it, you got it.

http://www.zeelst.nl/luf/luf.gif

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 21 June 2003 03:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I totally scored at the sample sale on day two!

Lots of cute shoes and shirts, that is.

I am tempted to try the teddy bear thing at my local bar, just for laughs, but I don't even think the laughs would be very funny. And my bears might get spilled on.

― Paul Eater (eater), Saturday, 21 June 2003 18:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder if the stuffed animal ploy would have worked on Sarah Michelle Gother.

― rosemary (rosemary), Saturday, 21 June 2003 22:17 (twenty-two years ago)

"Teddy bears are soo indie rock."

― rosemary (rosemary), Saturday, 21 June 2003 22:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Today I went to a festival and saw a woman with rather lush feet. I looked at them and stared as I walked past. Just as I passed her I saw her lift a foot up and look down at it to see what had innarested me so much. That made me laugh. I didn't try to take it further though.

― N. Ron, Saturday, 21 June 2003 22:21 (twenty-two years ago)

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