When parents go too far

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I was listening to a Radio 5 debate the other day and some bloke rang up after the panel discussed the new Archbishop of Canterbury's stance on Disney, kids etc and he described how he had four children, oldest 10 years old. They have never watched tv at home and were home schooled. They dressed like children and not like "little whores" and they were polite and curteous to adults. Alll I could think was that when they got into the real world they would get eaten alive, not having any idea of how to interract with their peers or any modern social skills.

Has anyone had any experience of this sort of thing????

― chris, Thursday, 25 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I feel quite odd posting a serious question.

― chris, Thursday, 25 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, I am oft the subject of ridicule in my crinolin skirt and knickerbockers, can't think why though.

― Saskia, Thursday, 25 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's sad is all. This parent thinks he's bestowing a priceless gift on his kids -- an infallible system of thought that spits out all the right answers all the time. It's akin to gamblers who play their "systems", in spite of overwhelming evidence that they don't work.

― Little Nipper, Thursday, 25 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

They dressed like children and not like "little whores" and they were polite and curteous to adults.

Good on him for this one, at least. Midriff-exposing halternecks and miniskirts on knock-kneed eight year old girls MUST be a resounding dud, surely? no daughter of mine, etc etc.

― petra jane, Thursday, 25 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I knew a girl like this on the Internet for awhile. Her mother read everything she read online (she was allowed to go on to talk about Christianity). She had no close friends because she was homeschooled and spent most of her time with her family, and she was very devout. She had hobbies but she felt like she was missing out on a lot, which I think is the worst bit of sheltering kids so much.

It was pretty unbelievable to me but I'm positive it wasn't someone pretending. I haven't talked to her in a year or so.

― Maria, Thursday, 25 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This kind of thing seems to happen a lot w/ home-schooling; which is a shame, because it's the best when done right. There's a lot of different motives to home-school, and when it's "keep 'em at home and away from the corruption of the outside world so they won't be spoiled by it" (reminds me of the father of those two girls in "More Than Human"), usually by Freaky-ass Religious People, it tends to fuck the kids up. But when it's because you honestly believe you can provide a more stimulating and sufficient academic environment for your kids than normal school, and supplement this with plenty of chances for your kids to interact w/ other children (as a professor of mine has done)... well, that's the way to do it.

― Dan i., Thursday, 25 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The outside world is a sick evil place tho

― dave q, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This brings me to the question: Why do people have children, if that's the way they treat them? Sheltering kids to such an extent must surely cause these parents a good deal of grief and agitation, so why do they do it? Are you raising a human being with a mind of its own or some puppy-like minion bred to follow your own outdated moral code down to the letter? (cue C.o.E.: "thank you for not breeding") I'm not advocating a total nihilistic upbringing here, but putting such strict limits on personal freedoms and impinging to such a degree on the privacy of children is just asking for trouble later

(Can you tell I'm touchy about this subject? hah!)

― geeta, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The Archbishop's position as I understand it is that we are living in a hypermediated and hypersexualised society which shows every indication of worsening, yes?

― Tom, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Having been educated at a Steiner school until aged 14, after which I was launched into the cruel, unusual, hormonal world of state school and GCSEs, I kind of know about this being eaten alive thing. (Though Chris's example is a lot more extreme obviously.) It's a case of adapt or die, really, and I think most kids will choose to adapt - without too many lasting psychological scars. But I've also learnt that bringing your kids up in a particular way doesn't necessarily produce the kids you think it will. Kids can be incredibly resourceful and secretive, and WILL be influenced by the outside world whatever you do. TEACHING your kids to be polite to adults doesn't mean they ARE. Dressing them demurely doesn't mean they think demurely. Etc.

― Archel, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Archel, don't you have other children to interact with at Steiner schools?

― DV, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

'TEACHING your kids to be polite to adults doesn't mean they ARE. Dressing them demurely doesn't mean they think demurely. '

Yeah, but at least it doesn't encourage paedophiles to take an interest in 'em.

― Tim Bateman, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes DV, that's why I noted that it was a less extreme example. But we did have to contend with kids from other local schools who thought we were all dyslexic szchizophrenic hippies running wild in an anarchic orgy of sex games and no lessons.

― Archel, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I expect some/most paedophiles prefer the demure childish look, as that is probably half the point. But all I meant was that I don't think parents should labour under too many illusions of control.

― Archel, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Most of the people I grew up with who had overly protected parents ie. no tv, church everyday and other uber tendencies are in jail,a psychatirc ward or dead/dying. The people who had parents that would actually let their children make their own decisions with guidance and advice from them are the ones leading by their own definitions the most successful, stable and happy lives.

― brg30, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My own darling daughter was to be raised with strictly non-gender- specific attire and toys. This lasted a couple of years, until she was old enough to DEMAND dresses, lace, pink, dolls and all things fluffy and cute. She's now 14 and has been dressed in head-to-toe black since hitting puberty.

― briania, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, but at least it doesn't encourage paedophiles to take an interest in 'em.

Tim, you know I love you and have been speaking up for you after you have offended two nice women on other threads, but this is, I think, indefensible. Do you really mean it? Have you thought about this at all?

― Martin Skidmore, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

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