I'm in love

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....he is 17 years my junior, we spend some time together, kissing (nothing else that is), feeding the deer at the forest near his hometown, taking the water cab over the river at my place and eating cake, an really awful disney film (stitch) at the cinema.

now when he told his mother I was 35, she only said "oh no!" and he walked angry away. who should be worried, his mother, he or me?

I never dated a boy that young, and I think I'm beginning to fall in love (note my reserved phrasing)

erik, Saturday, 3 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

Lilo and Stitch is the best Disney movie ever!!!

Dan I, Saturday, 3 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

The age difference is quite big, but he is 18, and you're still quite youthful (I don't regard your thirties as being "old" like some insane parts of the media), so I think it's okay.

Christopher Lyons, Saturday, 3 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

I mean, if you were 45 or something, or he was a few years younger, then it would be dodgy IMO. But that's not the case here and it all sounds rather sweet. I wish I had a girlfriend I could watch Disney movies with.. hum.

What's Lilo & Stich like? I've never heard of it.

Christopher Lyons, Saturday, 3 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

i don't know you at all, so i'm just reacting on the numbers. this seems creepy to me

Ron, Saturday, 3 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

I've dated two 21-year olds and I'm now seeing a 23-year old (I'm 35 in November). There might be an issue with maturity, etc., but everyone's different...

Of course, I'm pretty creepy, so don't buy what I say : )

Is this Erik digibeet? I thought you were younger than me!

Sean, Saturday, 3 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

as a digibeet in erik' clothes:

the only nice thing abt L&S are the handpainted watercoloured backgrounds, which look rather pretty if you're into pastels. the story on the other hand is drenched in pastel sentimental family drama, a bullied hawaiian girl from a broken family raised by a sister who can't handle her, gets a puppy, which turns out to be a escaped not wanted alien (ET phone home).

stitch is a nice character because he's so absurdly aggressive and has a fine appetite for destruction, but the whole story around it and the other stupid characters is so bland, that you get the bad feeling in the end that you've lead on to the moral of the happy family live.

my date did not like it either.

sean, everybody thinks I'm younger than anyone, even my date thought I was younger! (OK he thought I was 25, and he had a boyfriend of 24 before)

erik, Saturday, 3 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

Don't let his mother's upset worry you (or him) she will get over it. But you should think about the difficulties of a long term realtionship when the younger person is going to want to experiment with things that you have already done. Also it might be that his affection for you has an element of crush/hero worship type stuff so maybe you could try and talk about that at some point.

However these are only potential future problems and might never arise, so overall -for what its worth - I think falling in love is a good idea. Please don't decide that you're older and know best and leave him even if you do love him because that will just cause unecessary anguish for all.

isadora, Saturday, 3 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

Re. decide that you're older and know best and leave him even if you do love him because that will just cause unecessary anguish for all

Ahem. I feel the need to comment on this, but I do need to be careful about what I say. Suffice to say that I have been in this situation myself, though with a beauty who was only 8 years my junior. We were very much in love but, among other things, I started to feel horribly guilty about depriving her of the things that younger people should be doing with their life, so I broke it off. In retrospect, that decision was indeed a mistake and it did cause anguish for all concerned, including me. I suspect that the solution to these sorts of issues is the same as the solution to all such issues - honest communication, which is exactly what I'm intending to pursue on the second time round with my younger love.

Re. the mother Ahh, I can't give any advice there because I'm yet to meet her mother. Is there any way of checking from public records whether an individual owns a shotgun? [I've had a few nightmares about that possibility.]

debaser, Sunday, 4 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

This Morning's agony aunt, Denise Robertson (who I LOVE), always says a sensible thing about age gaps, which is that, if you think it's going to be long term,think about the amount of change you and the other person are going to go through in the next five or so years. Often, the person you are at the age of 18 is completely different to how you are at 23, but you're unlikely to change too much between 35 and 40.

Otherwise, good luck to you.

Madchen, Monday, 5 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

madchen's pt is v.sensible (tho tbh i think i changed a lot MORE between 35 and 40 than between 18 and 23)

mark s, Monday, 5 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

Care to elucidate mark? (I'm 35 next month)

stevo, Monday, 5 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

Age of non-creepy datable other >= (your age / 2) + 5.

Sorry to bring you the SCIENTIFIC bad news.

Colin Meeder, Monday, 5 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

Haha I have had sex with two people younger than that formula! And one more borderline! I am 43 and it was last year, so that does not imply child molesting.

Martin Skidmore, Monday, 5 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

Colin I heard it was /2 (+7). But if not then I've still got loads of 15 yr olds to date so hurrah

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 5 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-one years ago) link


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