Real England

"Police have criticised a caller who rang 999 on Christmas day for help to find their lost drone"

What the instructions on these drones don't inform you is that the remote control may have some influence where the wind takes it, but not much ffs!

Is it not like using the remote on my bt vision

Cone to think of it that only has a vague influence tv just does what the hell it wants most the time lol

A man seeking a supermarket's opening hours and a woman concerned about her mother's haircut were among recent 999 calls to a police force.

West Yorkshire Police receives more than 1.5m calls a year, with people asked to think twice about calling the number following a rise in inappropriate, hoax or accidental calls.

In a letter dated December 11, 2017 – and seen by the Examiner – Paul Holmes, branch secretary of Kirklees Unison, says the tone of the team leader’s language and the failure of senior staff to curb the deteriorating relationship with workers is “symbolic of the prevailing problems at Vine Street.”

He wrote: “Unison raised with management the issue that some of the bin rounds were not ‘do-able.’

“A team leader from Vine Street responded that ‘they were do-able, it’s just them wankers (the drivers/operators) weren’t doing them.’

“This is not acceptable language either in terms of trade union negotiations or under the council’s Dignity at Work Policy and Procedure.

“What is even more disappointing is that the senior management present at the meeting never castigated the team leader nor apologised for his language/attitude.”

the "real england" adaptation of a feature of real france:

Here's a little story, Twitter. Gather round. Are we sitting comfortably? Then let's begin.

— Prof Bison Sexhorn (@Brainmage) January 4, 2018

(i'd see read the whole thread but i IME it's quite hard to stop once you're a few posts in

le zizi, c'est moi

probably shouldn't go here cos it does feel v calculated but this thing is currently doin' the raaaands

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OEkk2JvEMM

Former Eastenders actress Tracy-Ann Oberman slams 'pretentious' restaurant after husband accidentally eats napkin https://t.co/iZ94MSCIuF

— Evening Standard (@standardnews) January 5, 2018

This is fucking hilarious. Biblical scenes on the wright stuff today. This guy keeps ringing up calling 'sharon goodmaid a bitch'

nailed them twice here, I need to series link this show

I'm dead🤣 pic.twitter.com/ii6KUXB6PK

— Greg Eckersley (@gregecky) January 10, 2018

wtf? Is that the same guy putting on a different voice?

lmao

i assume someone in the wright stuff production team fucking hates him (like any rational person would) and keeps putting these calls on air

looking at old photographs of pantomimes and imo there is a significant decline in realness levels around the late 1990s, I think this is partially b/c people start looking relatively comfortable on stage? in the older photos no-one seems to know where to look or what to do with their arms etc. all of these are from the 80s/early 90s:

https://i.imgur.com/539B82d.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/nVbp7Vy.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/Ges9zXt.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/Z3h410W.png

https://i.imgur.com/cEW5vMI.jpg

lol at sad milling penguins. esp one at the front - 'are u ok hun? no neither am i'

What panto has penguins in it? Is there one about Scott of the Antarctic?

With "He's in front of you" instead of "He's behind you".

excellent memories of building my own little auk mask for a primary school telling of jonah and the whale. it was actually a really great mask

i ran around squawking and got told off for overdoing it iirc

the penguins are apparently from a 1981 production of Humpty Dumpty

hahaha

I was walking past a building site the other day and saw some hardcore weed exterminators, and on the side of their van it said "Himalayan Balsam Specialists". I was thinking was that the invasive plant that someone claimed drove them to commit murder, as seen on this thread last year. But no, that was Japaneses Knotweed.

Anyway, Himalayan Balsam seems a pretty badass invasive plant itself:

The largest annual plant in Britain, growing up to 2.5m high from seed in a single season. Himalayan balsam spreads quickly as it can project its seeds up to four metres. Many seeds drop into the water and contaminate land and riverbanks downstream, but the explosive nature of its seed release means it can spread upstream too.

that penguin pic is a cursed image

the explosive nature of its seed release

steady on ffs

Not very Real England but was on the tube yesterday and saw an ad for 'The Harley Street Fertility Fair', and i kind of preferred it when it was maypoles and wicker men, but i guess this is where we are.

looooool a kid just did knock-down-ginger on my door. #realengland

xxp
I think they might mean as in plentiful outburst or something, but for dramatic effect why not infer it actually fires cluster-bombs of death at ducks.

himalayan balsam seed pods do literally explode if you squeeze them gently when they're ripe. lots of fun showing it to kids but you know as you're doing it that you're helping the bastard thing to spread

Aye, youtube has just taught me that Seed Dispersal by Explosion is actually a thing in the botanical world.

Sounds like an album Maconie might play.

phwoar eh readers?

Offtopic but, I noticed Maconie's Jarrow March book is just him taking a leisurely ramble on the same route and making J Harris style social commentary about real folk with legit concerns along the way.

Gordon Bennett, well I bleedin' never, strike me guv and no mistake, I ain't never seen the likes, he's only running for mayor, gawd bless 'im ...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/business/2018/01/16/pimlico-plumbers-charlie-mullins-run-london-mayor-common-sense/

Cor blimey, not that douchebag

"common sense" ticket says the man with that haircut

It'd be fucking hilarious if he was subcontracting on shitloads of Carillion sites and got completely stiffed for a fortune. But Charlie 'as his mates in the party that will tald him they're garn daahhhn the bloody karrrzie.

Mr Mullins dismissed any comparisons between his mayoral run and the presidential campaign of Donald Trump, who leveraged his business career into winning the US election.

“We’re nothing alike - from how he operates he’s got no common sense that I can see,” said Mr Mullins. “The only similarity is that we both have long hair.”

i'd love a longread on the process by which the phrase 'common sense' ended up becoming synonymous with wingnuttery

Finally, someone willing to give a voice to London's corporations.

Mr Mullins, a leading Brexiteer.

I'm not sure this is true btw, he financed Gina Miller's Article 50 court case after all.

I actually don't think the silly tosser is a complete cunt tbf.

as long as he can write it off against tax I don't suppose he's bothered

Obviously, he's a businessman, being a cunt comes with the territory.

He's definitely a stout Remoaner is our Charlie, amongst many other -er words.

To be fair to him, he is a Remainer, nevertheless with the hair of a Wellend.

I highly doubt Pimlico Plumbers will be in hock to anyone - friends who have used them report that their approach to getting paid resembles ‘card machine in the private ambulance’.

On big-time contracts with any of the Construction behemoths they often hold back payments for absolutely ages, which often leaves the smaller businesses running on fumes and racking up massive debts with suppliers. But of course Pimlico Plumbing, best fucking plumbing outfit ever and nobody fucks with them! Pay them upfront before I have to look at his melted face again!

that hair is more 80s rod stewart than weller imo xp

are they any good though? feel if they're just a high-pressure cowboy chain then this gives the customer handy invisible revenge

do you ever tune into this calz?

http://www.recognitionpr.co.uk/clients/id/21020

My friend J has used them a couple of times, both for emergencies and refurbs because he can’t be arsed with the hemming and hawing of local firms plus coaxing them to turn up. Good work, but ridiculously expensive.