Post the funniest slam another ILXer has made about you

Adam are you black, and 40, and a chick?

― ddb (ddb), Wednesday, January 5, 2005 6:03 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I guess the name Jaq, associated with engineering, conjured an image of a balding Frenchman in my mind.

― nasa_esa_fun, Monday, August 15, 2005 10:57 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you are weird dude. a creepy dude. you're always popping up on threads with like little nuggets of 'info' about various ILX people that you've gleaned from their posting. and that whole thing about spotting me at the michael mayer gig ... i dunno, weird. Yeah, I guess i snapped at you a couple times on maybe one or two threads .. but fuck it I snap at people all the time. And *everyone on ILX* snaps at other people *all the time*. so i really don't get this weird obsession you seem to have. Like, I really don't dig the fact that you've posted little snarky comments after things I post on ILM ... or follow me around and post links to ages old things I've posted elsewhere. Really fuckin creepy behavior dude. But basically i just ignore it, you know? And yeah, I don't know that we would really get along, primarily because your taste in music fucking SUCKS! BIG TIME! stop being a frickin follower-boy ILM hiveminder and get one taste for chrissakes. try listening to some records made before the year 2000 once in a while. jesus.

― Stormy Davis (diamond), Sunday, March 27, 2005 10:09 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

2005 was glorious obv.

Haha yeah that was a good one. I remember it

how are you guys finding these? do you just remember them?

the balding french engineer thing has stuck with me, I'll admit

Yeah every time I play a record by some vaguely MOR-ish R&B dude, I think of DDB's post

and I laugh, with my mouth

I was just reading the Breaking Bad thread -- I'm only caught up through S4 E1, so no spoilers! -- and had to lol at this:

Written by David Segal, hm - I wonder if that's the same Dave Segal who used to post on ILM (and cheerfully threatened to murder my entire family)?

― Myonga Vön Bontee, Tuesday, July 12, 2011 12:43 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

mr. snrub you are a motherfucking idiot. with every post you make i believe this more and more.
― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, January 4, 2005 4:01 PM (5 years ago) Bookmark

there must be some good ones about me, but i can't remember where they might be.

"I actually once thought ENBB was a pretty cool poster, but now I'm starting to think she's kind of a bitch."

For the record I'm bitchin but I'm not a bitch.

Usually.

It's all in the eyebrows, fwiw.

I have bitchy eyebrows?

I spent the last 24 hours researching this and I have come to the conclusion that you guys need to be funnier without the aid of Google Image search

lol

xp you have versatile eyebrows

That is probably true tbh.

feel like some dude is probably the best at making fun of me but I don't remember specific posts

i hope veggirl posts in this thread - let me find one for me. possibly the (now-deleted?) poll where i won most 'favo(u)rite rolling teenpop 2007 thread poster' w/ 3 votes (jaymc came in second w/ 2 votes) i'm pretty sure that wasn't intended as complimentary.

Mordy, I just came across that poll the other day and assumed it was complementary, because the people with the least votes were folks like kogan and thebug who really got a lot of grief about their teen-pop fandom.

haha that's p good for the relentlessly secondrate horseshoe xox

― maxwell's silva hamartia (nakhchivan), Thursday, March 10, 2011 4:34 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

not exactly funny, i guess, but effective

It's a bit hard to set any type of precedent re bad at this late date.

― Gorge, Saturday, May 17, 2008 2:37 PM (4 years ago)

lol idk what that was about but it's not much of a 'slam'

i am chill w/ horseshoe tho

"it is a dirty world of non-aristos for u" - zvookster

dan perry - do you seriously think i give a shit what any of you will says??

runner-up is when contenderizer called me a puritan

football players with unaccountably lengthy wikipedia articles

this is one i'm not sure about....i guess 'objectively' posting lots of bits of random crap from wikipedia on a plaintext message board is not an activity likely to engender respect from the world at large but i will continue to do it

zvookster's was much better, I saved you the trouble of finding it as well.

nakh i think it was because i had said a mean thing to you but i was doing it in an over-the-top jokey way, but you understandably read it straight. it was my fault, at any rate.

lol it was about the wire. you called the wire "p limited stuff" and i got mad and said:

also, you're p fucking limited stuff

― horseshoe, Thursday, March 10, 2011 4:32 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

haha that's p good for the relentlessly secondrate horseshoe xox

― maxwell's silva hamartia (nakhchivan), Thursday, March 10, 2011 4:34 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol @ "p limited stuff"

I think k3vin's entry in this thread can be found in that Wire/Sopranos tangent as well.

the point isn't that people do bad things, or that people sometimes don't care about other people, it's that the cumulative not-caring-about-other-people of a whole bunch of people over time creates systems and situations that are really difficult to turn around. like the wire is constantly making the "this person is acting as is basically required of him for the preservation of his job, and look how destructive it is, but look how difficult it would be for him to act differently" point about all kinds of different people with all kinds of different jobs, and the GIANT DICKENS/ZOLA SCOPE that can sometimes make the show seem shallow or didactic or less deep than the presumably-more-shakespearean sopranos is necessary to get the perspective the show needs to figure out how these people's jobs got this way.

― difficult listening hour, Thursday, 10 March 2011 21:20 (5 minutes ago)

this all true but it's p fucking limited stuff, there's a reason kids read dickens and nobody outside of france/college reads zola

― maxwell's silva hamartia (nakhchivan), Thursday, March 10, 2011 9:30 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I feel like I've definitely incurred a funny slam or two (which I'm eternally receptive to), but most of the slams I remember have been disappointingly dickholish and humorless.

so i was referring to the dlh post, not the wire itself....which would make sense cuz i like the wire, but it was unkind to dlh

oh okay see i didn't even understand it the first time around! relentlessly secondrate!

now i am mad @ u about dickens tho

<3

difficult listening hour is generally a v good poster who i have never seen upbraided for prolixity, despite having probably the highest avg word count this side of contenderizer, which reflects well on him and poorly on all the lazy 'contenderizer writes a lot' zings

i assume most ilxors, like i do, hang on dlh's every word

xps really though, what horse actually needs or wants a first-rate horseshoe? i bet most horses actually prefer second-rate horseshoes. just sayin'.

haha thanks for being so nice about what a baby i am

lol, that's a particularly kinly interpretation, nakh, bless u

anyway, i get hardsonned all the time but can't remember the good ones :(

r|t|c once called me "the ilm eunuch eclectic"

lol

I've been slammed plenty but I don't recall anything more than chuckleworthy but then...

I will leave it to others to decide which were their best zings against me and post them here. I am too senile to recall them on my own.

Michael White has been called... "a rolling barrel of man-bosoms, a mass of microbial uncleanliness, a simpering pollution on the face of god, and a spineless, faceless, piss-toping, untemperate nitwit."

Never forget.

It felt like a weird unexplained hole.

― Choogle Image Search (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Tuesday, August 14, 2012 2:00 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you feel like a weird unexplained hole

― Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Tuesday, August 14, 2012 2:03 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Casting Call for ILX: THE MOVIE

Never forget

That's merely descriptive, though

I'm in not un -temperate, though

I'm pretty sure Calum called me something heartwarming at some point.

still sad I wasn't cast in that movie

omg omar you do not look like bob balaban but I lol'd

I was just reading the Breaking Bad thread -- I'm only caught up through S4 E1, so no spoilers! -- and had to lol at this:

Written by David Segal, hm - I wonder if that's the same Dave Segal who used to post on ILM (and cheerfully threatened to murder my entire family)?

― Myonga Vön Bontee, Tuesday, July 12, 2011 12:43 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Haha, I remember that! I believe I said something nasty about Echo & the Bunnymen and he took offense. Later I grew to kinda like them (and not just for self-preservation)

Idk if ive ever been slammed on ilx :-(

in my first week or two ethan said i had a "very metallic ass."

in time we became friends.

tho i was always self conscious when polishing myself from there on out

Being called a "frat-house/school playground bully" was funny but I don't even know who to thank since it was back in the day when people could still post anon.

it was me, nicole. it's been nagging at me for years.

it wasn't

I still feel like I should now bully you in some way.

this is only one i can remember. pretty polite though.

At the risk of getting on his shit-list, I want to register my disgust with the opening of Scott Seward's Marah review. I'm not interested in defending Nick Hornby or Marah, but I don't think this level of insult, which I don't even find humorous--more like a bad day on ILM, belongs in even a weekly's music section.
― Rockist Scientist, Tuesday, June 29, 2004 10:55 PM (8 years ago)

plus, it was worth it just for the thread title:

"Nick Hornby is full of shit. Actually, this is unfair to shit. At least life grows from shit." WTF?

go to hell, troll bitch from jersey.
― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, January 30, 2004 8:53 PM (8 years ago)

Troll bitch from jersey would be such a great name for a song.

i googled "troll bitch from jersey" and the only other thing to come up was a dlisted post about jersey shore.

i figure there have to be some good ones out there but right now all i can think of is that thread where some guy said he was "making cards" for me, blount, and ethan.

how would we rank terius' singles as lead artist, then?

was going to put this on al's poll thread but thought he might not appreciate yet more terius talk there, and there aren't really enough to merit a thread of their own. thought it might be interesting though as terius' singles don't tend to be the most talked-about of his songs, and are def his most "generic"...anyway i go:

my love
shawty is da shit
sweat it out
i luv your girl
rockin' that shit
let me see the booty
walkin' on the moon
make-up bag
love king
falsetto

― lex lex lex lex lex on the track BOW (lex pretend), Tuesday, November 9, 2010 12:28 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

falsetto
rockin that shit
sweat it out
shawty is da shit
i luv ur girl
my love
make-up bag
let me see the booty
love king
walkin' on the moon

― s&m: sex and masturbating (The Brainwasher), Tuesday, November 9, 2010 12:31 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

rockin' that shit
shawty is da shit
sweat it out
love king
walkin' on the moon
i luv your girl
my love
let me see the booty
make-up bag
falsetto

― deej otm (some dude), Tuesday, November 9, 2010 12:40 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i also suspected all of our lists would be completely different

well, so far "sweat it out" has a consensus bronze medal

― lex lex lex lex lex on the track BOW (lex pretend), Tuesday, November 9, 2010 12:50 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

makes a kind of sense -- it's obviously great but chartwise a very minor hit that didn't have a video so noone feels quite right about putting it in first or second place

― deej otm (some dude), Tuesday, November 9, 2010 1:01 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lex i love you but saying "my love" is the best terius single is just

― wakafledia (k3vin k.), Tuesday, November 9, 2010 1:52 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

shawty is da shit
falsetto
i luv your girl
sweat it out
my love
rockin that shit
let me see the booty
love king
walkin' on the moon
make-up bag

― J0rdan S., Tuesday, November 9, 2010 1:53 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

anyway i'll rank these as singles and not necessarily as songs or parts of albums

"shawty is da shit!" > "rockin that shit" > "sweat it out" > "falsetto" >>> "love king" > "i luv your girl" = "my love" = "walkin on the moon" >> "make up bag"

― wakafledia (k3vin k.), Tuesday, November 9, 2010 1:57 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

altho i feel reasonably comfortable saying "shawty is da shit!" is his my favorite song of his

― wakafledia (k3vin k.), Tuesday, November 9, 2010 1:58 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i don't think i'd ever have guessed that "my love" would become my fav terius single at the time, but it actually inspired this bump - it's probably the dream song-in-isolation i drift back to most regularly, i kind of feel i know every nook and cranny of it by heart

― lex lex lex lex lex on the track BOW (lex pretend), Tuesday, November 9, 2010 2:06 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

shawty is da shit
i luv your girl
sweat it out
falsetto
rockin' that shit
walkin' on the moon
make-up bag
my love
love king
let me see the booty

― sister soulja boy (The Reverend), Tuesday, November 9, 2010 3:31 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

shawty is da shit
rockin' that shit
falsetto
sweat it out
my love
i luv your girl
make-up bag
let me see the booty
love king
walkin' on the moon

― Tim F, Tuesday, November 9, 2010 3:42 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

seriously how do you crazy bastards keep having this discussion!!

http://imgur.com/VCmNa.gif

― r|t|c, Tuesday, November 9, 2010 3:51 PM (1 year ago)

not an rtc zing but a subtle admonishment borne of disappointment that has stuck with me

I shd create an email poll for this huh

rtc's best zing was mebbe his alltimer on soto

im imagining a sitcom where 3 men find themselves in weird situations and they have to work out how to get themselves out.

episode one: pinefox, the lex and tuomas are in a sticky situation when they find themselves in somebodys garden and there is a loud barking coming from behind them. a garden gate separates them from freedom, will they make it out in time?

― 600, 15. huhtikuuta 2007 15:05 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the lex falls to the ground as he valiantly tries to climb the hedge, tuomas sticks his head into the hedge, pinefox muses on the nature of the gate

― 600, 15. huhtikuuta 2007 15:06 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

episode two: pinefox, the lex and tuomas find themselves in a boat in the middle of a pond near the village green. there is a hole in the bottom of the boat and there is a strange wooden shaped thing floating nearby.

the lex wants to grab the strange wooden thing and wave it in the air, in the hope of attracting attention. tuomas remarks that back in finland the boats dont have holes, why do they have holes in them here? the pinefox can't remember who the lex and tuomas are

― 600, 15. huhtikuuta 2007 15:10 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

episode three. after a difficult day trying to get the key to work in the lock of their house, tuomas, the lex and pinefox settle down and relax in their lounge. tuomas is confused that there are strange obstacles between all the rooms and back in finland ease of movement between the rooms isn't so restricted. the pinefox is concerned by some strange lights and nasty noises coming from a black box in the corner of the room and has covered it with a blanket, and the lex has fallen into the sink

― 600, 15. huhtikuuta 2007 15:17 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

tuomas, the lex and pinefox find themselves trapped by the side of the road. their favourite kebab house is on the other side. pinefox wants to call michael jones for advice but the lexs ipod doesn't seem to have any reception. tuomas wants to walk across the road but the lex is worried the big colorful things might hurt like the lamppost did earlier in the day. tuomas says it is ridiculuous to assume that the machines are violent and that in Finland many of those machines are used to host anti-patriarchy meetings on the campus.

tuomas walks calmly into the road and a blue machine hits him and he falls to the ground. the lex finds this hilarious and shouts "SEE! you do that too, i'm not the only one!" and, reassured, stumbles into the road, and is hit by a red machine and exclaims loudly "OW OW OW no fair you got the blue one tuomas the red one HURTS".

the pinefox looks at the two vaguely recognisable people lying in the road and wonders when the lex and tuomas are going to return with the *kebabs*, whatever the hell they are

― 600, 18. huhtikuuta 2007 12:48 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that's quite magnificent

is gareth still around? miss that dude

his ids are not as difficult to see past than you'd think.

as you'd think, even.

No doubt but I am terrible at the "guess the poster" game do I rarely try

Er, so

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rLM7kZIcps

you are 100% bitch, some dude

― cankles, Wednesday, December 17, 2008 3:08 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

one of the worst posters ever

― cankles, Wednesday, December 17, 2008 3:08 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so just the 2 most vocal and frequent posters supporting that opinion aren't native English speakers. maybe you guys are giving your crew a bad name tbh.

― oh boy, luriqua's house! that's where M.I.A.'s dyking! (some dude), Friday, April 30, 2010 10:27 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark

p hilarie in retrospect

― kanye shiwen (dayo), Friday, August 17, 2012 1:27 PM (5 days ago) Bookmark

if you mean cause i give goons a bad name surely that damage was done well before 2 years ago!

you're a fucking dick, Edward III.

― GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ, Wednesday, June 25, 2008 11:57 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Seconded.

― Raw Patrick, Thursday, June 26, 2008 3:55 AM (4 years ago)

100-way tie between all the times Steve Shasta insisted on calling me polyp.

aw

i'm sure i've got some winners on file but outside of the only one that became a meme i can't really remember?

mr. snrub you are a motherfucking idiot. with every post you make i believe this more and more.
― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, January 4, 2005 4:01 PM (5 years ago) Bookmark

― Mr. Snrub, Friday, August 17, 2012 10:40 AM (seven years ago) bookmarkflaglink

This is especially funny now that the ILXor in question has published a book subtitled "A Manifesto for a More Generous World."

The funniest slam I ever got was when I had been a member for like two months and started a mad men season 4 thread without finding one that had already started and lagoon got mad and imagebombed my thread

someone...either lagoon or sic ...did a retrospective of every lol i ever uttered... i was mortified but in retrospect it was v funny

otm

https://66.media.tumblr.com/9b761fddbdc620c3b671fe657b2d8973/tumblr_mkr0fwAvNM1ru09vqo1_500.gif

I don't post enough to get slammed often, only one I can remember is cankles calling me a cumlord after I correctly stated Five Guys doesn't have veggie burgers

To quote VegemiteGrrl, “lol”

I would think cumlord would be a compliment

It wasn't about what they said, it was the way they said it