Shite Film Titles Of Our Time

I got sent this the other day:

SLAP HER, SHE'S FRENCH
Across the UK on October 18

After The World Cup They thought it Couldn't Get Any Worse ... It Has!

The words "bonjour" and "ouch!" are not heard together nearly enough. But this could all change when the new teen comedy SLAP HER, SHE'S FRENCH opens across the UK on October 18.

Directed by Dawson's Creek helmer Melanie Mayron, SLAP HER, SHE'S FRENCH stars PIPER PERABO (Coyote Ugly) and features a sizzling big screen debut from JANE MCGREGOR.

Set in Texas - where men are men and French is some sort of salad dressing - the film is a very funny take on the insecurities of teenage life. Starla (McGregor) has everything an American High School queen could want - natural blonde hair, a jock boyfriend, top billing in the cheerleading team and a likely career as a television news anchor. Add to that her very own French exchange student (much better pet than a French poodle) and life's dandy. Or so she thought!

The arrival of Genevieve (Perabo) creates more problems than Starla ever thought possible. The scheming little Frenchie is stealing her man, her popularity, even her place as the top cheerleader. And no one can see it ... except for a very cute guy who she hasn't really noticed before.

As well as providing the laughs, SLAP HER, SHE'S FRENCH could give us even more reasons to hate our Gallic neighbours - to go with Cantona's annoying collar, the undercooked meals that a good vet could put back on their feet, the smelly cigarettes that don't even get you high, Sasha Distelle, the way they ran from the Germans, rancid cheese, the fact that none of them have the decency to wear stripy shirts and onions 'round their necks, Le Penn, Pernod, Citroen 2CVs ... need we go on?

Rated 12 (tbc) SLAP HER, SHE'S FRENCH will be distributed by Winchester Film Distributors across the UK on October 18. The film is produced by Matthias Emcke, Beau Flynn and Jonathan King (no, not that one!).

My recent favorite bad title is Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. It just sounds so contrived and clunky and awful.

Never Ending Story 2

Sorry, did the first one finish? etc

However, what I do like (sort of) is the new mix & match James Bond thing, where the titles are all derived from the old ones. I@m just waiting for 'The Man with the Golden Finger'.

Germany is also responsible for "Suck My Dick" (hey now, THERE'S a title John Waters could have his phone fun with...)

Alfie: Surely the title is the least offensive thing about this movie?

I just saw "Slap HEr Sh's French". It's the best thing I've seen since Crossroads (Southern accents y'all). ALll of the characters are really cliched but they've made them realy intelligent within that and it's really really great and probably the first comedy film I'e seen inages that I've actually laughed at rather than just quietly finding amusing. And the screaming really does hurt.

(I don't mind if you all laugh at me for saying all that)

(Q: Why does Starla have a great big Microsoft Access box on her shelf? Is DB programming one of the 60 steps? Plus she has an iBook)

I can't believe no one has mentioned 'Reality Bites' or 'Mystic Pizza' yet.

No one at all?

Also, anything that "Returns."

Who's Your Daddy? (upcoming)

Extreme Ops (upcoming)

I agree that Dude, Where's My Car? is a great title for the film in question: it has limited goals, and meets them fully. As does the sequel Seriously Dude, Where's My Car?

(apart from Guy Westwell from Sight And Sound. Mark S, if you pass him in a corridor, can you give him a kick in the shins from me for general rubbishness? Thank you)

No Graham, no one else has seen Slap Her, She's French.

Half Past
Die Another Day
Extreme
Wes Craven Presents: They

What if it's a movie with a title like "Saving Grace" such that you don't know until you see it whether the title is a participial phrase (if Grace turns out to be a hapless-but-winning character) or just a non-paronomastic noun phrase. Doesn't that put you in a bit of a bind? Do you just not take the chance if you can't be sure?

(I have no idea if there actually is a movie with that title. If I had to guess I would say probably there are several, mostly with the pun.)

xXx

Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes
The Loss of Sexual Innocence