The Reason The Movie Camera Was Invented: Michael Bay's "Pain And Gain" (2013)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEQ8jyvmYtw

Marky Mark and The Rock are bodybuilders. They rob Tony Shalhoub. He sics Ed Harris on them. Explosions. SWAT teams. A Pontiac Fiero. I am So There.

What in the shit

eh. ed harris and the fiero might be sorta watchable

well this looks awesome

THIS IS A TRUE STORY with made-up dialogue, a half dozen movie stars pretending to be ordinary schlumps, a pulsating sound track, and candy-corn cinematograpy, but... true?

go shit in some serious thread, serious-man

the minute the words "MICHAEL BAY" appear in a thread title i think you can be sure none of us are anticipating this based on merit

BAYWATCH thread

Might be fun, but I don't think I'm willing to endure Bay's usual epileptic editing.

the article series it's based on is a pretty incredible read

http://www.miaminewtimes.com/specialReports/pain-and-gain-from-new-times-story-to-michael-bay-film-1890864/

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, December 19, 2012 9:07 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark

After reading that story I feel that only the Coen Brothers could have done it justice. This is going to be distasteful in all the wrong ways.

Will be on TV every Saturday afternoon 2017-2025.

So this is basically 'The Fast & The Furious' but with only one sweet car?

the article series it's based on is a pretty incredible read

http://www.miaminewtimes.com/specialReports/pain-and-gain-from-new-times-story-to-michael-bay-film-1890864/

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, December 19, 2012 9:07 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark

― Gukbe, Saturday, December 22, 2012 7:52 PM (1 month ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that is an insane story!

Gonna enjoy the shit out of this ridic movie.

from the trailer it looks like bay's turning lugo into just another guy trying to get out of winesburg, ohio

when i read the story, the movie in my mind was somewhere between man bites dog and dead man's shoes

the trailer makes it look "hilarious", which is sort of a weird take. like maybe the twist at the end will feel like vindication for our lovable lunks instead of the rug being pulled out??

sounds like reading the article is going to harsh my buzz from that EXCELLENT TRAILER

thank u michael bay for making a non-douchebag spring breakers

the article is completely nuts yet very familiar, the sort of thing elmore leonard might write

what strikes me more than anything, reading it, is how incredibly dim these guys were to have gotten away with it for so long. it just doesn't seem possible that guys that dumb would be able to fool that many people for that long.

I've said it before but it would make a great Coen Brothers film. They can mix the horror and the black comedy of dimwits better than anyone. I just want to see how Michael Bay ends the film. I have a feeling it's going to be more 30 Minutes or Less, only more insistent on its "true story" bonafides.

point break 2 dir bigelow imo

what strikes me more than anything, reading it, is how incredibly dim these guys were to have gotten away with it for so long. it just doesn't seem possible that guys that dumb would be able to fool that many people for that long.

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, January 23, 2013 5:30 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

the terrifying indifference of the miami pd was probably their biggest asset there

"Micheal Bay still makes movies...there is no god"

what strikes me more than anything, reading it, is how incredibly dim these guys were to have gotten away with it for so long. it just doesn't seem possible that guys that dumb would be able to fool that many people for that long.

you and me both; to me it's not "how could human beings do such a thing", it's "how did they not get caught?"

so this movie

Jc • an hour ago −
Wow. Somebody has a raging hate-boner! Being a film critic, you should know that a director is a lot like a character actor. They pick a style and rhythm, wether its their personal conviction or not, and uses that style throughout the movie. Calling Bay a homophobe or sexual deviant makes you look ridiculous. You spent more time personally attacking the director than reviewing the film. And the last sentence just wraps up your disdain. "Depressingly successful"? The transformers movies are amazing. As a child of the 80's I have an incredible amount of respect and appreciation for the way he presented something that was a huge part of my youth. Go back to your butt-darts competition and let someone who isn't riddled with hate review this movie.

wish he would make his long-threatedned "art film"

presumably consisting entirely of slo-mo shots of exploding porpoises

butt-darts?

wish he would make his long-threatedned "art film"

this is it, dude

Saw this today. It's funny at times, but the trailer is super misleading ultimately - this is one of the darkest movies I've ever seen. Put it this way: This is a movie in which The Rock, blasted on coke, is cooking four human hands on a barbecue grill when a title pops up onscreen that reads "THIS IS STILL A TRUE STORY." Recommended, of course, but the trailer is a little misleading as to just how fucked a view of human existence this movie is really presenting.

The real story is incredibly fucked up! I wondered how misleading the trailers were going to be.

Put it this way: This is a movie in which The Rock, blasted on coke, is cooking four human hands on a barbecue grill when a title pops up onscreen that reads "THIS IS STILL A TRUE STORY."

tbh this sounds fucking incredible

Dude, The Rock gives the performance of his career to date in this movie. He's the best thing about it by such a huge margin it's amazing.

it's pretty good. what's funny is how contiguous it is with bay's previous work - not really a departure in terms of the bleakness of his worldview or unrestrained stylistic approach. the whole thing mostly works, though the ending was a tad self-satisfied for my taste. the rock & wahlberg are both great. bay gets wahlberg to do a scene wearing only calvin klein tighty whities. larry hankin rubs his hands on the rock's pecs and says 'you're so buff' and then the rock wonders in voiceover 'why was he telling me i was buff?' wahlberg's scene where he's dunking on kids is uncannily like the marky mark POW video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6B-qMqLqESQ

yeah, need to see this

this was deliriously stupid and ott and totally fun, although i felt like i needed to take a shower by the end

Michael Bay has accidentally critiqued himself.

Why do you say "accidentally"? I feel like people treat Bay like a retarded kid with a billionaire dad or something. The guy rose up making commercials—he knows exactly what he's doing. If this movie is a critique of previous Michael Bay movies, which in some ways it is, it's also a critique of American culture as a whole, and a fairly sharp one at times.

otm

By the way: Does anybody else who's seen it feel like this was Michael Bay's attempt at making a Tony Scott movie? I was strongly reminded of Domino (which I love too btw).

i've never seen a Bay-directed movie, but I love Anthony Mackie so ya never know.

This sounds kinda amazing

i can get with showing Michael Bay some love, if just in terms of technique. though i've only seen two of his movies -- bad boys (which was enjoyable) and the 1st transformers (which was OK but lol Shia LaBeouf so i can hate on it too i think).

"showing some love": find other words

morbs hates love

no, "loving" makes sense, "showing some love" is attempted hipster irony

is it now

*attempts hipster irony*

it's for "stans"

define 'stans' for me morbs

ask max

o i know what max would tell me, i'm curious what definition you're using there

uh let's hold our horses on the "bay knows what he's doing" thing, the script is satirical but the execution is certainly not, and that conflict sorta ruins any hope this movie had of being internally consistent or logical or w/e.

but otherwise it is p. entertaining, as mentioned the rock is amazing and most of the other actors are quite good as well.

I don't think Michael Bay has a sense of irony. He reminds me of guitar shredders who convince themselves that just because they can play faster flurries of more notes, they're the better guitarist. Sort of the auteur side of a fan's tautology. "If the movie sucks, then why did I like it so much?" "If my movies suck, then why do they make millions of dollars?" "If I suck, then why do I drive Ferraris and date hot models?"

i fully expect this movie will have bay's usual dose of racism and misogyny but it also might be the best bay movie since 'the rock'. i hope so anyway, everything he's done since that one has been terrible (possible exception of 'the island'.)

haha The Island was so stupid but so fun

also I liked Bad Boys II but we already went over on its thread how I'm a horrible person etc

yeah i kinda liked the island

all i remember about the island was the insane product placement.

uh let's hold our horses on the "bay knows what he's doing" thing, the script is satirical but the execution is certainly not

that doesn't prove that he doesn't know what he's doing; the fact that he at least partly thinks lugo's psychotic fantasy is cool and made a movie about how cool it is, isnt some absurd accident. i dont necessarily think bay the individual is super bright, but as a filmmaker he's extremely canny (more than most directors) about getting the effect he wants. the lack of ironic distance in P&G makes it a lot more interesting than the obvious juxtapositions of eg., Spring Breakers (which i liked)

Bad Boys II is a masterpiece of bad taste, it's his best non-Rock movie

xp but the script seems like it was pretty heavy on ironic distance! i think mostly the v.o., as juxtaposed with the in-scene dialog and glorified mayhem. all the quasi-patriotic self-help stuff, and the fact that the film seems to at least partially approve of it, results in a very weird effect, and if that effect was what bay was going for i'm not sure that was a great decision.

fully expect this movie will have bay's usual dose of racism and misogyny

you will not be disappointed

i enjoyed bad boys ii also but purely for 'gabrielle union hubba hubba' reasons

yeahh this was....not very good

it's almost a satire for abt 20 mins but i dont think bay could really commit to it (not that it wouldve been any good but itd at least be different), too many pandering gags & joeky setups, way too much voiceover filler

the rock really shouldve done the weird shit w/ his fingers calling back southland tales

the lack of ironic distance in P&G makes it a lot more interesting than the obvious juxtapositions of eg., Spring Breakers (which i liked)

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Monday, April 29, 2013 3:22 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's very marginally more interesting than spring breakers (which is garbage)

agreed re: voiceover and pandering gags (tho them being such dated gags bothered me more than the pandering aspect), which is why i liked it and didnt love it

The voiceover stuff would have been fine had the movie stuck solely to the Gang's POV - having Ed Harris's private detective chime in breaks the spell somewhat. Gives us too clean a break from the madness.

Seeing the movie and then reading the articles - the stuff that turns out to have been combined or invented turns out to be pretty much exactly what I'd figured it would be based on the fact that this is a Michael Bay movie.

yeah harris' v/o struck me as the most unnecessary, plus his marge gunderson ending was pretty unearned

such dated gags

biggest laugh/reaction in my theater was shaloubs fat roommate in the hospital who shits all over the bathroom stall

tho i guess that is never untimely, is more on the pandering tip

also bothered me that ken jeongs character sez 'hot mess' in 1995

good point, esp. since they seemed to be trying to be real leading edge when it came to lol 90s stuff

im always game for an explosive diarrhea joke. hated the musty & dusty slide projector gag

also bothered me that ken jeongs character sez 'hot mess' in 1995

― johnny crunch, Tuesday, April 30, 2013 11:17 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

mackie pumping up one of the guy's hes training by telling him he's kobe beef bugged me. wasnt nobody talkin bout no damn kobe beef in 1995... maybe in the fine dining world they were but not this guy. also, the schlotsky's deli was clearly one of the new rebranded ones, not a vintage 90s schlotsky's. dug the condom billboard though

just read the miami new times series on this story - HOLY SHIT

haha yeah.

On the apparent (I haven't seen it yet) failure or lack of willingness of "Pain & Gain" to reflect upon its basis in reality, and also Spring Breakers. Interesting enough.

http://www.popmatters.com/pm/column/171180-spring-breakers-pain-gain-and-postmodern-folly-at-the-movies/

this was a lot of fun

Just re-watched this (I bought the DVD). The most utterly & perfectly American movie of 2013. The Rock deserves an Oscar.

i laughed my ass off, this was so much better than I thought. Not perfect, and agree upthread there was way too much voiceover and corny bullshit, but basically it's like bodybuilding serial killers star in Bad Boys III. I dunno if Bay was parodying himself because of the 90's setting or that's the only way he knows how to make movies set in Miami but hey, I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.
Mainly I dug it because this is the role that I've been DYING to see The Rock play. He was hilarious. And Wahlberg plays a good meathead.

i hear eeeenormously homophobic

well it's Michael Bay, who constructed an entire "comedy" scene around Martin Lawrence and Will Smith sounding "gay" in an electronics store.

Actually that could be indicative of what I find so troubling about P&G: The characters would be totally homophobic, so representing them as such isn't a problem. The actual problem is that it's one of the many aspects that Bay seems to really enjoy about them.

http://www.theverge.com/2014/1/6/5281542/watch-michael-bay-melt-down-onstage-at-ces

hahaha

aaaawkward

was hoping he'd say "fuck it we'll do it live"

hit EJECT after 33 minutes, i'm fine with that decision

"this kid's parents took him to Paris, and France"

haha i get it he's stoopit

did u finish it

Streaming on Netflix starting the 10th

Just started watching this, pretty fun.

"You love those big bitches, and they love to eat. It's okay!"

great movie