Washing up in other people's homes

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Last night I go into the kitchen to discover a [female] friend of one of my flatmates doing everyone else's washing up. I mean, if it needed doing urgently, then helping out would be fine, but the other people were just sitting about watching her. This went on a lot with people last year as well (again with girls). It's not just the gender thing - the idea of going around someone else's house and ending up doing the washing up seems really odd.

Is there etiquette on this?

― Graham (graham), Thursday, 26 September 2002 12:37 (twenty-three years ago)

I hate washing up at home. I like washing up in other people's houses. Perhaps it makes me feel virtuos.

Dont all rush at once!

― jon (jon), Thursday, 26 September 2002 12:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm the same as jon (I thought this thread was going to be about that). Sometimes I go mad and scrub years of dirt off other people's pans too.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 26 September 2002 12:46 (twenty-three years ago)

I do that too. I think it makes me feel like part of their home.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 26 September 2002 12:52 (twenty-three years ago)

I think doing it completely unprompted is quite rude, a bit like going round and hoovering their front room or scrubbing their bath, it implies that you think they are dirty or in some way domestically deficient and by doing something about it you are illustrating your superiority in such matters. However if they look at it and go 'oh bugger I really must do the washing up / I wish someone would have a go at that lot' then it is fine (though by no means required). If they have just cooked you dinner and you then offer that is fine too though from an etiquette point of view the cook should always decline the offer. Obv much of this depends on how friendly you are with the people in question.

― Emma, Thursday, 26 September 2002 12:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I have done the washing up on your flat once Emma! Keith woke me up from my sofa slumbers and I had to escape Don't Eat The Neighbours.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 26 September 2002 12:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes well you know us very well. Nonetheless I am a little offended by this, what, did you think we are so lazy we wouldn't have got round to doing it? The other objection I would have is that I would rather a guest didn't do it at all rather than doing it badly / wrong (i.e. pans before glasses or somesuch) which proves that I am a psychotic control freak. Not that I am saying you did it badly Tom cos I don't even know when this was.

Oh and Graham, different etiquette applies to students (on all things)but I have no idea what it is. Sorry.

― Emma, Thursday, 26 September 2002 13:03 (twenty-three years ago)

It's usually when I've stayed over that I do the washing up. Mainly with one house of friends because I can't get out of the house without a key and they are impossible to wake up. They are also so pathetically grateful, it's really rather sweet to see.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 26 September 2002 13:04 (twenty-three years ago)

I just did the plates and cutlery Emma, there was some kind of washing up strike going on at the time over Keith's behaviour so I decided to fearlessly break the deadlock.

NB I would not be offended if anyone staying round mine thought I was too lazy to tidy up and did it for me. Because I am.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 26 September 2002 13:08 (twenty-three years ago)

My mum does it, everytime she visits (unannounced) and it bugs the hell outta me. It's like she's telling me I'm crap at housework, without actually saying it. Am I just a paranoid and ungrateful wretch?
Don't think it'd bug me if my friends did it though, I'd think it odd but it's save me the bother!

― Anonymous (Anonymous), Thursday, 26 September 2002 13:15 (twenty-three years ago)

I would only wash up in another person's house if I had created some of the need for it. I washed up in Mark C's house on Saturday in fact, although I didn't touch the half-drunk cups of coffee (or it may have been Bovril), because a) ew, and b) you never know with other people what their strange cold coffee/Bovril drinking/cultivating habits might be.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 26 September 2002 13:17 (twenty-three years ago)

in other people's flats I am a guest, therefore no washing up.

at home I am a man, therefore no washing up.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 26 September 2002 13:19 (twenty-three years ago)

I only do it with people I know very well or when they have cooked me dinner.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 26 September 2002 13:21 (twenty-three years ago)

You are missing out DV. I find washing up (accompanied by loud music) one of life's grebt pleasures.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 26 September 2002 13:22 (twenty-three years ago)

But Archel it is terribly weakening for the nails!

My auntie to thread. She always washes up when round my parents' house for Sunday dinner, and while this is fair enough there are limits. For instance she insists on washing up the main course stuff when the rest of us are sitting down waiting to tuck into our pudding which means my dad has to shout at her to for christ's sake stop it and come and sit down (maybe this is not perfect etiquette but it's family so what the hell). Also she puts things away in the wrong place meaning my mum has to spend the next fortnight wondering where her slotted spoon might've got to.

― Emma, Thursday, 26 September 2002 13:27 (twenty-three years ago)

My Dad does this between course washing up stuff as well - it will not do!

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 26 September 2002 13:29 (twenty-three years ago)

My mum does it too because she likes to feel useful but she doesn't wear her glasses and so she can't see that she's left dirt on things and I have to re-wash it all when she's gone.

― toraneko (toraneko), Thursday, 26 September 2002 13:29 (twenty-three years ago)

It is a brave man (or woman) that comes between a Hamilton and his (or her) pudding.

― Emma, Thursday, 26 September 2002 13:30 (twenty-three years ago)

I have to say, Moore and Lander to thread, even though they don't post here.

― chris (chris), Thursday, 26 September 2002 19:00 (twenty-three years ago)

at home I am a man

You must be a sight at work.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 26 September 2002 19:02 (twenty-three years ago)

I live by the words,If you dirty it you clean it.

― brg30 (brg30), Thursday, 26 September 2002 22:35 (twenty-three years ago)

The important thing when washing up other people's stuff is to try even harder than usual not to break anything.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 27 September 2002 11:29 (twenty-three years ago)

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