Other Uses For Newspapers Other Than As A Wrap For Fish and Chips?

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In the past few weeks, the highlights of the British papers have been:

*Who is the real father of Nicole Appleton's coming baby;
*Why Prince Harry is such a paragon of virtue now that he wants to emulate his mum;
*The revelation that Michael Barrymore has always been a self-serving whiner;
*Who Jordan (British model) is seen out with....

And now the fact that John Major actually had / has something resembling a sex life.

Is there truly any news left worth reading? Amaze me, and say what those are?

New "the paper really is written by people with grey matter" answers welcome.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 30 September 2002 17:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Telegraph obituaries!

I thought Jordan was really ill or something?

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 30 September 2002 17:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Doggy training tools.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Monday, 30 September 2002 18:03 (twenty-three years ago)

I use them to protect my kitchen floor when I paint, since oil paint is impossible to get out of cheap apartment vinyl flooring. NY Times Databank section is perfect for this.

― lyra (lyra), Monday, 30 September 2002 18:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Bristol Rovers scored five away from home not long ago, Nichole! You're reading the wrong parts! Or the wrong paper, since I have missed most of what you mention but read lots about Iraq and international politics. The Saturday Guardian is a great paper!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 30 September 2002 19:12 (twenty-three years ago)

they make great fire-starters in lieu of kindling, they are cool to use for papier mache, they clean windows without streaky marks, they make great cats toys if you roll em up into balls and tie string on, they are good for gift-wrap as you just use the appropriate pages for the person involved....endless possibilities really but it all depends on which ones you buy as to whether they are worth reading.

― donna (donna), Monday, 30 September 2002 19:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Nicole Appleton is having another baby???

― rosemary (rosemary), Monday, 30 September 2002 19:52 (twenty-three years ago)

It's the silly season - there is no worthy news. How can this be year after year? This is why Osama got in early, didn't want to be pushed out by celebrity couplings.

Also Papier Mache! (also why not just "mashed paper"?)

― Simeon (Simeon), Monday, 30 September 2002 20:55 (twenty-three years ago)

the friday guardian is a terrible thing. the reviews section is vomit inducing

― gareth (gareth), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 07:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Swatting flies, absorbing fridge defrost melt and cleaning windows.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 07:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Also Papier Mache!

I used to love making things out of Papier Mache when I was younger. The creation of which I was most proud was a secong head à la, and inspired by, Zaphod Beeblebrox, which I believe I even wore in the street for a short while (aw, c'mon, I was ten years old).

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 08:36 (twenty-three years ago)

secong: I meant 2nd.

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 08:36 (twenty-three years ago)

No you didn't, you meant secong and you are exposed as a martian.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 08:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought Jordan was really ill or something?

Her baby was born blind, and then she was diagnosed with cancer in her hand but they operated and removed and I think she's doing OK now!

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 09:23 (twenty-three years ago)

THEY REMOVED HER HAND??

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 09:24 (twenty-three years ago)

there was na orbituary of improv bass player peter kowald on the Times last friday. go to yr library and read it.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 09:24 (twenty-three years ago)

(just the tumor nick, though amputation had been an option)

― Graham (graham), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 09:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, it's always an option.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 10:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Wasn't there a crappy old British gasmshow where the losers' "prize" was a newspaper from the day of their birth? What a fine use. I'd just love one of those.

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 10:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Get one

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 10:35 (twenty-three years ago)

"Gasmshow"? That sounds unpleasant.

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 10:41 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn?pagename=article&node=&contentId=A41634-2002May31¬Found=true

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 10:44 (twenty-three years ago)

we use newspaper when we run out of toilet paper down here. no shit.

― di smith (lucylurex), Tuesday, 1 October 2002 21:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Or the wrong paper, since I have missed most of what you mention but read lots about Iraq and international politics. The Saturday Guardian is a great paper!

Tis decent for job listings, certainly;> I'll try it out, as I only tend to get the "News of the World" in my house on Sundays (for my grandmother, you understand;>)

Hola Lady Di! (grin) Perhaps tis all much of it is good for...

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 14:11 (twenty-three years ago)

shit, di, the yellow pages is so much softer. and there're so many sections you'll NEVER have to use.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 14:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Mmm chips. I might get chips tonight. Chips are good for splitting headaches, right?

― Sarah (starry), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 14:28 (twenty-three years ago)

chips and aspirin, yes, Sarah!

Nichole: the FT is a pretty good read, and has said nothing about Appleton or Barrymore lately. Of course it has a boring "companies & markets" section too that goes straight in the bin, but you can't have everything

― Jeff W (Jeff W), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 14:36 (twenty-three years ago)

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