Facebook koans from a beautiful southern mother of three or so

Bean was gettin himself something to drink. He was walkin across a particular area of the floor,he started lookin all frustrated, kickin his feet and goin on,he said "GAAAAH! WHAAT ARE THESE CRUMBS AND STUFF ALL OVER THE FLOOOOR! It's stickin to ma feet!!" I was like,"I don't know son,Ive been a work. I reckon whatever y'all have dropped on the floor but hey! there's a nifty stick like thing over there in the corner that can remedy the problem! It's called a broom! You can sweep up whatever it is so it don't stick to your feet anymore!"He went on and grabbed the broom. I went and sat down in the livin room. I got up to take my dishes back to the kitchen.I noticed the pile of crumbs was indeed no longer in the area where he was tryin to walk, O yes..he swept them alright..He swept them not up but over to a different part of the kitchen, where he wasn't tryin to walk. It was then that I realized I must act fast..I mean right now,he's cute..Thats why God makes em that way,so when they do stuff like that you don't kill em but then...He grows up,gets married..spends one night with his wife, she'll kill him. She'll kill him dead and all I'll be able to do is stand over him, cry and shake my head and say, the dust pan son, you should have used the dust pan

Are you FB friends with Wm Faulkner

does she have 3.75 kids or what

three kids of her own, not sure how many stepkids

i'm glad this woman has her own thread

aint a damn koan, tho

i went to college with her sister and she would stop by the house to get drunk away from her two babies and generally fucked up life and just preach to us in the kitchen about the travails of single motherhood and i was so totally in love with her.

I'm visitin granny this evenin, I'm laying across the bed, she's sittin in her chair..she says "now, you don't have to do it right now,but when you get up, I wish you'd get something and cover her up" I'm lookin around tryin to find who or what she's talkin about..she points across the room to her..(the doll below) although I'm puzzled as to why I'm coverin up a baby doll, I'm not askin no questions, I'm just gonna do what she told me to, so I go to lookin around for something to cover her with, when she says "just get a robe, blanket...whatever you can find, it don't make me no difference, long as you cover up them great big ol eyes of hers..I'm tired of her sittin over there lookin at me all day" haaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaa... "yes ma'am"

Sometime...Jesus ain't necessarily found in how many bible verses you know or how many times you go to the church house...he shows when you let a sister cross the parkin lot of the grocery store when it's rainin like a cow peein on a flat rock and you are in a nice,cozy, dry covered automobile..When I think I nice, kind, lovin Jesus... I imagine that he lets people go across.. not sayin the feller that didn't let me go, didn't have him...just sayin I didn't reeeeaally feel the love...

RAININ LIKE A COW PEEIN ON A FLAT ROCK

I love that quote... I think she's the woman we sold our Saturn to for $200. Xp

Me,Bean&Bella sittin on the bed visitin granny....

Bean & Bella-"Hey ma,are we gonna go get fireworks?"
Me-"yeah in a little while"
Granny-"where y'all goin?"
Me-"to get fireworks"
Granny-"who died?"
Me-"........??????.........."
Granny again-"who died?"
Me-"wha?what are you talkin about?
Granny-"well you said you had to go buy flowers"
Me-"no granny, I said fireworks"
Granny-"what?"
Me-"fireworks"
Granny-"what?"
Me-"you don't know them"

RAININ LIKE A COW PEEIN ON A FLAT ROCK

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/pleuvoir_comme_vache_qui_pisse

The past isn't dead. It's not even past... It's spatterin all over your legs like cow pee.

We piled up in the car Sunday to go to church..It wasn't the happiest bunch of people you've ever seen..even goin to visit Jesus,they are not mornin people.Bean and Kalen get in. Kalen asleep propped up on one window, Bean asleep propped up on the other..Bella tries to get in on Beans side so of course we have an altercation. I'm tryin to stay happy cause I have to help usher the Lord into the service and its hard to do that if i'm wantin to kill folk,so I come to the car bearin a plate of blueberry muffins, thinkin well this will maybe bring some happy..We sit there,all waitin on Tari to get to the car so we can leave. He comes outside and as he's comin to the car,he don't look happy. I'm lookin in the backseat at the chilren and I'm like "ok why? Does anybody know why he looks like that?" the chilren are all scrolling in their memory banks, nobody can come up with anything..he gets in and is like "alright who got my brush? I can't find ANY of my brushes"I'm like "well you don't really have any hair, soo." (that evidently was NOT the thing to say btw :)anyway then Bella shouts.."O I know where it is!" she hops out of the car,runs in the house and brought back out 2 brushes and hands them to her dad. They are both covered in white hair. Her dads eyebrows go even further in not happy mode, my butt is puckered cause I thought she had brushed the dog with them. He gives her "the daddy look" she looks all innocently at him ,holdin her pretty little baby doll tightly up against her chest and exclaims "What??? I HAD to brush Sally's hair daddy! You can't take your baby to church with nappy hair..its just not ok!" haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ok who can be mad after that! everybody laughed, we ate muffins, got to church and we all managed to get there without killin each other... narrowly

my mom has a friend who writes a little bit like this and posts awesome comments on pics/vids of my daughter

Got ma lucky charms.................
Got no milk................................. *The struggle is real*

I don't normally post what all I get done on a Saturday cause.. well frankly it's not very impressive most Saturdays, however today..I did do an assorted variety of things. I washed 3 loads of laundry..(only 2 actually made it INTO the dryer,the other,I'll wash again in a couple in a days when I find them cause I need to wash something else) I walked 2 dogs, one got loose, so I had to chase a dog, found dog muddy and stanked all to be .... anyhow, washed 2 dogs, kinda cleaned the house, washed and fixed granny's hair, went to band practice learned a new song for tomorrow..came back to mom and dads to hang out for a few minutes. I was real sleepy but then I walked face first into a spider web, so not only am I wide awake but I'm sure someone on Belmont Avenue saw the big heehaw I made of myself in the street, screaming and clawing at my face and is callin the po po..

I was in my room changing my clothes. As I stood there in my bra, Bella walked in. She sat on the bed and looked at me. I could see the wheels just a twirling and knew a question was coming. She said "mama why are everybody's boobies in different places?" I kinda knew what she meant but still I couldn't help myself, so I ask,"what do you mean they are in different places?" Bella explained "well...mine, yours and Alaina's are up here but granny's are waaaaaay down there" as she pointed towards her waist,"why is that?" I said "well...when you are your age, they start off all nice and perky where God put em, you can't really tell it in my bra, but mine ain't really where they once were either and by the time you get granny's age, they are even further down because of a thing called gravity. Gravity is what pulls things that God put in one place, down towards your feet" Bella said "ok WOW gravity is really mean"I said "yes it is and don't forget unfair." I didn't have the heart to talk to her yet about wrinkles, gray hair and that weird strand of random hair that pops up out of nowhere from your chin or neck area when you start gettin older. Look in the mirror one day.. nothin, the next day you can braid the son of a gun.

We were havin a bday party over there yesterday. Me and all my youngun folk went over to mom and dads for a minute and was headed back across the street. Belmont Avenue is alway very busy so I'm always cautious when tryin to get the chilren across the street.. Anyhooo down the street I go with my babies lined up behind me, like her mother duck and her ducklings urging them to hurry up...The kids got across but something grabbed my attention. It was a mashed squirrel in the dead center of the street..I stand there bent down, mesmerized by it. It had been run over so many times that it looked plastic..all of a sudden I hear the chilren yell at me.."MAMA! A CAR!!" I look up and there is a car that has had to stop to keep from hitting me, fella was just sittin there lookin at me in disbelief that this crazy woman was standing in the middle of the street investigating a dead squirrel.. You know, while I'm talkin about it, I'd like to say I appreciate that man for not honking at me cause even when I am clearly in the wrong, it makes me angry when folk honk at me.. Anyway thanks to my chilren and this nice man,I made it safely across the street. You've heard people joke about people with ADD.. "squirrel" I totally just gave validity to that statement..I've said before I will say again..The lord takes care of babies and their fool

i would say, like, probably don't continue with this.

Something is dripping off these quotes but I can't be sure what it is cuz'n I don't wanna get that up close with it.

i really identified with that last one