ILE Faking It!

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This is a useless time to be posting such a thread but after watching Faking It we were trying to match ILE-ers to potential faking-it professions i.e.

I would have to be a style consultant.
Sarah would be a children's party entertainer.
Alan would be a football commentator.
Emma would be a shop steward.

and so on.

Any others?

(Faking It for US posters is a programme whereby somebody has a month to learn to do something they are on the surface completely unsuited to, eg tonight an ex-navy man became a drag queen. At the end they do it 'for real' and we see if they get spotted as a fake or not.)

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 20:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Seeing as how I can't convince people to look into things they're not interested in, I'd have to be a telemarketer.

― Nate Patrin, Wednesday, 2 October 2002 20:56 (twenty-three years ago)

fundamentalist Christian televangelist

(big rig truck driver I think I could manage)

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 20:59 (twenty-three years ago)

oh, but for other people:

Ned could be a shorts metal bassist

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 21:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah - its not just opposites, it needs to be i)something physically possible i.e. no I would not be able to fake it as a professional footballer, ii)something with a fairly specialised skill-set i.e. not "Suzy would have to work on a supermarket checkout ha ha".

We also wanted Momus as a Working Men's Club stand-up.

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 21:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Almost anything really, including yours, Sarah's and Felicity's. Or any of the ones they have tried in any of the shows. Or any of the jobs the fakers have been doing up to the show. haha I am just generally useless! Haha oh wait no that isn't funny...

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 21:08 (twenty-three years ago)

self-help guru.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 21:10 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned as a 'boot camp' type sergeant-major.

mark s as a time-and-motion-study based 'efficiency improver'.

― Ray M (rdmanston), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 21:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Me as a sports commentator?

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 22:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Queen G as a network censor.

I always felt like I was faking it when I was a Teamster.

― Arthur (Arthur), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 22:27 (twenty-three years ago)

I would either have to be a bartender a sports bar (gay, straight, doesn't matter which, they'd both be completely incongruous) or Mr. Richard D. James.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 22:50 (twenty-three years ago)

I would be a motivational speaker.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 23:11 (twenty-three years ago)

I would be a mortgage broker

― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 23:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Isn't "Children's Part Entertainer" a fairly accurate description of Sarah already?

I would become a man-ho.

― Graham (graham), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 23:22 (twenty-three years ago)

careers advisor.

― Ess Kay (esskay), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 23:24 (twenty-three years ago)

This is supposed to be your opposite, Graham. You've already proclaimed to the world what a filthy man-ho you are.

I would be a game show hostess, with the big hair and toothy grin.

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 23:25 (twenty-three years ago)

. . . hmmn, I could be Graham's pimp.

― Ess Kay (esskay), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 23:27 (twenty-three years ago)

And it is specialized knowledge, because the thought of me trying to manuever around, say, a dinette set without tripping over and breaking my neck is very hard to imagine.

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 2 October 2002 23:27 (twenty-three years ago)

i would be a car salesperson.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 3 October 2002 00:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Ned could be a shorts metal bassist

Ned as a 'boot camp' type sergeant-major

Stranger has happened.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 3 October 2002 00:20 (twenty-three years ago)

I would become a man-ho.

*aherm* mister oh-i-have-to-marry-Rebecca-first, it's meant to be something wot you're NOT. *righteously indignant huff for comic effect*

― petra jane (petra jane), Thursday, 3 October 2002 04:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Psychologist for me. That'd be fun.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 3 October 2002 05:03 (twenty-three years ago)

And by that I mean someone who counsels people about their pschological woes.

(Psychiatrist wouldn't be as much fun, I don't think)

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 3 October 2002 05:04 (twenty-three years ago)

nabisco would be a rodeo clown

― felicity (felicity), Thursday, 3 October 2002 05:16 (twenty-three years ago)

wouldnt Dan Perry have to be the Network censor?

― gazza, Thursday, 3 October 2002 05:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Mr. Perry could instruct on "purity of the mind."

― bnw (bnw), Thursday, 3 October 2002 05:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Catholic priest!

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 3 October 2002 05:44 (twenty-three years ago)

I think mine would be a Club 18-30 rep, no other job feels me with more dread.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 3 October 2002 06:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Oi Tom, I love the workers me! (not the tube drivers though grrr)

― Emma, Thursday, 3 October 2002 07:32 (twenty-three years ago)

I really like the one where you think there is an extensive skill set - but actually what they have to master quickly is the mannerisms. The burger van bloke who became top chef managed most of the cooking stuff in a week - it was learning to become an obnoxious tosser that was really hard. I can certainly see this being the case in next weeks Live TV Director one.

Lixi = Motorcycle Stunt Rider.
Graham = Minesweeper.
Pinefox = Garage MC.

I note the way no-one has mentioned me, for I really am jack of all trades.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 3 October 2002 09:25 (twenty-three years ago)

a DJ (which did come up in one program).

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 3 October 2002 09:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Pete we decided for you there would have to be a programme called Truthing It, with Nancy Sinatra walking all over you with her boots.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 3 October 2002 09:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Pinefox = computer programmer

― Sam (chirombo), Thursday, 3 October 2002 09:33 (twenty-three years ago)

hmph they wd make me be a butcher or milk cows or something. fuckers.

― katie (katie), Thursday, 3 October 2002 11:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Katie = The new milkybar kid

― Graham (graham), Thursday, 3 October 2002 11:59 (twenty-three years ago)

milkybars are on me! (GET THEM OFF!!!!)

― katie (katie), Thursday, 3 October 2002 12:02 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd be a really crappy psychotherapist due to a complete lack of empathy. There's nothing wrong with you aside from self-absorption & severe hypochrondria. Now get the fuck out of my office and stop wasting my time.

― Miss Laura, Thursday, 3 October 2002 13:08 (twenty-three years ago)

mark s = kids tv presenter
jess = nightclub bouncer
me = primary school teacher

― Jeff W (Jeff W), Thursday, 3 October 2002 13:42 (twenty-three years ago)

I could totally see all three of these, you guys don't seem unsuited to those jobs at all.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 3 October 2002 13:51 (twenty-three years ago)

I would be an excellent censor! Don't you realize the first prerequisite to being a censor is the ability to find something perverted in anything?

Teaching would be the bane of my existence, as I am:

- terrified of public speaking (but not singing, go figure);
- wildly impatient with people who don't follow my logic.

Sales clerk would be another good one for me, or pretty much anything in the service industry (but I want to become a part-time bartender; DOES NOT COMPUTE).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 3 October 2002 14:08 (twenty-three years ago)

someone in the office read in the tom issue of metro that basil brush is coming back, except now he's fat and camp

i wd easily fit in there

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 3 October 2002 14:13 (twenty-three years ago)

mark and basil brush. an unbeatable double act!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 3 October 2002 15:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Tom - Editor of Sight and Sound

Ronan - Editor of Keraang

Graham - Editor of The Wire

Julio - Editor of Smash Hits

Pinefox - Editor of MixMag

― Andrew L (Andrew L), Thursday, 3 October 2002 15:24 (twenty-three years ago)

''Julio - Editor of Smash Hits''

that would be GREBT!! My first act would be to put Steven stapleton's goat on the front cover. now for a headline...

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 3 October 2002 15:29 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd love to be a motorcycle stunt person. Can we organise this?

― alix (alix), Thursday, 3 October 2002 15:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Julio, I'm sure that NWW were reviewed at least once in Smash Hits, but nowadays they might spot you were a 'fake'...

Oh,

Dr. C - Editor of Uncut

― Andrew L (Andrew L), Thursday, 3 October 2002 15:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Ooh ooh ooh! Then can I be editor of Vogue?

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 3 October 2002 15:36 (twenty-three years ago)

andrew- yeah Tom or someone mentioned that this happned in the 80s, which is why i thought of it.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 3 October 2002 15:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Dave Q - English tourist board PR

Mark S- Bingo caller

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Thursday, 3 October 2002 15:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I wanna edit Rolling Stone. First new headline: "All you bastards who read this seriously are fools."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 3 October 2002 16:18 (twenty-three years ago)

wow I am the best fakir on ilx

thanx for registering your disbelief: it touches me.

― the pinefox, Thursday, 3 October 2002 18:00 (twenty-three years ago)

We shan't disappoint Lixi. WE SHAN'T.

― Graham (graham), Thursday, 3 October 2002 19:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Me- phone sex ooperator
Jess- Iron Chef
John D- Contortionist
Daver- Motorcycle Daredevil

― brg30 (brg30), Thursday, 3 October 2002 22:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh Ye! Oh Ye! Grahm To Be Town Crier! Oh Ye! Oh Ye!

― Graham (graham), Thursday, 3 October 2002 22:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Pointless unless you know him but Magnus as a London Cabbie.

Lixi - rent Stuntman from Blockbuster for the PS2 to take that vital first step to achieving your dream!

― Tom (Groke), Friday, 4 October 2002 05:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Faking It for US posters is a programme whereby somebody has a month to learn to do something they are on the surface completely unsuited to

A publicist.

― Jody Beth Rosen, Friday, 4 October 2002 06:57 (twenty-three years ago)

a con man! a fake con man.

― unknown or illegal user (doorag), Friday, 4 October 2002 10:31 (twenty-three years ago)

MC = NME Editor. I will bring back Errol Golddust and Samuel K B Amphong for a start.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 4 October 2002 10:50 (twenty-three years ago)

was samuel k.b. ampthong the "where is beatles band?" guy? i remember him! he wasn't really that funny tho.

― unknown or illegal user (doorag), Friday, 4 October 2002 10:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Kerrang editor would be easy, I'd just secretly bring in really really hard techno and none of the metallers would notice.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 4 October 2002 11:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Indeed Mr Amphong was the "where is Beatles band?" man, and indeed he was in reality Danny Baker, which might explain a few things.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 4 October 2002 11:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Dave Q: White House spokesman; nursing home administrator

Anna Fielding: Wal-Mart greeter in La Vista, Nebraska

Felicity Redwell: ditto

Nory Winslow: Popeye's Chicken drive-through attendant / First Deputy Managing Director of the International Monetary Fund

Tom: paintball / laser-tag game facilitator

Gareth: bouncer

Graham: pimp

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 4 October 2002 21:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Since of course Graham's already a man-ho...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 4 October 2002 21:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Actually on second thought I think Felicity would be terrific at the Wal-Mart greeter position

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 4 October 2002 21:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Yay! do you want to see me do the squiggly in the Wal~Mart Cheer?

haha, nabisco, do you suppose the EXTREMELY LOUD KFC drive-through person we encountered was a musuem fundraiser on her first day of Faking It?

― felicity (felicity), Saturday, 5 October 2002 00:24 (twenty-three years ago)

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