Determinedly staring at the abyss with our Winter 2013 Fucking Ten

1. A year ago, my next door neighbor left a bicycle out out in the trash when they moved out. Not a bad one, a Crescent racing bike from the mid-70s - apparently from Sweden. Pretty bad shape, but still - free bike! The "one of these days I'll fix that up" gene runs strong, so in the garage it went for a year. A few months ago one of the big late-night LA cycling groups passed by directly in front of the house. The eeriness of that huge pack of cyclists riding in the middle of the night was just enough to lift me into that introspective "fuck it, I'll just finally do it!" level of deep satori. Got the bike fixed and I'm now a regular on the LA River Trail. Feels great. Watt's essay on kayaking around the Pedro harbor resonates. The bike hasn't aged well, but slots perfectly into that brain synapse that makes someone want an old car to work on.

2. Torrents of anxiety from lack of income generation. The feeling is identical to being out on a rural highway, running low on gas, and seeing nothing open.

3. We're going to NYC for two weeks, yeah!

4. World Empanadas on Victory Blvd. in Burbank.

5. Is it possible to have PTSD from working? I've been adding /* Trigger Warning! php below! */ comments on top of my code.

6. Bardo Pond's Peace On Venus. Whatever happens next, this is the soundtrack for it.

7. Creative catatonia sucks.

8. Still crying over Lou Reed.

9. Shocked to learn that a writer I corresponded with was busted for plagiarism.

10. I made more money this year from background/extra work that I did from computers. How the hell did that happen?

1) shows coming up: mazzy star, melt-banana, morton subotnick, pere ubu

2) going to nyc for a week in january, hurrah

3) recent road trip to san francisco and santa cruz

4) the tri-tip shawarma at the random pizza/middle-eastern place in san luis obispo

5) josie the wonderful cat who brightens my life

6) mid-'80s sonic youth

7) 2013 being a fabulous year for albums that keeps on delivering

8) lou

9) greengage, the pantone color

10) knowing that anxiety attacks are only temporary and you can get past them

Hmmm...

1) Whatever twinge it is in my right side -- a little annoying but it's also a good 'dude you ARE getting older' reminder, and I'd rather have that over pretending otherwise.

2) Good god, what a year for music. WHAT a year and I haven't heard a tenth of what I've wanted to. It's like all the clocks synced up at once.

3) Counterintuitively it's also been a great year for not listening actively, giving over to contemplative drift. Keeps everything in balance. YouTube ambient mixes from all over the place have actually been my number one listen all year long.

4) Rereading LOTR properly for the first time in over a decade via iPhone Kindle app. How I read my favorite book changes each time due to mindset; technology gives it something else this time around as well.

5) A low key but pleasant writing pace that isn't as financially rewarding but has been more all around enjoyable than I would have guessed. I could do more but I don't feel like I have to.

6) Bemusedly seeing my Twitter follower count continue to ramp up, with some increasingly well known names among them. It's really been the first time I've had a true sense of whatever audience I do have.

7) So much tomato sauce and soup from summer, waiting in the freezer for winter hours. The garden was a treat this year.

8) My sister's forthcoming 40th birthday next month. Whatever happens it'll be a blast.

9) Four days later this week on the Queen Mary with a slew of friends. I intend to do a lot of relaxing.

10) Something private as always. But it's been the best feeling in years.

1) my worringly crack-like addiction to Haribo Goldbears
2) antjie krog's "country of my skull". one of the best books Ive ever read.
3) post-grad studies going well. idea for a literary theory essay sparked off by a recent ilx thread actually
4) lou
5) My girlfriend. Shes a good woman and sometimes Im too much of a selfish asshole to see that.
6) Justified. Cracking show this. Im only on the first season. Its more 'rockford files' breeziness and charm than the unbearable tension of 'breaking bad' or the dark sleekiness of 'mad men'
7) the delicious dinner I made last sunday. it wasnt anything special, just a chicken curry but it tasted grrreat

I dunno thats all I can think of for now