nick sylvester = maker upper

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"how would your wife + family feel?"

it wouldn't work. they would hear me snoring on the couch.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:27 (eighteen years ago) link

Then your boys could come up and dance and sing and jump on your tummy.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:27 (eighteen years ago) link

Happy Birthday, Ned!

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:32 (eighteen years ago) link

:-D

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:34 (eighteen years ago) link

Jimmy is 8 years old and a third-generation heroin addict, a precocious little boy with sandy hair, velvety brown eyes and needle marks freckling the baby-smooth skin of his thin brown arms.
He nestles in a large, beige reclining chair in the living room of his comfortably furnished home in Southeast Washington. There is an almost cherubic expression on his small, round face as he talks about life -- clothes, money, the Baltimore Orioles and heroin. He has been an addict since the age of 5. His hands are clasped behind his head, fancy running shoes adorn his feet, and a striped Izod T-shirt hangs over his thin frame. "Bad, ain't it," he boasts to a reporter visiting recently. "I got me six of these."

― ,,,,,,,,,,, Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:37 (eighteen years ago) link

I was waiting for someone to get all Janet Cooke on this thread.

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:39 (eighteen years ago) link

yeah but that made-up story cast important light on an real life community epidemic instead of being some smug po-mo loser dicking around nyc scenester bullshit & using newspapers as his own narcissistic playground

― ,,,,,,,,,,,,, Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:44 (eighteen years ago) link

also janet cooke didnt think black ppl using & selling drugs was hilarious or cute

― ,,,,,,,,,, Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:45 (eighteen years ago) link

RIFF: JIMMY YOU USE HEROIN ALOT HUH

JIMMY: YES I AM ADDICTED TO IT

RIFF: WOULD YOU SAY YOU ARE "CUCKOO" FOR IT

JIMMY: ...

― ,,,,,,,,,,, Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:46 (eighteen years ago) link

haha ts: nick sylvester makes up/changes details in fluffpiece about picking up chix vs. nancy grace makes up/changes details in (career making) story about murder of her fiance.

― j blount (papa la bas), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:47 (eighteen years ago) link

Holy schadenfreude, Batman.

You know you've hit bottom when Tom Smith is lecturing you about ethics.

― Edward III (edward iii), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:48 (eighteen years ago) link

for me the fact that its a fluff piece makes it worse, not better

― ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:49 (eighteen years ago) link

whoa, i wonder if tom smith knows nancy grace!

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:53 (eighteen years ago) link

Smith once wrote a piece about scoring with one of the chicks from Frightwig. So he & Slyvester are kindred spirits, in a sense.

― Edward III (edward iii), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:57 (eighteen years ago) link

2) fluffpiece/lifestyle feature 'journalist' fate (neil strauss, tom junod, richard meltzer) - positive: nothing negative happens to yr career. negative: this means you're still a fluffpiece/lifestyle feature 'journalist'. positive: except now you're better paid. negative: you become an even bigger asshole.

― j blount (papa la bas), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:02 (eighteen years ago) link

i wonder if sylvester has even been to a kill whitey party like he says?!

― gear (gear), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:02 (eighteen years ago) link

ok that was probably true

― gear (gear), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:02 (eighteen years ago) link

and sylvester should take comfort in that there's two things that can happen to him now -
1) 'serious' journalist fate (janet cooke, ruth shalit, stephen glass) - no longer work in journalism, get better paying, more prestigious job instead (ok, i guess it could be argued cooke made a lateral move after the post)(note: ignore possibility of consequences if your name is mike barnicle, rick bragg, joe klein).
2) fluffpiece/lifestyle feature 'journalist' fate (neil strauss, tom junod, richard meltzer) - positive: nothing negative happens to yr career. negative: this means you're still a fluffpiece/lifestyle feature 'journalist'. positive: except now you're better paid. negative: you become an even bigger asshole.

Janet Cooke worked at a department store for like 20 years or something!

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:05 (eighteen years ago) link

Nothing much here except:

Also: Yes, yes, we know about that essentially useless Editor’s Note. More on that TK later.

Hmmm.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:07 (eighteen years ago) link

They asked for and paid for a Nick Sylvester piece, and they got one. Unless the editor specifically said "hey, this is going on the front page under the general news and editorial section" it's possible (probable?) Nick didn't know what he was supposed to turn in. With things the way they are (I'm still amazed the Riff Raff column exists, and I like a reasonable portion of Nick's stuff) it's not surprising that he could make the front page with a parody article.

Is there anything Nick's written for the voice that hasn't had some sort of parody disclaimer or was at least written in the guise of being a gossipy music article?

― mike h. (mike h.), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:07 (eighteen years ago) link

I love Situationism as much as the next guy (if the next Guy is Debord; get it? get it?) but, for instance, the same Voice issue has a Sylvester story entitled "E-thics" (oof). It's about viral marketing schemes. I would like to be able to take the facts that Nick cites (e.g., that the "Mothers Against Noise" joke was bankrolled by Universal) seriously. Sadly, I can't.

― Never Work (joseph cotten), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:08 (eighteen years ago) link

I love Situationism as much as the next guy (if the next Guy is Debord; get it? get it?)

I am going to steal the fuck out of that.

Isn't it pronounced "Gee" though?

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:10 (eighteen years ago) link

Trife, you shoukd get a VV blog where you write like you write on ILX

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:10 (eighteen years ago) link

like i said whiney - lateral move!

― j blount (papa la bas), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:10 (eighteen years ago) link

hey JB are you asserting that Sylvester has the writing chops of any of those other writers? because that's kind of a mitigating factor when it comes to taking comfort.

― don weiner (don weiner), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:11 (eighteen years ago) link

what the fuck has this got to do with situationism?

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:12 (eighteen years ago) link

er, don, neil strauss's chops?

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:13 (eighteen years ago) link

captain save-a-hack logic

― ,,,,,,,,,,,,, Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:14 (eighteen years ago) link

writing chops - meltzer>junod>sylvester>strauss (note: strauss best seller in the bunch)(ie. nick you might want to think about pitching a teagan presley bio right now while the iron's hot).

― j blount (papa la bas), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:16 (eighteen years ago) link

meltzer never made anything up! especially when he did!

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:19 (eighteen years ago) link

maybe a book on "trap-hop" modelled after
http://tommcmahon.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/leniafrica2.jpg

― ,,,,,,,,,,,,, Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:19 (eighteen years ago) link

haha i thought that graphic was gonna be the david foster wallace hip-hop book at first

― j blount (papa la bas), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:25 (eighteen years ago) link

http://img314.imageshack.us/img314/1322/traptop0pc.jpg

― LYRICAL MR PERFECT, Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:26 (eighteen years ago) link

haha that book is pretty good tho

xpos YES

― ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:27 (eighteen years ago) link

blount, your gap between junod and sylvester is approximately 1.43298 zillion miles.

― don weiner (don weiner), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:30 (eighteen years ago) link

he should avoid a hip-hop book, those things never sell. teagan presley bio all the way, and then a funny how to book about scoring milfs, then maybe a collection of 'essays' on various pop trivia including a first published in esquire feature on mischa barton that may stretch the truth slightly, then, if the time is right, a guest shot on around the horn.

― j blount (papa la bas), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:32 (eighteen years ago) link

i predict a long career of being the guy making funny hand gestures in the background of cobrasnake photos

― gear (gear), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:33 (eighteen years ago) link

who are you, his agent?

i'm sure that's been the gameplan since his freshman year.

xpost

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:34 (eighteen years ago) link

is it time for the "WHAT'S ON NICK SYLVESTER'S IPOD?" thread yet?

― sean gramophone (Sean M), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:35 (eighteen years ago) link

lol @ gear

maybe a reader-submitted mcsweeneys list too?

― ,,,,,,,,,,, Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:35 (eighteen years ago) link

Is there anything Nick's written for the voice that hasn't had some sort of parody disclaimer or was at least written in the guise of being a gossipy music article?

um, this story?

i know all the facts aren't out, so it's hard to judge this situation completely. but i'm kinda weirded out by people making the "c'mon-they-should've-known" defense. even if you think the editors should've known -- which is a stretch, and you'd need to know what kind of talk went on between reporter and editors -- there's no way the reader can know. and yeah, it's fluff. guess what? writing good fluff is hard. having the right quotes, the right anecdotes, it takes work like anything else. making shit up is making shit up.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:40 (eighteen years ago) link

F U N N I E S T W A Y S T O S E L L C R A C K

By Nick Sylvester

Use slang I can't understand.

Be from the south, or at least, Virginia.

Have avant garde minimalist production.

Wear Bathing Ape sometimes, if not a bucket hat.

Be poor and Black.

― ,,,,,,,,,,,, Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:41 (eighteen years ago) link

xpost: (and i can't believe people are getting into whether the guy who apparently wasn't there and never talked to the writer is a fratboy or not. that's the lamest excuse i've ever heard. there's no "unless it's a fratboy" exemption in the ethics rules.)

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:42 (eighteen years ago) link

xpost

Capital "B," cuz.

― Jimmy Mod: The Prettiest Flower In The Pond (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:42 (eighteen years ago) link

is might magazine responsible for this klosterman/strauss/sylvester type of fluffpiece writer? i never read it but it seems like eggers pre-new sincerity definitely would've been this type of asshole.

― j blount (papa la bas), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:42 (eighteen years ago) link

capital b what?? i doubt nick would put caps on 'black' (unless he was poppin a cap on a black lol slang) but i do

― ,,,,,,,,,,,,, Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:44 (eighteen years ago) link

is it time for the "WHAT'S ON NICK SYLVESTER'S IPOD?" thread yet?

-- sean gramophone (sea...), March 2nd, 2006 11:35 AM.

Yes.

― Edward III (edward iii), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:45 (eighteen years ago) link

i'm still wondering how making up the quotes somehow, in some people's mind, automatically makes the piece a "parody."

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:50 (eighteen years ago) link

it means indie nerd rock critics w/ ties to pfork & the voice are choosing bullshit hipster crew love over journalism

― ,,,,,,,,,,,,, Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:53 (eighteen years ago) link

like all those republicans who 'stand behind' tom delay

― ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:54 (eighteen years ago) link

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