If we're getting fancy with sandwiches then fuck sandwiches, we ought to get into serious territory and talk about rarebit. The other week I made the most amazing rarebit, with caramelised onion, pulled ham hock, proper real ale, dijon mustard, and a good mature cheddar on a proper granary bread from a real baker. It was literally one of the best things I've ever eaten in my entire life.
― comedy is unnatural and abhorrent (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:04 (eleven years ago) link
in the summer, i love eating cucumbers just as they are - i cut off half of one and eat it like a chocolate bar. the most delicious, refreshing chocolate bar ever.
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:07 (eleven years ago) link
beyond "why would you cook", if you're gonna take the time to cook why would you make a fucking sandwich?
sandwiches are probably HARDER to make than just baking stuff or whatever, i've never managed to do it
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:08 (eleven years ago) link
My girlfriend's mum made me a next-level croque madame on boxing day. It was sort of like a little egg'n'cheese'n'ham pie made from hollowed out french bread or something. amazing.
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:11 (eleven years ago) link
sandwiches are probably HARDER to make than just baking stuff or whatever, i've never managed to do it― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:08 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:08 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Wait what? What could possibly go wrong??
Lex, are you serious? You can make a delicious bespoke sandwich in less than a minute.
― fun loving and xtremely tolrant (Billy Dods), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:12 (eleven years ago) link
You put something you like between two pieces of bread? How can you not manage that? I know you're a kitchenphobe, but that's actually insane.
― comedy is unnatural and abhorrent (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:13 (eleven years ago) link
Bread can come pre-sliced. Meats and cheeses can come pre-sliced. Lettuce naturally comes in useful sandwich-sized leaves.
― comedy is unnatural and abhorrent (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:14 (eleven years ago) link
the stuff falls out or the bread splits apart or i can't chop things or i spill everything or you pick it up and it just disintegrates and everything goes everywhere
i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:14 (eleven years ago) link
why would you ever buy bread that WASN'T pre-sliced, i tried to slice a non-sliced loaf before and everything just went wrong
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:15 (eleven years ago) link
it disintegrates because you've put fucking cucumber and lettuce in it, you idiot.
― comedy is unnatural and abhorrent (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:15 (eleven years ago) link
And tomato. And fucking EGG.
― comedy is unnatural and abhorrent (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:16 (eleven years ago) link
We keep a sliced loaf in the freezer so Em can have beans on toast when I'm out, but other than that I never, ever, ever buy a pre-sliced loaf.
i've never attempted to put egg in a sandwich (see: difficulties with boiling eggs passim)
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:17 (eleven years ago) link
lex, can you make toast?
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:17 (eleven years ago) link
not really
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:19 (eleven years ago) link
i mean, not so it's nice. it's always either overdone or underdone and i swear the settings on the toaster change by themselves
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:20 (eleven years ago) link
Not surprised.
― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:20 (eleven years ago) link
when you eat cucumbers like chocolate bars, do you slice them up first?
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:22 (eleven years ago) link
that would be eating cucumbers like cucumbers
― Stop Gerrying Me! (onimo), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:23 (eleven years ago) link
no, i try to avoid slicing things because it never ends well
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:32 (eleven years ago) link
do you not burp loads after eating a whole raw cucumber?
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:34 (eleven years ago) link
I'm literally explaining to Lex (and Mike) what bread is and how to slice it, on twitter.
― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:35 (eleven years ago) link
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Tim Berners-Lee's dream.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMTJo8r-ZAw
― non-elitist melted poo (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:37 (eleven years ago) link
i have never burped even once after eating cucumber, no. i wasn't aware it did that to anyone. it's just water.
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:37 (eleven years ago) link
i've worked with a young man with autism whose favourite food treat was half a cucumber, and why not? i figure the burping thing only happens to horrible old people who insist on telling you about things that "repeat on them" and then belching
― non-elitist melted poo (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:39 (eleven years ago) link
nb please nobody ever use the phrase "repeats on me" it is the vilest phrase in the english language
― non-elitist melted poo (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:40 (eleven years ago) link
the seeds or the skin of cucumbers tend to make people burp a bit. also, there's an enzyme in them that only a certain percentage fo the population can taste and to those people it's abominable.
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:40 (eleven years ago) link
Victorians used to peel grapes too but i figure this is a case of the idle bourgeoisie needing to man the fuck up
man the fuck up and eat a cucumber
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:44 (eleven years ago) link
Are you making the sandwich before slicing the bread?
― Mark G, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:48 (eleven years ago) link
unsliced bread is pointless for anything bar open sandwiches and toast imo
― non-elitist melted poo (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:56 (eleven years ago) link
Oh man. Go to better bakeries.
― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:56 (eleven years ago) link
bake yr own bread, its piss easy and really fun
― I had such a fontasy (stevie), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:00 (eleven years ago) link
i love unsliced bread but if i'm making a sandwich then sliced bread is the perfect size shape and thickness
― non-elitist melted poo (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:00 (eleven years ago) link
doorstep sandwiches are some barbarian shit
― non-elitist melted poo (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:01 (eleven years ago) link
NOTHING to do with cooking is either "easy" or "fun" except the eating
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:04 (eleven years ago) link
^^^^ RONG
― I had such a fontasy (stevie), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:07 (eleven years ago) link
if i can do it, it must be easy. if i love to do it, it must be fun!
It seems I am great at slicing bread.
― Mark G, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:08 (eleven years ago) link
jesus christ lex, you cannot make a sandwich? is this a sick joke? like are you actually telling us that YOU as an ADULT HUMAN BEING cannot put, I dunno, a few slices of ham between some bread? AND YOU CAN'T MAKE TOAST?!?!?!?!??!?!
― Blue Collar Retail Assistant (Dwight Yorke), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:10 (eleven years ago) link
can he dance?
― Mark G, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:13 (eleven years ago) link
I've actually got my hands in my head in despair
― Blue Collar Retail Assistant (Dwight Yorke), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:14 (eleven years ago) link
or the other way round, i don't even know, that's how weirded out I am
Head sandwich
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:19 (eleven years ago) link
On a typical day, Lex, how do you not die?
― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:19 (eleven years ago) link
on a typical die i actually find myself asking myself that at least three times. i have no idea.
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:21 (eleven years ago) link
Like, what have you eaten today? How do you manage to shower and wash and stuff without poisoning yourself? Do you have a driving license?
― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:21 (eleven years ago) link