Does anyone still shop at HMV?

sandwiches are probably HARDER to make than just baking stuff or whatever, i've never managed to do it

― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:08 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Wait what? What could possibly go wrong??

Lex, are you serious? You can make a delicious bespoke sandwich in less than a minute.

You put something you like between two pieces of bread? How can you not manage that? I know you're a kitchenphobe, but that's actually insane.

Bread can come pre-sliced. Meats and cheeses can come pre-sliced. Lettuce naturally comes in useful sandwich-sized leaves.

the stuff falls out or the bread splits apart or i can't chop things or i spill everything or you pick it up and it just disintegrates and everything goes everywhere

i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself

why would you ever buy bread that WASN'T pre-sliced, i tried to slice a non-sliced loaf before and everything just went wrong

it disintegrates because you've put fucking cucumber and lettuce in it, you idiot.

And tomato. And fucking EGG.

We keep a sliced loaf in the freezer so Em can have beans on toast when I'm out, but other than that I never, ever, ever buy a pre-sliced loaf.

i've never attempted to put egg in a sandwich (see: difficulties with boiling eggs passim)

lex, can you make toast?

not really

i mean, not so it's nice. it's always either overdone or underdone and i swear the settings on the toaster change by themselves

Not surprised.

when you eat cucumbers like chocolate bars, do you slice them up first?

that would be eating cucumbers like cucumbers

no, i try to avoid slicing things because it never ends well

do you not burp loads after eating a whole raw cucumber?

I'm literally explaining to Lex (and Mike) what bread is and how to slice it, on twitter.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Tim Berners-Lee's dream.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMTJo8r-ZAw

i have never burped even once after eating cucumber, no. i wasn't aware it did that to anyone. it's just water.

i've worked with a young man with autism whose favourite food treat was half a cucumber, and why not? i figure the burping thing only happens to horrible old people who insist on telling you about things that "repeat on them" and then belching

nb please nobody ever use the phrase "repeats on me" it is the vilest phrase in the english language

the seeds or the skin of cucumbers tend to make people burp a bit. also, there's an enzyme in them that only a certain percentage fo the population can taste and to those people it's abominable.

Victorians used to peel grapes too but i figure this is a case of the idle bourgeoisie needing to man the fuck up

man the fuck up and eat a cucumber

Are you making the sandwich before slicing the bread?

unsliced bread is pointless for anything bar open sandwiches and toast imo

Oh man. Go to better bakeries.

bake yr own bread, its piss easy and really fun

i love unsliced bread but if i'm making a sandwich then sliced bread is the perfect size shape and thickness

doorstep sandwiches are some barbarian shit

NOTHING to do with cooking is either "easy" or "fun" except the eating

^^^^ RONG

if i can do it, it must be easy. if i love to do it, it must be fun!

It seems I am great at slicing bread.

jesus christ lex, you cannot make a sandwich? is this a sick joke? like are you actually telling us that YOU as an ADULT HUMAN BEING cannot put, I dunno, a few slices of ham between some bread? AND YOU CAN'T MAKE TOAST?!?!?!?!??!?!

can he dance?

I've actually got my hands in my head in despair

or the other way round, i don't even know, that's how weirded out I am

Head sandwich

On a typical day, Lex, how do you not die?

on a typical die i actually find myself asking myself that at least three times. i have no idea.

Like, what have you eaten today? How do you manage to shower and wash and stuff without poisoning yourself? Do you have a driving license?

today i have eaten

- a bowl of muesli
- a pear
- brie on pumpkinseed ryvita (this went wrong btw)

i actually made myself proper coffee in the grinder my bf got me for xmas, though (this only went wrong insofar as i spilled the coffee beans everywhere, also i have no idea how much of anything to put in and i think it was way too strong and i'm kind of gibbering at my desk right now)

of course i can't fucking drive. i ran 13k yesterday though!

how...how...how...does cheese on ryvita go...wrong

To be fair, he's eating a lot more healthily than I am.

the ryvita broke as i was trying to put the cheese on and it all fell on the floor :(

he tried to do it cheese first
xxp