i've never attempted to put egg in a sandwich (see: difficulties with boiling eggs passim)
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:17 (eleven years ago) link
lex, can you make toast?
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:17 (eleven years ago) link
not really
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:19 (eleven years ago) link
i mean, not so it's nice. it's always either overdone or underdone and i swear the settings on the toaster change by themselves
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:20 (eleven years ago) link
Not surprised.
― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:20 (eleven years ago) link
when you eat cucumbers like chocolate bars, do you slice them up first?
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:22 (eleven years ago) link
that would be eating cucumbers like cucumbers
― Stop Gerrying Me! (onimo), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:23 (eleven years ago) link
no, i try to avoid slicing things because it never ends well
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:32 (eleven years ago) link
do you not burp loads after eating a whole raw cucumber?
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:34 (eleven years ago) link
I'm literally explaining to Lex (and Mike) what bread is and how to slice it, on twitter.
― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:35 (eleven years ago) link
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Tim Berners-Lee's dream.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMTJo8r-ZAw
― non-elitist melted poo (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:37 (eleven years ago) link
i have never burped even once after eating cucumber, no. i wasn't aware it did that to anyone. it's just water.
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:37 (eleven years ago) link
i've worked with a young man with autism whose favourite food treat was half a cucumber, and why not? i figure the burping thing only happens to horrible old people who insist on telling you about things that "repeat on them" and then belching
― non-elitist melted poo (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:39 (eleven years ago) link
nb please nobody ever use the phrase "repeats on me" it is the vilest phrase in the english language
― non-elitist melted poo (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:40 (eleven years ago) link
the seeds or the skin of cucumbers tend to make people burp a bit. also, there's an enzyme in them that only a certain percentage fo the population can taste and to those people it's abominable.
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:40 (eleven years ago) link
Victorians used to peel grapes too but i figure this is a case of the idle bourgeoisie needing to man the fuck up
man the fuck up and eat a cucumber
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:44 (eleven years ago) link
Are you making the sandwich before slicing the bread?
― Mark G, Friday, 18 January 2013 15:48 (eleven years ago) link
unsliced bread is pointless for anything bar open sandwiches and toast imo
― non-elitist melted poo (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:56 (eleven years ago) link
Oh man. Go to better bakeries.
― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 15:56 (eleven years ago) link
bake yr own bread, its piss easy and really fun
― I had such a fontasy (stevie), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:00 (eleven years ago) link
i love unsliced bread but if i'm making a sandwich then sliced bread is the perfect size shape and thickness
― non-elitist melted poo (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:00 (eleven years ago) link
doorstep sandwiches are some barbarian shit
― non-elitist melted poo (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:01 (eleven years ago) link
NOTHING to do with cooking is either "easy" or "fun" except the eating
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:04 (eleven years ago) link
^^^^ RONG
― I had such a fontasy (stevie), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:07 (eleven years ago) link
if i can do it, it must be easy. if i love to do it, it must be fun!
It seems I am great at slicing bread.
― Mark G, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:08 (eleven years ago) link
jesus christ lex, you cannot make a sandwich? is this a sick joke? like are you actually telling us that YOU as an ADULT HUMAN BEING cannot put, I dunno, a few slices of ham between some bread? AND YOU CAN'T MAKE TOAST?!?!?!?!??!?!
― Blue Collar Retail Assistant (Dwight Yorke), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:10 (eleven years ago) link
can he dance?
― Mark G, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:13 (eleven years ago) link
I've actually got my hands in my head in despair
― Blue Collar Retail Assistant (Dwight Yorke), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:14 (eleven years ago) link
or the other way round, i don't even know, that's how weirded out I am
Head sandwich
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:19 (eleven years ago) link
On a typical day, Lex, how do you not die?
― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:19 (eleven years ago) link
on a typical die i actually find myself asking myself that at least three times. i have no idea.
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:21 (eleven years ago) link
Like, what have you eaten today? How do you manage to shower and wash and stuff without poisoning yourself? Do you have a driving license?
― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:21 (eleven years ago) link
today i have eaten
- a bowl of muesli- a pear- brie on pumpkinseed ryvita (this went wrong btw)
i actually made myself proper coffee in the grinder my bf got me for xmas, though (this only went wrong insofar as i spilled the coffee beans everywhere, also i have no idea how much of anything to put in and i think it was way too strong and i'm kind of gibbering at my desk right now)
of course i can't fucking drive. i ran 13k yesterday though!
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:24 (eleven years ago) link
how...how...how...does cheese on ryvita go...wrong
― Blue Collar Retail Assistant (Dwight Yorke), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:25 (eleven years ago) link
To be fair, he's eating a lot more healthily than I am.
― emil.y, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:26 (eleven years ago) link
the ryvita broke as i was trying to put the cheese on and it all fell on the floor :(
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:26 (eleven years ago) link
he tried to do it cheese firstxxp
― Stop Gerrying Me! (onimo), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:26 (eleven years ago) link
my beautiful thread
― pfunkboy (Algerian Goalkeeper), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:26 (eleven years ago) link
(Also, I missed the point when this thread on HMV became a thread on sandwiches and the life skills of the lex... what happened?)
i bought myself one of those sainsbury "cook for yourself" meals yesterday because it was reduced, it was basically like...pre-packaged ingredients except you have to use a pot instead of a microwave? that went wrong and i panicked and my housemate had to help me salvage it
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:27 (eleven years ago) link
every time i see this thread i think of the rahzel lyric
Check the outlets for cassettes and CD Sam Goody, Blockbustin' up your H M V
― fuck wit' lysandre day (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:28 (eleven years ago) link
xp because nick insists on TROLLING me about cooking
― lex pretend, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:28 (eleven years ago) link
For breakfast I fried two tomatoes, some slices of chorizo, and an egg, and had it on a slice of white toast, which I had to slice lengthways from a baguette-thing that we'd used the bottom of last night for chilli-loaf.
For lunch I had a crusty roll dipped in leftover chilli from the chilli-loaf.
For dinner I'm going to make some fake oven chips and have them with frozen scampi. A lazy Friday tea.
On Wednesday night I made leeky mashed potato which we had with mustard lamb (neck fillet seasoned with ground mustard seeds; ground myself in my pestle and mortar); made a gravy with some flour, a glass of white wine, a teaspoon of mint sauce, and the juices from the lamb in the frying pan. It was amazing. (Jamie fat-tongued-cunt Oliver recipe.)
― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:29 (eleven years ago) link
(The chilli was vege, and homemade from scratch, of course.)
― i would never inflict the process of making a sandwich on myself (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:30 (eleven years ago) link
No one is born with an innate cooking gene, but anyone can learn to cook if shown the right way. I struggled for years randomly throwing ingredients into pans and then having to force down the resultant slop of inconsistent parts before someone actually showed me how to chop an onion, crush a garlic clove and deseed a pepper (all of which are very easy things to do and you won't end up stabbing or setting fire to yourself in the proceeds, I promise). Lex, really I know you're against cooking in all forms but would it hurt to maybe get a 'how to cook a bolognese' 101 off of Suzy or someone? It's really simple, requires very very little in the way of preparation and tells you a whole bunch of things on how to cook other meals. And besides, the results can be really rewarding. I'm not shitting you here.
― besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:31 (eleven years ago) link
Once I saw two neighbor kids, brothers, fighting. One of them socked the other on the arm, ran in the house and locked the back door. The other one went to the door and started beating on it, on the glass instead of the frame. Eventually his hand went through the glass and he laid down and started screaming at the blood. The mother gathered them both up and headed for the hospital. Even though the kid with the cut was beyond stupid, practically developmentally disabled, for beating on the glass instead of the door frame, he won because he got all the attention. The end.
― Jah Creature (WilliamC), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:32 (eleven years ago) link