It's the principle of the thing...

i refused to buy the ace Soulwax mix album because Soulwax are Scum and they EAT BABIES.

I have a tendency to rant and over-rationalize, to think and re- think, etc. So I'm apologizing ahead of time if some of this becomes rather convoluted, as I don't like to go back and correct what I have written once it has been written. Anyway, here I go:

For a long while, I refused to buy music created by "Nazis", "fascists", racists. This eventually evolved into me not buying music by capitalists, anti-animal rights-types, anti-Earth- types, people who champion the drug culture, and just about anyone who wasn't a vegan straight-edger.

I became immersed in the whole "moral rush" and my life became more and more limited. I became a total moralist, and in that I became more and more reactionary, even though that was not at all my intent. Along with my selection of music being very limited, my diet and my mind was limited as well. I used to be so objective and open- minded, but that all had changed.

After a time of growing sick from not having access to enough of the right foods (as I refused to drive a car because of it's effects on the environment), not knowing why I was doing what I was doing (I mean the REAL question behind the questions - WHY?), and from pushing people away from me I started to come apart. Something broke.

Slowly but surely everything became undone. I reached an extreme and shattered internally. I fell apart, became depressed, considered suicide often (sometimes as a result of the thinking that I'd be better off dead than risking the chance of hurting another living thing), and after multiple cycles of "recovery"-lapse-recovery-lapse- etc., I fell into a state of utter nihilism and apathy.

In the end, I reasoned myself into not acting like or listening to certain individuals because what I thought I was doing was right. But if you pick deeper and deeper into a subject, you will eventually reach a breaking point. If you follow the path of "moralism," you will eventually have to question why you are following that path at all, and you will realize that there is no real good reason for it, for the meaning of life has not even been explained. How, if we don't know why we are here, can we seperate right from wrong? Who makes the distinctions? Who draws the lines? (For the same matter, why shouldn't we seperate right from wrong - but in doing so, are you making judgements based on fact, or opinion?)

I can't go into the many, many, MANY ordeals I went through as a student of "philosophy." The books I've read and the ideas I meditated upon eventually tore my mind apart in every direction. I eventually came to the conclusion that life will always remain a mystery, as nobody (at least from my perspective) is omniscient. We can't be sure if there is or is not a higher power dictating to us the difference between right and wrong. All we have to depend on is us fallible human beings. And we are bound to fail miserably from time to time. Even Einstien had wished he hadn't made the discoveries he had made after he found out what they would be used for, and do you think Christ would have preached had he knew he would cause billions of people to kill in his name? (Tricky question for Christians, as they will say that Christ knew/knows all - but then was Christ a murderer? One question leads to the next, and to the next, etc.)

You might say I'm a pessimist, but I don't see it that way. I see the fact that we are all alone in the universe when it comes to making any big decisions a chance to express one's self in a most beautiful, human manner. Stand out. Listen to what you want, and don't let anything - and I mean ANYTHING - stand in your way. Let yourself BE YOURSELF, and fuck anyone who can't deal with that.

You are only who you are, and that's the most anyone can ask from you. Just because someone refuses to listen to Burzum, Charles Manson, David Koresh, Skrewdriver, etc. doesn't mean they are better than someone who does - and it doesn't mean they are smarter, either. I personally hate Skrewdriver - I think they suck. It has nothing to do with the fact that I am not a racist. If I was a racist, I'd still think they suck. But I am not ashamed of my growing collection of Burzum albums. Does my rejection of Skrewdriver and embrace of Burzum sound absurd? Life is absurd. Deal with it. And the best way to deal with it: Just be yourself. Listen to what YOU want.

Thanx. (And sorry again for my scattered brainwork.)

Communism, fascism, nazism, racism, zionism really suck. The most important thing in this matter is the artwork. I'm a student of composition and I really like all types of music and I buy music for its artistic and technique tools of construction. I look at myself like a Straight-Edger and it doesn't restrain me to buy music by Mauricio Kagel (one of my favorite composers), who used to compose under effects of drugs such as LSD, or John Cage, a "mushroom eater" who changed the contemporary music scene with his outstanding concepts. No ones could blame by fascist or anti-semitic attitude cause I like the Wagner's music, or being Zionist supporter cause I'm a fan of Jewish musicians as Mendelsohnn, Schönberg or Baremboim. The real problem is inside of people's brain, full of prejudice and stereotypes. Recently, I bought "Romper Stomper" original soundtrack and it's really exciting. It's a masterpiece of Oi. However, many people said to me "Die you, f*cking nazi!" or an ironic "Sieg Heil", but nobody acussed me of "leftist" when I was buying music by Test Dept, Henry Cow or any Kraut Rock band (?). I've listened to NS bands such as Skrewdriver, Brutal Attack, Fortress, Skullhead and so forth and I think they are great musicians. I've listened to great composers as Stockhausen, Berio, Saariaho, Lindberg or Dusapin cause they are great musicians. I enjoy with Cecil Taylor's piano mastery (black musician), with Pluton Svea's rage (white supremacist musician), with GG Allin's sincerity, or with beauty anarco-freak pop by Sonic Youth. The art (for instance, music) must express love, hate, fear, sadness or whatever and the art is the tool. Unfortunately, many people only want to see the most silly and superficial thing in this matter.......