OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

Wendy's publishes music writing?

irl lol

WHAT THE HELL

Bad writer writes badly. When has this ever been a taking sides issue on ilm before?

sorry that was flip - i think it's more an issue of should we be spending our precious outrage resources on this issue rather than something else

if you'd changed Wendy's to Subway otoh

seriously if this rote and harmless writing irritates you, i would suggest some self-exploration, it can only get better.

The customer ate his Foot-long Cold Cut Trio with ease, and at times slowed things down as florescent tubes hummed and adjacent heat lamps warmed the Provolone

Jesus fuck, this is the fucking AP, not some backwater daily. Forget about musical knowledge, this writer can barely put a sentence together.

"Mumford & Sons and the crowd were loud, but not unruly during the two-hour show. The band played their folk-rock tunes with ease, and at times slowed things down as red-orange lights shined and small light bulbs hung in the air. They (typo in original) boys were like mad scientists during "Dustbowl Dance" (they were? how so?) — singer Marcus Mumford was now on the drums and he kicked it (kicked what???) out of his way as he headed to the front of the stage to finish singing the song."

I'm not even heavily invested in this whole thing, other than figuring out the author's name. I was just amazed to come back to the thread hours later and see people arguing over whether or not his work should be taken in context and whatever other excuses are upthread. Dude has written one ill-informed piece, some other really o_O things, and all of the sudden he's a frustrated news reporter who's been forced to write about music (which doesn't appear to be the case whatsoever...he chose music, and he's bad at it!).

And then I was told to get over myself, to which I say get the fuck out of my face.

Seriously, Matt P. That shit was uncalled for and I hope you get a summer cold and don't sleep for three nights.

I'm not really particularly mad at the writer or that I'm not that writer, in fact I'm not especially mad at all -- what it boils down to is that this is just another thing to mock on the internet and kill a little more time before I die. But it's still a bit sad to see how grimey the bottom of the barrel is that is now being scraped by journalistic outlets unwilling or unable to pay living wages.

are we sure the AP this guy with is the Associated Press? if he was with Alternative Press he'd be one of their best writers.

Newspaper writing is an entirely discipline than "music writing."

Meanwhile I HAVE BLOG gang of twentysomethings are turning the regular music writing game into an outlet for shameless self-aggrandizing with no idea about "ethics" or "how to write a lede" and that shit runs rampant all day long and you guys aren't crying.

i have blog gang kill them all

That's because I don't read any of it. Ever. Unless something particularly good or particularly bad gets linked in my general vicinity, it might as well all take place in a parallel universe.

Newspaper writing is an entirely discipline than "music writing."

xxp - newspaper editing too!

"The two boxers went at it like mad scientists, hitting each other with gloves and sometimes putting up their own gloves to block the other guys"

I'm a news writer, not a sports writer.

Newspaper writing has a non-zero overlap with music writing in that you shouldn't accidentally write about Trent Reznor's weenis in either

what it boils down to is that this is just another thing to...kill a little more time before I die.

My guiding philosophy for at least the last 6-7 years.

Can we please go back over every piece of writing linked in this thread over the years and assess whether it is appropriate to compare it to didion (if not, y'all have wasted a LOT of time)

it's funny, because in trying to pull the "You guys are taking mediocre news writing a little too seriously" move, they actually set themselves up for the "you guys are taking INTERNET too seriously" move. Played yaselves.

it would be one thing if the AP were still just a wire service delivering raw data but they churn out so much crap now to fill sites with it ain't even funny. all kinds of non-news crap.

The problem with this guy's writing is not that it's hacky or that it isn't Joan didion, it's that it's barely even language. Hacks are baseline competent. Hacks can remember the clause before the one they're currently writing.

to be fair, most writers don't really know how to write anymore.

that's why the good ones stick out so much.

It's true. I remember going to some historic house in New Brunswick, NJ, and they had some copies of a local paper from the turn of the century in a glass case, and I thought the prose in it was as good as or better than most of today's newspaper writing. Granted a lot of newspaper writing from that era has a certain florid hackiness of its own.

"this is just another thing to mock on the internet and kill a little more time before I die."

^ solitary posts that effortlessly summarize etc

shd be criticizing dude's nonexistent copyeditor

http://www.avclub.com/articles/neko-case-the-worse-things-get-the-harder-i-fight,102717/

The a cappella tune “Nearly Midnight, Honolulu” tells the sad tale of a verbally abusive mother, but Case’s sweetly echoing “I’m sorry” only apologizes to the child for it happening. Maybe she should apologize for not intervening.

Yikes. Certainly sounds like an AV Club review, though.

Is it necessary to have heard the album in order to have any idea wft is going on in this review? Or was this originally a longer piece edited down into incomprehensibility?

2 Chainz is all hype. Me Time chronicles a rags-to-riches story, with touches of paranoia characteristic of marijuana users. It's slicker than its predecessor, in terms of production and enunciation of lyrics. "I Do It," a potential single, featuring interwoven verses from Ca$h Money family members Lil Wayne and Drake, ends with a gospel section calling for a little bit of "me time" for the song's helmer — a nice touch. Also, Mike WiLL Made It (the producer of the hour) delights, surprising listeners with a faintly recognizable diversion from his traditional trap sound; in fact, he goes backwards in time, borrowing Southside's wobbling hi-hats from Watch the Throne's bonus track, "Illest Motherfucker Alive." Even amongst all the talk of coitus and throwing it up on YouTube ("Used 2"), "first name, 2, last name, Chainz" takes the time on wax to give an official shout-out to his favourite household appliance: the stove ("Fork"). However, as charming as these progressions may sound, the heart of the project lies beneath the glitz and glamour of 2 Chainz's traveling circus act, which for the benefit of capitalist America, has made quite the stink in the papers recently. Whether it's the weight of Chrisette Michele's spoken word ode to imagination ("Black Unicorn") or the ATL wordsmith's confession ("Outroduction") that he gets profiled more now than when he was hustling, one thing's for certain: by the end of Me Time, the down-to-Earth, around-the-block-and-back 2 Chainz bores.
(Def Jam)

not heard it and that mostly reads OK to me apart from there's no explanation whatsoever why the reviewer finds it boring?

my god, the discussion before the jump. rmde

this thread has got a lot of nerve when some of the worst music posters in the world frequent this board

name naaaames

saving that poll for when i need some time away

What about the world's best music poster

pretty sure it's this one:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hIzag7ptdSg/Tzgt2JOlVhI/AAAAAAAAEeU/Q7bg0vXgMOk/s1600/DSC00014.JPG

I that John Paul ii above Whitney Houston?

yeah, he put a couple of solo records out on Metal Blade in the 80s iirc

outrageous nipple hat

The problem with being a pop star is that in order to continue to score hits — and hence, to stay relevant — it is imperative to adopt and incorporate current trends into one’s work. When the flavor of the day is something pure — as it was when Carole King was writing songs alongside Gerry Goffin in the ’60s or when she unleashed her masterpiece Tapestry in the early ’70s — the results can be magical and timeless. On the other hand, when the market favors style over substance — as it has, almost without fail, since the disco era — the outcome can range from being diminished to being lifeless.

http://www.musicbox-online.com/reviews-2007/caroleking-lovemakestheworld-09042007.html#axzz2gKHWUNv0

musicbox-online you've disappointed us this time

haha, that's what i thought when i saw that. they really lowered their standards over there at musicbox-online in 2007.

From the Haim thread: Rockist Agonistes.

http://www.collapseboard.com/reviews/albums-reviews/haim-days-are-gone-columbia/

Like Bryan Adams, Haim have mastered the art of writing a song composed entirely of lyrics from other songs.

T.S. Eliot did this too, you think you're better than T.S. Eliot do you mister crappy pop music critic?

When I posted it on the haim thread I hadn't realised it was by the same guy who did http://www.collapseboard.com/blogs/scott-creney/an-immodest-proposal

Overcoming the Haim vs Savages critical divide by shitting on both and congratulating himself for it.

And it’s not like I have a vendetta against any of your labels. I wrote very nice things about the recent Cat Power album. Same with Yo La Tengo and Fucked Up. Yeah, I made fun of Fleet Foxes and Stephen Malkmus, but not enough to ruin their careers or hurt your labels. And let’s just talk about the fucking emotional memoir I wrote for last year’s Interpol reissue. There was so much soul in that review that Collapse Board’s Mike Turner, a lifelong Interpol hater, was forced to reassess the band after reading my review, arriving at the conclusion that the record “actually isn’t that bad”.

As a writer, I am nothing if not persuasive.

Willing to bet that a disproportionate amount of the worst music writing ever is first person.