OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

CAN I GET A WITNESS PEOPLE

that was how far i got, btw

can anyone beat me?

This guy clearly hasn't been at this long. This just feels like the kind of trick that newbies try. Be kind, is what I'm saying; this guy could get better, or he could soon realize he has no talent for this.

That kind of eminently reasonable attitude isn't going to bring lols when I'm bored at work, so everyone shd clown this douche imo

^^^

I didn't make it past the first sentence

I didn't get through the whole thing either, but I kind of like using this thread to point out writing that is offensive, obnoxious, wrongheaded or journalistically incompetent. This is more just eye-roll worthy. Laughing at this kinda feels like laughing at a child's horrible painting or something. Still, carry on.

(also, having written for PopMatters, I know for a fact that this guy didn't get paid for this, so...)

I was enjoying that cos I thought Charles and the ghost were going to fuck at the end. then the review finished and I was like, hey come back

as long as there’s still someone putting out some gritty rock and roll music as a soundtrack to the times

this was my bail point btw

http://images.moviepostershop.com/ghosts-cant-do-it-movie-poster-1990-1020232413.jpg

the Strokes are his kind of band, with the black leather jackets, the guitars, the cigarettes, the girls,

there are no girls in the strokes?

also i think this dude knows lester bangs only from the speech in almost famous and has never read anything he wrote

also this

Yeah, Lester says, I get that, the past is a dead country, but man the world these days has become so boringly safe and emotionally neutral through all this stupid political correctness that everyone forces on everyone else whether you like it or not.

is some really bizarre puppetry in that the writer is forcing into Lester's mouth garbage that even dennis o'leary or dennis miller would blanche at

I would venture into guessing what type of music Lester would like in 2013 had he lived, but that's like a pube away from writing fanfic where Gene Shalit fucks a cartoon pony.

My heads says "be kind", my heart says lol.

also i think this dude knows lester bangs only from the speech in almost famous and has never read anything he wrote

OTM. The line about political correctness in particular suggests that he doesn't really understand a thing about Bangs' POV.

I would venture into guessing what type of music Lester would like in 2013 had he lived, but that's like a pube away from writing fanfic where Gene Shalit fucks a cartoon pony.

agreed. but it wouldn't be albert hammond jr.

man I get enough incompetent necrophilia fanfic from Shakespeare criticism, surely no need to make those moves in rock criticism too? oy gevalt

I can't believe I read that thing, but I am really unhappy that I watched the video for Albert's song attached to it. Gotta go cleanse now.

also i think this dude knows lester bangs only from the speech in almost famous and has never read anything he wrote

I'm guessing he at least read LB's Jimi Hendrix 'interview', and had a great idea.

this is so good

it's sort of nice that in 2013 there is still someone naive enough to write an album review with the ghost of lester bangs as the main character

about a Strokes solo project, too!

http://img1.etsystatic.com/012/1/6396521/il_340x270.437584919_g6v8.jpg

http://www.regimebooks.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Charles-Pitter.jpg

haha wow

it's sort of nice that in 2013 there is still someone naive enough to write an album review with the ghost of lester bangs as the main character

"Gaga is an artist that creates for the sake of creation, and this is her manifesto"

http://www.billboard.com/articles/review/5778227/lady-gaga-artpop-track-by-track-review

I found the original long-lost All Music Guide one-and-a-half-star review of Coldplay's Parachutes! And I thought it was Stephen Thomas Whatsisname all these years.

It is rarely a good sign when you can't tell if an album is on or not. From British indie-guitar mumbling to completely innocuous songwriting, Coldplay's Parachutes is an unhealthy sign of a musical subculture that is mired far too deep into its own anonymity. Yes, this is an album that -- aside everything else -- refuses to acknowledge it is even alive. The problem might be in the marketing aspect of the band. If Embrace was a competing label's answer to Oasis, Coldplay seems to be another label's answer to Travis. This time the response is to try and manufacture an album that is so riddled with even more indie-by-number blandness that it will be nearly impossible for any potential record buyer to be offended, because Parachutes is an album in love with the ordinary. The closest the album ever comes to anything interesting is on "Shiver" -- a wafer-thin mimicry of Ned's Atomic Dustbin that at least implies that the band can do well when they play around with usual verse-chorus-verse structures. Still, other than that, the album is bare of anything else very noteworthy. The core single "Yellow" sets up an interesting premise with rolling guitar riffs and vocal cracks, yet goes absolutely nowhere with any of it. Also, closer "Everything's Not Lost" (despite at times sounding like a Randy Newman throwaway) has a wistful atmosphere about it that feels like an epilogue to an event that never happened. Even the better songs prove that there is a large failure to peak on this album. This is a traditional case of wasted opportunity. Everything is just so determinedly middle-of-the-road, one can only picture a dotted yellow line while listening to it. -- Dean Carlson

why is it in this thread?

Because it sucks.

coldplay's parachutes? yes it does

not averse to colplay reevaluation or w/e but there's nothing objectionable about that at all, it's sort of a standard AMG pan

You guys know you're arguing with Mr. Snrub, right

i have a few mrsnrub.txt files but none of them are about this particular mr. snrub i'm afraid

you need mrsnrub.xls

remember that guy that wrote that really bad review of robin thicke? now he's done some really bad reviews for lady gaga and katy perry!

http://i41.tinypic.com/21bk2t.jpg

i don't like artpop or prism that much but the fact that somewhere someone is being paid to put music journalism this pathetic and lazy in print makes me irrationally infuriated

Literally the first thing I saw was "vaginal awakening"...

Duncan Sheik was never very good with sequels

"Perry almost pushes me out of the realms of heterosexuality"

i don't like her music but dude, GIS

This guy's a prize specimen. So much fear, ignorance and contempt masquerading as "yeah I went there" truthbombs.

that god-awful Crazy Frog

Finally someone's had the balls to call out Crazy Frog.

This guy is terrible as a music reviewer, but as a writer he expresses what he has to say - maniacal misogyny - with admirable vim and vigour.

"he's so good at misogyny"

WHY DOES HE KEEP ITALICIZING SONG TITLES

"If you see someone on a train wearing a Lady Gaga shirt you should probably give up your seat to them because they are clearly musically challenged."

http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Tina-Fey-giving-herself-high-five.gif

the crazy frog album is really funny and "axel f" is a classic

WHY DOES HE KEEP ITALICIZING SONG TITLES

― my whole family is catholic so look at the pickle i'm in (zachlyon), Friday, November 8, 2013 2:15 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

think it would be the person who sets the house style of the paper that did that

This may say more about my UK suburban lifestyle but I don't think I've ever encountered a Lady Gaga fan irl.

otm:

This guy's a prize specimen. So much fear, ignorance and contempt masquerading as "yeah I went there" truthbombs.

― Deafening silence (DL)

we have a guy at my local alt-weekly who kinda writes like this. it's maddening.