OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

pretty sure this is my first time seeing that garbage site btw... "cuckmercials"!

I have vivid memories of seeing this book cover on mid '00s trips to Waterstones, some kind of masterpiece of 'society is in the gutter' self-parody

http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1348651199l/117159.jpg

i mean i just think that we should completely ignore the gross right-wing grime-lickers of the world, even when looking for stuff that is Bad

they thrive on their #trollgaze shitty opinions eventually luring in disaffected members of the Privileged Class

it's a play on online hashtag-irony that works in a horrifying way

Yeah, people who disagree with Us politically should definitely be ignored. That's never backfired.

no, that's not what i'm saying. there's a certain strain of discourse that codes as right wing right now, but that exists mainly to fuck shit up. it's apolitical if anything; its only aims are to elevate the profiles of its figureheads, who cultivate cults of personality made up of the easily charmed. but a closer look reveals that its arguments are incoherent, its convictions based in little more than sticking wet fingers into the air.

engagement with them is futile because they exist to exhaust their opposition with bad-faith debates and siccing their hordes on people.

these men are nihilists

http://www.knowitallfootball.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/nil.jpg

say what you want about clickbait, at least it's an ethos

Mark it a zero, Smokey.

no, that's not what i'm saying. there's a certain strain of discourse that codes as right wing right now, but that exists mainly to fuck shit up. it's apolitical if anything; its only aims are to elevate the profiles of its figureheads, who cultivate cults of personality made up of the easily charmed. but a closer look reveals that its arguments are incoherent, its convictions based in little more than sticking wet fingers into the air.

people should have to get this post tattooed on the backs of their hands to stop them from sharing this shit on FB. it's just garbage of no consequence. instead my social justice friends write thinkpieces about "don't tell me not to respond to this inconsequential garbage that moves no needles anywhere and would get no traction outside of its own cesspool if I weren't inflating it with helium"

but this sort of thing does get traction. as many people hate-share this shit they're usually a drop in the bucket compared to those who earnestly share it

awareness is a Good Thing, but actually attempting to argue with populist fascists doesn't ever seem to be an effective strategy.

that site is not even breitbart level trash. its essentially one step away from an actual nazi site, the difference being that these ppl think skinheads are too low class or some shit

For a while I would get "Taki" and "Tavi" mixed up in my head, which would always be funny when I'd land on something there

I am a grown up adult man and I believe the fact that I don't like a particular musician who died is worthy of a published article.

So grown and adult, way too grown and adult for David Bowie who I haven't really tried but I know I don't like.

taki I-can't-be-bothered-to-spell-his-name-right is a loathsome, proudly racist aristocrat who most "respectable" conservatives shunned after I think the late 80s. Pat Buchanan stuck by him, probly because Taki dislikes Israel i.e. Jews. Russ Smith, the troglodytic editor/owner of the NY Press (who was too cowardly to put his own name on his Mugger column, but you could say the same about me) gave Taki a semi regular insert in the press, and he would present not only his demented views but that of many of his lunatic fellow travelers. that was probly a nascent version of the site mentioned above.

Steve Sutherland on David Bowie

Now, knowing his reputation as a magpie, scarfing up other people’s ideas, sprinkling some fairy dust on them and then successfully representing them as his own, I figured Dave might benefit from an earful of some new stuff, so duly made him a cassette.

The tracklisting went something like Lush, Moose, Chapterhouse, Adorable , Slowdive, The Jesus and Mary Chain, My Bloody Valentine, Telescopes, Ride — a veritable who’s who of shoegazers making a name for themselves at the time and a line-up I felt sure would top-up Dave’s creative juices.

Just goes to show how wrong you can be! A few weeks after I sent him said tape, I received a very nicely wrapped package which contained a small broken-up jigsaw of Michelangelo’s David. When the pieces were all put in place, there was a message handwritten on the back in, if I recall correctly, green ink, the gist of which went something like, “Thanks for the lovely tape. Not really my cup of tea. Try this instead.” The “this” was a cassette tape of Different Trains, an interminable modern classical piece by avant-garde composer Steve Reich performed by the dreaded Kronos Quartet. Shudder.

solid win for Bowie there

haha seriously

Adorable.

came here to post this but expected to have been gazumped

i am going to be using the phrase "the dreaded Kronos Quartet" for a long while i suspect

we've got nine months to prepare our group halloween costume

http://www.punchland.com/music/interview-james-lockhart-and-matthew-heckmann-of-brother-moses/

fed up of this thread scoring cheap easy laughs from non-native English speakers

http://flavorwire.com/563477/oscar-winner-dustin-lance-black-tells-oblivious-sam-smith-to-stop-texting-his-fiance

I'm missing the "worst" here

"I wonder what he could be texting him? Maybe song lyrics? Probably song lyrics. Unfortunately, none of the other gay Oscar winners seem to care to participate in Twitter culture, so no further shade was found. And oh, what shade there could have been."

you might want to avoid the following list of music sites: all of them

no comment

loooool katherine

you might want to avoid the following list of music sites: all of them
Real lolz.

This really needs to be preserved. I actually like this album, and this review makes me hate it.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cc31Gu5W8AAKelL.jpg

this reminds me of exercises in like high school English where they challenge you to write sentences with multiple descriptive adjectives.

God that is painful.

reads a bit like one of Pushead's reviews from Maximum Rocknroll in the 1980s, but way more po-faced

I know someone who writes exactly like that, all the time. Facebook posts... Probably shopping lists, too.

kinda reminds me of how i wrote all the time in college

Not one of yours mencap? ;)

I know a writer who does something similar when writing about jazz. He's also a big fan of (at least this is what I guess is his method) writing a sentence with normal/appropriate nouns and adjectives, then busting out the thesaurus and replacing each one with something two steps removed. The result is that his reviews read like they were written by a self-educated extraterrestrial who thinks he's really, really smart.

that kind of writing always makes me think of "the eye of argon", which in turn always makes me smile.

we should have a thread for good writing screwed by shitty clickbait-driven editorial. for instance, this is actually a splendid obit, but oh god that headline is awful:

http://www.mtv.com/news/2750555/nikolaus-harnoncourt-was-classical-musics-punk-genius/

that was actually one of the most interesting music things i've read in awhile

Rotting Christ review is the new winner of the thread, if only because this writer uses (and invents) figures of speech without bothering to picture what the hell he is actually saying:

"majesty" cannot be "brimstone-scorched"

guitar distortion cannot be "velvet thick"

a "choral blast" cannot be "grave-scented" (new board description here?)

a backbone cannot be "thickly distorted" (can anything be "thickly distorted?")

a "trapping," almost by definition, cannot be "instantly recognizable"

flutes cannot be "sun scorched" (maybe they can, but how much would that affect the sound of the flute and how many readers would know this?)

Sorry, this sort of writing drives me up the fucking wall.

"Thickly distorted" seems like a needless way to reword "heavily distorted", and "sun scorched" is more of a description of the feeling the flutes provide to the piece, not the sound of flutes that were left on the dash on a sunny day. Overall I agree, it's too much.

The saddest part is that you guys are clearly not on metal promo lists, because I get press releases written almost this badly pretty much every day.

actually i'm pretty happy about not being on metal promo lists, all things considered

Rotting Christ review is the new winner of the thread, if only because this writer uses (and invents) figures of speech without bothering to picture what the hell he is actually saying:

"majesty" cannot be "brimstone-scorched"

guitar distortion cannot be "velvet thick"

flutes cannot be "sun scorched" (maybe they can, but how much would that affect the sound of the flute and how many readers would know this?)

Sorry, this sort of writing drives me up the fucking wall.

― Jimmywine Dyspeptic, Thursday, March 10, 2016 11:40 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

all of these are perfectly fine metaphors, your problem is interpreting them literally

i would feel cheated if i read a review of a band called Rotting Christ and it didn't refer to brimstone