Shady scams and other silly business ideas to take advantage of earnest new vinyl collectors

what's terrible is how goodwill stores at least around me have become hip to the vinyl craze and have started selling everything for $3, and most of it is the aforementioned unsellable dumpster fire of '50s and '60s LPs. if you're lucky enough to see a VG- copy of 'heart like a wheel' or 'pickin up the pieces' it'll set you back a fiver.

https://www.discogs.com/label/956425-Jazz-At-3313-rpm

This jazz series seems to have slowed down, or is it that this Discogs page is not being updated enough?

Orange County Goodwill does $1.99 for vinyl. I still think it's too much.

i've lucked out. Goodwills here run 77cents for a LP. all the Andy Williams you can handle!

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/85/Williams-Days.jpg/220px-Williams-Days.jpg

Vinyl Me, Please

Person Pitch, Panda Bear’s landmark 2007 album that inspired all of Chillwave, has been out of print since it came out. Thanks to Vinyl Me, Please, you can get it for as low as $23.

"One of 2007’s most critically lauded albums, Person Pitch is the Record of the Month at Vinyl Me, Please. Get this special edition 10th anniversary edition with plans starting at $23."

"plans"!!!

http://www.colonytitle.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/home-loan-documents.jpg

― scott seward, Tuesday, January 3, 2017 2:52 PM (one week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

all I've had for ages is a DiscWasher brush, but it definitely doesn't get the deep-down trouble stuff. Something is oddly tempting me about the Spinclean today.

― Gorefest Frump (Doctor Casino), Monday, August 10, 2015 2:26 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Thanks muchly to those who encouraged me on this; I finally bought a SpinClean this week and am soooo happy with it. It can't work magic on records that really got their dirt worn into permanent damage to the grooves, but what it does for your average kinda-dirty record is like an infomercial gadget in its prepared ideal-circumstances demonstration where, holy cow, the stain is gone! The bits of crackle that remain are nice warm coloring, the kind I like in my vinyl listening, but the top-level scratchiness/distortion/fog is gone. With albums that I've only ever known from my one vinyl copy of them it's revelatory, comparable to discovering that a beloved record is a great 'headphone album.' Makes me kick myself for all the dirty records I've unthinkingly listened to over the years!

The only bummer is now I basically want to SpinClean every record I own before listening to anything again... which is kinda daunting since the two cloths that come with it really get soaked through way before the 20-50 records you're supposed to be able to clean with a single batch of wash. Will any old lint-free cloth work? Should I shell out the twenty bucks for five extra cloths, or what?

IMO yes, they are handy to have - I bought some kind of set that had extra cleaner and 7-8 cloths, it is so worth it for records that have actual surface dirt and/or fingerprints. I personally wouldn't waste it on anything that doesn't have actual visible dirt of surface noise.

what the hell is this goddamn thing

https://comingsoon-tech.com/love-the-first-intelligent-turntable

Love Turntable redefines and simplifies the way music lovers interact with vinyl through smartphone control. Also completely eliminates the need to buy a bulky & expensive record player.

The World's First Smart Turntable

Provides the intimacy of vinyl with modern day convenience. Pairs with any bluetooth audio device including speakers, headphones, & stereo systems.

aahahaahaaha now THAT is the kind of shit this thread was made for, if it's not a parody. love that one of its features is displaying the album art. gee I always thought there was something missing from the vinyl experience. besides "if only this could be made digital somehow," of course.

it has no wired outputs and only does streamed audio via Bluetooth/wifi, looks like.

I mean, if you have a small place and a Bluetooth speaker and no inclination to buy anything else but want to listen to records, it'd probably be fine.

the forced artisanal quirkiness of every ad for every vinyl scam is really something to behold

it looks like a japanese stapler

Once LOVE is synced with your audio device, put any size vinyl on one of the two complimentary 7" record bases. LOVE then scans the vinyl to determine its size and number of tracks. If you'd like to start your listening experience with track 3 simply Press LOVE's top shell three times or select the track through the app. From there, sit back, relax, and enjoy your record

or you could skip all that and drop a needle on track 3 like a caveman

Press LOVE's top shell three times and whisper "there's no place like home"

they're really doubling down on calling records 'vinyls'. ugh.

Revolutionary Design

LOVE was finely crafted by experts who aimed to design a timeless high-end turntable. The beauty and uniqueness of LOVE also lies in its movement. LOVE turns counterclockwise on a still record, and does so in the outmost religious silence.

LOVE turns counterclockwise on a still record, and does so in the outmost religious silence.

I thought this was a joke comment

no way is pancake batter getting anywhere near my records https://s3-us-west-1.amazonaws.com/cominsoon-tech/campaign-products/LOVE_Turntable_revolutionary_smartphone_controlled_turntable_crowdfunding_Agency2.0_Gallery_b-compressor.jpg

that's one dusty ass record i wonder if they designed a smart brush too

shouldn't have used the record as a surface when measuring their flour

how much fucking power does it take to move the chunkiest bit of the whole device constantly, rather than the lightweight bit of vinyl?

It took a few minutes of reading for me to be convinced it actually read the groove, versus scanning the label and playing the LP from spotify or something.

And I remember something similar from the 70s or 80s that had a soft vinyl needle to track the groove but actually read the groove optically. Very expensive then, needless to say.

From design to functionalities, we've created a record player that fits modern-day life while keeping the crackle & pops.

It's not a flaw, it's a feature!

Religious silence. LOL.

The perfect $699 accessory for playing the $3 Roger Miller record you picked up at Goodwill.

(Not the price, I just made that up)

if at some point we poll these scams LOVE will have good odds

So this is essentially a digital Vinyl Killer Van

Here's another one. A stupid little wooden block that careers around the record like a toy truck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Tfhs-pujQk

Would rather have this guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwZE6hWsPMg

(Probably was way cheaper, too)

It took a few minutes of reading for me to be convinced it actually read the groove, versus scanning the label and playing the LP from spotify or something.

― nickn, Wednesday, January 25, 2017 6:14 AM (six hours ago)

Yeah, honestly, if I'm not able to have an actual record player then I'm fine just playing off itunes, I really don't see the point of these shitty shitty things.

It hurts me to see them and imagine the damage that they are doing

I would love to find roger miler lps at goodwill here on the west coast...thrift stores should have an lp exchange program bc I bet the vinyl section in the average thrift store in Oklahoma has a ton of the old country records I've been looking for for ages...meanwhile I'm sure some okie is desperate for nana mouskori and can't find her in a sea of jim reeves and glen campbell

love the 'this is what it is, this is all it does' line in that rokblok video. accurate summation of what a useless object it is

someone was making new vinyl killer vans in the early 2000s and I was sad I never bought one

A few months ago I kept getting ads for this "floating record vertical turntable" from Gramovox.

http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0640/2259/t/4/assets/frlm_top_walnut.jpg?15130332091970932474

Was a Kickstarter but now available for $550.

https://www.gramovox.com/products/floating-record

xp I remember seeing one on that Grand Royal magazine poster with all the turntables on it, maybe late 90's?

these van things are horrifying

I skim-read the Love thing to where it said "LOVE then scans the vinyl to determine its size and number of tracks" and was suspicious of how it worked (missed that it has a traditional stylus although apparently a magical one which never wears down "LOVE will never damage the record")

thought to self: if you guessed that any silences were track endings and queried freedb with the resulting track times would the CD metadata come back so the gadget could look it up on a streaming service? I'm guessing the between-track silences are too different btwn CD and vinyl but hmm

PS "LOVE reads your vinyl with a standard size stylus in order to transmit melodies specific to analog sound" argh so itchy now

oh god i missed THAT, barrrrrrrrf

I imagined it just spinning REALLY FAST and assuming any silences or gaps were track markers

also your record catches fire

That IS religious!

Most people don't realize how many melodies were lost in the transition to digital.

https://s3-us-west-1.amazonaws.com/cominsoon-tech/campaign-bg/LOVE_Turntable_revolutionary_smartphone_controlled_turntable_crowdfunding_Agency2.0_features-compressor.jpg

pretty sure Basho here is listening to a $1 copy of the soundtrack to "She's Having A Baby"

it looks like a carry case for really large sunglasses

I suddenly want to go buy a variety of fancy sweaters

then scans the vinyl to determine its size and number of tracks" and was suspicious of how it worked

yeah unless the camera is so accurate it can zoom into and differentiate one groove from another it sounds like 100% bs

I was pretty impressed when I saw this video of a record player from 1983 that could identify tracks, skip between them, play both sides of the record without needing to turn it over etc... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgAUxJmh5uE

At no point in that video could I tell what kind of sweater that guy was wearing.