two weeks pass...
eight months pass...
So, the introduction by McGee got me thinking, what if...
Alan McGee is phoning Bobby Gillespie with a proposition.
McGEE: (*impatiently*) "Come the fuck on, Gillespie, ya lazy cu..."
BOAB: (*sleepily*) "... hullo?"
McGEE: "Hey, Bob, it's me."
BOAB: (*brightly*) "'Zat you, Al? Here, how's it fuckin' hangin', wee man..."
McGEE: "... uh yeah I..."
BOAB: "... here, whit aboot this coronavirus shite? Huv ye ever seen the likes? Stuck in the hoose 24/7, nae pubs open, the bookies shut, it's like a fuckin' nightmare..."
McGEE: "... aye, er ..."
BOAB: "... it's fuckin' dystopian is whit it is! And can ye believe me, the bold Boab, huvvin' tae practice fuckin' social distancin'? Whenever ah'm oot and aboot these days ah've goat tae make sure ah don't get mobbed wi mah fuckin' fans - keep the fuckers 6 feet awiy..."
McGEE: (*coolly*) "Happens a lot does that? Gettin' mobbed by your fans?"
BOAB: (*sheepishly*) "Well, no' really but that's no' the point..."
McGEE: "... listen, Bob, if I can interject..."
BOAB: "... interject away, wee yin, interject away!"
McGEE: "Aye, right. (*clears throat*) Now, I've got a propostion for you, Bob..."
BOAB: "... aw right, here we go..."
McGEE "... naw, never mind 'here we go'. I've got a proposition that entails a doing a good deed for the NHS."
BOAB: (*warily*) "Here, ye're no' tryin' tae get me tae fuckin' volunteer at a fuckin' hoaspital, ur ye? Ye know, 'cuz ah'm fine wi' gaun tae ma front door an' clappin' the NHS workers every Thursday night but ah'm no' intae volunteerin' - no' that ah dae go tae ma front door and clap them every Thursday night..."
McGEE: (*exasperated*) "No, Bob, I do not want you to volunteer at a local hospital (*sotto voce) (perish the thought) I want you to lend your musical talents to a project to raise money for the NHS, Jesus!"
BOAB: "Oh right? That's mair like it, wee man! Because the fuckin' NHS is the fuckin' backbone o' the country! Pittin' their lives oan the line fer us, every day and night. Where wid we aw be wi'oot they brave fuckin' men and women o' the NHS? Ah tell ye where we'd be - doon the fuckin' cludgie, that's where! Tae think that ...
McGEE: (*sotto voce*) "Fuck sake, he's going to mention Nye Bevan in a minute..."
BOAB: "... back in 1948 when Nye Bevan..."
McGEE (*raising voice*) "... Bob!"
BOAB: "... founded the NHS or, tae gie it it's fuhll name..."
McGEE (*louder*) ".... BOB!"
BOAB: "... the National Health Service..."
McGEE (*almost screaming*): "... BOBBY!!!!!!"
BOAB: "... here, nae need tae shout, Al, ah'm listenin', ah'm listenin'."
McGEE: "Right, phew, right. OK, so here's the deal, a group of musicians are going to record - at home - contributions to a song that will help raise money to the NHS..."
BOAB (*earnestly*) "... right, Al, goat ye, goat ye..."
McGEE: "... so as I say, the song's already been chosen and all you have to do is sing and film yourself singing a few lines from the song. I've already recorded an introduction..."
BOAB (*interjecting*) "Ye whit??!??! YOU'RE fuckin' singin' oan it??!??"
McGEE: (*exasperated*) "... naw ah'm no' fuckin' singin' oan it! I recorded a fuckin' spoken introduction!"
BOAB: "... jist as well as naebody wahnt's tae hear Alan McGee singing - as the worldwide record sales of Biff Bang Pow prove... nae offence, Al..."
McGEE: "None taken... well, no' much anyway... so, what do you reckon? Can I tell them you'll do it?"
BOAB: "Ah've jist goat a few questions..."
McGEE: (*mumbling*) "... should have fuckin' guessed ..."
BOAB: "Has this project goat a name?"
McGEE (*still mumbling*) "... ye'd think ah'd have learned by now... (*full voice*) Oh sorry, Bob, what was that?"
BOAB: "Ah mean, there was fuckin' Band Aid, and... fuckin'.... Ferry Aid or whatever that wan wis that recorded some shite when that fuckin' ferry sank..."
McGEE (*hesitantly*) "Indie Allstars".
BOAB: "Come again, Al?"
McGEE (*sighing*) "Indie Allstars".
BOAB: (*doubtfully*) "Here, ah'm no' sure aboot that, Al. Ah mean we're no' indie, wid they even wahnt a band plays black music involved?"
McGEE (*deep breath*) "Listen Boab, it disnae fuckin' matter whit the thing's fuckin' ca'd, does it? It's the cause that counts!"
BOAB: "Aye, ah suppose ye're right, wee man. So whit's the song then? Sumthin' classy, like "Knockin' On Heaven's Door" - whit was that again, Hillsborough or Thomas Hamilton?"
McGEE: (*flatly*) "No it's "Chasing Rainbows" by Shed Seven." (*coughs*)
BOAB: "Shed Seven?"
McGEE: (*even flatter*) "Chasing Rainbows" by Shed Seven.
BOAB: "Shed Fuckin' Seven?"
McGEE: "Listen, Boab, there's a lot of good people on it... er... apart from Shed Seven".
BOAB: "Like who?"
McGEE: (*clears throat*) "Er, there's a couple of guys from, er, All The Young..."
BOAB: "Aw the who?!??!"
McGEE: "And, er (*swallowing hard*)... the bass player from the Fratellis... um... plays, er, some bass..."
*complete silence*
McGEE: "... ye still there, Boab?"
BOAB: "Aye, surprisingly..."
McGEE: "... and, uh, Billy Bibby formerly of Catfish & the Bottlemen contributes ..."
BOAB: (*interjecting*) "Can ah stoap ye right there, Al?"
McGEE: (*resigned*) "Aye, awright, ah know..."
*pause*
McGEE: "How's the wife?"
BOAB: "She's fine."
McGEE: "And the kids?"
BOAB: "The kids are fine."
McGEE: "Right well, got things to do and people to ... well, I've got things to do. Catch ye later, Bob, when this all over!"
BOAB: "Aye, will do, wee yin, will do. Aw the best! Sorry aboot that wee crack aboot Biff Bang Pow!"
McGEE: "Aye, well many a true word spoken in jest!"
BOAB: "Aye, mibbe mibbe! See ye, Al!
McGEE: "Aye, see ye Boab!"
*phone call ends*
McGEE: (*to himself*) "Wish I still had Liam's number... provided he hasn't blocked me, like that last time..."
― The Corbynite Maneuver (Tom D.), Wednesday, 29 April 2020 19:35 (four years ago) link