Artist-specific music jokes

when Josh Groban joined the cast of Sweeney Todd, they opted to add one of his signature numbers to the piece.

he sings "I Raise You Up"

Q: Why are there no Lee Ranaldo songs on Dirty?
A: He was having trouble playing out of tune.

george harrison walks into a bar
bartender says
hey
why the long and winding road?

Make I Me Mine a double

Dark Horse walks into a bar
Bartender says
“Why the long, long, long face?”

Kevin Shields walks into a bar
Bartender: Why the long gap between albums?

Lars Ulrich walks into a bar and he immediately speeds up then slows down

Bartender: Why the shit snare?

James Hatfield them walks into a bar and Lars snarls "you PROMISED, James!"

Q: Why was Rick Rubin’s partner unimpressed with his style of lovemaking?
A: It involves him lying on a couch across the room and smoking a joint.

(You’re welcome for this very funny joke!!)

From my kids, at primary school, c. 10 yrs ago:

Q. What do you call a fat computer?
A. A Dell.

(Smarmy stand-up bit):

"Folks, I'm a schmuck. I've been a schmuck my whole life. Wanna know how big a schmuck I am? Listen to 1969: Velvet Underground Live... I'm the kid in the crowd yelling back at Lou Reed – 'No, play two short sets! I gotta get home for Johnny Carson!'"

What do you call a Mike and the Mechanics tribute band made up entirely of samurai?

Silent Ronin

Q: Why are Depeche Mode bad at Teams meetings?

A: Because they're on Mute.

I've heard that on his rider Dave Gahan demands his own personal cheeses.

why did Depeche Mode march into the offices of Delta Dental?

to get a Policy of Tooth

what do you call a group of prosperous post-rock lawyers?

I don't know, reggie, what DO you call a group of prosperous post-rock lawyers?

McEntire, Grubbs, O’Rourke & Pajo LLP(?)

Do Make Say Think & Waterhouse ?

Talk Talk Talk Talk Talk Talk

Q: Why does Dave Gahan never watch slasher flicks?
A: He can't stand Gore.

McEntire, Grubbs, O’Rourke & Pajo LLP(?)

^

torteoisie

Why did Bob Marley take karate?
Because he got to have hi-yah now

3

Q: Why are Depeche Mode bad at Teams meetings?

A: Because they're on Mute.

Btw, this was so great that I've thought about it from time time since it was posted...

Thanks, that was one of mine, although I'd probably heard it before somewhere. And now I think it would be funnier with Zoom, not Teams.

Why did the chicken ignore side one of Aerosmith's Pump?

To get to "The Other Side"

(This also works with Pendulum's In Silico but I figure ilx is more likely to complete the punchline in their head if it's the BBfBs)

gen z mud be like that's yeet that's yeet that's yeet that's yeet

why did the bee gees walk out of the clive anderson interview?

he was clive talkin'!

oh, my child

what were george michael's favourite songs first released on albums from 29 september 1997?

"cowboys" and "angels"

A man walks the streets of a foreign country, looking for a place to eat. The owner of a restaurant sees him and calls, "hey you! come try my food!" The man shrugs and goes inside.

"Just bring me your specialty," the man says as he sits down. The owner gives a delighted look and says, "I'll bring you our TWO very best dishes."

Ten minutes later, the owner sets out two plates of food that the man can't even recognize. "This one is fried scarabs," the owner explains excitedly, "and this one is sheep testicles." The man is horrified. But the owner swells with pride in his dishes and stands there expecting the man to try them. So try them the man must. First, he picks up a scarab. It's fried, so how bad could it be? He crunches into a leg and struggles to keep it down, but ultimately swallows the horrid thing and gives a thumbs-up. The owner is very pleased and gestures to the sheep testicles. The man slowly cuts a piece, closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, then puts it in his mouth. He gags but is barely able to get it down, and afterward he turns to the owner with a put-on grin. "Both dishes are, uh, great."

"C'mon, you must have a favorite," the owner says, wagging a finger. "So which is it: the beetles or the stones?"

What laidback early 70s rock albums do health food specialists unwind to?

'Holland' and 'Barrett'

https://www.threads.net/@orangeframpton/post/C4ENBlxJMXm/

lol “What is a Communique?”

Yeah that guy really just had one round in the chamber, lol

What is a surgical assistant's favorite punk band?

Operation I.V.

Why did Anthrax hate Led Zeppelin IV?

They're Anti! They're Anti-Zoso!

Now that Andre 3000 has made his debut as a flautist, he is dueting on a track with Ian Anderson.

It's called Hey Yaqualung

I laughed

Why couldn't the producer of Ghostbusters find a classical composer to do the score?

Because they were too hot to Handel, too cold to Holst

this would work marginally better if it was somehow about the composer of Ghostbusters 2 (1989) being a different and less storied composer than that of Ghostbusters (1984), a film that does not have any associated lyrics about being hot to handle nor cold to hold, and if it remembered that the producer of both Ghostbusterses is the fairly well-known-by-name director of same

Fair, I actually forgot that the song was from II!

although the line "Found out about Vigo, the master of evil" should have reminded me.

How Leonard Cohen reveal that he was a pervert for sea monsters?

"Give me Kraken anal sex..."

Why couldn't Billy Eilish find good crew members for her new tour?

Cause EVERYBODY'S WORKIN' FOR THE WEEKND

nice

a few years after Hüsker Dü broke up, Bob tried to patch things up with Grant by hiring his landscaping business to build a privacy fence in his back yard. Grant assured Bob that he'd get it done over the long weekend, but when Bob got back into town on Monday morning, he was dismayed to find that Grant had only erected a single picket on the entire lawn! so he called him up and said, "a stake's no fence at all!"

So Johnny Cash falls in love with a lady of Mesoamerican heritage who keeps a menagerie of big cats that all need exercising, and he tells her "Because you're Mayan, I'll walk the lion."