Congratulate me, I wrote my first print review (do not read if oh no!! UNI PAPER!!! OH NO!!)

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It's of Ladytron's single "Seventeen", the word count was 50 (!!!) words, how did I do:

Ladytron – ‘Seventeen’

Like the taste of lover’s rain, this leaves you with tinctures of ghost. Kraftwerk in gauze rags, or the leaving echo of Berlin. The spectre of Bulgaria doesn’t loom in the melismatic drift of Mira’s singing nor the insistent pound of the drums nor the bass lurch. Time to lie down, not dance.

― david h (david h), Friday, 25 October 2002 10:30 (twenty-three years ago)

the taste of lover’s rain.

euphemism, right? (before dan gets in)

― michael wells (michael w.), Friday, 25 October 2002 10:34 (twenty-three years ago)

right on, david.
first we take the uni paper, then we take berlin.

― joan vich (joan vich), Friday, 25 October 2002 10:36 (twenty-three years ago)

oh, and using the word 'melisma' or variation thereof in a review always makes me want to hear the record.

― michael wells (michael w.), Friday, 25 October 2002 10:36 (twenty-three years ago)

haha, no, michael, no, it's an ImPlag from John Burnside:

"Like cheap perfume,
or someone else's rain."

― david h (david h), Friday, 25 October 2002 10:37 (twenty-three years ago)

That should be 'miasma'.

― david h (david h), Friday, 25 October 2002 10:38 (twenty-three years ago)

University newspapers are the new rock and roll.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 25 October 2002 10:40 (twenty-three years ago)

i like miasma, too.

― michael wells (michael w.), Friday, 25 October 2002 10:41 (twenty-three years ago)

i wuv you david h

― bob zemko (bob), Friday, 25 October 2002 14:01 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought you were scared of me?

― david h (david h), Friday, 25 October 2002 14:03 (twenty-three years ago)

it is possible to be turned on through fear you know david.

and congrats BTW.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 25 October 2002 14:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Can someone say they like it? Or, probly more importantly, can someone say they dislike it? Ronan, Dom, be the bags of puss that you usually are.

― david h (david h), Friday, 25 October 2002 14:09 (twenty-three years ago)

A nicely moody review, I would have to say. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 25 October 2002 15:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Puss off.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 25 October 2002 15:43 (twenty-three years ago)

"it is possible to be turned on by fear you know"

yes quite

― bob zemko (bob), Friday, 25 October 2002 15:52 (twenty-three years ago)

When did me and Ronan become ILX's Statler and Waldorf, out of interest?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 25 October 2002 17:38 (twenty-three years ago)

When, on utterance of your names, we all tink vitriol.

― david h (david h), Friday, 25 October 2002 17:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I tend to like Miasmatica and maybe even Melismatics

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 25 October 2002 18:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Meh/Bah.

― david h (david h), Friday, 25 October 2002 19:09 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm starting all my reviews now with "the spectre of Bulagaria doesn't loom in [insert record under review here]"... because it's TRUE!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 25 October 2002 19:42 (twenty-three years ago)

What's a melisma?

― Callum (Callum), Saturday, 26 October 2002 00:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Ha ha David they wouldn't even *publish* you in the music section of the student newspaper at my uni - but this is their loss not yours!

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Saturday, 26 October 2002 00:08 (twenty-three years ago)

but the song makes me want to dance. do they really sound like Berlin? i assume you mean the band and not the city. the review doesn't really say anything, just vague sentiments, very hallmark card.

― keith (keithmcl), Saturday, 26 October 2002 00:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I like it--very atmospheric!! And I learned a new word, 'melisma' fr Greek, yay!

― Mary (Mary), Saturday, 26 October 2002 04:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Stop being kind! This is atrocious, both as criticism and writing. Ignoring the embarrassing studentisms such as 'tinctures of ghost' and the 'spectre of Bulgaria' (if an innocent reader doesn't know already that Mira is Bulgarian, they simply won't have a clue what you're on about), there is not even a hint of melisma in the vocals. Do you know what this word actually means? The purpose of a review is ultimately to inform and entertain (and that can be as wide-ranging as you want it to be). And the secret of penning a three sentence review simply goes 'who it is (i.e. the set-up), how they did it (technique, which can allow grudging praise even for something you don't actually like), what it meant to you (critique)'. It really is that simple, and you can play around all you want within those parameters. (I expect abuse for these opinions so come on!)

― Snotty Moore, Monday, 28 October 2002 14:16 (twenty-three years ago)

First sentence: information-free but pretty. Establishes yr style which is handy cos ppl who don't like that style can piss off to the next review down. (It's not like they're paying to read it, so fuck 'em).

Second sentence: good.

Third sentence: clumsy and a bit baffling - descriptive but the point is obscured. "Bulgaria" relevant how? (OK they come from there but). If I was yr editor this is the bit I'd ask you to redo (OK if I was yr student paper editor I'd be glad of anything that came in on time).

Fourth sentence: goodish if a bit "fuck I have to end it better say something short and summarising".

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 28 October 2002 14:37 (twenty-three years ago)

damn right.

― david h (david h), Monday, 28 October 2002 16:08 (twenty-three years ago)

I've re-written it.

Ladytron - 'Seventeen'

Ladytron are four people, with electronic instruments. Some come from Bulgaria though their music sounds nothing like Bulgaria. The vocals go with the track really well. I like this song very much because it makes me want to lie down. The opportunity cost of buying this is a decent lunch.

That's better.

― david h (david h), Monday, 28 October 2002 16:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Actually I think more write-ups ought to include suggestions of what else to spend the money on, or time for downloaders.

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 28 October 2002 16:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Thank you.

OK second review::facetious BUT I AGREE re:yr points about first review 'cept 'melisma' because I had already stated that was a mistake and it was supposed to be miasmatic which the vocal actually IS!

― david h (david h), Monday, 28 October 2002 16:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Very efficient, DH, but if you want to write for the NME you might have to pitch your review thusward:-

"Lovely Ladytron give us an electronic enema with this raunchy Roxy retro rocker which is gleefully guaranteed to make all swingers stomp and shout with its succulent synthesisers. Mina the minx may hail from Bulgaria but she's got her own "mystere" - mmm! Ditch your dinner and devour this diamond disc!"

― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 28 October 2002 16:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Actually, David, you should do the review in the style of 90% of student newspaper music reviews:

The Strokes, The White Stripes, The Datsuns, The Vines, The Black Rebel Motorcycle Clubs, The Corals, The Musics, The Question Mark and the Mysterions: the resurgence of proper music with guitars in and everything has been great this year, the NME said so. However, Ladytron, according to their press release, don't use guitars. Crazy, huh?
Also according to their press release, this single is called "Seventeen". I have to say, this is not a number I like that much, as I prefer getting pissed out of my tiny skull on vodka and Red Bull.
But still, I like this song, as it has nice bits. It's not as good as The Coral's last single though. 9/10, because we give everything 9/10 in this fucking newspaper.

(insert crappy caption under photo of band, something like "Ladytron: More like Lad Y Tron!!")

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 28 October 2002 16:46 (twenty-three years ago)

David I think I like the second one better! Tom's right about the second sentence of your first one though - it's a corker. I wonder what a mash-up would be like? Congratulations in any case.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 28 October 2002 16:59 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm dumping the first one, except that second sentence which I like much, especially the 'leaving', and am gonna synthesise or re-do, accordingly. haha, competent C, must try harder.

― david h (david h), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:20 (twenty-three years ago)

no david! listen not to thee plebs! i know full well that i won't like ladytron but i shall check it out cos it provoked that first review. the second wouldn't have elicited this response.

― bob zemko (bob), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:28 (twenty-three years ago)

not that there's anything in common but it also seems i am prolly dave tompkins' only fan on this board

― bob zemko (bob), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:30 (twenty-three years ago)

ARRRGHHH. I'll see. I liked Tom's advice best. I don't like Snotty Moore's a review is to 'entertain and to inform' (hence my snarky 'opportunity cost' comment) but I like the cut of his jib, it cuts the mustard. I'll build around Tom's advice and my second sentence. BUT "It doesn't sound like Bulgaria..." is a phenomenal sentence, it's just the 'spectre' which is a horrid, horrid lazy journalist word - 'horrid' which ruins it. Hmm. Oh so changeable.

― david h (david h), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:33 (twenty-three years ago)

dave tompkins is the best music writer in the world right now.

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 29 October 2002 09:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Who is dave tompkins?

― david h (david h), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 11:54 (twenty-three years ago)

wire writer david

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 12:08 (twenty-three years ago)

They built machines with now old technology. Dear Ladytron, I am not intent on tuning in on thee. Maybe you will get more credit for your second symphony, but probably not from me.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 12:12 (twenty-three years ago)

I like review two much, much more. It made me sit up and notice - which is about as good as a fifty worder will do. I found the first review hackneyed and over-flowing with pointless purple prose (its the kind of thing I'd read out loud to drunken mates when havinbg a laugh - which is entertainment but possibly not flattering).

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 12:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Version 1:
Like lover_s of the taste to rain, this leaves them with the ghosts of dyeings. The electrical worker in of the cloth of the gauze or the echo Berlin due centers them. The ghost of the fist of doesn_t of Bulgaria in the movement, this one comes from the song of nenhuns of nenhuns of Mira_s the other sources melismatic, persistent yearning for of tamburi of the low characteristic with. The hour to solve the end to drain it does not dance it.

Version 2:
Ladytron is four people, with the electronic instruments. Some come nevertheless from Bulgaria, of which I eat of her resounds of music nothing Bulgaria. Vocals is reun with the true well-being of the direction. Esteem this song very, because it excites it that it drains the lies the end to desire. The costs, to this purchase are an acceptable lunch.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 12:26 (twenty-three years ago)

David, the amount of effort you're going to is way above and beyond what this student paper deserves. 50-word singles reviews are the very essence of stream-of-consciousness writing, never done prior to half an hour before the deadline (and that's if you're doing five singles - ha ha trust me I should know).

Marcello's snarky alliteration joke hurts me in my heavy heart, however.

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 12:30 (twenty-three years ago)

did anyone like my review?

I like the leaving echo of Berlin bit in review 1, and the opportunity cost bit in 2. I think weighing the information with the prose is the key.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 12:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Thank God, I don't want to do this for the rest of my life.

― david h (david h), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 12:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Needless to say, NO effort expended.

― david h (david h), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 12:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I think the key thing here is to relax. Remember, these are the reviews you'll be ignoring and burning later. ;-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 16:07 (twenty-three years ago)

I am nothing but relaxed; I was just wondering how it would fare in front of the ilm. Imagine if I had put effort in... haha

― david h (david h), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 16:17 (twenty-three years ago)

don't worry david. i've done a few music reviews (biggest was 800+ words) and i'm not even that worked up abt it.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 16:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Is this better? See the second entry down, entitled Scotland - An Address.

― david h (david h), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 22:02 (twenty-three years ago)

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