Arrange these bands in order of quality.

not bad:
The Libertines

not particularly worth hearing:
The Vines (although the "Factory" single is worth seeking)
The Beatings

I haven't heard The Datsuns.

Good:
The Hives
The Datsuns

Never heard:
The Libertines
The Beatings

God awful:
The Vines

Too arty to really fit in this crowd:
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

The White Stripes-Brilliant songwriter, both of them look incredible, pop sensibility that's usually lacking in this sort of band. Entire albums are listenable! Amazing!

The Hives-Super duper bubblegum garage songs, the singer's hyperthyroid Jagger routine is cute, cool videos.

WORTH HEARING

The Libertines-Not what I expected. Not my sort of band, but they're charming and sloppy. It's growing on me. They remind me of somebody uncool and great from the early 80s, but I can't quite figure out who. I wish I'd never read about them in NME, all that stupid rock debauchery stuff turns me off.

NOT WORTH HEARING

I hate the Vines. The singer looks like an idiot. The songs don't do a thing for me. Don't bring back the grunge, please. USP: fast food. ZZZZZZ.

I hate the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. That girl's voice is just so awful That affected whine, it ruins everything. And her clothes are terrible. The songs are nothing special. USP: Cute guitar player with big hair.

I CANNOT SAY

Haven't heard the Beating or the Datsuns or the Von Bondies.

I guess I'm just not down with any of those bands, really. The White Stripes are OK, probably the least forced or contrived of the bunch..

The Yeah YEah YEahs fit in that crowd more than the Vines, I say. The vines are just a pile of shit band that doesn't even know who the hell they're trying to impress, as long as its as many people as possible, while the YYYs have a lot of that garagey thing happening. I don't find the YYYs to be arty at all..

down with fashion rock..

And they don't have an overbearing guitarist. Some of those solos are almost No Wave!

that would be Joey Waronker, then, rather than their current drummer.

The Hives: America Loves The Hives. The Hives Love America.

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Dumpy L.E.S. chick does her best John Spencer impression at Heavy Metal Karaoke at Arline's Grocery. I dislike them less than The Vines, and other children seem to enjoy them. They opened for S-K two weeks ago to a warm response from all their drunken friends int he audience.

The Vines: Single handedly shove and pushed their way onto the scene... with the help of a mass marketing push by a major and a slicker than LEGO video...

The Libertines: Gah?

The Beatings: Savage!

The Von Bondies: Geeh!

The Datsuns: Zuh?

Both have at least two good songs.

OK:
The Datsuns

Can't really imagine anyone loving or hating them that much.

Bad:
The Vines
The Libertines

I can't say I've heard a single Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Beatings or Von Bondies track.

I mean, The Vines. Come on. I can't believe Getouttathaway made Number 20 in the UK. What's wrong with people? I mean, you don't buy singles without roughly knowing what they sound like first, unlike albums. OK, you bought the album because you thought it might be good (and you were WRONG!) but what made people go out and buy this horrible single FULLY KNOWING what it sounds like (i.e. shit).

The Libertines are worse.

SEARCH: The Datsuns, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The White Stripes, The Hives

DESTROY: The Vines

WARRANTS FURTHER INVESTIGATION: The Libertines, The Beatings, The Von Bondies

(Worthy entrants not previously mentioned: The Mooney Suzuki, Sahara Hotnights, The Greenhornes, Division of Laura Lee, The (International) Noise Conspiracy, Cato Salsa Experience, The *new and improved* Donnas)

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Ok nothing special, can be annoying.

The Datsuns: Who?

The Libertines: Who?

The Beatings: Who?

The Hives: Annoying

The Von Bondies: Umm..

The White Stripes: Very very annoying and very crap.

Yes, yes and thrice YES! I'd happily see the rest of the above-named burn in a pit (apart from The Hives who make me laugh) if T(I)NC emerged as victors as a result.

Amazing. See them.

additional plus point for The White Stripes is that they already have a tribute record out (albeit by same band who do Strokes covers)

The Libertines = okay, sound like an under produced Strokes.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs = sound like the kind of band who would support Babes in Toyland.
The Von Bondies = the Quadrajets without the kick ass power.
The Vines = whenever I hear them I just think of Muse.
The Hives = I could listen to them.
The White Stripes = that song about the hotel was quite nice, never really listened to the words.

I haven't heard the other two.

So that's all it takes?

Tom's right though, Sahara Hotnights are far better.

on record: the hits are good. red & white brother n sis gimmick is good, I think. first 2 record covers good, white blood cells not so much.

still the best of these.

2. hives: sorry to stoop to it and I don't imagine i'm the first to do so, but: the ikea of rock. efficient, aesthetically pleasing from a distance. very 'my first apartment needs some shelves'. a step up or down from milk crates, depending on where you sit. still pretty likeable.

3. von bondies: pretty sexy live. always a good combo: hot drummer! hot bassplayer! hot rhythm guitarist! dorky leadsinger w/ badditude! caution: a little gothy gonna-kill-that-woman on record, gun clubby but not 100% in a good way. really can't seem them being really big.

4. the vines: cute lil guy leadsinger. despite all efforts, not as catchy as they ought to be.

5. yeah yeah yeahs: yeah, um, ok.

6. the datsuns: makes the D4 look really really good. a thankless task, but somebody had to do it.

haven't heard the others

a) It would appear no-one else has heard them;
b) I saw them live, and they wuz grate;
c) As a result, I now have a sticker of theirs adorning my laptop;
d) Bad Feeling roXor. (this is the first time I have ever used the Xor suffix. Applaud where necessary)

2) The Hives - mainly they get by on charm. But they do have a lot of it. And despite the number of times I've heard it, Hate To Say I Told You Soooooooooo still rules.

3) The White Stripes - probably the best songs of the lot, but overplayed to ob-liv-i-on. Plus which, they seem to be liked by wankers (6Music ad, for starters)

4) Datsuns - In Love is great, rest of album not too shabby neither. Songs are a bit long-ish though.

5) YYY's - Bang is superb. Rest of the stuff not too sure about.

6) VB's - I just cannot get past the first two tracks on their album.
First two were fantastic, but after that it just goes really dirgey... also remember them with less than fondness from when I saw them support The Hives (who also got blown away by the Dirtbombs. But they aren't on the list...)

7) Libertines - First single fucking atrocious, last one less so. I may yet be swung.

8) The Vines - "Gotta get out of the way/You're driving me insane." Fuck Off.

Their shoes? Their ties? Their nooses?

As for their bravery 'standing up to the crowd,' seems to me there's a hell of a lot of people on that page you linked to!

Best of the bunch, IMO, are the White Stripes. Adequate pop/garage.

-
Alan

The White Stripes
The Hives (more Andrew WK-style pop pastiche than any of the others, to be fair, or at least, that's why I like them)

Not bad:
The Von Bondies (bit more rawkus, and good live)

Don't like on the basis of one song:
The Datsuns
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
The Libertines

Shite
The Vines (also, more grunge-lite than garage-rehash, only redeemed by one excellent ballady song on the album with nice harmonies)

As for Turbonegro, we can only hope some major signs them now that they've returned and pushes them like they have The Vines or Hives. They'd obliterate them.

-
Alan

-
Alan

And Dead Moon - listen to the real deal.