fyre festival is going well

lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM6y-5t862E

https://www.mediastorehouse.com/p/497/manet-folies-bergeres-bar-folies-bergeres-6509287.jpg

same person?

I feel the hairy lad up there in the YT, very much has the tinfoil condom on as he so colourfully put it

🖼

same person?

Link to the 15-page script actors were told to memorise the night before:

https://www.facebook.com/download/7289698507811539/Willyschocolateexperince.pdf?av=535950214&eav=AfaRLrY0wxqy-c7hBnsRRPKWqlNtMwbrJlTAlcHWExwBDPJzNZDpIksvBi3XN42oscg&paipv=0&hash=AcoqkFLcBSYV8_n4nCw&__cft__[0]=AZWk68hW4OKrZSOau4ateiHsAMDb4TTA_o03EmMtDHGpgZPUXYYlGvRI57sqqpY6hloWYjMZg4-Ke8OPSYISB6ygea9BRmVGAdA9y5_gAs7SPopX84aQYzOv4gu48wNqjhw5HyphkuqaRL17cMWlLA_Q17GBOmB2tYVfkWfvnbOcPQ&__tn__=H-R

seems broken

ah sorry grabbed it off facebook

https://we.tl/t-s8Y4y1KMiP

There's been some posts floating around from parents that said the Oompa Loompa was actually really kind to their kids and clearly trying to make the best of it after being suckered into an "acting" gig that wasn't what it was supposed to be.

Feel kind of bad for her becoming the face of this thing. Like, imagine your worst day of being suckered into some paying gig that turned out to be a complete shitshow and your face being plastered all over the internet for it.

i think most people are sympathetic to the oompa loompa

I have been made aware of a Richard Bone

― Beyond Goo and Evol (President Keyes)

it's called a baculum - all mammals except for pigs (who of course are famed for their corkscrew dicks) and humans have 'em. i keep trying to carry one around in my purse in the event somebody asks me if i have a penis. two problems. first is that nobody has ever been rude enough to ask me if i have a penis. the second is that i keep losing my dick bones. they fall out of my purse when i'm digging for my keys and i don't notice until they're long gone. that's just the kind of woman i am, i guess.

last time i was at the local ethically sourced taxidermy shop they had a whale penis in their display case. sometimes i've thought about buying it and naming it "pink floyd" but it's too big to fit in my purse. that's the problem with dicks. they're either too big or too small.

same person?

― Bernard Quidbins (NickB)

once i heard absinthe was also known as the "green fairy" i was in tbh

OMG @ this script. I love that it has reached into the future and predicted the precise reactions of the audience ("Audience members raise their hands, some enthusiastically, others more timidly.") I feel a nearly physical longing to get inside the heads of the maniacs who put this together. They are not from earth.

can't wait for the competing Wonkumentaries about this

Show me your Willy, I'll show you mine

The script is entirely unchecked AI drivel. I mean, the Wonka character's lines aren't exactly terrible, or aimlessly they check out and even manage to work as jokes even if they're incredible derivative. But yeah, the cues for the audience lines, filmic effects and bits where the actors are expected to do ACTUAL MAGIC are ridiculous

User
write an Oompa Loompa song about this article - https://www.cnn.com/videos/us/2024/02/28/willy-wonka-experience-scam-scotland-hunt-foster-ctm-vpx.cnn

ChatGPT
(Verse 1)
Oh, gather round, dear friends, and lend your ears,
To a tale of whimsy, woe, and trickery sheer.
In Scotland's land, a tale of cunning unfolds,
Where Willy Wonka's magic, alas, was sold.

(Chorus)
Oompa Loompa, doom-pa-dee-doo,
A scam in the air, a hoax that grew.
Oompa Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee,
Beware of deals that too good to be!

(Verse 2)
A promise of Wonka's world, oh so grand,
A chocolate factory, a dreamland.
But alas, 'twas all a sham, a false delight,
As scam artists danced in the deceptive night.

(Chorus)
Oompa Loompa, doom-pa-dee-doo,
Greed and deceit, they surely ensue.
Oompa Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee,
Trust not in fantasies, open your eyes to see!

(Bridge)
From Glasgow to Edinburgh, the whispers spread,
Of golden tickets and chocolate bread.
But truth reveals itself, a bitter pill,
As dreams turn to dust, against one's will.

(Verse 3)
So heed this warning, dear ones, far and wide,
Don't let sweet fantasies lead you to the side.
For in the end, it's honesty we treasure,
Not illusions spun for momentary pleasure.

(Chorus)
Oompa Loompa, doom-pa-dee-doo,
Hold tight to truth, in all that you pursue.
Oompa Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee,
Let integrity guide, and set your spirit free!

i think most people are sympathetic to the oompa loompa

here probably, yeah, but elsewhere I'm seeing so many "jokes" about her and meth

the oompa loompa speaks:

https://www.vulture.com/article/glasgow-sad-oompa-loompa-interview.html

Not shocked to learn that the actors haven't been paid a cent.

I was starting to get angry. The other Oompa Loompa came over at this point...

If nothing else this is the most quotable story of the year and probably will remain so.

I feel for her. I don't quite get why this story took off the way it did, but it obv struck a nerve...

I mean, I like the appropriation, but I’d have to do something with all the black space below. pic.twitter.com/HZGLrOE3wd

— stuart murdoch (@nee_massey) February 29, 2024

yeah I guess I didn't see the reaction to the photo as mocking as more a relatable "wtf have I gotten myself into with this shitty job" type of thing we've all experienced

"all the black space below"? i think you'll find that's the Unknown you big twee pillock

“Yep, that me. You probably wonder how I got here.”

You wonder what noted misanthropist Roald Dahl would have made of this.

probably roald on the floor laughing

Roafddle

My sis said the same thing “ as if Dahl wasn’t evil enough already“. And yeah, the reason I couldn’t stop laughing and still can’t is that she just looks like she needs a freaking hug.

Myself and some colleagues had plans to do some events in that building but it is now irredeemably tainted, which is sad as it is an incredible space. (it's an old Kodak processing facility).

Initially I speculated that this event was put together by another 2 Glasgow chancers who have an amazing ability of consistently putting on the worst possible events. They actually have this very unique skill set as it seems to me almost impossible to put together events as ineptly as they do (they would have made an even worse job of this than the guy who put it on). If they weren't such reprehensible characters I'd be tempted to employ them to put together some similarly low-grade events as I think if promoted as the worst event you will ever go to and with a low ticket price one could build a cult audience, somewhat akin to Banksy's Dismaland.

Do they run a reissues label by any chance

No, they don't. Which chancers are those?

Take your pick of Glasgow chancers.

Doo dah, doo dah

Some happier pix of the oompa loompa situ
https://bsky.app/profile/benbartlett.bsky.social/post/3kmkmkdyqst2d

https://i.imgur.com/eDo0V1b.png

THE OOMPA LOOMPA QUEEN HAS SPOKEN pic.twitter.com/EpEBXCBb0N

— 𝕯𝖎𝖑𝖉𝖔 𝕭𝖆𝖌𝖌𝖎𝖓𝖘 (@EmmaTolkin) February 29, 2024

Pretty sure she'll be offered plenty of work from now on!

I mean, we all know by now that that’s not how it works, don’t we?

https://i.imgur.com/OTBg76o.jpeg

haha thank you tracer!

Wait what? Oh, I see, ha!

For a second I thought it was just the original reposted.

Natalie Dormer vibes out of Oompa character imo.

srsly was glad to see oompa loompa queen seems very very kind and sensible and well.

tracer's image is killing me welcome to hard times

New FB post from the House of Illuminati!

I am reaching out to address the recent cancellation of the “Willys Chocolate Experience” event. Firstly, I want to extend my sincerest apologies to each and every one of you who was looking forward to this event. I understand the disappointment and frustration this has caused, and for that, I am truly sorry.
It’s important for me to clarify that the organization and decisions surrounding this event were solely my responsibility. I want to make it clear that anyone who was hired externally or offered their help, are not affiliated with the me or the company, any use of faces can cause serious harm to those who did not have any involvement in the making of this event.
In realtion to the gowanbank hub: this was a non profit organisation that was set during covid to provide help and support to people in need of help. Which I was responsible for. The Named directors roles were focused on supporting our community and ensuring the continuation of the hub's activities, without any direct involvement in the event’s organization or financial decisions.
Regarding a personal matter, there will be no wedding, and no wedding was funded by the ticket sales. This is a difficult time for me, and I ask for your understanding and privacy.
Regarding the refunds, I am committed to rectifying this situation. All all 850 Transactions will be continue to be refunded has been posted to ensure transparency and to demonstrate my commitment to making this right for everyone affected.
I ask for a bit of time to process everything that has happened. My intention is to learn from this experience. Your support and understanding during this time mean the world to me.
Thank you for taking the time to read this message.
Sincerely

(That is how it ended. Just, 'sincerely.')

https://www.reallycutecats.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/catmelonhead.jpg