All Blues: The Easiest Song In Jazz That No One Can Fucking Play (A Rant and Investigation)

Since I was a high school jazz band nerd, I have found something about this tune to be cursed, so in a sense this is a 30-year (obsession? pet peeve? not sure the best term).

I don't mean the original from Kind of Blue. That belongs in the MoMA. I mean for some reason EVERY single other version of this tune seems to be mediocre to awful. I have theories about why, and I'm bored, so I thought it would be fun to make a thread (1) examining why the original recording is great, (2) examining why so many other versions are shit, and (3) exploring various versions of the tune, examining why some are less shit than others and a few might not even be that bad.

The curse, I believe, stems from the tune being (1) really famous, (2) Miles Davis who everyone wants to be like (3) having "blues" in the title and (4) being slow. So any half-assed amateur can be like "I know, I'll call ALL BLUES. I sound good on that!" It's like the Knockin' on Heaven's Door of jazz, a deceptively simple song that attracts the worst covers. As a kid learning to play jazz, you get stuck playing awful versions of this (and All of Me) way too much. Except for some reason even otherwise good or even great musicians aren't always immune from the curse (which I'll explore in subsequent posts).

The track itself. Sometimes I swear that no one has actually listened to this. You know, Kind of Blue, the most famous straight ahead recording of all time? Do musicians actually listen to this record before they attempt the tunes?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-488UORrfJ0

First, notice what does NOT kick things off -- a big, loud, boingy bass solo. To be fair, Miles's own band started later live version with the bass part. But for some reason every bass player creams their pants to kick this song off and hits that bass lick as hard as they can - BYOW --- BUH BYOW BUH BYOW -- BUH BYOW BUH BYOW. On the original record, the bass is a dark, barely visible pond at night, the piano is moonlight gently playing upon the pond, the brushed drums are like little waterbugs skating across the pond and making tiny ripples. The average bass player comes in like a fucking motorboat waking up the folks in the house and leaving dead frogs in its wake.

The horns - RESTRAINED. Just because it has blues in the title doesn't mean "play the cartoonish idea of blues that you received from your white music teacher in Akron, Ohio." The phrasing is PERFECT. loooooong-short-loooooooong-short, etc. It's beautiful, subtle. This is a composed, arranged tune, not a jam. Kind of Blue is sandwiched in between Porgy and Bess and Sketches of Spain chronologically. It's RELAXED. That's not the same thing as LOOSE.

Miles is a Julliard man. His control and tone are perfect. When he comes in, he paints a bold straight line that sounds like he knows exactly what he wants to do, it's not wobbly "blues improv."

The head arrangement is disciplined. Again, relaxed, not loose.

Also, about the tune itself - no one even plays the tune correctly (obv a few do, not most though). First of all, just because it's "All Blues" doesn't mean you just play a generic blues. The second chord is not a IV or a IV7!!! It does not go from G7 to C7!!! The second chord is a G minor7, arguably a G minor9. It has a G dorian sound. It sounds so stupid when people playing this go to the C7, and most people do it!

Also, the third chord MUST be a D7#9! You can't just play a D7 there, again, it sounds goofy. You're not playing All Blues anymore, you're just playing Generic Blues Waltz in G. Also, again, this is ARRANGED. The chromatic movement to the Eb7#9 is steady and easy, not "loose."

The head arrangement is so restrained that just hearing Jimmy Cobb switch to sticks from brushes and to the ride cymbal practically launches you into space (where you then float rather than rocket), even though his drumming stays pretty minimal the whole time. Obviously Coltrane and Adderley when they solo are not quite "restrained" -- restrained by their standards maybe. Also, when Miles' band of this era played a jazz waltz, it actually felt waltz-like, something very few bands capture. Bill Evans' masterful solo almost doesn't sound like a solo.

Anyway, in a bit I'll post some other versions of the tune and talk about why they don't belong in the MoMA, and maybe even find one or two I don't hate.

Ok, so this is cheating, but it sort of isn't. One of the first versions I found was this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQBBRAHDIxk

And yes, they're "not jazz guys," but that's the point. People hear "slow" and "blues" and think "now that's jazz I can PLAY."

Jerry can't play jazz, even slow. Chord changes are wrong. Bass goes to the C. Way too much "bluesiness" in this. It's sort of passable, and if it was a high school jazz combo recital I'd give it a B+. Next.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow2-Vgsw6uo

Again, I'm cheating a little. Blues lick --> guy yells "YEEEAAAAH"

All I need to hear. Next.

Ok, not cheating. Legit jazz greats on this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nbZqi_j_ZI

And yet it, kinda sucks? Not literally. Like they play really well. But Oscar 100% gets the changes wrong and plays it like a straight blues. BTW Miles apparently hated the way Oscar Peterson played blues. If you told me this was the regular jam session on a Tuesday night at Blues Alley rather than legends, I'd believe you.

No restraint in the soloing, janky rhythm section feel, full of cliches. Again, this is Generic Blues Waltz, not All Blues.

I mean tbf if there's an opposite of Miles Davis on horn, it's probably Freddie Hubbard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yao8XuvEL3Q

This is *ok* I guess. Does the world need a vaguely afrobeat cover of this tune? Decidedly no. Is that a hat or hair on Nicholas's Payton's head? No to both.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAQ33oXpOJI

This actually sounds the closest to the record I've ever heard. TO BE CLEAR: I am NOT saying the goal is to sound like the record, or that you can't take "creative license" or whatever. But these guys at least actually listened to the record. (I'm sure Nicholas Payton did too obv).

What I'm saying is if you start out with no idea what made the original good, your version is not going to be good either.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAtYkjYqJaw

Bad version featuring great musicians. Predictable based on the lineup. First of all, flute. No. Second, Stanley Clarke should not play this tune. Just playing whatever the fuck. Walking like that on a waltz sounds stupid. Way too much going on, a mess.

I can't figure out the provenance of this version, but Kenny is one of my favorite guitarists. This is *ok*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHR2sNPOm48

Understated. That's what the tune is about. That's what the record is about. He at least gets that. As he goes on though it kind of turns into generic blues.