ILM Career Surgery

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You know that feeling when you think you know EXACTLY what someone should be doing with their lives, but you don't want to stick your oar in? Well, if it's a friend or family member, you probably should mind your own business, but rock stars are fair game.

It occurred to me while listening to the Stripped version of "The Spider And The Fly" that in fact the Stones should be playing to their strengths - being addled, lascivious old men. They're not kidding anyone with songs about chasing women round town on motorbikes and fighting in the streets, but there's fire in those old bones yet.

Any other artists that you think could do with some advice? Some of them may be more than open to it - you think Black Dice just drew a piece of paper marked "abstract soundscapes" from a hat that also contained strips marked with "bluegrass", "turbofolk", "salsa", and "Harry Partch"?

Your suggestions, please.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 15:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Wow, this thread is going down great! :) :)

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 15:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Have I killed my own thread? Can you do that? Or was this one just stillborn?

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 15:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Chocolate digestive, anyone?

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 16:00 (twenty-three years ago)

maybe i can link to my great, ever-popular ill & al scratch thread!

― ron (ron), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 16:08 (twenty-three years ago)

You could resurrect it by suggesting that whatsername out of stereolabs should ditch the synthesisers and concentrate on playing the harp from now on...

― Jacob (Jacob), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 16:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Joe Cocker should stop trying to be Celine Dion

― Horace Mann, Wednesday, 11 December 2002 16:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Celine Dion should never, ever, EVER sing "You Shook Me All Night Long" again, even if she's alone in the car.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 18:10 (twenty-three years ago)

Neil Young should resurrect TRANS-era explorations, but using glitch stuff instead.

― doug (doug), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 19:40 (twenty-three years ago)

tom petty would be alot better off if he only did kraftwerk covers for the rest of his days. the notionn of him singing "we are the robots" just makes me want to spend money.

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 20:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Fred Durst should leave Limpkin Bizpark and take up classical piano to prove to everyone why they should back the fuck off, y'all, 'cause he's fuckin' for real the shit, assholes.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 11 December 2002 21:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Post-Sea Change, Beck should be locked in a bathroom for two weeks with nothing but the essentials: food, water, and a Discman with a copy of Rain Dogs.

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Thursday, 12 December 2002 00:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Britney Spears should remove her face. She could be in Daft Punk that way and nobody would really notice.

― Honda (Honda), Thursday, 12 December 2002 00:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Luna should record their next album with Nigel Godrich.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 12 December 2002 00:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Abe Duque should host a hard techno variety hour on MTV with lots of hookers.

David Bowie should quit acting, but Wesley Willis and Jeff Mills need to star in a trilogy of incomprehensible cop buddy flicks.

Cylob needs to be writing music for video games.

Oh, and Sting, Stew and Andy need to get that shit back together pronto and quit this solo shit, it all blows.

― Tom Millar (Millar), Thursday, 12 December 2002 00:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Morrissey needs a knock on the head. And a new band. And a fresh injection of talent. And a quiff transplant. Please pass on this message.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Thursday, 12 December 2002 00:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Someone should give CeCe Peniston Basement Jaxx's beeper number.

― James Blount (James Blount), Thursday, 12 December 2002 03:13 (twenty-three years ago)

and vice versa

― James Blount (James Blount), Thursday, 12 December 2002 03:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Celine Dion should actually make a record with Tom Middleton. It might just be genius.

― Jacob (Jacob), Thursday, 12 December 2002 03:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Celine Dion should actually release the album she made with Phil Spector

Shania Twain should steal some of her fellow Canuck's thunder, cover the entire 'Back in Black' album (with the original producer - suck on that Celine!), have a Whodini version available on her website.

Mariah Carey should enact Michael Jackson's original vision for "Bad", only have it be a duet with Christina Aguilerra. Baz Luhrmann should co-direct the video with that Buttman guy.

― James Blount (James Blount), Thursday, 12 December 2002 03:47 (twenty-three years ago)

for Kraftwerk, quite obviously, the sharpest move'd be to get un-plugged

― t\'\'t (t''t), Thursday, 12 December 2002 18:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Oasis should make a record with Steve Albini.

Chuck Noel first, he's too obsessed with the Jam and The Beatles and he's just too soft.

If the media are to be believed Liam is a vicious, opinionated idiot and the rest of the band are just hired-hand lager louts. They should be making fantastic music.

― meirion john lewis (mei), Thursday, 12 December 2002 20:16 (twenty-three years ago)

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