If they'd lived

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Was there a thread on this? Yes? No? Wh'ever. Extrapolate what would have happened if the ham sandwich went down the right pipe or if Chapman had missed, and be as ridiculous or serious as you want.

JIMI HENDRIX: would continue with the Band of Gypsys gig for a while, then disband them to explore jazz-fusion in 1971 or so. After recording an album with Pharoahe Sanders that gets critical acclaim but sells horribly, he becomes re-inspired by an unofficial rivalry with Funkadelic's Eddie Hazel and, at one point, is driven to bust out his own 18-minute feedback-crammed version of "Maggot Brain" during various live shows ca. '72-'73. He releases a small handful of high-charting albums (one produced by George Clinton himself) and flirts with rock/R&B crossover success, but he doesn't reach his most notorious post-Woodstock fame until Donna Summer handpicks him to play guitar on "Hot Stuff". Unfortunately, his 1980s career would mirror most of the other acid-rock leftovers of the area, and his output would be only marginally better than albums by, say, The Firm.

JIM MORRISON: would have a short-term mid-'70s romance with Patti Smith that would inspire many very bad poems and songs from Jim and lots of bitter post-breakup vitriol from Patti. I'm kind of scared to guess what else he'd do. Probably wind up really fat and performing awful Eagles-style coke-rock.

JOHNNY THUNDERS: would show up at Bob Stinson's funeral with a huge grin on his face, muttering "so, WHO's gonna die?" at Paul Westerberg under his breath.

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Sunday, 2 February 2003 06:30 (twenty-one years ago) link

The Smiths: Would have gone techno and sucked.

― Tim D (Tim D), Sunday, 2 February 2003 06:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

FRANK ZAPPA (usual suspects see this one coming): Would have largely concentrated on his "classical stuff." In either the classical or the rock mode, he'd be making merciless fun of Chimpco and various other right-wing shenanigans.

― Tad (llamasfur), Sunday, 2 February 2003 06:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

KURT COBAIN would probably have OD'd but barring that, would have broken up Nirvana by 1995, put out a really awful "anti-commercial" headsplitter with some nonames in 1997, dropped out of the spotlight for 3 years then come back with a rather decent soloey acousticy release that has the kids thinking he's ripping off Modest Mouse. His next album is much better and then he goes away for good.

― Aaron A., Sunday, 2 February 2003 07:05 (twenty-one years ago) link

Hendrix would have totally done jazz fusion! It's a shame, because it would have been the best jazz fusion ever!

― A Nairn (moretap), Sunday, 2 February 2003 07:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

Aaron why would it be better, cause he'd gotten the sensitive stuff "out of his system"? I think that was Kurt's problem, that he desperately wanted to get rid of it, but equally desperately valued it at the same time. I think it's what made him great. I can't imagine him either sounding like Modest Mouse (too meandering) or jettisoning his vulnerably sincere tendencies. I can see the anti-commercial headsplitter though, along the lines of Pigface or Mr Bungle haha who would be in it?

Somebody just mentioned on another thread that people might not remember the Stones if they'd died in 1967 - fun to imagine the repercussions, especially on other bands! What if a lucrative meat-pie business had landed in the Beatles' laps while they were in Hamburg and they were just like - "fuck it"?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 2 February 2003 07:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

MARC BOLAN retreated for a year after disbanding T. Rex, only to re-emerge denouncing his glam days and returning to his early acoustic sound. In 1981, during a visit to South Africa, he became enchanted with the native musics and released an album that rendered Paul Simon's Graceland unnecessary, thus shielding the world from its existence. In 1994, he won the Oscar for best song from a motion picture for his contribution to Philadelphia. Rumor had it that Springsteen was the second choice, were Bolan not to accept the task. In 2000, citing a general disinterest in all things music, Bolan once again retreated to a solitary life of pottery and ceramics.

― paul cox (paul cox), Sunday, 2 February 2003 08:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

is there anyone who died when they were in their prime, rather than when they were past it?

― DV (dirtyvicar), Sunday, 2 February 2003 11:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ian Curtis?

― Jack Battery-Pack (Jack Battery-Pack), Sunday, 2 February 2003 12:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ageing legend ROBERT JOHNSON is still fit as a fiddle in 2003, an amazing 92 years after he was born. The pioneering blues, funk, techno and screengazer musician is also wowing the critics with his new album "Time means nothing to Mum-Ra", an eclectic collection of personal meditations on the Second World War. Guests include Thom Yorke, Princess Superstar and Dan the Automator.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 2 February 2003 14:23 (twenty-one years ago) link

UN Ambassador WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART today began his pilgrimage to Iraq. The former King of the Dutch Indies who is still part of an ongoing investigation into longevity drugs is to meet with Saddam Hussein on Thursday in Baghdad.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 2 February 2003 14:29 (twenty-one years ago) link

is there anyone who died when they were in their prime, rather than when they were past it?

The aforementioned Hendrix. Buddy Holly. Joe Meek. Scott La Rock.

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Sunday, 2 February 2003 15:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

I woulda wanted to hear the late eighties generational collaborations between Phil Ochs & D. Boon. Surely the hearts & guitars of these two warriors for peace would have singlehandedly imploded the CIA secret wars program even before the Clinton administration, no first Gulf War, etc.

― autovac (autovac), Sunday, 2 February 2003 15:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

JON LEE left Feeder in February 2002 to join a supergroup consisting of members of Terrorvision, The Supernaturals, The Wannadies, and, due to reasons never fully explained, former QPR striker Roy Wergerle. The album gets two stars in Kerrang!, and charts at 274.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 3 February 2003 00:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

AALYIAH was in her prime.

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 3 February 2003 03:34 (twenty-one years ago) link

material issue would still be a very average power-pop band.

― keith (keithmcl), Monday, 3 February 2003 03:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

dead people who'd be on WHERE ARE THEY NOW if they were still alive: Shannon Hoon, Rob Pilatus, Bob Stinson (hey, if Husker Du was on the show, the Mats could be).

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 3 February 2003 03:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

MARVIN GAYE: After One last chart topping album with barry white( Which was planned the day before he was shot), Marvin Retires to Beligum, only to surface on collaborations for a couple of years with quincy jones, aretha franklin, james brown, and bobby womack, Releases wildly acclaimed gospel album in 1993 before calling quits for the music business for good. Spotted at his daughter nona's Ali primere, marvin gives a special message to 95 percent of modern male soul singers " Quit biting offa me man, find your own damm style, Do you , Dont do me"

― robert lashley (brotherman), Monday, 3 February 2003 08:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

Otis Redding was in his prime. It's no doubt become a cliche to say it, but the possibilities suggested by Dock of the Bay are awesome

― bham, Monday, 3 February 2003 09:35 (twenty-one years ago) link

and just imagine if sam cooked wasnt killed execution style by the mob................ooops i mean shot by a hotel worker in fear of her life who somehow concidentally shot him right through third and fourth left rib,( the exact same spot that hit men shoot their victims,) and somehow coincendentally got sam's blood in sam cooke's car which was still running at the time of his shooting, and somehow hit cooke over the head with a blunt object two hours before( which the coroners report said occured)...silly me.

― robert lashley (brotherman), Monday, 3 February 2003 11:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

PS (marc bolan entry should make some mention of how he ended up marrying me)

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 3 February 2003 11:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

Will Sin of The Shamen survives ...

... prevents them going so pop. There's no Ebeneezer Goode or smash hit with Boss Drum, but they retain indie credibility. By the mid 90s, the Shamen have dabbled with IDM and a grunge sound to no great effect. Become bored with drugs.

Then after hearing Radiohead's Kid A, The Shamen figure out what they wanted to do all along and release a blindingly good album mixing their early "Drop" style tunes with two-step garage beats; weird experimental electronics sections; and a stong anti-Blair political message.

― phil jones (interstar), Monday, 3 February 2003 11:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

2PAC's career disintegrates into crack fuelled abandon. makes a number of guest raps on various nu-metal albums before retiring in new jersey and running a bike shop.

― the internet (scg), Monday, 3 February 2003 14:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

BIGGIE SMALLS kicks the fuck outta all the biters whilst straddling the planet

― the internet (scg), Monday, 3 February 2003 14:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

Emerging in 1975 from deep depression (in later years, he laughingly confessed "I was quite near suicide, though I daresay it was a thought that got me through many a dark night, right?"), NICK DRAKE releases a record of uncharacteristically optimistic music. The self-titled LP sells poorly at first, but gets a big break when a brief instrumental from the album is used as the theme music for a hit new TV show. He then unites with members of Fairport Convention and other Britfolk luminaries to produce a series of critically acclaimed LPs, all of which chart in the UK Top 20 and cement Drake's reputation.

However, a change in the fashion of the times (and a certain loss of inspiration: "The songs...just weren't coming anymore, no matter how hard I worked") leads Drake to go on hiatus from the music business in the early eighties. He spends the next decade living quietly in the English countryside until, in 1995, Drake is coaxed out of retirement by a persistent German fan (whom he later marries), and after a few brief tours in the UK and Europe, quietly releases a comeback album of sorts, Dark and Devil Waters. While again critically acclaimed, the record fails to sell particularly well until yet another licensing deal -- this one with a small independent film that unexpectedly becomes one of the year's biggest smashes -- reignites interest in Drake's older material. He continues to tour sporadically through the '90s, releasing very little new material -- a live album, and The Best of Nick Drake which features two new songs, an unreleased outtake, and a rather schmaltzy cover of Bob Dylan's "Blowin' in the Wind" -- but then begins a much-anticipated new album in the summer of 1999. Tragically, after having completed about two-thirds of the album, he fails to show up to the studio one day and is found dead in his home, the victim of apparent carbon monoxide poisoning. His wife is briefly regarded as a suspect, but the official police report deems the incident an accident.

― Phil (phil), Monday, 3 February 2003 15:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

Wow.

― jm (jtm), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 05:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

BILLY MacKENZIE remains reclusive after releasing "Beyond the Sun" in 1997. Alan Rankine denounces as "a sick joke" pressure for the Associates to reform for a "Here and Now" tour with Culture Club and Howard Jones, although shockingly it was actually a serious request. MacKenzie devotes most of his time to whippet racing in Scotland, and appears reasonably happy although deeply introverted. He is a much-sought-after guest vocalist and rumours of his appearances on white label tracks become almost as outlandish as rumours of Elvis sightings. Needless to say most of them are false. You get the impression that, if he can remain in his current state of relative contentment, he could survive into his 80s or even his 90s. Despite everything, he seems to be cut out for it.

Actually now that Fairport have been mentioned someone surely has to write an account of Sandy Denny's last 25 years. Won't be me, though.

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 06:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

IAN CURTIS never kills himself, but Joy Division disintegrate after a couple of mediocre albums. Curtis himself is involved in an increasing number of unexciting new projects with the likes of John Lydon and, later, Morrissey, before going into self-imposed exile. The remaining members of Joy Division do not form New Order and instead fade into obscurity, Stuart Pearce is not momentarily confused and distracted by the thought of John Barnes rapping at a crucial moment, scores his penalty and England win the World Cup in 1990.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 13:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

JANIS JOPLIN marries into old money and becomes a sensation on the world's tango dancing circuit. In 1974, however, she becomes embroiled in an assault/rape case involving Carly Simon and Freddy Mercury. She eventually turns states evidence for the prosecution, Simon fries, and Joplin buys a "retro" trailor park in the American SW where she lives til this day.

― christoff (christoff), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 19:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

BOB MARLEY survives his battle with throat cancer. Convinced that Jah has forsaken him, he, during a ganja-fueled obsession with Sammy Davis Jr., converts to Judaism. He goes off the radar for many years, only to reemerge and form a dynamic duo with fellow recluse, Cat Stevens. Combined, the two blow more middle-aged white minds than previously thought possible (from the research performed at the Caucasian Institute).
Then, in 1996, he switches up his style on y'all bitches, uniting forces w/Masta P. Their musical partnership bears such sweet fruit as the classics "3 O'Clock Road Ungh!", "Punany Conqueror", and "May I Please Have Some Carrots."

― Oops (Oops), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 19:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

COBAIN takes boats across the Atlantic.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 19:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

JOHN LENNON: Would have gone on to do everything George Harrison did, effectively killing Harrison's entire career. He also would have made more appearances on Saturday Night Live than any other performer. Furthermore, Anthologies most likely would never have happened, though reunion might have.

― dleone (dleone), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 20:03 (twenty-one years ago) link

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