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something to smile about. Very broadly.

― russ t, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 10:56 (twenty-three years ago)

what does andy paltridge think of this?

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 11:00 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.ananova.com/images/web/47726.jpg

That is all.

― pete b. (pete b.), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 11:05 (twenty-three years ago)

typical ilm jealousy. a great band has called it a day, but fear not, they have left us with two gems in "onka's big moka" and (lest we forget their misunderstood meisterwork) "Magic hotel". of course the sheep-like public ignored the second album, what with them being under the wicked influence of the music press. but the music remains as testament to their excellence. so long washbourne. lets hope you re-emerge soon, solo or otherwise. in the meantime i will continue to "let the people know"...

― andy paltridge (andy), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 11:13 (twenty-three years ago)

hopefully they were split up with a chainsaw

― j0e (j0e), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 11:25 (twenty-three years ago)

what are we meant to be jealous of?

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 11:26 (twenty-three years ago)

andy is funny

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 11:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Toploader didnt know how i feel, they were my Achilles Heel

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 11:41 (twenty-three years ago)

"what are we meant to be jealous of?"

"The group, who have sold 1.5 million records"

need i say more?

― andy paltridge (andy), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 11:54 (twenty-three years ago)

1.5 million stone deaf people?
It's a terrible affliction.....

― russ t, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 11:56 (twenty-three years ago)

"Do You Know What Your Future Will Be

when you look to the past
you won't miss what you're missing no no
thank the heavens above these days are gone

keep good faith on the shelf
use it when you're not well
all the mistakes that you've made
don't matter know no

do you know what your future will be
do you know what your future will be

don't wear your heart on your sleeve
too many lives to retrieve
mother nature will help you if you let her oh

keep back a bit for yourself
keep it with faith on the shelf
safe under your wing it's just a silly thing

do you know what your future will be
do you know what your future will be

get up get down
running around the town
round and round in your head
you gotta rest your sleepy head

so when you look to the past
you won't miss what you're missing
thank the heavens above
those days are gone

do you know what your future will be
do you know what your future will be"

What's your clever response to THAT, Rusty?

― andy paltridge (andy), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 12:04 (twenty-three years ago)

I've never been a fan of gimpy sixth form poetry, I'm afraid, Andy - and that attempt was more woeful than most. Should it mean anything deep and meaningful to me? To my mind it comes across as an awkward muddled song lyric in need of a talented eye.

― russ t, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 12:11 (twenty-three years ago)

that's funny russ, because i don't seem to remember YOU selling 1.5 million records...

― andy paltridge (andy), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 12:17 (twenty-three years ago)

fact if an album sells 15 copies or 1.5 million copies it does not alter the SOUND of a recorded album. Sales meaning nothing.

Toploader are a total joke and i await the day that Oasis, Ocean Colour Scene, The Stereophonics and Travis all call it aday.

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 12:37 (twenty-three years ago)

jealous, martian?

― andy paltridge (andy), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 12:41 (twenty-three years ago)

no laughing at you !

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 12:54 (twenty-three years ago)

I was kinda hoping for bigger news than some dumb band I've never heard breaking up... y'know like Russ met God, that'd be great

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 13:13 (twenty-three years ago)

laugh all you wish. thick-skinned andy has already been called illiterate, whiny, a fascist, a joke on this board. yet here he remains to reason sweetly with you, and right your musical wrongs. a tough job, for a great man...

― andy paltridge (andy), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 13:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Andy, Geir - Geir, Andy...

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 13:16 (twenty-three years ago)

actually i didnt mind 'Dancing In The Moonlight' - i was a bit depressed at the time, is there a connection?

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 13:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Steve - Prozac addiction versus Toploader appreciation - it's a tough call, really.

Andrew Thames - I'd rather announce Toploader splitting than meeting God... imaginary pop stars are always far more entertaining than imaginary friends......

Andy - 1.5million records? In a country where Wet Wet Wet and Bryan Adams can stay at number one for months, should I be impressed? Always remember, the charts are compiled primarily from sales at Woolworths stores. And Toploader are exactly the type of band those middle aged paunchy Dads you see miserably pushing prams and juggling B&Q bags in Woolies would love. Me? I hate pub rock.

― russ t, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

russ, i'm not buying this "i don't listen to popular music" pretence. snap out of it, and get yourself some real music.

― andy paltridge (andy), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 14:37 (twenty-three years ago)

he has what appears to be a nice Rolex

― girl scout heroin (iamamonkey), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 14:41 (twenty-three years ago)

OK I'll bite: andy, is it your contention that anything that's sold 1.5 million or better is excellent?

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 14:42 (twenty-three years ago)

This thread is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 14:42 (twenty-three years ago)

and it's just going to get better

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 14:44 (twenty-three years ago)

"OK I'll bite: andy, is it your contention that anything that's sold 1.5 million or better is excellent?"

better than the no-name tripe praised on this board, for sure. toploader appeared on TFI friday and top of the pops so, eh, i think they were doing something right, don't you?

indeed....

― andy paltridge (andy), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 14:55 (twenty-three years ago)

andy what popular bands do you hate?

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:00 (twenty-three years ago)

...so...every band that has ever appeared on Top of the Pops is great?

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(and every one that hasn't is doing something wrong!)

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:02 (twenty-three years ago)

this thread has been brought to you by the department of unfeasibly bold claims

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:02 (twenty-three years ago)

have YOU appeared on top of the pops....?

thought not! case closed...

― andy paltridge (andy), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:03 (twenty-three years ago)

but andy toploader split up because their album tanked in the charts! does this mean they suck NOW?

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:03 (twenty-three years ago)

gawd help us... there have been zilch decent music progs on british tv for over a decade to 15 years - a whole timespan completely un-documented.

worst culprit = jools holland

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:03 (twenty-three years ago)

andy, that's not the issue. You seem to be saying "they were on Top of the Pops, so therefore they're good!" You can't really mean that, can you?

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:03 (twenty-three years ago)

second biggest culprit = chris "ginger tfi" evans

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:05 (twenty-three years ago)

to all you doubters i say : come back and answer when you've sold out Sheperd's Bush Empire...

― andy paltridge (andy), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:05 (twenty-three years ago)

haha ladies and gentleman: toplogic

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:06 (twenty-three years ago)

How many does the Empire seat? Can anybody compare it to Knitting Factory NYC? If so I think I've got Andy dead to rights

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:07 (twenty-three years ago)

paltridge is so daft ..he would make an ideal dj on virgin radio or capital or GWR owned Radio stations.

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:08 (twenty-three years ago)

i've never heard the band, but it seems that he does a service to tophaters everywhere

bless his little heart

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:09 (twenty-three years ago)

kate (who last week sold out "sheperd's (sic) bush empire") to thread.

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:09 (twenty-three years ago)

ha Toploader never made it big in Toronto !

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:10 (twenty-three years ago)

daft? add that to the list of ILM insults i've received! yet i'm still standing. big and proud, like joseph washbourne's hair. you have yet to find my "achilles heel"...

― andy paltridge (andy), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:10 (twenty-three years ago)

ha! I know you're a regular but i keep forgetting to ask tom as to who you are.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:12 (twenty-three years ago)

As far as the 1.5 million records go, I bet Johnathon King sold more. .

This is great news. Truly great news.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Andy. SIGH. I have to ask you this: how much record monies were spent at bringing Toploader to that situation? Do you really think that Toploader, alone, on talent sold 1.5 million records? How many coke-addled corporate sleazies brought Toploader to that situation. And if you honestly think that they are passionate about waht they do, why did they break up as soon as they were dropped? I'm sorry Andy but answer these questions - if you cannot then the reason is rather clear. It was because Toploader are passionless twits who were brought to the top on record company money. As soon as the record company pulled out, they did as well. What does that say about the passionate Toploader that you go on about? I'm sorry but they are crap.

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Toploader splitting up has led to the return of the great andy paltridge to these boards, therefore it's got to be a good thing.

― James Ball (James Ball), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:14 (twenty-three years ago)

"i've never heard the band"

hostilities aside, you really should investigate further. as good as weller at his "heavy soul" peak (i kid you not!)

― andy paltridge (andy), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:14 (twenty-three years ago)

of course the sheep-like public ignored the second album, what with them being under the wicked influence of the music press

that's funny russ, because i don't seem to remember YOU selling 1.5 million records...

*head explodes*

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Skipping 8 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

This thread is now officially the GREATEST THING EVER, where the hell is MA$E

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe they are going to start a small cult of mediocre English talent. Hey! Jamie Oliver could be the Chef. Ocean Colour Scene could be the fire marshalls *checks back of Jamie Oliver cd* OMIGOD THEY WERE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE PLANET. The record company found this out and stopped them obviously. Good on the record company.

― Samson Simian, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:30 (twenty-three years ago)

I had this horrible vision of the lead singer of Toploader forcing the populace of England to Bubble Perm Concentration Camps.

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:33 (twenty-three years ago)

this thread is as depressing as the poptones one which i should never have started.

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Why?

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Here is an interesting What If question. We all know that Toploader were completely dominated by Sony as is the case of most pop acts. If Sugarbabes instead of Toploader decided to call it a day - would we come down as heavy as we would on Toploader?

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:43 (twenty-three years ago)

no. bcz ILM (on the whole) likes the sugarbabes more

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:44 (twenty-three years ago)

But does not Toploader do the same as the Sugarbabes only under the guise of 'alternative rock'? Toploader are the Sugarbabes of Alternative Rock!

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Sugarbabes are excused bcz they use gary numan samples.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:47 (twenty-three years ago)

this thread is as depressing as the poptones one which i should never have started.

Really? Why? I think its the funniest thing, even without the pictures of Ma$e

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:49 (twenty-three years ago)

What I am saying is that Andy's reactions to Toploader are similar tot he ones that ILX have with regard to the Sugarbabes. Both are company generated chart acts. Both had a catchy single to hit the charts. We should stop hating Andy and start loving Andy for his appreciation of sony generated alternative rock-pop!

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Can I be amused by Andy regardless if we hump his leg or not?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Sure but remember there is really no difference 'cept genre between Sugarbabes and Toploader.

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:54 (twenty-three years ago)

some ILM-ers have strung a couple of coherent thoughts as to why they like the sugarbabes. unlike andy arguing for toploader.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Toploader never did anything in the pop realm as curious and novel as 'Overload'. and cute girl pop will always be more fun than dirgey pub bloke rock overall...how the hell are Toploader classed as Alternative Rock anyway? not on my watch...

I think Andy Paltridge doesnt really exist, he is like Geir to the power of 10 and it is quite scary. Andy you need to get over the fact that people are entitled to criticise a band regardless of how many records they've sold or what TV shows they've been on, and that if people do do that then its not actually about jealousy. there are approximately 1,468,217 bands to be more jealous of than Toploader in my opinion and we really dont need to argue about it in this way. agreed to differ in that you rate Toploader but nobody else on this board does (except Geir maybe) and move on...

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Andy's vehement defence of Toploader is the same as the defenders of pop acts on ILX. Sure the coherence is not there but THE LOVE IS.

And I never said Toploader were 'pop' but 'pop-rock'. They were Bread to Sugarbabes 'Carpenters'. And provided revenue for some of the acts you DO like that are on Sony and associated labels. So hooray for Toploader! We will miss you!

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:58 (twenty-three years ago)

The bloke from Toploader has shedloads of money, a nice house and is married to Gail Porter, ergo I am jealous.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 15:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Gail Porter on the other hand - ugh - she is about as attractive as an Union Jack bikini!

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sugababes rule, and I wd be sad if they split up (really)

Topl04d3r wrer not as good as dodgy (really I have guilty sneaking like for "in a room" & "water under thee bridge", I cxannot think opf anything i like by toploader)

Hello (ADMIN: "Samson's" real name removed at his/her request) I hope yr well & happy (really)

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:01 (twenty-three years ago)

'andy' doesn't exist of course. and it shows in his args (ie there isn't much beyond 'they sold 1.5 m recs').

I don't see any love at all. just good old fashioned trolling.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:04 (twenty-three years ago)

There is a fine line between love and hate. The 'trolls' are just his response to the hate he's been given about his favourite band! This is a man passionately in love with Toploader! Respect! That is not 'hip' nor 'cool' thus making him ironically hipper and cooler than any Sugarbabes fans (and yes I would be sad if they broke up).

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Gail Porter is a happening pop-rock chick. She is a hot, luscious, lovely, lippy, leggy Leith lady. But being burdened with the admittedly preposterous married name of Hipgrave is an un"hip" and rather "grave" career mistake. Hey Gail! Can I borrow your tea cosy and copy of the "People's Friend"? Never mind! When her hubby's career is forced to "Restart" she'll divorce him and walk away with all his money and guitars - and then she'll be "dancing in the moonlight"!

― Ross "Pop Gossip" Gossip, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:09 (twenty-three years ago)

''This is a man passionately in love with Toploader!'

I'm not convinced.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:11 (twenty-three years ago)

She is a hot, luscious, lovely, lippy, leggy Leith lady.

Maybe, just maybe in Essex. And I've giving her undue props.

The man is in love with Toploader. Has he discussed anything else, Julio? Why take on a board of 'loader haterz? He wants to convert or talk about his favourite band. Surely that is a loving madness!

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:13 (twenty-three years ago)

don't see what the fuss is about re Gail

Dodgy were much more likeable than Toploader, Toploader were 'behind of their time' somewhat, they shouldve happened around '94/'95

and you don't get a medal just for loving something, especially if this is somehow a defiant response against the wave of popular opinion

incidentally that last Sugababes single was bloody terrible by the way!

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:15 (twenty-three years ago)

converting people to Toploader! hahaha, now THAT would get you a medal

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:16 (twenty-three years ago)

he doesn't love them bcz 'andy' doesn't exist!

c'mon this is basic stuff.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:16 (twenty-three years ago)

and you don't get a medal just for loving something, especially if this is somehow a defiant response against the wave of popular opinion

Tell that to all of ILX, then. Hell, ILX would not exsist if it subscribed to that theory.

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:16 (twenty-three years ago)

he doesn't love them bcz 'andy' doesn't exist!

People like Andy exsist. People like Becky Lucas exsist. Just because they are outside your social sphere and thought does not merit giving them this response!!

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:18 (twenty-three years ago)

andy tries to convert ilm to toploader.
julio tries to convert ilm to derek bailey.
quelle difference?

anyway, the only gail worth bothering with is the punk-jazz-dronerock-noise-improv trombone-playing one! ;-)

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Who the fuck is Toploader??

― Evan (Evan), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:20 (twenty-three years ago)

(By the way I was wincing at the treatment handed out to Becky Lucas but this is not my board, not my decision, not my life - always just wanted to state that).

― Samson, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:22 (twenty-three years ago)

That watch is MILES too big for his wrist.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:26 (twenty-three years ago)

So's his hair.
But why should we worry?
We'll never be seeing him again (apart from a fleeting celebrity parade line up on Shooting Stars in 2024).

― russ t, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Toploader only into for the money.
unlike The Fall and Wire that have been around 70s, 80s, 90s and 00s.

This really can't be allowed to pass without comment... If ever a band were "in it for the money", the Fall are a rock solid example - MES does a gig every December so he has enough cash to buy his family Christmas presents for starters! They are purely driven by capitalism, and good on 'em if you ask me, if you can live off your reputation for 30 years, why not? Not sure Wire's 90s output was their best either...

My point, for what it's worth, is that DJ Martin et al are just as blinkered as our pal Andy, real or imaginary.

― reclusive hero (reclusive hero), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 16:57 (twenty-three years ago)

''julio tries to convert ilm to derek bailey.''

no i haven't.

I do that yes, he is good and I haven't contributed with opinions to the derek bailey threads bcz I happened to have heard recordings of it but that's it.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 17:17 (twenty-three years ago)

that came out wrong:

I meant to say that all I do is say that he's good and i contribute to the threads on DB.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 17:19 (twenty-three years ago)

''People like Andy exsist''

what? ppl who actually fake their liking for toploader even thought that person prob hates them.

its only useful if you are bored at work.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 17:21 (twenty-three years ago)

...or are completely friendless.

Quite creepy, really.

― russ t, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 17:38 (twenty-three years ago)

there's nothing better than watching the brits go ape crazy over some band no one else in the free world cares about

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 17:40 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought that last sugababes single(if it was the one with the big syrupy synth strings all over it) was great!!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 17:41 (twenty-three years ago)

jess completely misses the ILM 'bored at work' dimension yet again.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 17:42 (twenty-three years ago)

spot on Julio!

― russ t, Tuesday, 25 March 2003 17:57 (twenty-three years ago)

People like Andy exsist

Yeah, but...

"yet i'm still standing. big and proud, like joseph washbourne's hair"

That smacks of a troll, that.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 18:01 (twenty-three years ago)

i did say 'troll' above but its neevr got that bad. its amusing, actually. its funny that samson takes the poster seriously.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 18:04 (twenty-three years ago)

well i'd rather any was real, its a bit fucked up and sad to 'pretend' to be a huge Toploader fan isn't it?

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 18:09 (twenty-three years ago)

yeah julio, lemme tell ya, this not having a full-time job thing is the pits...i can't argue about toploader!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 18:11 (twenty-three years ago)

''well i'd rather any was real, its a bit fucked up and sad to 'pretend' to be a huge Toploader fan isn't it?''

well I wish I had thought of it really.

''yeah julio, lemme tell ya, this not having a full-time job thing is the pits...i can't argue about toploader!''

ha! I had forgotten (even though I know abt it since I'ma regular on ILE). has it stopped raining yet. you should go on a bike ride ;-)

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 18:15 (twenty-three years ago)

well i for one feel dirty and used

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 18:21 (twenty-three years ago)

well a lot of posters (me at the beginning of my time here for instance) have fallen for posters doing stuff under diff names. its part of what you get on ILM (but you can get good discussion too so all is not lost or anything).

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 18:31 (twenty-three years ago)

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