Defend the Indefensible: "Captain Jack" by Billy Joel

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I mean, really. I know it's an American classic rock radio staple and all (admittedly not necessarily an accolade by any stretch), but have you ever really listened to it? Sure, it's dressed up in robust pomp and circumstance, complete with elegantly simple piano figures and elegiac, Procol Harumesque organ augmentation towards the end, but ultimately it's simply a portrait of some lost Long Island xenophobe with poor social skills and a personal hygene problem. And what exactly is sage-like William espousing here? It doesn't really sound like too much of a cautionary tale (despite the warnings against not keeping in style and feeding your head [the same advice Grace Slick gave us in "White Rabbit"] and allowing your mother to make your bed past the age of 21). His constant invokation of Captain Jack's services in the chorus (ahh, the myriad cure-alls that is marijuana) sounds like a hearty, solace-giving thumbs up, despite the fact that he derided his protagonist's word as being "so dead" merely a verse before it. So which is it, Billy, feeding one's head, keeping in style, not picking one's nose and needlessly masturbating or catching Captain Jack's "special island" ferry? Surely they're mutually exclusive, no? What is the bottom line? No matter how much of a lazy slob with no ambitions you are, it's okay `cos you can get high on the weekend?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 17 July 2003 12:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I stopped listening to Billy Joel after the "Attila" album.

My waitress friend has a few horror stories about his drunken invasions of her restaurant on the Upper West Side in NYC, during which he proceeded to feel up random twentysomething patrons and knock over tables like a booze-soaked walrus.

― Nom De Plume (Nom De Plume), Thursday, 17 July 2003 12:45 (twenty-two years ago)

DO YOU KNOW WHO I FUCKING AM?? I'M BILLY *HIC* JOEL, MOTHERFUCKERS!!

― Farmer Al (King Kobra), Thursday, 17 July 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

did anyone see that mtv show where the junior high school kid's dad played drums for billy joel about 35 years ago? at one point he delivers a "lecture" (loosely defined) to his son after the latter loses a school election, which consists entirely of strung-together billy joel song titles, the most glaringly inappropriate of which is "captain jack." it's probably the most painful 30 seconds of tv ever to exist.

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 17 July 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

that's so hateful it's kind of awesome.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 17 July 2003 15:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I will take the challenge, as I heard this song on the radio the other day (everything is better on the radio) and was struck by how much i was enjoying it. The lyrics are completely inane, so let's put them aside. The vocal line has that nice droney quality I like in my Caucasian males (cf. Dylan). The best part is the rhythm section. There's a lot of funk in those drums, and some beautifully produced snare sounds, for which I am an eternal sucker. I was thinking that it would be a great end-of-night DJ pick at one of those places I never go to. But then I realized that the pomp (which is undeniably there) would pose a problem in that respect. Ergo, sampling Captain Jack is officially on my list of things to do.

― Rufus King, Thursday, 17 July 2003 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

i am waiting for rjg to post here.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 17 July 2003 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Am I alone in thinking this is just another of Billy Joel's songs about masturbation? I always assumed that when you're stuck at home, you know, "Captain Jack will get you by tonight...". I mean, he does love to write about it -- Baby Grand, Sometimes a Fantasy..

― Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 17 July 2003 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

it's probably the most painful 30 seconds of tv ever to exist.

I did see that, and it did indeed make me squirm, shudder and look away.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 17 July 2003 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Defend "Captain friggin Jack"!?!

Well...um...it's not "Thong Song"!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 17 July 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

After you finish the bottle you can beat Billy with it..

― brg30 (brg30), Friday, 18 July 2003 02:26 (twenty-two years ago)

The live version on "Songs in the Attic" is really big and bombastic and energizing. That whole record is good, really. "Everybody Loves You Know" is another of his great misogynist rants, "Say Goodbye to Hollywood" has this huge synth thing happening... it's good. It's as good as Billy Joel gets, really, which I understand isn't saying a whole lot, but still.

As for the meaning... couldn't it be autobiographical, rather than casting any sort of judgement?

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 18 July 2003 04:40 (twenty-two years ago)

"Your sister's gone out / She's on a date / You just sit at home and masturbate."

(crowd roars, tackily)

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 18 July 2003 04:41 (twenty-two years ago)

it'd be hard to roar tactfully in that circumstance.

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 18 July 2003 04:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, I mean that they're roaring specifically at the masturbation reference. Like, 1000 people are out there going, "Yeah! Masturbation! WOOOOOOO!" And man, is it ever tacky.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 18 July 2003 04:52 (twenty-two years ago)

But I'm not sure if it's tackier than when Billy screams "woo-oo-ooo-OOO-OOOOOOOOO- YEAH YEAH YEAH!" Whatta dick.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 18 July 2003 04:56 (twenty-two years ago)

And a masturbatory one at that.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 18 July 2003 05:40 (twenty-two years ago)

i've seen that show amateurist is talking about as well. i was embarrassed for the kid. True Life: I have Embarassing Parents.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 18 July 2003 13:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I did see this, I was really embarassed for the kid. I wouldn't blame him if he ran away from home.

― Larcole (Nicole), Friday, 18 July 2003 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

This is a fine song. It's not microglitch, and the lyrics are just about loneliness and drinking, but it's a thirty-year-old composition from only his second album, and we're still talking about it today. Come back in thirty years and see if anybody bothers demanding a defence of "Gift From Virgo".

― ara, Friday, 18 July 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

This is a fine song. It's not microglitch

Meaning if it was it wouldn't be a fine song? I challenge someone to do a microglitch remake.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 18 July 2003 14:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think I've ever heard this. It's weird how classic rock radio stations vary slightly from region to region, and how I could go to another town and hear completely different overplayed songs by the same old artists.

― dleone (dleone), Friday, 18 July 2003 14:31 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, mercifully this is not on the playlists of the major chicago radio stations.

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 18 July 2003 14:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Nor is it here. But BTO -- look out!

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 18 July 2003 14:41 (twenty-two years ago)

however there is no hiding from "piano man."

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 18 July 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Single-"handedly" (heh) renders obsolete everything Morrisey would ever write

― dave q, Saturday, 19 July 2003 10:24 (twenty-two years ago)

two years pass...

Fuck you pieces of shit, dont understand how you can deny that Billy Joel is an udoubtedly gifted lyrical and musical genius. All of his songs have a meaning and whether or not you agree with that meaning doesnt constitute it as being a bad song. and as for billy's personal life, and whether or not you approve of it, also has nothing to do with him being a great musician.

― naysaying motherfuckers, Wednesday, 3 May 2006 04:04 (twenty years ago)

Nice song. Probably the better song on the "Piano Man" album.

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 05:22 (twenty years ago)

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